Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - At the head of the village, beside the well platform, I miss the village storytellers. ...

At the head of the village, beside the well platform, I miss the village storytellers. ...

A golden moon rises from Fang Xiangsheng, a small village surrounded by green trees. The night breeze blows gently, bringing the pleasant cries of frogs in the nearby pond. The tall poplars on the shore are dancing with dense leaves and singing beautiful songs. ......

What a beautiful midsummer night in the country!

At dusk, the well platform at the head of the village is full of men, women and children who have come back from working in the fields. Some sit on a shoe that has been taken off, some sit on a half brick, and some simply sit on the ground. A little further away, there was a man sitting on a tree root, smoking a pipe, and the red pearl was shining. ......

The meeting was quiet.

An old man sitting in the conference center is talking loudly. There is a pot of tea and a tea bowl on the ground in front of us.

This gossip is the head of the Wu family in the village, with the highest seniority. No matter men, women and children, everyone is called "the third child" when they meet. The speaker's forehead is very high, with several knife-like wrinkles on it. The old man has a big face, a wide mouth, a wide jaw and few beards. A pair of eyes are not as big as wrinkles, but they still show friendly light.

Third, you usually walk slowly. In his later years, his back was hunched and his steps became heavy. His shoes always wipe the ground, and the sound of "knock, knock" is all the way. I often wear a black dog skin hat in winter, and one side of the cat's ear (ear protector) is propped up. It flashes up and down with the footsteps. I often wear an old military coat, which I wear during the day. When it is hot, I like to sleep on the slope outside the gate, and the old military uniform covers me. There is a shabby little radio beside my head, and its voice is very low. I listen to news, operas and books by myself. ......

Whenever the wheat is harvested, it gets hotter and hotter. Evening is a rare leisure time for cultivators. Please ask the third master to speak loudly on the well platform at the head of the village. At that time, occasionally a commune projection team came to the village to show movies, and there was no way to get rid of loneliness and heat for many days. So, every night, the old man had supper early, took a small bench and came to the well platform at the head of the village. Many people have gathered here, and people are still coming.

The old man's dark backlight, elastic skin hanging loosely. There is a black towel on the left shoulder and a broken cattail leaf fan with rotten edges waving in the right hand. The venue was quiet, and the third master was in no hurry, his voice was not high, but he was full of emotions and heard every word clearly. In the vivid story of the third master, people spent the night unconsciously. People love to hear the old man talk loudly, and he is willing to relieve people's boredom. So every summer before his death will be a season full of happiness.

The third child, like a professional storyteller, always tells a funny story, joke and the like that seems to have nothing to do with the "original" before the book returns to the topic. What people remember most is the story of Wang Erdao:

In the year when the Japanese made trouble, Wang Erdao was just 12 years old, and life really couldn't go on. Rather than starve to death at home, he might as well run away and get his life back. The two brothers went out to wander for a living. Wang Erdao went to the Far East, begging from southwest Shandong on the way, and working for the Japanese in Qiqihar City. Earthwork-repairing and earth-carrying baskets: a pole and two Vitex negundo baskets, which weigh hundreds of pounds after being filled with loess. Pick it on your shoulders, like two mountains. Wang Erdao, scrawny and short, carries two earthen baskets on his back and kisses the ground from time to time. Shoulder pressure hurts first, then swells, then desquamate, and finally oozes blood. The supervisor was muttering with a whip in his hand. If his feet were slower, he would swing a whip. Therefore, the soil can't be loaded less and can't walk too slowly. I have to work overtime at night and can't sleep until after midnight. Wang Er is weak, sleepy and hungry, which is really hard to support. I can't help it during the day, he thought. It's dark at night, so I can't work so hard. One night, while it was dark, he pretended to trip, emptied all the soil in two baskets, got up, picked up two empty baskets and mixed them with the crowd. Unexpectedly, he was sleepy again. When he climbed a small bridge with his eyes closed, his feet were unstable and he fell off the bridge with his basket. Fortunately, there is no water in the river, otherwise your stomach must be round!

"Someone fell into the river!" As soon as people shouted, the supervisor ran to the bridge and looked at it with a flashlight. I saw Wang Erdao sitting on the ground dozing off. There was no soil in the two baskets and there was no soil on the ground. The supervisor immediately flew into a rage and kicked him hard three times, scolding him, "smelly boy, where's the soil you picked?"

