Joke script (June 1 day)

Narrator: This is a true story ... One afternoon, Xiao Li and Xiao Zhang were in the dormitory.

(Li combs her hair and sends a text message)

Li: Hey, honey, what time is it?

Zhang: Well, it's four ten now.

Li: Four dollars and ten cents? So early? Is your watch accurate?

Zhang: Well, my watch says Beijing time.

Li: Really? Alas, I just finished eating at 2 o'clock, and I was hungry only two hours later. By the way, the beef rice with honey sauce that we ate last time in Tsim Sha Tsui Tea Restaurant in Olympic Square was so delicious that it made my mouth water.

Zhang: Oh, sister, it's the end of the month. It's a good time to lose weight. Let's draw cakes to satisfy our hunger.

Li: Oh, my beef rice with soy sauce! (Pause for a moment) By the way, where are the elective courses tonight?

Zhang: Wait a minute. Let me have a look. Mm-hmm. Appreciation of China's Ancient Poems, A4 19.

Li: Oh, I really hate that teacher. I feel sick at the sight of him. He wears old and thick glasses, is bald, can't pronounce clearly and speaks so fast. I don't know how he became a teacher.

Zhang: Oh, come on, it's called a scholar, and a smart head doesn't have hair. They used to sit at the same table with Yi Zhongtian, hehe.

Li: Hum, I am still having an affair with Jay Chou. Ha ha!

Zhang: Anyway, we must go today. We've already ordered it twice. If you miss it once, your grades will be gone!

Li: Twice? Why don't I remember?

Zhang: Hehe, you are really a careless person. You just want to see handsome guys all day. What do you remember?

Li: Hey, hey, by the way, do you remember the last time a boy was late? The one sitting next to me was so handsome!

Zhang: Is it the one next to you? There are still several people separated.

Li: Beside, beside, beside, right? Hehe, it looks like Show Lo from the side. I'm drunk! He seems to be mechanical. His name is Zhu something.

Zhang: Oh, I can't stand you!

Li: Is it illegal to look at handsome guys? ! Haha, I must see enough today, haha!

(Suddenly someone knocks at the door)

Zhang: Please come in. The door is unlocked.

(The female liar pushes the door with this big bag.)

Liar: Hello, classmate! I am in the pen exhibition industry, and our company recruits product agents in major universities in Dalian. This is a product of our company (he takes some notebooks and pens out of his bag). Look, class.

(Li. Mr. and Mrs. Z picked up books and pens and liked them very much. )

Li: Oh, it's so beautiful. Or color page numbers!

Zhang: This is not bad either. Very slippery.

(The liar secretly rejoices)

Deception: Listen to your accent. Are you from Hunan?

Li: You too? Hometown! Haha, I am from Changsha. Where are you from?

Cheat: I am from Xiangtan! Hehe, we are all girls in Hunan.

Zhang: Stop nagging, you two. Didn't you just say that your company is looking for a stationery agent? How much is this book?

Cheating: I almost forgot. Hehe, this is the price list of our products. These are all wholesale prices. One notebook 1.50 yuan, 0.62 yuan.

Li: This book is so beautiful that it costs two yuan each.

Deception: Yes, yes, our company's products sell well in the south. In Guangzhou and Shanghai, our company's products almost monopolize the stationery market, but our products are not well-known in the northern market. Now our company is trying to expand the northern market.

Li: These things are good and cheap, and they will sell well.

Zhang: Show the pen-making industry? I seem to have heard of this name, but why do you want to find our college students as agents instead of selling them directly to some shops and stationery stores?

Liar: Oh, that's right. Our company has also done market research. Now many of your juniors are looking for part-time jobs, and many of them set up stalls to sell things on campus, right? It is more credible to find your students as agents. Secondly, we can provide you with a part-time position in this way. There are students representing our products in universities and maritime departments. (The liar pauses, then says with a grain of salt) Well, if you can represent our products, the purchase price can be cheaper than the price on this list.

(Li Daxi)

Li: Really? ! It can be cheaper than this wholesale price!

Deception: Yes, we are looking for an agent, not a salesman. Of course it will be very cheap!

(Li asks quickly)

Li: How much is that, that, that? !

Deception: Oh, if you represent our company's products, all stationery, including these notebooks, will be given to you at the price of each 0.5 yuan.

Li: Huh? ! Are you kidding, sister, so cheap? ! This, this, only 50 cents! These are only two yuan each, and we have to snap them up. It's too cheap!

Deception: By the way, in order to seize the market, our company wants to reduce the price of products, so the retail price can't exceed two yuan each.

