Lines from Zhao Benshan's sketch "Kung Fu"

The lines of Zhao Benshan's sketch "Kung Fu" are as follows:

Zhao Benshan: I heard that he was not a chef but switched to the anti-scam hotline. He actually threatened to never be deceived again. The cruel reality is about to hit him. My psychological defense is on the line. If I don’t sell him something this year, I won’t be able to fulfill the topic I promised for three years to the audience!

Cai Weili: Master, let’s go in.

Zhao Benshan: Don’t worry, make a harassing call first!

Fan Wei: Hello, this is the see you, see you, anti-fooling consultation hotline. I am Lao Fan, who has been deceived myself. With many years of experience in being deceived, I can make a judgment on whether you have been deceived. Make a clear judgment. If someone is selling crutches, please press 1, if someone is selling cars, please press 2, if someone is asking for brain teasers, please press 3, if someone is selling stretchers, just dial 110!

Zhao Benshan: Hello!

Fan Wei: Hello!

Zhao Benshan: Are you Master Fan?

Fan Wei: Ah ~ who are you?

Zhao Benshan: I have a question for you. I want to ask you directly.

Fan Wei: Ah, you say it!

Zhao Benshan: There is an old sow in our family. The ground is black and the flowers are white. When she wakes up in the morning, she opens the pen door and runs forward at a speed of 80 miles per hour. She hits a tree and dies!

Fan Wei: Killed? Is there something wrong with this pig’s eyesight?

Zhao Benshan: Both eyes are 1.5!

Fan Wei: Is there any mental illness?

Zhao Benshan: I am mentally healthy now!

Fan Wei: How could he be killed?

Zhao Benshan: Because that pig doesn’t know how to do brain teasers! Sad, I really feel sad for you. You are about to go out alone in the world. How can I feel relieved?

Wang Xiaohu: Master, kill the pig first!

Zhao Benshan: That donkey thinks so too! Let me tell you, on this issue, it won’t work if you kill anyone first! Why didn't I answer? It was because I had a problem considering him! ~~Hey, did you see it? He has grown from one neck to two calves!

Cai Weili: Master, he is so powerful, I think we should go back!

Zhao Benshan: No, I tricked him into lameness by selling crutches, and I tricked him into lameness by selling cars. If I don’t get rid of him within 10 minutes, I won’t be able to be a teacher with you two!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: The master leads us in, but it’s all about the individual!

Zhao Benshan: Okay, follow my cues and go in! He's so beautiful. Look, haha, he's still running away. Where are he going?

Cai Weili: Is Chef Fan here?

Fan Wei: Hey, who? You consult ~~~ Oh, oh oh ah, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Heaven and earth, heaven and earth, which angel sister said this for me?

The pig hit the tree, you hit the pig, right? rear-ended, right? Why did it change to 3 again?

Zhao Benshan: It’s been three years and I’ve missed you so much!

Fan Wei: Fooling!

Zhao Benshan: I am here to confess to you!

Fan Wei: Continue to cheat!

Zhao Benshan: My apprentice is the witness!

Cai Weili, Wang Xiaohu: Yes!

Fan Wei: I am here to form a group to deceive you. It’s not a big deception. As long as we kind people are more vigilant against you, what else can you do? ah? Aren’t there just a few brain teasers! There is 1 monkey on the ground and 7 monkeys on the tree. That’s two monkeys and 8 monkeys at the same time!

Zhao Benshan: Maybe three monkeys, maybe 9 monkeys!

Fan Wei: Why has it changed again?

Zhao Benshan: A monkey is pregnant!

Fan Wei: Yeah, I can stand up. I'm not sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, take two steps, take two steps, eh, eh, eh, aren't you? Everyone is watching, whatever accident happens has nothing to do with me! Why are you so dazed? Stand up quickly! If you have anything to do, please tell me quickly, okay?

Zhao Benshan: Do you want to hear it?

Fan Wei: I want to hear it!

Zhao Benshan: Do you believe it after listening to it?

Fan Wei: I will believe you as long as you stand up!

Zhao Benshan: You retreat, I can stand up!

Fan Wei: Say it!

Zhao Benshan: I won’t play tricks with you anymore. I will apologize to you today and ship the goods! Does it look familiar?

Fan Wei: Is this the hundreds of dollars you defrauded me of?

Zhao Benshan: Not a penny has been touched!

Fan Wei: Which watch is this?

Zhao Benshan: I haven’t written a word since I held it in my hand!

Fan Wei: Big brother! ! ~~

Zhao Benshan: The grievances between the two of us should be settled. And it is the wheelchair that is the culprit that has delayed the relationship between the two of us in the past few years. Today I must deal with it in front of you. smash!

Fan Wei: Brother, if you want to hit me, just hit me. Brother, you are so sincere. The children are right! It is not only a testimony of our getting back together, but also a warning for me to avoid being fooled in the future. I have collected it!

Zhao Benshan: No, how can you collect what the children paid me to make?

Fan Wei: I will pay you as much as you want!

Zhao Benshan: How much does it cost?

Cai Weili: Two thousand!

Fan Wei: I will pay two thousand!

Zhao Benshan: I’ll give you two thousand five hundred!

Fan Wei: I have three thousand!

Zhao Benshan: I have three thousand and five!

Fan Wei: I have four thousand!

Zhao Benshan: Five thousand for me!

Fan Wei: Deal!

Zhao Benshan: Install it for Chef Fan.

Fan Wei: You shouted for five thousand, and I got the hammer. It’s a deal!

