Find sketches about medicine

A clinic in a health center has a sign indicating that it is a clinic for all diseases. Inside the door, an old doctor (played by Zhao Benshan) is seeing a doctor, and an old nurse (played by Song Dandan) is wearing a mask and shouting. Outside the door, a patient (played by Fan Wei) is waiting to be called. At this time, Cui Yongyuan, the host of CCTV's "Tell the Truth" program, came outside the clinic. He saw the sign for the clinic and stopped.

Cui Yongyuan’s All Disease Clinic... is right here. He is a doctor who can cure all kinds of diseases, otherwise he would not dare to put up such a brand.

Patient doctor, please listen to me carefully. What's going on here? I'm always stuck in a panic.

Doctors (and patients) don’t need to listen to whatever they want. Go get a X-ray and do a CT scan. I'll show you when I get back.

Patient... How much does fluoroscopy cost?

Doctor two hundred and five. CT eight hundred and eighty.

Patient (stands up, then sits down again in shock) Huh?

Why did the doctor sit down again? Go!

Patient (stands up) Ah...ah, it’s quite expensive.

Nurse (wanted to say something to the patient, but she had already left, so she turned to the doctor) He has nothing wrong with him, why did you ask him to do a fluoroscopy?

How can I buy a laptop for my eldest grandson if the doctor doesn’t see through it? How can I earn money for my second grandson’s mobile phone without a CT scan? (Shouting) Next!

Nurse (shouting outside) Come in on the 3rd!

[The patient enters the room outside the door. Cui Yongyuan looked outside the door into the outpatient clinic.

The nurse (to the patient) sits down.

[The patient sits down.

What's wrong with you, doctor? What's uncomfortable?

The patient has toothache.

Doctor, a toothache is not a disease, the pain is life-threatening. Open your mouth and let me see...it's nothing! Teeth are pretty good!

Why does the patient feel pain?

Doctor, just because your teeth are good doesn’t mean you are free from disease. Two molars are bitten by bugs!

Patient? Is it serious?

Doctor, it’s not serious. What are you doing here?

Patient? Too. Doctor, what do you want?

The doctor seems to have a hole on both sides...

The patient’s hole? How big is the hole?

The doctor is quite big, ah, I can’t see clearly. You go for fluoroscopy first, and then do CT.

Nurse, if he has a toothache, just prescribe some medicine!

The patient is yes, I will prescribe some painkillers.

Doctor (and nurse), what do you know! Can you tell where the bug is without seeing through it? Can other diseases in his body be detected without CT? I suspect he has other illnesses. (to patient) Go ahead! return! You'd better do a B-ultrasound.

Patient?

Nurse, why are you asking someone to do a B-ultrasound? She is not a pregnant woman!

The patient is. I'm a man. Is there a mistake?

What is wrong, doctor! You can see clearly with a B-ultrasound. Even the male and female can see it. I mean the bugs in your teeth!

[The patient left confused. Cui Yongyuan entered the house.

Nurse (to the doctor) I told you to take it easy!

What do you want, doctor? Shout!

Nurse (turns around and shouts) Next! (Seeing Cui Yongyuan already standing at the door) Why are you all coming in? Why do you look so familiar? Old man, why does he look like Cui Yongyuan!

That’s not what the doctor is doing!

Isn’t Cui Yongyuan an uncle! I am Cui Yongyuan!

Doctors and nurses? Are you really Xiao Cui?

[The nurse takes off the mask.

Aunt Cui Yongyuan, why are you here?

Nurse, I will be your uncle’s assistant! Sit down!

Cui Yongyuan (sitting down and asking) Uncle, aunt, how did you become a doctor?

Doctor, you still don’t know about this? It’s been over a month!

Nurse, I asked you to tell Xiao Cui, but you refused to tell me.

Cui Yongyuan Why? I didn’t offend uncle!

Nurse, what he said is nonsense, I will tell you later. So that you can have a surprise!

Cui Yongyuan, don’t surprise me. Uncle, this doctor has been working as a doctor for more than a month.

The doctor said it was fifty days to be exact.

Cui Yongyuan (looking at the clinic) This change is big enough. I remember that the last time I interviewed you two was six years ago. That was————

The nurse was at CCTV, and it was you who invited us there.

It’s been more than six years in a flash, and I miss you so much!

