slip of the tongue

Lead: Life is a big dye vat, with sorrow and joy. Everyone hates sadness and approaches joy. Next, I will sort out a selection of slips of the tongue for you, hoping to bring you a little joy.

Selected slip of the tongue

1. Drink with leaders and others, raise your glasses and say loudly, "Let's die together!" My brain was too hot. ......

2. Listen to your classmates,

Once a girl in her dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins.

Say to the boss: a pack of sanitary napkins.

The boss actually asked: Do you want three delicacies or spicy food?

Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Hsien, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food. . .

3. One of my classmates has been reviewing the computer level 3 exam. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout: Enter! Get back in the car! (in the middle)

4. When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, not potatoes!

When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new type of material, saying: The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material? Ah, no, performance and functionality.

6. I ate slowly, and one day I was hungry in a rice noodle shop.

Finally, I couldn't bear to strike the table and roar. I wanted to say no to rice noodles, so I lifted the table!

The result said, "Boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table without rice noodles! ! ! ! "

The whole store was silent for three seconds and then laughter broke out under the table? Shame?

7. When my parents quarreled, my father said angrily, "I want to go out!"

8. I once went to buy mutton kebabs

Hold out four fingers and say to the boss? Want three kebabs?

Does the boss understand? How many/much?

I held out three more fingers and said? 4 pieces

9. Our general manager's surname is Zhou. I was driving as soon as he called. When I get nervous, I say, "Premier Zhou?"

10. I once booked a hotel for my boss and wanted to ask him if he had free Internet access. I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked him: Do you have any special services here?

The other party:? What? Secret service? We are a regular hotel! ?

1 1. Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, Master, do you want a bowl? Bullet cauliflower? Soup! ? (Porphyra and egg soup) Haha, I laughed until I sprayed the soup.

12. Cooking at noon, my mother made me a pot of carrots. Go, cut the carrots into diced meat! ?

13. A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix and remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ~ ~ ~ ~!

14. The physics teacher talks about the wave: This is a thick spring. I pushed it from both ends to see if it became thick (constipation).

15. Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card?

16. Our colleague went on a business trip, so the dealer invited us to dinner. If you want to pee while eating, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating across the street, so it's free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet manager, I'm here for dinner! ?

17. I'm from the logistics department. After the new year, customers call to ask when the goods will arrive before the festival. Because the holidays these days are too chaotic, I don't know the content of the order, so I ask: What are you?

18. I have a friend who just watched the legend of the condor hero, right? Dog stick? Very interested, often joking with others.

One day, as usual, he. Kick sb. and shout: Kick the dog's leg? Everyone laughed wildly, and he felt embarrassed, so he kicked again and shouted, Dog kicks! ?

19. I went out to work during the holidays in high school.

I want to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant.

I'm nervous because I'm a child, and this is my first job.

Originally I wanted to ask the manager if he needed a job, but I also wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask him if he needed manpower.

The result is:? Manager, do you need thugs here?

I almost found a hole to get into.

20. Go to the market to buy food and prepare dinner. A Korean friend bought lettuce 2.4 yuan. He gave all his change to the vendor, and he was still short of a dime, so he said to the vendor-

? I gave you all my hair, so I have no hair. ?

The peddler was speechless, and it took him a long time to answer-

? I don't want your hair. ?

2 1. The manager usually tells smokers at the meeting that all smokers are strangled! !

22. I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to, so I asked:? Have you eaten? After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed, and my colleague replied:? Yes, and you? I'm dizzy ~ ~ ~ ~

23. My colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how can apes exchange it with Japanese yen?

24. The brothers in the dormitory watched Prison Break. When a man took out a blade from his mouth to kill someone, the boss suddenly jumped out. My mouth is hidden in the blade and I can still talk. I'm impressed. . . ?

25. One day at noon, my mother asked my brother to move the dining table to the side. My brother hasn't moved for a long time. When my mother was in a hurry, she said this:

"Did you hear that? ! I told you to move the table two kilometers to the side. "

After the impassioned speech by the trade union chairman, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell.

27. Go to the cinema to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3. There was a trailer for Transformers before the movie started. When I saw the leader of the fanatic, I couldn't remember. Megatron? I can't remember the name of his team. Decepticons? I was so excited that I was a little surprised? How handsome! It's Nanba days! ?

The terrible thing is that it was suddenly so quiet that there was no movie sound effect, and more than n people stared at me and laughed? How embarrassing!

28. Have dinner with a group of friends

One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was depressed, drank a lot of beer, and then stood up with a loud cry.

Brother! Not for sale! ! !

I think what I'm trying to say is that brothers are not for sale

At that time, more than a dozen people at our table were lying down.

29. I'm so tired that you have no strength to eat shit?

30. My colleague had just started eating when the phone rang. She said, I'm Kao Hua, and I'll come to dinner as soon as I finish the phone call.

3 1. A leader said: I wish everyone good health. Stop, there is no more words.

In my impression, the monitor of the primary school is extremely serious. A self-study class, the classroom was crowded with people. After several times of maintaining order, the monitor was finally fed up. He stood up, patted the table and shouted, whoever makes any more noise will break his mouth! ! ! ? The classroom was silent.

When I was looking for a job, the examiner asked me when I would graduate.

I was going to say 2000, but when I got excited, I said, two thousand years ago. . . ?

What's more, the examiner let out a cry and said, Confucius' student. ?

34. Senior, college student, late for educational psychology ... She walked into the classroom and glanced at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked her senior to answer the questions on the blackboard. She hesitated for a long time and said, "[Sexiness and sex theory], this is too difficult to talk about." The whole class is nervous.

(note. Professor's original title: [On rationality and sensibility])

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