Humorous short messages that can amuse girls the most.

Humorous short messages that can amuse girls the most.

1. Due to the decrease of forest area, lions stipulate that each animal can only have one house. Soon, the rabbit was arrested, because the "three caves of the cunning rabbit" bees knew about it, thought about it, and went home to commit suicide. . .

2. Making money is "Laozi" and spending money is "son". "Laozi" is tired of making money, and "son" is not guilty of spending money. "Laozi" gets up early and is greedy for black, and "son" spends money smartly. I hope you spend properly and don't hold me back.

3. When is the spring flower and autumn moon? How hard is it to make money? I visited the supermarket again last night, and my interest in spending money should still be there. This is just a change in Zhu Yan. The geometry of saving money? It's just moonlight. May you spend reasonably and accumulate gold cups.

4. A man who doesn't care about a woman's five o'clock should find a woman he is satisfied with: First, he doesn't care if he is a virgin. Second, I don't care if I have children. Third, I don't care if I can do housework. Fourth, I don't care whether I am beautiful or not. I don't care if I was a woman before. .

5. "Dad, shall we go to the circus?" "I don't have time." "Listen to the children, there is a naked aunt dancing on the tiger." "Well, I haven't seen a tiger for a long time."

6. A friend's husband is a lawyer who specializes in divorce proceedings.

7. Friend: "Husband, don't fight a divorce lawsuit in the future. Breaking up the family is a bit immoral. "

8. Husband: "Split a pair into two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good deeds."

9. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and I should like you for 90%. I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you. Are you willing to do anything?

10, let me tell you a secret. Please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

1 1. Urgent reminder: there is tornado weather recently. Be sure to take two dumbbells weighing 10 kg when you go out to avoid being swept to the west by the strong wind. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

12, driving to work with my buddies, met the police at the intersection. I was called by the police because I didn't wear my seat belt. The police said that I would be fined 50 pounds for not wearing my seat belt. As soon as my buddy heard that I was going to be fined, he explained to the police: Comrade, I'm sorry, I forgot to wear my seat belt after drinking some wine at noon. . .

13, pS: It's six o'clock in the morning! Stop writing! Stop writing! Too sleepy! In fact, women should be coaxed, not spoiled-this is the experience accumulated by men from long-term life! Coaxing is not cheating, although coaxing and cheating are often linked, called coaxing. But there is a difference between coaxing and cheating. Men coaxing women are actually similar to adults coaxing children. Smart men know women's weaknesses and the truth that "women are easy to coax". They often regard a woman as a child with a mouth. Women always need praise, your kind words and your exaggerated appreciation. To paraphrase one of my long words!

Humorous personality signature that can amuse girls most.

A collection of humorous personality signatures that can amuse girls the most.

1. Due to the decrease of forest area, lions stipulate that each animal can only have one house. Soon, the rabbit was arrested because of the three caves of cunning rabbits. The bee knew it, thought about it, and went home and committed suicide. . .

Making money is my father, and spending money is my son. I am tired of making money, and my son is not guilty of spending money. I get up early and get greedy, and my son spends money smartly. I hope you spend properly and don't hold me back.

3. When is the spring flower and autumn moon? How hard is it to make money? I visited the supermarket again last night, and my interest in spending money should still be there. This is just a change in Zhu Yan. The geometry of saving money? It's just moonlight. May you spend reasonably and accumulate gold cups.

4. A man who doesn't care about a woman's five o'clock should find a woman he is satisfied with: First, he doesn't care if he is a virgin. Second, I don't care if I have children. Third, I don't care if I can do housework. Fourth, I don't care whether I am beautiful or not. I don't care if I was a woman before. .

Dad, shall we go to the circus? I have no time. Listen to the children, there is a naked aunt dancing on the tiger. Well, I haven't seen a tiger for a long time.

6. A friend's husband is a lawyer who specializes in divorce proceedings.

7. Friend: Husband, don't engage in divorce proceedings in the future. Breaking up other families is a bit immoral.

8, husband: tear down a pair to do two pairs, accumulate virtue and do good deeds.

