Exploring the Essence of Degang Guo's Several Crosstalk Lines

1. If I don't beat you, I will turn against you.

A tailor who doesn't want to be a cook is not a good driver.

3. Lobster, sea crab! I like to eat shells! Waiter, bring him a plate of melon seeds.

4. Beef noodles and home-cooked meals-what will the Japanese eat when they come? Well, the Japanese pointed with their hands: cow shit!

9. Some actresses are shameless in order to get on the stage and have a male director! There are too few female directors, what should I do as an actor?

12. The house we live in is full of holes. It is fatal when it rains: it rains outside the rain house, and it rains outside the rain house. Sometimes it rains so hard that the whole family goes out to take shelter from the rain.

14. Your shameless appearance has my youthful charm.

15. People who don't know him have never eaten pork.

16. Help if you are in trouble, and help if you are not.

18. Give me a smile, little girl, and I'll give you a smile if you don't laugh ~

19. You can unlock the door as soon as you poke it, and a bag of instant noodles can open a community.

20. What's your name? Stop it! Saying it is a curse!

22. The story told today is not far from now. If there is an old man at home, you can go back and ask him. During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period ...

23. Tired from walking, he sits here, and the dog sits here, with one side high. Anyone who comes over will think: Whose twins are these?

24. I buy 50 good cars-Alto, Alto, Alto! Get up with a dart and drive like a train!

25. Ten years in primary school and twelve years in middle school were rated as the most familiar faces in the whole school. When the new teacher came, he asked me the inside story of the school. ...

26. I ordered shark's fin fried rice, but three pairs of chopsticks couldn't find shark's fin. Can you tell me where the shark fin is? The chef said, my name is shark fin.

27. Don't hit him or scold him. Just asking for money, so we can discuss it. But to put it bluntly, more than 100 yuan can kill the ticket.

29. Jumping off a building will kill more cocaine. I studied it. The twentieth floor and the second floor have different effects. The second floor is bang, ah! Twentieth floor. Yeah ~ ~ ~ Bang!

1 "Grandpa, how can I go to America?" "Then who knows ... ask the village chief!"

If you are willing to die, I am willing to bury it.

Whether you want to listen, whether you want to listen, whether you want to listen, I will never insist.

10 This guy robbed the bank and drove up the North Third Ring Road. 5: 30 in the afternoon! When the police arrived, the traffic jam was very serious.

12? You don't know me? I am an artist! I have been an artist for over a week.

13: Brother, I hope the world will be peaceful, the people of the world will live and work in peace and contentment, and there will be no war, ok?

God thought about it. Let's tell the truth about this difficulty. I'm not that capable. Really, brother, I'm not refuting your face. I won't tell you anything else. Can you change it? Let's discuss something else. When I touch my body, I bring other people's photos. Brother, look at this. This is my other disciples. His name is Yu Qian. He looks cold and can't find anyone. Please make him more beautiful. God: (thinking) Let's talk about world peace (tearing up the photo) Degang Guo: Hey, why did you tear up the photo? I don't agree. I don't agree. Why tear it? I still keep it to ward off evil spirits!

14 has money at home and drives a Cadillac 13. You can tell by the sound that it is a good machine, imported from Germany, "chug chug", oh, triple jump. At first, half of Beijing was smoking black smoke, and the traffic police shouted at you, "Elder Sun, take your magic."

15 From now on, I will never eat lobster again.

16 grenades are expensive. If there are six grenades for one dollar, I'll throw you a hundred dollars first. If the law didn't care, I would have killed you!

The young man looks like an actor. ...

2 1 Degang Guo: I found a good job as soon as I arrived here, building a chimney of more than 70 meters!

Yu Qian: Not bad!

Degang Guo: Get up early and get the job done. People come to check and accept, but they won't give us money anyway!

Yu Qian: Is the quality not good?

Degang Guo: I turned the drawing upside down and they told me to dig a well!

Guo: Hey ~ ~! There was an opportunity to make money before me, but I didn't cherish it. The opportunity passed and I regretted it. The most painful thing in the world is this. If God gives me another chance, I want to say to the village chief: I am willing to go. If I have to put a limit on that salary, I hope it is: 400 yuan.

It's been cold for 23 days. I'll give you a coat. The post office said it was too heavy, so I hinged the button and put it in my pocket.

25- Wen Shun, what have you found?

I won't tell you that I brought boiled eggs.

-Give it to me.

-No ... guess, guess how many.

-I guess you gave me one.

-If you can guess, I'll give you two.

-..............., I've been thinking about it for a long time, five?

This is a false tooth.

-Throw it away.

-Don't throw it away. It's too bad.

-Why?

-Tie a stick to it as a tickler.

