Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Piece together a perfect self with the spelling of memory.

Piece together a perfect self with the spelling of memory.

1, don't wear such a thick foundation when you go out, you can't see what you look like.

2. When you see a beautiful woman, touch your pocket first to see if you have any money!

Women save money to spend on their husbands in the future, while men save money to spend on other women in the future.

Showing off your wealth is like being complacent. I wanted to show off my gorgeous appearance, but I was seen as an asshole.

Who can look up to you if there is no money in this society? If you have money, you are your brother. If you have no money, you can put it there.

6. I'm in a bad mood now, and I don't want to do anything but eat.

7. Hee: [You told me that you would always be reluctant to leave because I was too good]

8. I walked through youth and got blisters on my feet.

9. What I hate most is the abbreviation on the reference answer.

10, don't spend time with someone who doesn't care spending it with you.

1 1. A man wants to divorce his wife after making money, but he can't make money and his wife wants to divorce him.

12, there is no speed these days, and even eating shit can't keep up with the heat.

13, I always feel that I have been very strong, and I didn't know how important you are in my heart until I shed tears.

14, use the memory puzzle to piece together a perfect self.

15. Life is like an angry bird. There are always a few pigs laughing when they fail.

16, there is only one difference between talent and genius. Therefore, talent is good, and genius is always a bit stupid.

17, don't hate men all over the world for one man.

18, wear other people's shoes and go your own way for others to find.

19, boy, what happened today? Take the wrong medicine when you go out? Or did you forget to take your medicine?

I love you very much, but I can't say any more. You're not single anymore, and you don't love me anymore.

2 1, you love him deeply, but I love you deeply. I'm fed up with this triangle.

22, the wife is angry, mostly pretending, just spend money casually.

23. I won't marry Peking University and Tsinghua.

24, brother! Please don't bend your head and suck hard every time you fart, thinking that you can absorb the fart smell! : p Happy New Year's Day!

25. The rain is so heavy and the thunder is so loud. Lonely people are wandering!

26, smoking and drinking, take it one step at a time.

27, you have no talent and no virtue? Congratulations. You have a bright future.

28. I fell in love with my bed, but the alarm clock was jealous and always wanted to separate me from the bed.

29. Break the wife's life tenure system and implement the aunt shareholding system. Introduce the miss competition system and promote the lover contract system.

30, the prince chased out of the palace, picked up the shoes on the ground, lost in thought.

3 1, busy, have something to say, don't worry about the whole thing.

32. Many stories about me have never even been heard by myself.

33. I'm not the kind of person who hits people when they are down. I just closed the well.

Behind a successful man, there is always a woman, and behind a rich woman, there is always a group of men.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we really realize that we are descendants of the dragon.

You taught us not to talk nonsense, but in my eyes, what you said is nonsense!

37. I think going to school to copy homework every morning will enrich my life.

Mottled memories, patched together into beautiful memories between us.

1, don't make fun of my feelings, I can't stand the test.

If we had hugged each other tightly, wouldn't the ending be so hasty?

I would rather say goodbye with a smile than cry.

Every bastard has a broken heart in his body.

Love a person, and life is equivalent to doing most things right.

6, life is always very tired, you are not tired now, you will be more tired in the future.

7. It's just that some things are better to keep in your heart than to say them.

8, don't always be self-centered, not everyone treats you like a person.

9. I love you hopelessly and hate your suffering.

10, some people say that I am a playboy, but I think I am affectionate.

1 1, I covered my heart, it was stupid enough to tear my heart to pieces.

12, I am young and need your advice, but I don't need your advice.

13, despair is the perfect expectation and expectation is the longest despair.

14, everyone is looking for a perfect excuse for being mean.

15, be a woman with a light smile and write a noble love letter to yourself.

16, crying when you want, smile happily's own growing character.

17, the love you gave me is like poison, which I can't stop.

18, a word at home broke up many loving couples.

19, this woman who is redder than a red diamond sees love as darker than a black diamond.

20, mottled memories, patched together into beautiful memories between us.

Worse than waiting, you don't even know what you are waiting for.

22. "Sorry, I don't love you anymore." What a hurtful sentence.