Li: So formal, there are still restrictions, hehe.

Seeing that Li was going to take the bait, the liar quickly took out an agreement from his bag. )

Deception: Classmate, if you are really interested, I brought the agreement. Let's sign the contract now!

(Zhang Li leans over the paper)

Zhang: Agreement, Party A: Dazhan Pen Industry Branch, Party B. Today, Party B bought stationery from Party A at a price of 0.50 yuan, with a quantity of RMB.

Cheat: pens, notebooks and refills (refills are whispers) add up to 4,800, totaling 2,400 yuan.

Zhang: Huh? ! So much money!

Li: Yes! Yes! Too much, how can we have so much money! Is it okay to pay by installment? !

Deception: Oh, no, our company has regulations that it must be paid in one lump sum. We do the same thing in Dagong and Maritime. Our products are good and cheap, so there will be no problem in sales. Besides, you see, this contract also states that Party A must unconditionally refund or exchange the stationery products purchased by Party B from Party A. If the products are overstocked or unsalable during Party B's sales, Party A can provide sales assistance free of charge, or Party B can exchange other best-selling products from Party A according to the ratio of 1: 1. When Israel is unwilling to engage in sales, Party A must unconditionally refund the original price according to the quantity. If Party B needs products again, Party A can deliver them to your door. If Party A breaches the contract, Party A must compensate all the losses of one party without adjusting the price. Basically, it can be said that your interests will not suffer any losses. The address and telephone number of our company are all on it.

Zhang: Oh, I'm sorry. We are studying. A moment, please.

Deception: OK. There is nothing to discuss. What a pity to miss such a good opportunity!

(Zhang pulls Zhang aside and whispers)

Zhang: You, you, do you think this is ok?

Li: I think so. (Holding the contract) You see, it doesn't mean that there are quality problems that can be returned unconditionally. In addition, when Israel is unwilling to engage in sales, Party A must unconditionally refund the original price according to the quantity. If it can't be sold, we'll give it back to them. We can't make it up to you anyway.

Zhang: But, but, you can get so much money at once. ...

The liar can't wait. )

Deception: classmate, please hurry. If you are not interested, I will find someone else.

Li: Hey, now! (turns to Zhang) This is an opportunity. Didn't we sell some trinkets before? Aren't they all the same? Besides, now that people have delivered the goods, it saves us from buying them, doesn't it?

Zhang: But it's the end of the month. How can we afford so much money? Besides, our family is not rich. ...

(At this time, I am careless at ordinary times, and my good-faced old four pushed the door and came in. )

Four: This young lady is back! Why don't you say hello to this lady quickly! Ha ha! (Suddenly seeing the liar who came to sell) This is, Third Sister, your elder sister, right? You two are so alike, hehe, hello, sister!

Cheat: no, no, hehe.

Zhang: Well, I want to discuss something with you. Have you seen the boss?

Four: The boss has a meeting and won't be back until late. Why? Who bullied you? I'll make the decision for you, haha!

Li: Don't laugh, I'm serious! She works in the pen exhibition industry and wants to find an agent in our school to help them sell. These pens are very good and cheap. If we act as their agent, these pens are only 50 cents each. This is the contract. He said that if we can't sell it or don't want to do it, they can give us an unconditional refund.

Four: fifty cents! Are you kidding? Is there such a good thing in the world? !

Li: But these things, 12400 yuan, require us to pay them in one lump sum.

Zhang: Yes, I am afraid of so much money. What if I am cheated? ...

Li: What are you talking about? We Hunan people are the most honest. How can I lie? ? You don't sell!

Four: You two should stop quarreling. Anyway, our dormitory always does things together. I follow the crowd. If you buy one, take me with you.

Li: All right, Miss Zhang, I'll take it. Are you going to sign or not? !

Zhang: OK, you all agree. what can I say? So this money ...

Li: Nothing, I still have more than 3 thousand private money, haha, I don't know! I'll put it on first, so why don't you pay me back later !

Zhang: Then, then won't you tell the boss?

Four: Wait for her to come back! This is definitely not to run away from her, hehe, let's sign the contract first.

(three people sign the contract)

Cheating: OK, now I will show my pen industry on behalf of us. Welcome you three to join us. I hope I can take this opportunity to help the company improve its performance and give everyone a good exercise. Then let's get the money now, and then pay, cash on delivery.

Li: OK, let's go!

A group of four people came to the post office to withdraw money, and the swindler kept urging them to hurry up.

Cheat: hurry up, class, I'm busy going back to report! Hurry up!