Later, the devil asked the civilian worker to repair the watchtower. After the watchtower was repaired, they dug ditches around to store water. Wang er's pounding is even harder. When he dug up the soil, he could only throw it halfway up the slope and slide down. Wang Er dried it for a while, and then went to the toilet in the distance to defecate. This toilet is surrounded by reed mats, and there are many bricks scattered on the ground. When civilian personnel relieve themselves, it is convenient to squat with one foot on the brick. This open-air toilet stinks and urinates everywhere. No one will come here to "unload" unless absolutely necessary. But Wang Erdao seems to be addicted, and soon he ran there. I don't know where he got so much shit. He didn't come out for a long time. Later, the supervisor became suspicious and asked him what was going on. Wang Erdao answered "running belly". When he ran to the toilet for the fourth time and just squatted down, he heard footsteps outside. Wang Er stamped his foot through the gap in the reed mat and saw a pair of feet wearing black high boots coming. Knowing that the supervisor was coming, I quickly shouted "Ouch, Ouch". The couple found that there was shit under Wang Er's ass through a reed mat half a person's height, but it was not thin. Ask him where the shit is. Wang Erdao pointed to a pool of thin shit beside him and said, "Is that right?" .

"What about now?"

"I haven't pulled it out yet."

The supervisor scolded, "Shit, it's so hard to shit?"

Wang Erdao said, "I have a stomachache from time to time. I want to have a stomachache. I can still pull a lot at first, but later it is getting less and less, but I still want to have a stomachache. " Oh, my stomach hurts! "

The supervisor has left. Wang Erdao immediately stopped muttering. Looking at the thin shit next to him, he nodded and whispered, "Good buddy, you have helped me a lot." Wang Erdao came out of the toilet with a frown and a grin most of the time. In fact, he is completely dawdling for the enemy.

Working for the devil, I eat pig and dog food, and I get cow horsepower. I couldn't bear it, but later he got rid of the Japanese German shepherd and sneaked to Tianjin. While begging, I went to the bookstore to inquire about books. The wonderful story made him forget his hunger and troubles for a while.

Later, Wang Erdao went to Beiping again. There, he worked as a porter at the station during the day and listened to drum books at night with hunger. Wang Erdao dreams of being a storyteller in the future to make a living.

Some funny jokes made by the third master before "getting down to business" were soon exposed by his wandering companions. They said, "You did all this by yourself, so you can't do it any more! Good for you, old man!

When Third Master was twelve years old, he really went to Qiqihar, Beiping City and Tianjinwei. I picked a earthen basket for the Japanese, took a nap, fell into a dry river, dug a water storage ditch, escaped hard labor in the field toilet, and learned to play drums ... It can be said that I have suffered from coptis root and hell.

After "getting down to business", Third Master began to talk about the original work. Every night when the rooster crows three times, he sells a sentence, "You need to know what will happen, and we'll talk about it tomorrow night." However, the next night, the old man didn't say anything, but changed to a new one, every day. Throughout the summer, Lao San told a new story every night and never repeated it. Most of them punish evil and promote good. Many fascinating stories are the real life experiences of the elderly, allowing people to spend happy nights every summer in a bitter life.

It's a pity that there is no recording equipment and the old man's voice has not been preserved!

It is relatively easy to relieve the anxiety of the villagers after a meal. If there is a happy event or a funeral in the village, the third master will have a hard time. He has to work hard and run errands. People who arrange weddings for villagers are scientifically called "councils" or "directors", commonly known as "asking questions". The third child did this, neither appointed or appointed by the top, nor elected by democratic voting, but gradually recognized by people through long-term enthusiastic and fair work.

In rural areas, weddings and funerals are important events. At the last moment, the third master is indispensable. Taking the funeral in the countryside as an example, it is even more complicated. From dressing the deceased in "old clothes", burning "upside-down" paper, and going to the funeral, to discussing the funeral: buying coffins, sending people to mourn, counting the number of people on the day of the funeral, from contacting a large number of tables and stools, to inviting rural chefs to serve (work), and then arranging people to go to the market to buy food. There are also many work assignments for "busy customers" (reading kei): who builds pots and stoves in the yard, who cooks, who is responsible for making fires and who is responsible for carrying water. Who is responsible for moving tables and stools, washing cups, plates and plates ..... and decorating the gift room: who is responsible for registering the number of visitors and the gift money, and issuing the seat number; Who will deliver the food to the table, who will deliver the cigarettes and wine, and so on. As an "interrogator", the third master, with two assistants, rushed to his master's house early in the morning for several days, taking care of this and asking that. Work hard and there will be no problem. It was not until late at night that the master dragged his tired body home step by step.