When so-and-so was born, his father was ill, and after returning home, his mother was the hardest. Here is the husband and there are the children. We should take care of them. Feed the medicine here, feed the medicine there, feed the milk, feed the medicine. Feed medicine, breast-feed His father is too strong, and the child has taken the wrong medicine.

30 withered vines and old trees faint crows, small bridges and flowing water. The old road is thin, the sun sets, heartbroken people ... in the hospital, ... don't go to the hospital if their intestines are broken! ..... I am the first master of tampering with Tang poetry and Song poetry.

34. Yu Qian: A tooth is still stuffed. Degang Guo: He ate the lotus root and put it in his eyes!

I am a rich man. Today, backstage, I drove here and they all came on foot. Those old gentlemen in Tianjin went out on Tuesday. But my car has had some problems recently, and the speed is a bit slow. At first, I thought the carburetor was dirty. I won't know until I check. It was the pedal that fell off ... "。

How can I describe his appearance to you? Have you ever seen baked sweet potatoes? Just baked. It's too hot in your hand. I accidentally failed to hold it and fell to the ground. What about over there? A child came running, wearing spikes, and stepped on this sweet potato. . His face is like this sweet potato. (Bang: He looks like a story. )

Hearing the news of your father's death, the neighbors cried: "such a good man, he died late!" "

47. After midnight, two gentlemen took to the street naked, so Jing Li still wears glasses-if you put on a mask again, it will be three points.

48. How beautiful these two nurses are: 1.7 meters tall, with sideburns and whiskers, and a wide palm to protect their hearts.

50. Li Jing has a cousin who can tiptoe under Li Xia in high heels. She looks poor. Her picture is posted on the door to ward off evil spirits and on the bed for contraception.

5 1. Have you ever seen a gangster with a crayon tattoo on his body?

53. Everyone in the "Single Knife Club" knows that Liu Guan and Zhang Taoyuan became sworn three times, and the two brothers and sisters knocked their heads on the ground like brothers, and then protected the Tang Priest to go to the Western Heaven for Buddhist scriptures. There is this story in A Dream of Red Mansions.

59. Degang Guo: I'm sorry to see your father like this. I grew up with the old man, grew up in front of him and watched me grow up. Now he is so ill, can I feel it in my heart?

Yu Qian: Exactly.

Degang Guo: Alas ... (pointing) Old man, you ... you have today.

60. Degang Guo: On one occasion, there was a case in which the body was dismembered into eight pieces, which was terrible. The detective asked Yu Qian, "What do you think is going on?" Yu Qian thought for a moment and said, "I think this is suicide." Yu Qian: Ah, suicide?

Degang Guo: The detective liked Yu Qian very much. He pointed to the body and said, "If only he were you."

62. You haven't seen my daughter-in-law, beautiful! Tall, with a big face and heavy eyebrows. She has no beard. She should have a beard like Zhang Fei. .

The white one in the White House-freshly brushed pulp.

One day, the host went to a disco. Accidentally met the daughter of his young confidante. From the moment I met her, the master knew that his Jianghu career was over. Destined to leave these days when white clothes come and go like snow, the old man resolutely put on a wig and went to secularization at the age of 80.

If two kinds of feelings depend on each other, are they pork and pork?

How many stops are there from 70 Tieling to America?

7 1 There are four dishes on the table. Open the first one, ha! Very good! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the second one, even better! Old vinegar peanuts! Open the third one, peanuts, no vinegar! The fourth one looks like a plate of vinegar!

Help if you have difficulties, and help if you don't create difficulties.

As soon as the girl turned around, she combed four hairs.

Walking, alas, there was a question mark in front, and Liu Bei jumped up "Teng wait for a while wait for a while". Alas, there was a mushroom, and Liu Bei grew taller after eating it. He went on to say that there was another question mark. When he touched it, a flower appeared. After eating the flowers, Liu Bei raised his hand, and "DuDu DuDu" could shoot bullets! With wings, the tortoise came. ...

God, this is so exciting. My heart is about to be torn apart.

On TV, a crew member wore a pair of glasses and said, "Oh, I'm going to talk about braised pork today.

Degang Guo: Your daughter-in-law is crying. Yu Qian: I feel distressed ~ Degang Guo: My leg hurts ~

80 wearing slippers and a mask is three o'clock.

8 1 I used to talk, but I thought I was blind.

Degang Guo: "Your grandmother said to your mother,' Jinlian, you are leaving.' Yu Qian: "Ah." Degang Guo: "I didn't say your grandfather's surname was Pan.

84 people always want to let ghosts and gods know when they do good things, and it is too embarrassing for ghosts and gods not to know when they do bad things.

I like playing the flute. I told my wife that I buried the flute with me when I died. I like erhu. I told my wife that I buried the erhu with me when I died. Recently, I like chimes again ... My wife said: If the country is easy to dig, don't bury it.