9. I met you by chance, paid attention to you after two meetings, missed you for three times and four dates, and I should like you for 90%. I'm sure I love you. It takes a hundred years to meet true love, and a thousand years to fulfill you. Are you willing to do anything?

10, let me tell you a secret. Please look at the back first, then at the left, then at the right. Ok, please don't look around with your mobile phone!

1 1. Urgent reminder: there is tornado weather recently. Be sure to take two dumbbells weighing 10 kg when you go out to avoid being swept to the west by the strong wind. Those who weigh less than 50 kilograms must be doubled.

12, driving to work with my buddies, met the police at the intersection. I was called by the police because I didn't wear my seat belt. The police said that I would be fined 50 pounds for not wearing my seat belt. As soon as my buddy heard that I was going to be fined, he explained to the police: Comrade, I'm sorry, I forgot to wear my seat belt after drinking some wine at noon. . .

13, pS: It's six o'clock in the morning! Stop writing! Stop writing! Too sleepy! In fact, women are meant to be coaxed, not spoiled. This is the experience that men have accumulated from long-term life! Coaxing is not cheating, although coaxing and cheating are often linked, called coaxing. But there is a difference between coaxing and cheating. Men coaxing women are actually similar to adults coaxing children. Smart men know women's weaknesses and the truth that women are easy to coax. They often regard a woman as a child with a mouth. Women always need compliments, your kind words and your exaggerated compliments. To paraphrase one of my long words!

A text message that amuses girls.

A text message that amuses girls.

First, it is found that when a man quarrels with his girlfriend, gay friends usually says: Forget it, it's good for your boy to find it. That's very kind of you. When a woman quarrels with her boyfriend, girlfriends usually say: Forget it, find another one after breaking up. I really don't know what's good about him.

My son plays ball in the square. A beautiful little girl looked at it for a while and came over and said, how old are you, little brother? My son said he was going to be five years old. Little Lori said me too! Little brother, I am a snake, and you? My son said me too. Little Lori was very surprised: We really have a destiny! The son took the ball and turned away: you just want to play with my ball.

There is a low hut on the edge of a small village, and an old woman sits in front of the door to bask in the sun. At this moment, a Mercedes-Benz car drove by and a well-dressed man stepped down from the car: Grandma, do you remember the winter of 1943, did you save a little boy in a crimson coat? Yes, son, of course I want to. Grandma answered excitedly. I'm the little boy. I've come to get my coat.

Xiao Li's eyes are bruised, and his friend Xiao Wang asks with concern: Brother, what's wrong with you? Xiao Li: I took a bus after work yesterday. I saw the skirt chain on the back of a beautiful woman standing in front of me open. I kindly helped her to pull up, and she hit my left eye. Xiao Wang: What about the right eye? Xiao Li: I thought she might not like me to help her pull it out, so she pulled it out again.

5. Today is 52 1. Are you hot? Hot! Hold it for a while. At night, my heart will be very cold. If I want a gift without a gift, I will be cool at once.

6. Halfway through the call, it stopped! 9 cents in arrears! The important thing is not over yet! So sad! I am so angry! Rushed to China Mobile to take out a dollar, loudly said a sentence to pay, and mobile customer service MM asked how much to pay. I said just one piece! She argued with me for a long time! Finally compromised, she gave it to me! Look, I'm still waiting! Ask me why I am still here! I said, make a list!

Seven, I slept with my girlfriend when I was a child. He likes to touch my ear to sleep. I slept with my wife last night and suddenly thought of him, so I touched my daughter-in-law's ear. She actually said, how do you sleep like everyone else? I actually smiled and said that he hasn't changed for so many years! Sleep peacefully. I have been looking for a marriage certificate since I got up this morning.

Eight, the first two days were boring. I tried to send a message to 10086: I miss you. Unexpectedly, 10086 really replied to the message: you damn fool, come and find me! I was so scared that I quickly put down my husband's phone.

Nine, it's late at night, I know you are very tired after a busy day, and you may fall asleep! I don't know why I want to talk to you, maybe I'm in a bad mood! I really want to say-I really want to tell you! -I woke you on purpose!

