Jokes about homophones

1. In a meeting in a village, the village head said, "Rabbits and shrimps, don't paste melons, pickles are too expensive." Comrades and villagers, don't talk, the meeting is now. The host said, "Sausage and melon for pickles." (Now, please speak to the township head. The township head said, "Rabbits, shrimps, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big tortoise." Comrades and villagers, today's rice is enough, so let's all use big bowls.

2. The coach said, "Class One kills chickens, Class Two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you." Class one shoots and class two bombs. Let me show you. )

3. A leader in a certain unit loves to drink. He once drank too much at a public banquet and passed out on the spot. One person plays a eulogy and says, "You are a great man with a stomach that has been tested by alcohol.". You were in a bad mood, experienced the battle of drinking (lasting), and participated in the battle of satiating your stomach (defending), but unexpectedly, after the ninth (China) alcohol, tobacco and alcohol (research) meeting in the wine industry, you didn't wake up (fortunately) as if you died (died).

4. A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: "Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! Comrades and villagers, pay attention! Don't talk, the meeting is now! ! )

5. After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Sausages and pickles are invited! Now, please speak to the township head! )

6. The township head said, "Rabbits, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big tortoise! Comrades, today's meal is enough. Everyone is a big bowl! ) 7 Ears here

The newly appointed magistrate of a county is from Shandong. Because he wants to hang up, he said to the touts, "Buy me two bamboo poles."

The touts listened to the "bamboo poles" in Shandong dialect as "pig livers", and quickly agreed. He hurried to the butcher's shop and said to the shopkeeper, "The new county grandfather wants to buy two pig livers. You know that. A rather formal student.

During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled at the formal classmate and said to us, "He is from Myanmar, so he is rather shy." Then he raised his glass to propose a toast to everyone, held his head up and drank it off, and then said, "I'm from Yangon."

9. The headmaster got angry.

At the school affairs meeting at the end of the semester, the headmaster expressed his concern about personnel and administrative efficiency. Being unconscious in charge of personnel management; As an officer, I don't do it! "1. You should know it!"

The shopkeeper is a clever man, and he understood immediately. He immediately cut off two pig livers and presented a pair of pig ears.

After leaving the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig livers, so these pig ears are mine, of course?" So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. When he returned to the county government, he reported to the magistrate: "Report back, Grandpa, I bought the pig liver!"

When the magistrate saw that the master bought pig liver, he said angrily, "Where are your ears!" Hearing this, the tout turned pale with fear, and T hurriedly replied, "Ear? Ears? Here? In me? In my pocket! " 11 Market Selling Fish

In a lively market, a fish seller shouted, "Fresh fish!" " At this time, a bubble gum seller immediately shouted: "bubble gum!" The fish seller listened and said to the sugar seller, "Hey, why did you say my fish was ruined?" The more they quarreled, the more fierce they became. Just then, a bean sprout seller shouted again: "bean sprouts!" A security guard came up and asked, "Who else is quarreling with them?" It happened that an avocado seller shouted, "avocado!" After hearing this, the security guard said, "Well, take the four of you away together. Old Liu is busy.

Everyone greets you in daily life, and many people will say," * *, hello! " "* *, did you eat?" "* *, are you busy?" Xiao Li, a company, and Lao Liu, a company, have become very familiar on the phone through many phone calls. One day, Xiao Li went to work in Lao Liu's unit and called on Lao Liu.

Xiao Li greeted Lao Liu warmly and loudly: "Are you Lao Liu? Busy? " Because of the fast speech speed, the whole sentence becomes: "Are you busy with Liu?" 13 an academic seminar

At an academic seminar, all the people present were quite knowledgeable professors. According to the arrangement of the meeting, professors should be invited to speak on stage one by one. The host responded fairly quickly, and whatever the environment was, he was silent. On that day, all the professors called him "Zi".

"Will Mencius please come up and speak? ""Let's ask Confucius to come up and tell us something? " "Next, Zhuangzi, welcome?" The meeting went on in an orderly way, and it was Professor Wen's turn. "Please welcome Wen Zi?"

Professor Wen was very annoyed: "The mosquito went to the toilet." "Oh, then ask Asako to come on stage." Professor Ma replied angrily: "Pockmarked has something to do and has gone back." Where is the grandson? Is the grandson here? "Professor Sun couldn't bear it:" Grandson is not here, but Grandpa is! 14 homophonic jokes related to surnames

There are only a few people in a certain unit, with a total of ten * * *. Everyone's surnames are different, including Zhang, Li, Wang, Liu, He, Shi, Cai, Wen and Fan. . Because they all have different surnames, we usually call each other by their surnames in a friendly way. "Zhang, give me that document." "Li, after work, let's go and have a drink." "Call Liu over and we'll discuss the meeting." ? One day, the unit organized activities and sang and danced together. At first, everyone was a little embarrassed. After shouting for a long time who would sing first, they were all pushing each other. When Lao Zhang saw the silence, he pointed to the beautiful young Shi Yanli and said loudly to everyone, "Pull Shi out and let her sing!" " The audience burst into sweat! ! ! 15 words are worth a thousand dollars

A scholar boasted that he could read 99,9 words. One day, an illiterate fisherman in the village came to beg him to read the letter. Seeing his shabby appearance, the scholar expected that there would be no reward, and said, "My talent is worth a thousand dollars. How much did you bring?" The fisherman was angry and left.

this year, there was a flood. The scholar's house was flooded with flattery and panic! Suddenly I saw a fisherman passing by, and quickly called for help. The fisherman smiled and said, "It's not that I don't want to save you, but your talent is a thousand Jin, and my boat can't carry 99,9 Jin." 16 conscienceless

A carpenter taught an apprentice. Three years later, the apprentice started his career. He is so proud that he thinks too much of himself, even his own teacher is not in the eye. One day, when the apprentice didn't come home, the master made a walking wooden horse and put it on the roller. When the apprentice came back, he saw that the wooden horse made by the master could pull the roller. I didn't expect the master to have this skill. I want to ask the master, but I'm still embarrassed, so I secretly took a ruler to measure all the parts of the Trojan horse and made one as usual. However, somehow, the wooden horse he made could not walk. There was nothing he could do but bite the bullet and ask the master. The master asked him, "Did you measure it?" He replied, "measured." The master asked again, "You didn't measure your heart!" He quickly replied: "Yes! I didn't measure my heart. " After saying this, he suddenly realized the meaning of the master's words, and he was so ashamed that he was flushed. From then on, he was no longer arrogant. 17 washing cloth shoes

One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruits. He announced, "Children, after picking fruits, we will wash them together. After washing, we can eat them together." All the children went to pick fruit. As soon as the gathering time came, all the children gathered. Teacher: "Xiaohua, what have you got?" Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I have picked apples." Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?" Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes." Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? " Amin: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit." 18 call aunt

Xiao Shen and classmate Xiao Li work as secretaries in the same unit. After a long time, Xiao Shen felt that the leader was better to Xiao Li. For example, the leader called Xiao Li "Plum, Plum" and was very kind, but he was "Xiao Shen, Xiao Shen" to himself, neither too cold nor too hot. One day, Xiao Shen and Xiao Li said this. After listening to it, Xiao Li sighed and said, "Alas … have you ever seen a leader chasing a female subordinate to call her aunt?"

A man took his daughter to the cake shop and said to the shop assistant, "Please make me a birthday cake." Salesman: "Do you want to write anything on it?" Daughter: "Happy birthday to mom." Salesman: "Ah! Your pig is so lucky! "