23. You will never grow up without experiencing something.

24. I can't sleep for long in the morning and I can't sleep at night.

25. How many people are watching each other type, but they haven't received any news?

26. Inadvertently, your smile became the whole world.

27. I don't take the initiative to find someone to chat with. I take the initiative to find someone I care about.

28, you gave your heart to others, my heart is still for you.

29. In fact, we can't live without mobile phones or QQ, but we can't live without that person.

Don't judge my future by my past.

Be a perfect girl, study and try.

Want to have beautiful legs. As a student party, we have to sit and study every day. Legs will naturally be thick. With the method I gave you, you don't have to envy other people's legs ~

1 jump on tiptoe. If you persist for a long time, your legs will look good and slim.

Sit with your feet crossed, every 3 minutes, every 2 hours. This way. Even if you surf the internet. You will lose weight, too.

Do you have dark circles under your eyes? Ha ha. That's easy. I have ~ ~ but now there is a way for you to destroy it quickly.

Take an iron spoon and put it in the refrigerator 1 minute, then take it out and apply it to the bags under your eyes. Take it in three minutes. be effective immediately

Want to be a beautiful woman with big eyes. Children with varus are actually very simple, and their movements are similar to those in the fourth quarter. Scrape the upper part of their eyes with their hands, and shave when you have time. 1 month later, they will find that their eyes naturally become double. Inner double is more effective.

If you want to get quick results, scrape with the thick head of a toothpick or a hairpin. The process was painful and the result was good.

Some people always feel that they are too short and lose confidence in themselves. It doesn't matter. I have a trick here.

1 Stick your whole body on the wall and stand up straight for 3 minutes at a time. You can also lose weight three times a day.

It's important to grow taller. But he has many taboos.

Don't stoop. In other words, don't be overweight.

Don't drink too much carbonated drinks.

Don't eat chocolate and milk together.

Jump in the same place. Or shoot, boys jump.

The quilt should not be too heavy.

Many girls have been worried. What about blackheads? This is a problem that has puzzled me for a long time.

1 Wash your face first, then wet your nose. Grab some salt and put it on your finger. Rub your nose back and forth. After one minute, wash it off with warm water.

If there is no salt at home, it is generally impossible, so use milk. The same method. It will take effect immediately.

Did your nose collapse?

Some noses don't look good, how can they look good? It's simple. It's simple. Now is the second period of eye exercises, pinch your nose. If you have something, just pinch it, believe me ~

Baby fat and thin face

1 Try to raise your head, hold it for 5 seconds and then put it down. Repeat 30 times for 10 days.

Don't blindly believe that wearing braces will thin your face.

Speak with one's mouth open

Don't always eat hard food. It will make my cheeks bigger.

Beauty contact lens

Cosmetic contact lenses are not very beautiful. Take it. Charming, but I suggest. You'd better throw it away quickly.

You just want to look good for a while, which will ruin your life.

If your acne is just beginning to grow, go to the hospital to write a prescription and pay more attention to your diet. It's best to control it from the beginning. If it is fast, 1 month will disappear. When it grows to about half a year, it will be really difficult to get rid of it.

If you have a lot of acne on your face, don't squeeze it or buckle it, which will leave ugly acne marks and even pits. It is best not to touch it with your hands, because there are many bacteria, which will make the peas grow bigger and bigger.

How to solve him?

1 Apply acne with potato chips. Pay attention to the best effect when sleeping. Potato chips are thinner. Apply them before going to bed. When you wake up, you will find that the potato chips are black, that is, the dirt on your face, which lasts for 5 days.

Apply bitter gourd slices to your face at any time. Bitter gourd should be as thin as possible, about 10 minutes each time. Wash your face with cold water. The effect varies from person to person.

Diet. Everyone knows this.

Avoid spicy food. If you are really greedy, you can eat a little to satisfy your craving.

Eat less seafood. This one has the highest yield of beans.

Leek. Avoid.