Cui Yongyuan, I miss you too. I don’t understand how you became a doctor. Look at aunt, she looks like a nurse.

Nurse, you are quite discerning.

The doctor (told the nurse) went to turn over the sign and said he would not be ordering orders today. I want to have a good and intimate relationship with Xiao Cui, just nagging.

Cui Yongyuan shocked me.

[The nurse went out and turned over the sign for All Disease Clinic and came back.

Cui Yongyuan, I saw the sign hanging on the door of the All Disease Clinic. Uncle, you can always cure all diseases. Why didn’t you tell me last time.

How can a nurse cure all diseases? He is just bluffing!

Doctor, what are you talking about? You are talking nonsense in front of Xiao Cui! I don’t know how to treat people, can a health center hire me? Can you put up the sign for the disease clinic? I’m not bragging, this clinic is the only one in the country. Who dares to hang up?

No one dares to kill Cui Yongyuan.

Doctor, this is the result of reform!

Cui Yongyuan is still the result of reform. This is how this health center was reformed. Uncle and aunt, I want to ask, how did you become doctors and nurses in the health center?

Doctor (referring to nurse), let him say it!

Nursing is the reform of the health center and open bidding to the public.

Cui Yongyuan is recruiting doctors and nurses.

Nurses are responsible for the outpatient services of various departments of the health center. The news reached our place, and your uncle and I came as soon as we got together.

Cui Yongyuan was recruiting doctors and nurses. Why were you hired?

Doctors, good doctors, who will come to the rural health center? The rest are 250 doctors. It would be good if they don’t zhagu the living people to death. So we had to open the recruitment process.

Cui Yongyuan, then you were hired? I still don’t understand. You have to be a doctor and graduate in nursing, right? Do you have a certificate?

Doctor’s certificate? What certificate?

Cui Yongyuan is the certificate, certificate, etc. that allows him to practice medicine.

Doctor, I have the certificate.

The nurse has a certificate.

Cui Yongyuan? Ah, if you have a certificate, you can apply for the job.

The nurse’s certificate is a veterinary certificate.

Cui Yongyuan? Is it a veterinary certificate?

It would be good if the doctor has a veterinary certificate. In our place, people without certificates can still work.

Cui Yongyuan and the others are so weird here that they dare to do this. Competition must have been fierce at that time. Uncle and aunt, how did you get hired?

I also went there when nurses were recruited. That formation—oh my god! All red-eyed! That person is here! It's like traveling on Shenzhou 10 for free.

Aunt Cui Yongyuan, Shenzhou 10 has not been built yet.

Nurse’s last interview, don’t you want me to think about tomorrow? As soon as the Spring Festival program was aired, those of us with lumps in our minds started to think about it. After the successful launch of Shenzhou 5 and 6, word spread that our country would build a moon city on the moon, Shenzhou 7 sent a rabbit to the moon first, Shenzhou 8 our astronauts landed on the moon, Shenzhou 9 Go to the moon to build a city, and when you get to God 10, you will take the people to the moon city to play.

Cui Yongyuan and the others really dare to imagine. Auntie, tell me about the job fair at that time.

The doctor's situation is that the health center has offered to contract various departments. It's like selling livestock, the base price is 50,000.

Cui Yongyuan, I understand this. Contracting a department costs the health center 50,000 yuan.

Fifty thousand is the minimum for a doctor. For example, obstetrics and gynecology and surgery have to pay 100,000.

Why is Cui Yongyuan so different?

Old couples see many obstetric and surgical patients. There are many children in rural areas, and there are many people who work hard, so the income from these two subjects is high. The base price also requires a lot.

This is Cui Yongyuan. It’s understandable to charge more.

Doctor, that’s why everyone focused on these two subjects from the beginning. If you propose a plan, talk about ideas. When I saw it, something bad happened. It seems that the person coming in this posture is not a good person! If you don’t show your unique skills, you might not be able to compete with others!

There is also a sketch!!!!!!:

Narration: In a rural health center. A and B are students who have just come to the hospital for internship. Director Xu, the only acupuncture doctor.

[In the morning, the director and B are in the outpatient clinic. The director asked B: Do you know what to pay attention to when seeing a doctor? B shook his head and the director said: We must pay attention to the patient's preferences.