On the day of the funeral. Guests from afar, neighbors nearby, and even relatives and friends all come to the host's house. Adults and children, men and women, noisy, like a market. This day is the busiest and most tiring day for Lao San and his assistants. Many times, there is a big difference between the number of guests mourning the daily newspaper and the actual number of people attending the funeral. When it rains and snows, the number of people who actually arrive is much less than the number who report in advance; On Sunday, the number of people actually arriving will be much higher than that reported during the mourning period. The latter are mainly children who don't go to school and bring adults to keep the old people who ask questions very busy. The countryside is called "striking the table". Third Master will lead the guests to find their seats one by one and walk to the table where there are still vacancies. His principle is to be far before being near: first, sit down to eat at a distance, then at a close distance, and then all kinds of busy guests (all from the village), including those who work in the ceremony room, the filial sons and daughters of the host family and so on. These people have to eat last. The old man ran before and after, pointing here and arranging there, talking and talking. He is nearly old, suffering from hunger and thirst, sweating like a pig, dragging his feet step by step, and working tirelessly. He also said to all busy customers from time to time: "A family has a hundred worries. Everyone should take other people's family affairs as their own business. A pack of cigarettes and a bottle of wine. Don't waste it. " He criticized some busy customers for smoking too much, saying that if they smoked less, they would save more money for their host families.

After every major event, it will be difficult for the third master to recover from fatigue for several days. His wife often advises him: "Don't be too tired, just retire." The third master said, "People believe in us. You asked us for help. Can you not go? No matter how hard and tired you are, you can't say anything else. "

At the age of seventy-eight, the old man was weak and uncomfortable to eat, drink and swallow. He didn't tell his wife and son. They are all very busy. Didn't tell them, he rode a broken bicycle back and forth fifty or sixty miles, and rushed to Shanxian Central Hospital. After the diagnosis, the doctor wanted to tell his relatives the truth. Knowing that the old man came to see a doctor alone, the doctor had to tell him that the disease needed hospitalization. Unable to bear the repeated questioning of the third master, the doctor had to tell him that there was something wrong with his esophagus. The old man took a long breath and said, "Tell me what's going on, and I'll have a bottom." Ask again: "Can hospitalization be cured?"

The doctor told him, "It just doesn't hurt so much."

The third child took some medicine prescribed by the doctor and rode back.

He didn't tell anyone the sad news when he got home.

The disease is developing rapidly. Soon, the old man finally fell.

The sons are taking him to the hospital. He said quietly, "At this age, it's time for people to leave. If people are not sick, how can they die? " If this disease can be cured, I will listen to you and go to the hospital. The disease can't be cured even if the family members toss it out. Listen to me. Don't go anywhere. "

The sons couldn't resist him, so they had to ask the village health worker to give him an injection when he was really in pain, so as to alleviate the pain of the old man.

At the last moment of the old man, I went back to my hometown after work and brought some sugar and milk powder to see him. The old man was covered with a quilt with oil twist, his head was leaking, and his cheekbones and mandible were prominent. He looked at me absently, shook his head with difficulty and said weakly, "Don't waste money, son, it's not easy to earn a few dollars." Grandpa can't eat any more. Take it away and give it to the children. "

I comforted him with tears in my eyes: "Take care of it slowly, and it will get better."

Grandpa San shook his head again, with a smile on his lips. He said slowly, "Everyone will die one day. You should spend money on optimistic diseases. It's not worth spending money on incurable diseases. Besides, the days are not rich now! "

I said, "Grandpa, where am I going to listen to your story after you leave?" Besides, who will worry about the weddings and funerals in the village? "

The old man sighed lightly and said, "I want to live a few more years and care more about the young and old." Alas, God forbid. You young people can also do those things well. "

A few days later, the old man said goodbye to the villagers and drove to Hexi. ......

The third grandfather who brought endless joy to the villagers left. ......

For the villagers' weddings and funerals, the old man who ran errands all his life left. .....

He is not in his place, but seeks his own government, actively advises the team cadres (production teams), and tries to get rid of the three masters who have a good life. ......

Who can forget? On weekdays, Lao San is eager to solve problems for the villagers, such as husband and wife quarrels, brother separation, neighborhood disputes ... He knows that he comes uninvited; If he doesn't know, he can be on call. As the saying goes, "Honest officials can't break housework", but Third Master doesn't think so. He said that there is always a right and a wrong in housework, regardless of the elders or the younger generation. Yes, we should confidently affirm and praise; Wrong, he is an elder, so he can't make excuses, be partial or show mercy. No mud, fifty boards regardless of right or wrong. If you do this, you offend the right party, who annoys you, annoys you and hates you; The wrong party will be more proud, crazier and push your luck in the future. Once you get the monk's umbrella, it will be too late for lawlessness. ......

Since the third master left, for decades, the village head and the well platform have been deserted at night; Even in the summer evening, there is still no one here. Only a bright moon shines quietly here in Yin Hui; The croaking of frogs in the nearby pond and the rustling of poplar leaves all add to the solemnity here. ......

The good platform is still there, third, the villagers miss you. ......