It looks good. It's good to burn it. But he did a lot of damage to your hair,

Black is the most beautiful. If your hair is not black, I believe your parents have said a classic saying. Eat more sesame seeds ~ ~

temperament

Every girl should have temperament. If you have no temperament, it is useless to look good again. It's totally useless

Walk with your chest out, your back straight and your face smiling. Don't always put on a sad face, just like who owes you money. Some people think it's cool, but it's actually 2B.

love

Some girls broke up. Cry your eyes out. There's nothing to cry about. Girls are very arrogant. Why do they humbly beg boys to stay? Don't be too attached to a love, a person, you know that if you miss it, you will miss it and it will be irreparable. Just throw away a doll and give it to a poor child.

. Don't force him.

Thin face

Why? You see, she's beautiful. Small face, big eyes, high nose and white skin. How?

Thin face

1. Raise your head and try to lean up. Hold on for 30 seconds, put it down and do it again. Repeat 10 times, 5 groups per day.

2 pat the face, only pat the fleshy place, promote blood circulation and be slim.

Skin care shower gel: choose the one that suits you, and try not to buy one with too strong fragrance. So is shampoo.

Lipstick: Mentholatum is recommended.

After taking a shower, I'd like to recommend Johnson.

Fine hairs on the human body

Long hair. Unlike girls. What should I do ~ ~

Soak in vinegar and stick to it

Slightly scalded blisters, not for long.

Don't use depilatory cream from those pharmacies. . Don't pull it out either, because there will be more and more

Don't worry. These are naturally good.

Make a sentence with one

1, like a princess in winter, waving a magical veil and bringing a cold wind; Winter is like a craftsman, carving the most beautiful ice flowers; Winter is like a magician, turning into a piece of snow.

Countless willow leaves hang down the lake like a shy little girl. Unknown flowers and plants around make this scene full of vitality.

Youth is a short dream. When you wake up, it has already disappeared without a trace.

If winter is the destroyer, then spring is the creator of everything. It gives everything new life, and things with new life will make the world have a new beginning.

Grandma said that I am a smart child, a clever child and a filial child.

6. The last enemy fell in a pool of blood, the war was won, and deafening cheers rang out on the devastated battlefield, but the thrilling life hanging by a thread always lingered in everyone's mind.

7, firecrackers resounded through the sky, I looked up at the night sky, as if it were a colorful garden with golden, silvery white, lavender and pink flower umbrellas. Colorful fireworks are as beautiful as crystal stone and colorful fireworks are as beautiful as colored silk.

8. Ideal is the beacon of life navigation, and each of us should have our own ideal. Someone once said: a man without ambition is like a ship without power, and he can only go with the flow. If a person has lofty ideals, he will feel happy even in difficulties.

9. Watermelon is round, like a basketball, with dark green and light green skin.

10, at dusk, like a pillar of incense I lit in front of the Buddha, the bitterness and melancholy at peace will continue to set off the dream of love and heartache. A kind of sadness is drawn from the bottom of my heart and stretched until the light beam can't touch it. Let dusk touch the pain in my heart, which is hidden in the black world.

1 1, the fiery red of the sunset gradually receded from the horizon, and a pink moon slowly drifted from the horizon to the night sky. The moon is like an elegant dancer. Her dance is so quiet and virtuous that I have to look at her affectionately.

12, dew, rolling down the dream of dandelion and clover, splashing transparent sunshine. In a golden noise, a dawn that is no longer wet is hatched.

Boredom is a serious problem for moralists, because more than half of human sins stem from fear of it.

14, Dad, is a sacred title. Its love is invisible, but its love is the most touching!

15, the height of the fountain will never exceed its source, and so will a person's career. His achievements will never exceed his own beliefs.

16 You see, the flower bones are fresh and tender, and the oil is bright. In the sun, they are shining silver.

17, autumn is like a distant child, standing in the distance, laughing like an apple.

18, peace depends on everyone, not one person.

19, in autumn, sorghum is like a drunk. When the wind came, he was drunk, stagger, and endless golden wheat waves. The ears of rice are golden, and the shoulders and ears are crowded together; The blooming cotton peaches are like a silver ocean, with clusters of snowflakes floating.

20. Meet someone and your life will change completely. It turns out that it is not just a plot in love.

2 1, this is the ever-changing cloud, just like a naughty child, who loses his temper for a while and laughs for a while, which really makes people feel that the change is too fast.

