Jokes about hitting people

1. On her deathbed, an old lady took her wife's hand and confessed, "Grandpa, let me tell you the truth. None of our three sons is yours. " Hearing this, the old man comforted his wife and said, "Nothing. Although my three sons are not mine, my three grandchildren are definitely mine ... "

2. The girl said: I am pregnant. The man continued to lower his head to eat and said, I had a vasectomy. The girl looked blankly for a while and said, I'm kidding you. The man looked up at her, took a sip of water and said, me too.

3. Beggar Prince Lu Yu found that he looks like himself! The prince asked the beggar very contemptuously, "Did your mother ever work as a maid in the palace?" The beggar replied angrily, "no, my mother has never been to the palace, but my father used to be a coachman in the palace!" "

After class, I bought a can of canned plums. Anyway, the soup in the canned plum is red, like blood. I couldn't drink any more, so I ate the plums and gave the canned soup to my boyfriend. I asked, "Is it delicious?" "hmm." This guy wiped his mouth and asked me, "What's next month?"

I asked a friend how to express his love to the girl he likes. The friend said, "It's not easy. Say I love you. " I said, "Can she accept such vulgarity?" "It's good not to be artificial, but it's stupid not to accept it?" I said, "Well, please accept my confession, I love you." ...

6. The teacher said: "One is long and one is short, one is fast and one is slow. Short people are naturally lazy and long people are busy. Guess what this is? " Tom said, "Mom and Dad."

7. The cook said kindly to the pig, "How do you want to be eaten? Don't be afraid, let a hundred flowers blossom, let a hundred schools of thought contend and speak freely. " Pig: "Actually ... I don't want to be eaten." Chef: "You see, this is beside the point?" Pig: ...

8. The happiest thing every day is to watch my wife hit her face with lotion in the morning. That sounds great. I said to myself, "I told you to help me wash my socks, I told you to pick up my children, I told you not to drink, I told you not to play games, I told you to play, I told you to play hard!" "

9. Bajie asked the Tang Priest sadly, "Master, am I the ugliest in the world?" The Tang Priest replied helplessly, "I don't know. Ask Guanyin. " After a while, Bajie came back happily and asked with a smile, "Master, who is that Xifeng?"

10, a patient asked the doctor that his hands and feet were cold. Doctor: "When my hands and feet feel cold, I will hold my wife, so that I will get hot and feel very warm …" Patient: "This is a method worth trying. So ... when is it convenient for your wife? "

1 1. In the office, a female colleague asked her male colleague, "Do you think men are finished when they get married?" The male colleague paused and replied, "I don't know, but you married me and can play with eggs in the future!" "

I parked my bike in the carport. When I came back, my bike was gone. I only saw the lock put aside. The lock is not broken, but it can still be used. I felt it was a pity to throw it away, so I locked it on someone else's bike and left.

13, freshman had a math class, which is a public class, so we are a big classroom. Once we ran out of chalk in our classroom, we asked a classmate to go to the next room to get some, so the boy in the back row went out, and a few seconds later he appeared at the front door of our classroom. "Teacher, give me some chalk ..." Petrochemical teacher: Oh, there is no chalk in other classrooms, right? Then you go back, then he goes out from the front and comes in from the back door: teacher, there is no other classroom ~

14. Beggars came to the door of the miser's house to beg. Beggar: "Please give me a small piece of meat." Miser: "No!" Beggar: "Bread crumbs will do." Miser: "No" Beggar: "Then give me some water to drink!" "Miser:" We don't even have water. The beggar was angry: "Then why are you still sitting at home?" "? Come and beg with me! "

15. The patient said to the psychologist, "I always thought I was a bird." The doctor said, "Oh, that's serious. When did it start? " Patient: "Because I am a bird"

16, I sent you this message for ten cents to tell you that I am not a penniless person. For example, this dime message is my birthday present to you.