What kind of people are around, it is easy to be influenced by the surrounding environment. Why?

We have some friends around us, who are relatively easily influenced by other people's opinions and environment and relatively lack their own opinions. Typical, such as some obedient children when they were young, their parents have strict discipline and strong ability, and they can generally take care of them. Especially in our time, there was also distribution work. Many people are engaged in a profession that they never thought they would be engaged in, and it is inevitable to have resistance to the profession itself, but they have no ability or courage to change, so they also have resistance to the surrounding environment itself. Over time, they always feel that they have no self, but they are also used to it silently.

Looking back now, in fact, I have already become such a person myself. What I hear most from my mother is ". . . Why are you different from others? . . "I don't know why, I have been thinking, why do you want to be like others. I think it's really ridiculous to imitate others like many people. But then again, in fact, the education we received from childhood is basically the "standard answer" education, and the core of the standard answer is that everyone should be the same. This kind of indoctrination influence from small to large generally has two extremes: one is rebellion-I won't do anything you say. But rebellion should be reasonable. After all, many things do have relatively fair standard answers for most people. If you have an idea, know what you want, go your own way and let others say it. But if you don't really know where you are going, but stubbornly insist on going to the west as long as others tell you, then you will generally feel bored in the end-because you will find that your life is actually going in circles.

Another more typical possibility is obedience-after all, obedience requires less courage than resistance. Choosing obedience first can comfort your soul from not giving in. However, life is generally inertia. When I first graduated, I probably didn't quite understand what I liked. When I was a little older, I began to understand, but I couldn't help myself-family, career, environment, often not to say that change can change. In fact, as I said in my previous article, all psychological unhappiness must come from some kind of opposition-very simple truth, if you are obedient and happy and think that this is life, then your life must be very happy, and there is really nothing wrong with it; And the core of everything is what happiness is. It is precisely because you may feel unhappy in some ways, but you don't know how to get rid of it. Over time, you will stagnate into inner pain.

People's growth is not a similar process in most cases. For example, they will be adults when they reach 18 years old. In fact, many friends know that some people may be precocious at an early age because of individual differences, and even start wandering around the rivers and lakes early. However, some friends may have been in the third year of high school, and they still seem to be inseparable from their parents. Different personalities will inevitably lead to different understanding of feelings. As mentioned above, if life is a straight road and you can see the scenery at the end at a glance from the starting point, it doesn't matter whether you are worried or not. Many people like this kind of life in their bones, which is also the most typical life of our parents in the last century. So a good way to get inner peace is actually obedience. When you get used to it, you will find it is nothing. After all, there are not many choices in life. More importantly, you really chose another form. In the end, you will often find that it will not make you happier than what you have now.

We sometimes criticize some friends for their immaturity. For example, they always think of what others will think first. For example, say a few more words and worry that others will think they are showing off and wearing clothes that they have never worn before. They are worried that others will laugh at them. In fact, when we look back on our growth process, we will understand that our backbone is not necessarily taught by our parents or teachers, but is more often summed up by ourselves. Since you are on your own, it varies from person to person. Some friends may learn slowly. This is not a problem in itself. The real problem is actually the kind of person who likes to watch jokes. This kind of person often shows enthusiasm and actively advises friends who have no opinions. In fact, they essentially want to see other people's jokes-the pleasure in their life is often based on this satisfaction with ridicule. The next step may be to make friends who have no ideas more at a loss.

So in fact, if you have no confidence in yourself, then if you are not too timid, I suggest that you might as well correct the habit of asking others for advice in everything, treat yourself as a person who nobody cares about, and let go of the habit of worrying about nothing. More often, you won't find that the sky is falling, but that it's actually no big deal. The reason why you used to care so much about what others said, but you still care too much about yourself in your bones is actually a kind of narcissism. If you learn not to care, you will gradually understand what you really want.