Ten, rural areas pay special attention to seniority. I took my girlfriend home and met an old man in his seventies at the head of the village. I said sunbathing, he said how to get home, and I pointed to my girlfriend and told him that this was my girlfriend. My partner greeted grandpa at once, and the old man said, don't call me grandpa. If you two are going to be one, I have to call you grandma.

Xi。 I saw a beautiful woman this morning, so I went over and tripped her secretly. I kissed her when she slipped and I helped her! Then pretend to be pure and say to her, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I kissed you, but I won't get pregnant. You add me to WeChat, and I am responsible for you! Everything is going well! But just now, she sent me a message that she was pregnant. . . What should I do? Wait online!

Twelve, tidy up the room and find a "life book" left by grandpa. According to the description in the book, I calculated according to the time of birth, and there was no Jin, only 92. I am so angry. . . .

Thirteen, when eating, tell my wife: I can't afford to smoke with that little money every month. The son quietly put down his chopsticks and walked into the room. When he came out, he had a box in his hand. He saved one dollar, and I have five dollars in my eyes. Then I heard him say, mom, you'd better take care of it.

Fourteen, son, what are you doing One day, a family caught fire, and both parents escaped, leaving only one son inside. Mother was very nervous and shouted outside the house, son, what are you doing? The son replied, I'm wearing socks. My mother said: What socks are you wearing on fire? After five minutes, my son hasn't come out yet. My mother shouted nervously, Son, what are you doing? Come out ~ it's on fire, and stay inside. The son said, I took off my socks.

I heard that you went to your future mother-in-law's house yesterday? Yes, it's like being tortured by three major events in the Qing Dynasty. Ha ha! What are the three major tortures? Father-in-law's eyes, mother-in-law's nagging. What else is there?

When I was seventeen, my best friend Mix was a bit of a gold digger. It is said that she recently married a rich second generation and showed off. When she came back last night, she heard her complaining in her room. She said that the rich second generation took her to get a room, so she got into trouble in the car! In the process, the logo on the Porsche steering wheel actually fell off. With a big z on it.

I liked a girl in college. One day, I asked her out, and I deliberately put off eating and watching movies until very late. I asked her: the school must be closed. What should I do if I can't go back to the dormitory so late? She bowed her head and said shyly, let's go to the hotel! Oh, dear! I am so excited, my little heart! I took a taxi and dreamed all the way. As soon as she arrived at the hotel, she stepped through the door and shouted to the boss inside: Mom, this is my classmate. The school is closed, so he can't go back to the dormitory. Please get him a room, there will be a discount!

19. There is a long queue at the checkout counter in the mall. It's almost time for me to pay the money. At this moment, a beautiful woman came up to me: handsome boy, can you put me in front of you? I am in a hurry. I looked at the long line behind me, then at the beautiful women, and said politely, if you are in a hurry, go to work first and come back to pay when you are finished. Business is important, don't delay.

Twenty, my boyfriend took me to his dormitory to play, and a roommate said to him: Lao Liu brought his sister-in-law to play! I'm a little puzzled. Ask my boyfriend, aren't you the biggest here? How do I call you Lao Liu? Another roommate quickly said, Sister-in-law, the size of the six people in our dormitory is not arranged by age!

Twenty-one, the girl at the next table suddenly ate a ring on the cake and her cheeks blushed instantly. When my boyfriend saw me looking at him with expectant eyes, he immediately understood, called the waiter and said, waiter! Why don't we eat at this table?

Twenty-two, when I was a child, I went fishing in the river with my friends and gained a lot. It's time to divide the fish. A little friend said, My dad likes drinking. He said the big fish tastes good! Then catch the big fish and put them in the bucket. . . I just looked and didn't speak. He packed it, and I ran away with his bucket of fish, saying that my father also loves to drink. .

I secretly loved a goddess for a long time, and finally got up the courage to confess to her. I called her and told her all my thoughts. No matter what happens, I will always love her. She said to let her think about it. After a while, she sent a short message: Would you like to be the father of my child?

