Can anyone make some jokes?

1. When I was a child, the TV series Hunters and Rogue Tycoons was released. An old woman in the yard said, "There will be a big rogue hunter tonight." . . . . . .

An unfamiliar colleague chatted with me, and the content of the chat was extremely boring. What happened to him and his girlfriend? What happened?

I was speechless. After he spoke for a long time, he looked at me. Maybe it means that I have to make a statement after what he said.

In an instant, I really didn't know what to say, so I blurted out: Is your girlfriend a woman?

I have had a cold for a long time! ! ! !

3. When the junior high school teacher talked about the ancient Babylonian civilization, he talked about the Sumerians. When the history teacher was excited, he said, "There are still beauties in the two rivers", and more than half of them smiled on the spot.

4. Buy a pot helmet and have dinner together. A man comes forward: Boss, two helmets!

Good teeth, good appetite and delicious food. . . )

There is a classmate named Huang Jiajian in my high school class.

One day, I didn't go to class. When the old class came into the classroom, I saw that his seat was empty.

Just asked: Hey, where's Huang Jiajian?

After the whole class laughed, they all called him Huang Gupo.

6. In the past, the exam teacher handed out papers, and the girls at the back took one more and shouted "Teacher, I have it, I have it". As a result, the boy sitting next to me said, "It's mine, it's mine", and the whole class was shocked ~ ~ ~

I worked in a factory two years ago. One day, my master and I (actually older than me 1 year) went to the factory to handle affairs. The material engineer is a big sister named Dong, in her forties. After that, the host was very polite and wanted to say, "Sister Dong, you go." The result is: "I see."

8. Another time, I went to buy breakfast and found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line. I was very nervous. After greeting, I summoned up my courage and said to the chef, "Master, please give me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" " ~

~ ~ ~ Woo ~ ~ It's the first time in two years to hear the boss laugh so loudly ~ ~ ~ Depressed ~ ~ ~

9. My friend's child is half a year old, so I'm calling to care. After a few commonplaces, I said: Does your child eat human milk or yours now?

10. One night, I met an acquaintance and said, "Good morning." ...

1 1. In the evening, a roommate came into the room and announced loudly, "I watched the midnight edition of The American Ring today!"

12. I went to buy watermelons that day and heard someone ask the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin?

13. A farmer was drying wheat in the yard, and several chickens came to peck at it. The farmer sweeps it, the chicken scratches it, then sweeps it and scratches it. I can't take it anymore. I cursed, "you bad thing, I scratch it, you sweep it, I scratch it, you sweep it."

14. One day I went shopping and I was in a hurry. I found an internet cafe in front, rushed into the door and shouted at the stationmaster: Where is the toilet in your toilet?

15. When I bought rice in the canteen, I saw the long-awaited tofu skin. When I was excited, I told the waiter that I wanted a potato skin, which surprised everyone around me.

16. Due to business trip, I have to go to the Bank of China somewhere to repair the equipment. After getting out of the hotel and taking a taxi, I said to the female driver, "Go to the Bank of China and buy a knife at a hardware store." Sweat! I was going to buy a screwdriver. I didn't notice that I was wrong. At this time, the female driver kept looking at me and said, "Big Brother, I'm going to get off work. Please find a new taxi. " At that time, I was very angry and said, "What car did you stop at the hotel after work?" ! ? The female driver looked at me and said, "I don't want the fare after buying the knife. Please find another one. "dizzy! ! ! Only then did I realize that I was wrong, and I quickly explained it for a long time. Now that I think about it, I feel sorry for the female driver.

17. The political teacher once said, "Let me give you an example." Then he felt wrong and said, "Give me an example."

18. I remember it in Hanwu the Great.

Zhang Qian came back from the Western Regions with new ironmaking materials.

A good sword was refined and Liu Che took it to Li Guang.

Li Guang kept repeating:

Your majesty, good sword (base), your majesty, good sword (base) ...

silent ...

19. What a nice donkey!

20. In junior high school, the teacher asked the translator who this person was.

A classmate translated: Whose man is this? The whole class laughed and the teacher was speechless.

2 1. Last time I went to McDonald's, I told the clerk that I wanted a bag of potato chips, but they saidno. I said, what store doesn't even have potato chips? Then I turned and left. . .

22. During the mid-term exam, there was a pant-shaped pencil box on the girl's desk behind me. As soon as I turned around, my pencil box fell off. I said, "Well, you dropped your pants."

23. I remember there was a dog in Lu Yu, and nearby MM shouted in surprise: Ah, there is no dog in that tail! !

23. Too much butt.

24. I remember when I was a child, I went to buy round plastic bullets for toy guns and directly said to the old man in the toy store: buy a pack of original (round) bullets!

25. My classmate explained to me how to make an inquiry call.

I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there. I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?"

26. Carry a lot of things and gg to find a place to store bags at the train station.

A policeman came face to face, and gg immediately stepped forward and asked politely, "Excuse me, how can I get to the place where the bag is buried?"

27. In the political class, I talked about political issues between China and Japan, and talked about Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section.

The teacher said, "Japanese samurai were all delivered by caesarean section before they died ~ ~ ~"

28. I once called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a MM, with a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the king I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?"

29. In college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone and got a mobile card. He called 1860 to ask about it. At that time, he was excited: May I ask about your mobile phone business? . . From hands-free, we actually heard the telephone operator say politely: We are moving to bring business. . . The whole dormitory burst into laughter.