22. There are more kites in the sky and more children on the ground. Every family, old and young, came out from the city and the countryside. Relax, be full of energy and do your own thing.

23. A person's mind is transparent and clear, as beautiful as a rose.

I know my sister too well. She has thin yellow hair, chubby little face, watery big eyes blinking, and cherry mouth is as sweet as a doll.

25. Most frogs in small ponds are fat, and some are seven or eight centimeters long. They are dressed in yellow-green or dark green clothes, showing their white bellies. Their heads are wide and flat, like a triangle. Its head has a pair of big round eyes, a big mouth and a small nose.

26. A person must have ambition and cannot rely on others. Strong verve and strength are the greatest wealth in a person's life.

27. The hanging dew finally slipped from the tip of the leaf, forming a beautiful arc, which also revealed a freeze of life. At the moment of knocking on the ground, the dream was also fragmented. I suddenly felt pain, fear and confusion. In this way, its dream came to the end of life in the vicissitudes of life.

28, the word crisis, one represents danger, one represents opportunity, don't give up any efforts.

29. Summer is a hot season. There are only cars in a hurry on the main street. People go to work, people play, and idle people will only nest in air-conditioned rooms and don't want to go anywhere. Who can swagger with a big fireball to observe the beautiful scenery in summer on land?

30. To be truly happy, one must be neither too smart nor too stupid. People call this state between intelligence and stupidity the wisdom of life.

3 1, winter and snow season. At this time, the poplars were bare and not very beautiful, but they changed their appearance after a snowfall. The white earth is beautiful, but the poplar is more beautiful. Green leaves and purple flowers are gone, replaced by white leaves and flowers, which makes people feel relaxed and happy.

32. Tolerance is a necessity of life. Tolerance is a virtue, an opportunity and a measure. Only tolerance can bring world peace, and only tolerance can bring peaceful coexistence of all ethnic groups.

33. Among them, the lotus flower fascinates me the most. She is so white and flawless, just like a lotus lamp in transmission. Another example is a young girl, waving her white dress in the spring breeze, emitting a faint fragrance. When I smell it, people are immersed in dreams, relaxed and happy, and linger.

34. Everyone has a life, but not everyone can read it; Everyone has a brain, but not everyone can make good use of it. Only those who love life and are good at thinking can truly have life.

35. In spring, there is a swallow's nest under the eaves of grandma's house. There are three swallows living on it, one is a mother swallow, the other is a father swallow, and the other is a newborn swallow.

36. On the edge of the garden not far from me, an old farmer was squatting, and his weather-beaten face was covered with deep wrinkles.

37. A good book is like a best friend. It has always been like this, it still is, and it will never change in the future.

You can judge a flower or a butterfly by its beauty, but you can't judge a person like this.

39. What is a person like, what is his god like; Therefore, God is often the object of ridicule.

40. If people are faced with a choice and cannot choose, they should choose the one they have never experienced.

4 1, take a closer look at the people around you. There are always some people who are determined to move forward. They become shining beings, always feel like gods in this world, but they don't know how much effort they have made to get such a desired life.

A brave and frank soul can observe with its own eyes, love with its own heart and judge with its own reason. Don't be a shadow, be a man.

43. Most of the flower bones in bud are like small hearts, and the petals are wrapped in layers, so tightly wrapped, so strong, really exquisite!

44. One summer noon, the sky was clear, the sun was high, and there was not even a breath of wind. The earth is like a steamer, and it is too hot to breathe.

45. A foggy morning doesn't mean it's cloudy.

46. The little red pomegranate girl is smiling and hiding in the branches.

47. A person should have his own goals. Only by advancing and struggling in your own goals can you realize the bitterness along the way when you reach your goals.

48. Sometimes, you will see her harshness. In fact, it's just her armed forces, and she has to do it. Anger and anger will patronize everyone, including teachers. The teacher's face was once red with anger, and there was a faint haggard in the severity.

49. If life is a journey, then friendship is a lighthouse on the journey. If life is a big tree, then friendship is the rain and dew when it is dry. If life is a voyage, then friendship is an indispensable sail.

