What does it feel like to work hard but still not succeed? what to do?

I used to be like this, seriously like a joke. I'm really confused. The most important thing is that it hurts my self-confidence. I don't know if I should persist anymore, what I am pursuing, and what is the meaning. It has even reached the point of doubting life.

?I used to be quite good at studying, but then I stopped studying seriously. When I was in the third year of junior high school, I wanted to work hard to get into a good high school, but I didn’t have a good foundation at all. I couldn’t keep up at that time. , but I still studied very seriously at that time. I squeezed in time to study every day and didn't go out to finish after class. Later, I still didn't get into high school. I felt very embarrassed. I had worked so hard and still didn't get in. What would the people in the class think? Me! Am I really that stupid? Later, my family chose a good technical secondary school for me. Although I did not get into a good general high school, I was very motivated and had plans for my future. I would not live in a daze. , when I arrived at the technical secondary school, my entrance score was the first in the class. But I found that this grade is completely unimportant here, because no matter how good a technical secondary school is, it is just a technical secondary school. The school is a mess. You can't learn much knowledge, all you learn is useless, the school's self-compiled teaching materials, students in class sleep when they want to sleep, and play on their mobile phones when they want to. Can you study well in this environment? I listened carefully to every class. I thought in my heart that I should make up for the tuition my family paid me, and I also worked hard to review for the exam. Even if the teacher didn't let me take the exam, I had a plan to study every day, and I was still very strict with myself. , but I didn’t receive the scholarship in the end. I was ranked number one, and I don’t know why. Do I have to be a class committee member, talk nonsense every day and only fawn over the teacher to be eligible? This is not a matter of scholarship, but an honor, an acknowledgment of your hard work. No one affirms me, they all think I'm weird, I've made myself too tired, and even my best friend doesn't understand me, but you don't have to work hard to show off to others, as long as you treat yourself right, During that time, I was really distressed. I felt that I was really out of tune with the school environment. I didn’t say how noble I was, but I just felt that I was not the same person as them. Every morning when I went to school, the entire class was wiped out. They were all sleeping. Because I wanted to study accounting in the future, I would memorize it every morning. Then I signed up for the exam and finally passed the professional exam. The accounting qualification certificate last year was cancelled. I was wondering if it was deliberately targeting me? Sometimes I look at my classmates in a daze. They eat, drink and have fun every day without studying, but they still live a good life. Life is more exciting than mine. I work so hard every day but still like this. At the same height as them, then what I do is What, I really feel that life is unfair, but that’s just complaining. I know the path I want to take. Even if I am still lost, I will not give up, because I am different from them. At least I have already set off. Yes, you may not succeed if you work hard, but you will definitely not succeed if you don’t work hard. I will not give up. I will be responsible for myself and work harder.