30. In the eleventh year of junior year, my classmates went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him:

"You in the past, someone will kill you. . . "

3 1. Yesterday someone said he would introduce me to a girlfriend. I wanted to ask "is it good?" but it turned out to be "cheap." Sweating to death!

32. The teacher told us: "Be honest in the car for the spring outing, and don't always throw your head and arms out. . . "

33. My husband is thin. Once I was in a hurry and said, "Honey, you look as thin as a pig!" "

34. One day, I went to the famous Da Qiao Road food store in Tianjin to buy food. I want to buy an old lady cake almost every time! As a result, I saw a slightly smaller cake that looked basically the same, but I was not sure, so I asked my assistant aunt, "Is this the cake of the little old woman?"

As a result, the audience is neither humble nor supercilious.

35. My cousin runs a kindergarten. Once she was in a hurry and asked me to help her take care of the children 1 hour, play games and tell stories. Facing a dozen children for the first time, I was so nervous that I was tongue-tied: "Children, today my aunt told you a story about Aladdin and the Magic Lamp ..."

36.

Outward depression

stretch into ....

37.

Original broadcast: Two gangsters wounded me and fled 1 10 police.

The announcer read: Two gangsters wounded 1 10 police and fled.

(Huang Feihong reincarnated! )

38.

In high school, my brother and I were in the same class, and he sat behind me.

One night, our geography teacher asked us:

Which one of you is the elder sister? Who is the younger brother?

I stayed there.

39.

Once I bought cold rice noodles and went back to my dormitory. I went to another dormitory and found my roommate eating my cold rice noodles.

When they saw me coming back, one of them said to me, why did you come back? Cold rice noodles are getting cold!

40.

I wanted to drink soda that day, so I went to the cold drink stand and said a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, when I saw the beer in front of me, I said in a hurry, "Boss, have a bottle of fart water", boss. ...........

4 1.

Just now, a colleague read the newspaper and asked, "How many games did China win yesterday?"

China is one, but Singapore can't produce negative numbers.

In the past, there was a game called "a handful of dollars" on the red and white machine. We usually call it "John in the wilderness".

43. Some commentators: Rush out of Asia and the world!

44. Once, my husband and I quarreled, and he scolded me: "Pig!" I scolded him: "You are the husband of a pig. . . "I really feel like a pig after scolding.

45. One of our colleagues, when taking the driver's license test, said a classic sentence to the examiner:

Report instrument, examiner is normal ~ ~ ~ ~

46. I remember once, I went to KFC with a sister. I heard her muttering in the queue, a chicken leg burger and a pair of chicken wings. It is her turn. As soon as she opens her mouth, she laughs at everyone. She wanted to say "Miss, a chicken leg hamburger", but it turned out to be "a calf, a hamburger".

47. College students get together in the forest park. It's time for everyone to prepare dinner. Two boys volunteered to go to the canteen to buy beer. The monitor wants to remind them to buy beer and cans. Perhaps because they have been talking about international current affairs just now, the monitor stood up and shouted, "Beer should belong to Iraq."

We all fell. Two boys are crazy. . .

48.MM told me about KFC's new "bone-to-bone connection" (mutton kebabs are crisp) and asked me to take her to eat. It was extremely hot in Beijing these days, and I was in a daze. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC: Please give me two "flesh and blood", thank you! .............

Shame-_-!

49. Once, my classmate asked me which department of the hospital my other classmate lived in. I can't remember clearly. I feel like internal medicine and acupuncture. As a result, I said she was a "guilt department".

50.

A boy saw his uncle: "buy two dishes for uncle!" " "

Uncle: "This kid is so boastful that he can't even talk!" " "

5 1.

When I joined the league at school, it was just me and another girl (the horrible kind). When the secretary of our League branch presided over the meeting, he said without hesitation, "Today is a big day for two students …" The rest of the students laughed their heads off.

52.

A shy male classmate went to the canteen to have breakfast. In the window, the host asked him, "What do you want?" He lowered his head and said, "I want … I want … a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun." The master stared at him for a long time and asked, "What do you want? Say it again! " "I want a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun ... oh. Don't! A steamed bun, a loaf of bread! "

When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted, "You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid!" "

54. Once my sister introduced me to a piece of music. She said it was called "girl pants". I'm surprised. I picked up the CD and saw that it was a girl's prayer. ...

Before the open class, the primary school teacher "soothed" our nervous mood and said, "Don't be nervous. When you enter the classroom, don't look around. Sitting under the stage are people with two noses and one eye! "

56.

In English class, the teacher said, "Good morning, teacher!" "

Student: "Good morning, student!" "

The whole class burst into laughter.

57. A classmate called a friend's house and his grandfather answered it. This classmate doesn't know what he is thinking. He just said, "Grandpa, I'm grandma ..." Suddenly he felt something was wrong and hung up with a bang. ...

58. When I was a child, my sister and I played at home. Pretending to be a chivalrous woman, she pricked up her ears and listened to what was going on outside, and then said to me warily, "Hey, it's not a big head!" "

59. I have been very busy at work. On Valentine's Day, I got off work late and rushed to buy flowers. My wife is cooking at home and waiting for me. She called to ask me when I would go home. I lied to my wife that it would be a long time. When I heard that she was unhappy, I said, I gave you a surprise ... bought flowers, rushed to buy chocolate, and rushed to take a taxi. After looking for a taxi for a long time, I finally found a car.

..... Merry Christmas! ! ! ! ! !

60. Alas, after reading this post, I sprayed the keyboard into the water again. . .