B nodded and lowered his head to read. At this time, A walked in with his schoolbag under his arm and a bag of breakfast in his hand. He yawned again and again and lazily walked in (note, A will yawn constantly during the performance, giving people a lazy feeling), and B was immersed in reading. 〕

Master: Xiaojia, why are you late again today? Did you go to Zhang Zhongjing’s place again last night?

A: No. I don’t know Zhang Zhongjing.

Master: Didn’t you say last week that you had to ask for leave from an old Chinese medicine practitioner named Zhang Zhongjing every night while you were copying prescriptions from me?

A: This *****, this *******

Master: Have the medical records been written?

A: [lowering head] Not yet, but soon.

Lord: What did you do last night?

A: Yesterday...yesterday... [Looking thoughtfully]

Lord: Ah! Can't remember it? Most likely, they are playing games online and chatting with girls, right? ! Busy. How can I have time to write medical records?

At this time, the phone rang (narration), and the director answered the phone: "Hello. Um. Okay. I'll be right back."

[The host shook his head and sighed] Hey. Current students! Either you don’t read books, or you only know how to read books. I'm going to have a consultation now. The patient will come later and ask him to wait for a while. You two don't mess around. [Part 2] (B has been reading during this period, and seems to have not heard the conversation between Master A and Master A at all)

(The green words are in advance, and a conversation between A and B will be arranged later. Leave it to the director for a while The feeling of time. )

A: Acupuncture Therapy (read word by word) I’ve read it almost 5 times.

B: Just 7 times. [Continue reading]

A: What a nerd.

[A takes out a white coat with gray horns and puts it on, pours water, gets a newspaper, and eats breakfast]

Narration: While A is eating breakfast, he looks at the day's events with relish. During the sports news, a patient came. [Holds belly with hands, frowns, face pale, walks up slowly]

Ding: Doctor, I had diarrhea last night. I have been having diarrhea all night and I am weak. Please take a look at it quickly.

[A continues to read the newspaper, seemingly overjoyed]

Ding: [Increase the volume, but the sound is still vibrating] Doctor, I had diarrhea last night. I have been having diarrhea all night, and I feel weak. Yes, please show it quickly.

A: [Don’t look up, continue reading the newspaper] The weak football market can only mean one problem: the team’s performance is not good. If the results are not good, naturally no one will watch the football. It would be strange if the football market is not weak.

Ding: [Puzzled] Doctor, I’m not talking about the weakness of the football market, I’m talking about my lack of physical strength.

A: [A continues to read the newspaper without raising his head] What is the disease?

Ding: I had diarrhea last night. I’ve been having diarrhea all night and I’m weak. Please take a look at it quickly.

A: [A and B look up at the same time] If you have diarrhea and go to the acupuncture department, you are probably a fool.

A: Take out your paw and let me feel your pulse. [While speaking, he stretched out his hand]

Ding; What are claws? They are hands.

A: [It doesn’t matter] It doesn’t matter what it is called, take out that thing (change that thing to a front paw?).

A: [Press on the side of the ruler, touch for a long time, and talk to himself] Hey, strange, why does this guy have no pulse? My pulse is weak~~~~~Your pulse is also making noise with the ball.

There is no hope

B:

Please, look. You are so energetic, do you think that the ulnar side can also cause vaginal vibration?

Ding: [Doubtful] Doctor, what you’re doing is the back of my hand! Everyone always rides here (referring to the radial side)

A: [Suddenly realized, trying to hide it] They are other people, and I am me. I am used to riding here first, do you care? Are you the doctor or am I the doctor? [No shame, looking domineering]

Ding: [Sorry] Of course you are, I’ll just ask, you go on.

A: Isn’t it comfortable there?

Ding: [A little annoyed] Didn’t I just say that! My stomach hurts. I tried to defecate all night, but couldn't. My back was so hot that my butt almost stuck to the toilet bowl.

A: [Not angry nor angry]

_______________________________________________________________________________

A: How many days have you had diarrhea?

Ding: Didn’t you just say that? It started last night and ended up with bloody stools. If you drag it on any longer, the person will die. Doctor, please help me.

A; [A presses C’s belly hard, and C screams in pain] He’s still screaming so hard after having diarrhea all night? Not seriously ill. Blood in your stool? What color?

Ding: bright red. How scary. Doctor, look at me, am I going to die?

A: Bright red? Eighty percent of cases are hemorrhoids. I will prescribe you some hemorrhoid suppository, which will take effect as soon as it is inserted.