Zhao Benshan: No! You remember wrongly, why did you shout?

Fan Wei: Look!

Zhao Benshan: It’s a mess, it’s a mess! That's it, it doesn't matter who shouted it! Look, let’s go together. Who shouted first?

Fan Wei: I shouted first!

Zhao Benshan: How much did you shout?

Fan Wei: Two thousand for me!

Zhao Benshan: I am 2500!

Fan Wei: 3000!

Zhao Benshan: 3500!

Fan Wei: 4000!

Zhao Benshan: 4500!

Fan Wei: 5000!

Zhao Benshan: Look!

Fan Wei: No, I will do it myself!

Zhao Benshan: Then you are in trouble!

Fan Wei: Don’t say, 2000250030003500400045005000!

Zhao Benshan: Yes!

Wang Xiaohu: I remembered wrongly, it was the master who shouted!

Fan Wei: No, no, brother, I shouted 4,000, but you just shouted 5,000, right? Right?

Audience: Yes! ! ~~~~~~~~~~

Zhao Benshan: That’s it, it’s a mess. Since we two brothers are here, you agree to collect it. Let’s shout it again to understand who shouted this 5000. ? that! ~~What’s the starting price?

Cai Weili: 2000!

Fan Wei: I am 2000!

Zhao Benshan: Deal! No more chaos this time!

Fan Wei: No, don’t you call up?

Zhao Benshan: Yes, I’m afraid it will cause chaos!

Fan Wei: Ah! Don't move, this wheelchair is mine!

Zhao Benshan: Let me tell you, brother, logically speaking, I shouldn’t ask you for money. You still want to save face. You should take care of others, but~~

Fan Wei: But I was fooled if I gave it to you! Stop pretending. From the moment you entered the house, you have used the bitter meat tactic, the enemy-to-catch tactic, the master-disciple cooperation tactic to smash the car, and the sharp and confused tactic to suddenly drop the hammer. I only used one tactic!

Zhao Benshan: Take advantage of the situation!

Fan Wei: I’ll give you a trick!

Zhao Benshan: Walking is the best strategy!

Fan Wei: No!

Zhao Benshan: It failed. Do you know why it failed? He's a chef who doesn't read the recipes but only reads the art of war. Get out!

Zhao Benshan: What are you doing? Where are you kneeling? I’m here!

Wang Xiaohu: Master, I’m so sorry, your IQ is so low, I can’t learn anything from you!

Cai Weili: What should you do? Just leave quickly. You won’t be able to catch the No. 2 bus in a while!

Zhao Benshan: Sad!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: The master is here, let me bow to you!

Zhao Benshan: Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! The world is so crazy that even mice become bridesmaids to cats! Oh my god!

Cai Weili, Wang Xiaohu: Master, please accept us!

Fan Wei: Hey, hey, hey, children, there is no limit to the book, but when you turn around, it will be a good thing. Just learn well. I will give you red envelopes during the Chinese New Year, ah, give you red envelopes!

Zhao Benshan: Can you ask for this money? Didn't I pay you two wages last month? Sad, indeed sad!

Fan Wei: Come on, one for each person, take it!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Thank you, Master!

Cai Weili and Wang Xiaohu: Master, take it!

Zhao Benshan: Hahaha, counter-annihilation plan!

Fan Wei: Oh, it’s hard to guard against it! But I don’t accept your big deceit. If you try to deceive me again and again, won’t I still be in a wheelchair?

Zhao Benshan: What do you want?

Fan Wei: Where is your promise? Where is your stretcher?

Zhao Benshan: Develop it yourself!

Fan Wei: Hey!

Zhao Benshan: This is custom-made for you. If it is short, it can be lengthened!

Fan Wei: Oh, you worked so hard for me, thanks to my plan

Be one step ahead and open the red envelope!

Zhao Benshan: Huh?

Fan Wei: It’s Chinese New Year, and I’d like to send you a couplet: “Every year brings about a year’s worth of fate. Thank you for gaining wisdom after every hardship!”

Zhao Benshan: I’ll give you another couplet. I’ll give you a side note: “Self-taught”!

Extended information:

Performers of "Kung Fu": Zhao Benshan, Fan Wei, Cai Weili, Wang Xiaohu. It was a skit performed at the 2005 CCTV Spring Festival Gala and premiered on CCTV1 on February 8, 2005.

The 2005 Spring Festival Gala sketch "Kung Fu" is also the last sketch in Zhao Benshan's "Trilogy of Fools" series. The uncle played by Zhao Benshan in the first two "Selling Kidnappings" and "Selling Cars" appears all the time. He stole the limelight and portrayed the liar in a profound way.

In "Selling Kidnappings", Zhao Benshan regards himself as an expert and uses language that looks like scientific terms to deceive the audience. He just pretended that his big face was a problem with his legs, and it would metastasize. He successfully tricked Fan Wei into buying a kidnapping, and the scam was declared a success. The sketch satirizes those people who lack independent opinions, follow others' opinions, follow the wind and rain, and worship blindly.

In "Buying a Car", Zhao Benshan changed his deception method and replaced crutches with wheelchairs, continuing the "Selling Counterfeit" series of works. The sketch inherited the humorous style of the 2001 Spring Festival Gala sketch "Selling Kidnappers" and won the first prize in the language program of the Spring Festival Gala that year.

In "Kung Fu", Fan Wei finally learned to "hold it in". If he held back his energy, he would not be fooled, and finally defeated Zhao Benshan. This sketch also won the first prize in the language program of the Spring Festival Gala that year.