My deskmate is about my age. A small black and fat face with a pointed nose. Long hair, I haven't cut it for a long time A pair of big eyes are shining under thick eyebrows, and black eyes are turning proudly.

Summer is a hot and changeable season. Everyone says that summer is like a doll's face. When you are happy, the sun is shining and the sky is clear in Wan Li. When you are sad, the sun hides in the clouds and secretly cries. When it is angry, it is covered with dark clouds, thunder and lightning, and it is raining cats and dogs.

52. When a person does one thing wholeheartedly, he is bound to succeed in the end.

53. The higher you climb the steps, the harder it is to walk. There is almost no road behind. We were panting with fatigue and our clothes were soaked with sweat, but we didn't give up. There are some big stones near the top of the mountain. Every time you climb a big rock, you must find something to catch, otherwise you can't get up. After many twists and turns, we finally reached the top of the mountain.

54. The stuffed rabbit has a small button in its belly. As long as you press it gently, it will sing a beautiful song, swing its arms and dance beautifully with the beat of music, bringing you a happy world.

55. The peacock's small head looks like several jade flowers, and the unfolded color screen looks like a huge feather fan, with black rings, black, green and yellow, like countless big eyes.

56. It's raining harder and harder. From a distance, the earth looks like a huge bead curtain, and the spray on the opposite roof looks like white smoke. The rain on the ground merged into a stream and flowed forward happily.

My deskmate's name is Yin. She has a pair of big eyes, thick eyebrows, a small cherry mouth, a ponytail and a little beauty. It's just that her teeth are not good-looking, and there are two small tiger teeth, so two small dimples are exposed to cover it up.

58. When the wind blows through the treetops, the yellow leaves are scattered. This scene reminds me of a long-lost friend. My friend's name is Ouyang Huimin, and she has a moderate figure. She has a face of Zhang Yuanyuan, and her eyes are big and full of vitality. When I saw her short black hair, I knew she was a lively and cheerful girl.

59. In a sense, what a person sees is what he has in mind.

60. I keep my mouth closed, but the wind is like a powerful hand, choking my breath and forcing me to open my mouth from time to time. At this time, it will also raise a handful of dirt into my mouth, similar to a naughty child.

6 1, as a person, you can't really understand the meaning of life without experiencing the joys and sorrows of the world and fighting against life.

62. Mid-Autumn Festival is a beautiful myth. It has been passed down from generation to generation for thousands of years. Mid-Autumn Festival is a continuous miss, a deep miss from generation to generation; In the process of appreciating and tasting the moon, a nation experiences and shows its unique charm.

63. The rain is really light. It's dripping, not like rain, but like fog. The world in front of us is like a pearl net in the rain. Looking into the distance, pedestrians in the streets and buildings are only left with a somewhat blurred wheel corridor.

Although in real life, not all dreams can blossom and bear fruit, and not all people can realize their dreams. But every dream is gorgeous, and everyone lives a more wonderful life because of chasing dreams.

65. On the first day of registration, our new head teacher, Mr. Jia, appeared: she was in her forties, short and chubby, with curly hair without any hairstyle, wearing clothes unrelated to fashion, and vividly captured an ordinary middle-aged woman in Yiyang Street.

Autumn is beautiful. Autumn is like a painting, autumn is like a poem, autumn is like a song and autumn is like a beautiful fairy tale.

67. The sun, like a faithful guide, always guides us.

68. The sky is gray and wild, and nothing happens. Whether it is Haizi in western Sichuan grassland or Paozi in Inner Mongolia grassland, lakes scattered in the depths of grassland are like tears falling from the sky, and wild flowers on the lake are like tears falling from Paozi.

69. My sister studies hard and gets excellent grades. She is a caring girl. In learning, she always teaches me patiently and helps me solve problems when I meet them. In life, she cares about me in every way.

70. Sometimes illogical actions only help to cope with changing situations, while normal logic can only lead itself to a dead end. This requires us to have rebellious thinking.

7 1, even if my temples are gray, I will sincerely call you a teacher! In front of this sacred and lofty word, I will always be a student who needs enlightenment!