Ding: Really? Thank you doctor, I will definitely take this medicine on time. How many times a day do you eat?

At this time, B looked up: A, he had diarrhea all night, it doesn’t look like hemorrhoids. Ask him what he ate last night? What do you like to eat? Look at his tongue coating and pulse.

A: [To B] Nerd, you are very careful. [To Ding] Open your mouth.

C: Ah~~~~~[Open your mouth, A, learn to stay away immediately]

A: Oh my god. Should you open your mouth or take off your shoes? It tastes great. (Waving his hand in front of his nose)

Ding: What, you need to take off your shoes, I’ll take them off.

[A and B hurriedly stopped] No need.

A: What did you eat last night? [Ask and feel your pulse]

Ding: I didn’t eat anything special. I saw a dead piglet at the entrance of the village yesterday, and I thought it would be a pity to throw it away. I picked it up and went home to have a meal of roasted suckling pig. I’m still not finished yet~~~~~~~

A: Ah! Isn't this special? [For people like B, they usually don’t know what to eat in particular]. It must have been bad! ! ! Be careful next time.

Ding: [Suddenly enlightened, slaps his thigh] So that’s it! Then next time I pick up a dead piglet, I will definitely *****

A and B: [In unison] I will never eat it again!

Ding: I will definitely wash it before eating.

A and B: Cough.

A: Is this okay? But our hospital likes self-pay patients like you. If you are sick, come often and I will get you a VIP card to enjoy 50% off on medical treatment.

B; A, I noticed that he has bad breath, anal burning, bright red and bloody stools, yellow and greasy fur, and a slippery and rapid pulse. The book says these all indicate fever. And it’s important to be careful after getting anxious. It should be caused by dampness and heat. The book says that the prescription should be Tianshu, Shangjuxu, Sanyinjiao, Dazhui, Hegu, Taichong, and Weizhong.

A: On my back again. Are you thirsty? Do you want to drink water?

B: How can you practice it if you have no theory? {Yiwan lifted up his sleeve and took out the silver needle}~~Mutter to himself~~~~~~My whole body is covered with calluses, I wonder if such a slender silver needle can handle it

{Sticking Dazhui~} Ding Frequent Looking back, I feel very worried~~~~~~~~~

B: Don’t move, if you move like this, I won’t be able to aim accurately~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{When B aimed at the acupuncture points, he touched the needle tip against Ding's skin many times~~~~~~~, making him restless

A: Still moving, there are nails on the stool How? You still want me to give you something mandatory, {then slapped the table}

Ding: Doctor, are you giving me an injection or transplanting rice seedlings? Doctor, how many injections have you given?

B: Not even a single injection has gone in~~~~~I have the nerve to say, it’s all your fault for not cooperating

Ding: I’m dizzy~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

B: The book says that a hundred needles are not equal to one faint~~ ~~~~~~~~Great

A: Since you are not going to sit down, just stand still for me

(B takes out a long needle) Ding yelled: Oh my god, it’s so long. Are you using it for people or donkeys?

{B gestured back and forth, making a dart shape} {D saw that the situation was not good, and ran away} At this time, the owner used his hand to hit him on the wrist}

A: Wa, the inner gate penetrates the outer gate~~~~~~~~~~~This is the first time I am so skillful

B: Director~~~~~~~~I’m really sorry ~~~Sorry

(The Lord roared at A and B) What are you doing!

Narration: A and B pulled the director aside. Reported on the situation just now.

Director: Alas, "Lingshu." "Shi Zhuan" says, "When entering a country, ask about taboos, when going to court, ask about etiquette, and when visiting a patient, ask about convenience." What this means is that syndrome differentiation and treatment should be based on the patient's preferences. You have to understand it deeply.

A: Teacher, please give me a demonstration.

Director: OK. Look carefully. (Roll up sleeves and get acupuncture)

Ding: Oh yeah. Oh. (Take a long breath after a while) Yeah. Feeling much better now. Thank you doctor. Thank you, doctor

A; Teacher is just different. We are completely impressed by you today. My admiration for you is like a rolling river. *********

Lord: Okay, okay. (To B) You have done a good job. We must pay special attention to the patient's preferences when seeing a doctor. Symptoms may be deceiving, but the patient's preferences can often reflect the nature of the disease. Okay, you come with me to practice inserting needles. (To A) You go and write a medical history.

End.