Li: OK, here is 2400 yuan. Please count!

Cheat: Hehe, it doesn't count. Can't I trust you college students? How can people in Hunan lie, right? This is the goods, please check it!

Li: Don't look it up. It's past five o'clock. We're going to start our class. Can't you trust your hometown? Ha ha.

Well, if you need anything, call me. It's on that paper. Goodbye!

Li+Zhang+Four: Bye!

(Three people return to the dormitory)

Li: Hurry up! All right, class! I'll go first!

Li accidentally knocked over a big bag of stationery on the desk, and all the pens fell out. Li hurried back to pick them up. )

Li: Oh dear!

(Li yells, Sihe and Zhang hurry over)

Four: What's the matter? Have you seen your white horse? ...

They were all stunned by what they saw. Only the top layer of the bag is a pen and notebook, and the bottom is full of refills.

Four: Why, why are all refills! Can you sell this for 50 cents each? ! A dime is too expensive!

Zhang: How did this happen? ! This, this, this ..... We were cheated! Ho ho. ...

(Zhang is crying)

Li: Why are you crying? I can't. They must have misplaced it. Call him!

(Li called the number and rang it several times, and finally someone answered it. )

Li: Hello, is this the exhibition pen industry?

(A man with a hoarse voice answers the phone)

Words: What exhibition pen industry? You have the wrong number! This is the home phone!

(Call after chatting)

Four: Impossible? ! Did you dial the wrong number? I will try!

(Four even hit stools)

Four: Hello, may I ask? ...

Words: I said, are you finished? This is your home phone! What, are you looking for something? !

(4) Hang up the phone quickly, three people are relatively speechless, and then hug together and cry) joke sketch (script)

Let's start with three people and talk together. A then go on.

A: (suddenly, sharply) gather! ! !

(four people quickly stand in a row, stand in a team, facing the audience. )

A: Now the most cruel military training has begun! (Everyone is laughing and talking)

Shut up! ! (Silence! My name is Chen, I hope everyone will actively cooperate with my work! (Applause)

A: Now the first item in military training is "attention" (very strict). Attention! ——

B: At this moment, our Mr. B is standing there doing nothing, his head facing the sky, thinking thoughtfully about something. Suddenly came his PHS ringtone-". At this time, A looked at him, but he didn't seem to know, so he quickly picked up PHS. Hello, Xiao Li? Do you like red roses or-oh, black roses! (Listening for a while) OK! I have traveled all over the world, and I will help you find it! ! All right! Bye-bye！

When answering the phone, we were all watching him smile, except A who didn't say anything. )

What are you doing?

(B was a little embarrassed, but he didn't say anything, just hung his head. )

(c interrupted later)

C: Instructor, you don't know. He is what we call Mr. B. He has attracted millions of women, from an 80-year-old grandmother to a 1 1 or 12-year-old girl.

A: (After C finishes, he grabs B's hand) Are you a tree called "well-proportioned and exquisite in appearance" by Jianghu people ... (Others laugh)?

Well, although you are a soldier, you still have to listen to my instructor!

Yes, sir! (stand at attention quickly! )

The second step of military training is "positive step". Now please come one by one!

The first three were all normal, but when I arrived in Ding, I left with his unique turtle step.

A: (While watching, I shook my head. Others were talking and laughing, and some were pointing. )

Listen! -Where are you going? Do you know what this is?

D: (shaking his head) I don't know.

A: There is a turtle in my house (pointing at him). You walk like a turtle! My big brother! (stomping while talking)

D: (hands clenched into fists) Thank you very much (laughter)

(At this moment, A almost gasped and made an action. )

Answer: Now do the in-situ rotation method. Do-turn!

(I saw C standing there staring blankly. A pushed the others away, and then knocked at the door behind. )

C: (loudly) Ah! !

(A startled)

How do you think? My little brother-what a fool!

Ding: (Ding grabs a sentence) No, he is papaya!

A: Papaya has a mouth, so it becomes a fool.

C: (stomping) Oh, my God. Papaya became a fool, and then it became more dull, didn't it? (looking in the mirror), after the hairstyle is done.

A: Stand at attention. Now walk behind me (walk)

(Laughter).

A: Now rest in the same place.

Four people get together and twitter. A is doing his hairstyle (A walks in front, they walk behind, C picks up A's hat and throws it away. I don't know where it is, A touches his head with his hand).

Who took my hat?

Four people: A gust of wind came just now.

A quickly took out the mirror from his pocket and took a look.

A: The hairstyle is not messy, but it is quite good.