72. If a person has no goal, his future will dry up. A person without ideals will be mediocre all his life.

73. It is snowy today. I stared happily at the beautiful snowflakes outside the transparent glass window. Snow is like a beautiful silver butterfly in a fur coat flying happily in the air, and it is like a dancing fairy in front of me.

74. A person may not be poor if he has money, but he will be poor if he has no dreams.

Autumn wind is still a naughty child. She came to the road and blew the leaves on the tree. When she saw the leaves dancing like golden butterflies, she skipped away.

76. For the strong, every little thing is an opportunity.

77. I like colorful maple leaves best. It is red and purple. Seen from a distance, it is like a fire burning the earth. Maple leaves are shaped like claws and chubby little hands. Touch it, and you will feel how soft and smooth it is. But the edge of its leaves is a bit serrated.

78. The trees on both sides of the road stand upright in the strong sunlight, just like strong soldiers. Only the naughty leaves on the tree gradually turned into small rolls. We can still hear a few faint cicadas, as if we can't stand the sun.

79. Entering the forest is like jumping into a green ocean and being swallowed up by it immediately.

He also likes telling jokes. Once I saw a TV program on TV, and he raised his hand. There are many interesting pictures in it. He told us one by one after he came to school. He also showed us some antics performed by Pan Changjiang, which made us all laugh.

8 1, a person's house, a person's furniture, a person's clothes, the books he reads and the friends he makes are all his own performances.

82. Look over there, there is a sea of people, with no end in sight. That individual has more brains than ants!

83. The beautiful little stars shining all over the sky are not as bright as the sun or as clear as the moon, but they shed dreamy light on the world, turning the earth into a strange world and inducing people's expectation of exploring the starry sky.

84. The earth is moving, and a person will not be in an unlucky position forever.

85, Yantai pear, a big yellow skin, like a big belly gourd, take a bite, sweet pear water flows over the tongue and penetrates into the throat, just like eating honey.

86. Fall into autumn overnight. No season makes people feel sad more than autumn! When the dead leaves floated away from the branches, the bleak touch reached the bottom of my heart, and the cool sadness immediately eroded the whole internal organs, and some tears of nostalgia poured into my eyes so easily.

87. When autumn comes, I will put on the autumn theme exhibition board to make my mood as happy as the fruit of autumn. Like red leaves in autumn, every leaf is full of enthusiasm. For example, Shan Ye in autumn is full of the vitality of nature. Like a murmuring stream in autumn, singing and dancing all the way.

I have a good grandmother. She is over 50 years old, but she looks very old. She has curly hair, big shining eyes and a smile on her face.

89. A junior high school life full of laughter, a junior high school life full of joys and sorrows, a junior high school life full of ups and downs.

90. The soldiers rushed up one by one, waving broadswords and fighting bloody battles. When one falls, the other will take its place. A soldier was scratched all over and fell down, shouting slogans. It's tragic!

9 1, no one in this world will be happy about his unhealthy health. If there is, it must be an idiot. So I said, to cherish health is to cherish happiness!

92. We came to the river again. The frog was taking a walk with the tadpole when a group of small fish swam over again, as if playing a catch-up game with the tadpole. A group of children are flying kites in the distance. They ran and laughed and were very happy. Kites in the sky are colorful, like beautiful fairies to welcome Miss Chun!

93. There are many wonderful memories in the world. Good memories are like a string of purple wind chimes, full of blessings; Good memories are like a bluebird that freezes the wings of time; Good memories are like a pure and meaningful lyric prose poem; Good memories are like a misty Eden.

94, Xia, like a naughty, naughty child. Sneaked into this world when we weren't looking.

95. When I first saw Yangmei, it looked very interesting: its shape was round, about the size of longan, and it was covered with small thorns. When Myrica rubra matures, the thorns gradually soften and flatten. Put one in your mouth, and the tip of your tongue touches the smooth thorn of Myrica rubra, which makes people feel delicate and soft.

96. You don't need too many good friends. Two is enough. One will lend you money and the other will attend your funeral.

97. Pain makes people grow, which is both an opportunity and a challenge for you to make progress. Don't be afraid of painful things, it has another positive effect.