24. Today, when I went to a small shop to buy cigarettes, I saw a woman shopkeeper talking to another person. She said, you didn't give me two dollars to copy last night, did you? I don't remember! The female shopkeeper said: forget it if you don't remember! Isn't it just two dollars? I also said to the mud: Yes, yes! Two dollars is not enough! When I bought cigarettes and walked out of the store, I counted the change in my hand. Wow! Why are two pieces missing?

Related recommendation: sweet words that make girls happy

1. Looking at your smile, I suddenly found that I really am the happiest person in the world.

Second, those irrelevant things are of infinite significance to me.

You don't know how much I like you, but if I go to see you, I will definitely run.

I hope you can live as you like and see your happy smile, so that I will feel a little contribution.

I think I will accompany you to the market every day in the future.

There have been rumors recently that I like you. I want to clarify that this is not a rumor.

As long as you are willing, when you are frustrated and need a shoulder, let me know and I will appear immediately.

Eight, I am willing to spend 10 million years waiting for you to laugh like a warm sun in early spring.

Anyway, as long as I love you and live safely, I want nothing more.

I hope you think of me when you are happy and think of me when you are unhappy. In short, you should always think of me.

XI。 The most precious things in the world are free, maybe you already have them, such as sunshine, air, love, affection, friendship, dreams and beliefs. God is so kind to you, I hope you will spend every day happily.

I love you until the end of the world.

Thirteen, you have been coming into my life, and I am preparing for your life.

Don't let me see you again, or I will like you once I see you.

I have met countless women in my life, but I have never been so deeply shocked by you.

My motivation every day is to see you and talk to you.

Seventeen, 365 days a year, I only love you for three days, yesterday.

The best short message joke for girls.

The best short message joke for girls.

1, I was on the side of the road and saw a penny. I was just about to bend down and pick it up. It turned out to be phlegm. Damn it, who threw up so round?

2. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by. What happened when you came alone? The drunk doesn't know, I just arrived.

Wolf cubs are born vegetarians. Mother wolf and father wolf racked their brains to train wolf cubs to hunt. Finally, Sirius's parents were happy to see their son chasing rabbits. The wolf cub grabbed the rabbit and said, boy! Hand over the carrots!

4. In front of the counter of Lamian Noodles store, a beautiful girl is waiting in line. When she arrived, Master Lamian Noodles asked if you wanted thick or thin. I'll eat whatever you pull when the girl picks you up.

5. A man and a woman had an affair, and her husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away, naked, walking in the street to watch. The man pretended to look at God as if nothing had happened. This is the earth. Passers-by said Cao, an alien with chicken feathers.

6, the big white rabbit QB Big Wolf escaped, the big Wolf chased with indignation, the rabbit dressed as a big gray rabbit with dirt and reading newspapers with glasses, and the big Wolf asked if he could see a big white rabbit? Is the rabbit the white rabbit of the wolf? The wolf was ashamed of me so soon, Gao?

7. A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl, what kind of boy do you like? The girl said it hit it off. When the boy asked again, it was still the same, so he had to say sadly, can't you have a flat head?

8. When the nurse saw a patient drinking in the ward, she went over and whispered to him, "Sweetheart!" The patient smiled and said, "Little baby."

9. Two spoiled brats got married. After seeing off the guests, the groom returned to the bedroom and found a meatball lying on the bed! The groom was frightened and asked where the bride was. Meatballs are shy and annoying, and you won't know them when they take off their clothes!

10, four mice brag about armor. I eat rat poison as candy every day; B I itch if I don't step on mice for a day; Third, I only walk in the street a few times a day, which is not practical; Ding, it's getting late. Go home and hug the cat.

1 1. One night, a naked man called a taxi and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted that you had never seen a naked man! The female driver is also angry. I see where the fuck you pay!

12, hello, comrade chief! Hello, chief! The chief comrades are all tanned! The soldier's head is darker! The officer patted a soldier's chest and said how well the muscles were trained! The soldier reported to the officer that I was a female soldier.