Degang Guo: I'm going to steal two terracotta warriors and horses, paste Yu Qian and his father with mud and put them there. Then I'll wash the terracotta warriors and horses, write down eight honors and eight disgraces and take them to Panjiayuan for sale.

Yu Qian: You are really good at selling the real thing as a fake.

9 1: Guo: "Say, there are two Japanese people living in our community, and the couple are both quite tall."

Yu: "How high!"

Guo: "The male is 1.4 meters and the female is 1.2 meters."

Yu: "This is still high."

Guo: "Hey, you are wrong. This is high in Japan. "

95: Everyone knows the Water Margin, right? It is a classic literature adapted from TV series.

96: It rained twice this week, once for three days and once for four days.

97: My friend said to print counterfeit money for me, and I gave him 50~~ and he gave me 1 counterfeit money. I suspect that he lied to me.

Guo: Do you have any chickens here?

Attendant: Shh! ! ! ! I am!

Guo: You?

W: That's right.

Guo: Come on, eat. I'll get it. Later, she took me to a small room in the back. There is no table here, only a single bed. She plugged in the power and turned off the light. The next morning, the sun came out

Y: What happened after the lights were turned off?

Guo: After the lights were turned off ... the next morning, the sun came out. What a big sun!

Y: Tell me what happened after the lights were turned off.

Guo: After turning off the lights, the police came and fined 2000 yuan.

100: Degang Guo: I turned and stood at the door of the bathroom. I feel much calmer. A man came out of the bathroom opposite me.

10 1: The old father is lying in bed. You are a dutiful son. When you look at your old father like this, you just run to the bed, only to find that the old man is not right at the moment, and he has something to say, but he can't say it. He asked for a pen, a pen and paper, and wrote some words on the paper. "Get out of here! Stepped on my oxygen pipe. "

102: Degang Guo: A director asked me to shoot nude scenes, and my beauty was gone. When I came back, I cried like Liu Bei: naked, naked, playing with more than 20 old men in the river, freezing me to death.

The next day, he told me that there was a kissing scene without me, and we went back and cried like Liu Bei: it was a kiss with a hippo, and the hippo's mouth covered my head.

Later, he told me that there was a beautiful scene on the bed, and I cried like Liu Bei: the scene on the bed was sex, and I had to have passion to play cotton on the bed. It almost made me faint.

103: "I opened the letter and read it:" Son, it's been a year since you left home in a blink of an eye. Today, under the reminder of my neighbor, I remembered there was a child like you. Our family moved. Guess where? ..... Come back quickly, we are waiting for you! "(crying) Where can I find you?"

104: You are in good health. I can see at a glance that you must live to death.

105: His sword is cold, his knife is cold, his heart is cold, his blood is cold ... This grandson is frozen!

106: Go your own way and say who you want.

107: "When I saw your father, my tears came down. The old man is over 70, and his son hasn't come home for so many days. The old man is in a hurry. Can you not worry? At this time, he is eating hot pot at home. Look at your dad's spicy pot, Yuanyang pot, more than 20 plates of meat and more than 40 kinds of dishes. As soon as I go in, old man, you will know, Yu Qian, Yu Qian, who? Yu Qian, your son. He's dead. What? ! Yu Qian ~ ~ My son ~ ~ is dead ~ ~ You, you, you pass me the shrimp! !

1 18: Hello? -Why are you?

How old are you? -Why is it always you?

1 19: Grandpa, please be civilized!

120:- I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to listen to first?

What is the bad news?

-We're lost. I think we can only live on cow dung in the future.

What's the good news?

-There's a lot of cow dung!

Bang! ! !

Degang Guo: I envy you!

Yu Qian: What do you envy?

Degang Guo: You know me so young? !

128: There is a child who has been close to his master since childhood. His master is full of bad water. One day, I taught my child to say, "Son, when you go home and see someone's family, don't say anything else, just say to him," I know the truth! "I believe that the child learned is good for you. As soon as I came home and saw his mother, I stepped forward and said, I know the truth. His mother turned pale and quickly took out fifty dollars to the child and told him, "Baby, don't tell your father. Mom gave fifty dollars to take the flowers away. "I saw his father again soon, and he said, I know the truth! Without saying anything, his father took out 200 yuan and put it in the child's hand. He also told the children: Don't tell mom! The child thinks he is rich now. Found a way to get rich. Everyone who saw it said that I knew the truth. As a result, one day I saw the messenger from the front post office come to their house, and the child came forward and said, I know the truth. Hearing this, the messenger cried and said, "Good son, daddy hugs you! "!

Do you know why the Great Wall was built?

B: Qin Shihuang used to beat the Huns.

A: No.

Why is this happening?

He built the Great Wall in memory of those who died because of it.