Jokes, jingle solicitation

In order to test the strength of the police in the United States, Hongkong and Chinese mainland, the United Nations put three rabbits in three forests to see who could find the rabbit first.

Before the first forest, the American police spent a whole half-day meeting to make a battle plan, strictly divide the work, and then sent special forces into the forest for a carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed, the rabbit ran away and the task failed!

Then it was the turn of the Hong Kong police. They sent more than 1 people and dozens of police cars lined up outside the forest. The leader shouted with his horn, Rabbit, you are surrounded. Come out and surrender ... Half a day passed, and nothing happened. The Flying Tigers entered the forest and searched again, but the mission failed!

Finally, there were four policemen in China. First, they played mahjong all day. At dusk, one person went into the forest with a baton. Within five minutes, they heard a scream of animals coming from the forest. The policeman in China came out smoking a cigarette, talking and laughing, dragging a black and blue bear behind him. The bear was dying and said to stop playing. I was a rabbit ...

After a while, a male classmate raised his hand and asked the female teacher with a serious face, "Teacher, when men have sex with women, are men more comfortable?" Or is a woman more comfortable? "

the female teacher thought for a moment and said, "excuse me, when you pick your nose with your hand, is it comfortable?" Still comfortable with your hands? " Male students thought, well, it's a comfortable nose! Sit down.

The female teacher then asked, "Students, if anyone still doesn't understand, please raise your hand and ask questions, and the teacher will answer them for you."

After a short silence, it was the male classmate who raised his hand and asked the female teacher, "Teacher, when a man and a woman make love, is it comfortable to wear a condom or not to wear a condom?"

The female teacher immediately replied, "When your nose itches, do you feel comfortable with gloves or without gloves?" The male classmate thought, well, it is comfortable without gloves, and sat down again.

The female teacher then asked, "Students, who still doesn't understand, please ask questions and the teacher will answer them for you."

The female teacher asked two questions. At this moment, it was the same male classmate who stood up again and asked, "Teacher, why do women have menstruation?". Can't you have sex? "

The female teacher said slightly crossly, "Then when your nose bleeds. Do you still pick your nose with your hand? " When the male students think about it, well, yes!

The female teacher then asked, "Students, who still doesn't understand, please hurry up and ask questions."

After a while, the male classmate raised his hand again and asked the female teacher, "Teacher, since women are more comfortable than men during sex, why do women resist when men rape women?"

At this moment, the teacher was furious, slapped the table and said, Fuck you, there's a man running in the street trying to pick your nose, will you?

A woman took counterfeit money to buy breakfast, and the vendor was annoyed: "Elder sister, even if you give counterfeit money, it's at least printed. This money is actually painted! Take a step back and say, forget the painting. You can draw a ten-piece or five-piece one, and you can also draw a seven-piece one! Let's make it seven dollars for seven dollars. At the very least, we have to draw it in color. Actually, we use a pencil. Forget it. Black and white is good, but we can't draw it in toilet paper! The hand feel is too bad, even toilet paper, you have to trim the edges with scissors. This one was torn by hand, and the raw edges are too exaggerated. Ok, I also put up with the raw edges, but you also tore a rectangular shape, which is too unreasonable ... < P > One afternoon, my classmate was very bored at work in China Construction Bank, and a poorly dressed lady (a psychopath) came to his window and gave it to him. Then there are more than n zero yuan in the back, which is * * * C.P. The Central Office ***

My classmate originally wanted to call the police, but it seems that the woman with mental illness is very serious. Think about it and call the security guard. (It is estimated that the security guards are also very idle).

Sure enough, the security guard said to the woman, "If this note wants to withdraw money, it must first go to the opposite police station and ask the director to stamp it. After he stamps it, it will be no problem to withdraw money."

Without thinking, the woman walked directly to the police station (this security guard is really unusual, and he is a little underestimated at ordinary times).

About ten minutes later, when the number of customers in the queue slowly increased, the woman came back in high spirits, holding the note and saying, "They said that the office procedures have been simplified, and you can withdraw money directly without the director's approval."

As soon as I heard this, my classmate couldn't help sighing that there was really an expert in the Police team, and he was sent back with a word.

My classmate and the security guard were a little stupid at that time. There were many people in the business hall, so I had to call the supervisor on duty for fear that her mental illness would affect the normal order.

The supervisor chatted with the female patient and asked her what the money was for. The female patient said, "Take money to buy bread, cakes, food and clothes." The supervisor pointed to a place not far away, and the woman left happily again.

The security guard went to ask for a "brilliant idea". At that time, the supervisor said to the female patient: "We are in China Construction Bank, and we can only withdraw money here if we build a house. If you take money to buy food, it must be food. You have to go to the Agricultural Bank of China to buy clothes and other things. You have to go to the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China to take money! "

my classmates really admire you, after all, as a supervisor! ! ! !

..............

After a while, the lady came back. And brought the answer of the Agricultural Bank: "The people of the Agricultural Bank said that this is the Agricultural Bank, and only farmers can withdraw money. I am an urban population. The people of ICBC said that we are a public bank here, and only the public can take it, but the mother can't. Say that I am a bitch and want to withdraw money from CCB. "

my classmate, security guard, supervisor, is dizzy. . .

when the supervisor fainted, the deputy supervisor called the monitor on duty for instructions. After the monitor inquired about the situation, he asked the deputy supervisor to hand over the phone to the woman and said, "Now that the reform has been carried out, CCB has become a joint-stock bank, which is in line with international standards. All the money issued is US dollars and pounds. You take RMB, so you have to take it from the People's Bank of China."

The first company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

tutu: I'm not busy.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you can't work for the company more, you are not busy. What does the company want you for?

second company

boss: tutu, are you busy at work today?

tutu: very busy.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

Boss: Because you are not organized, you are busy all day. What does the company want you to do?

* The third company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy at work today?

tutu: not bad.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

Boss: Because you do things irrationally, there is something "ok" and not "ok".

What does the company want you for?

* The fourth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: just finished.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you are too inefficient, can't you check it after you finish? What does the company want you to do?

* The fifth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: some of them have been finished and checked, and now they are doing other things.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you are not systematic, won't you do some things together? What does the company want you to do?

* The sixth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: I have finished all my work and am helping others.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you have no plans, won't you plan what you will do tomorrow?

what does the company want you for?

* The seventh company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: today's work is finished, and tomorrow's work is finished.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you don't consider the whole, won't you help your colleagues share their worries and relieve their pains? Why does the company want you

?

the eighth company

boss: tutu, are you busy at work today?

tutu: I have finished today's work and tomorrow's work, and now I am helping my colleagues.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you are too pushy, your help is likely to cause others to be lazy or pressured.

What does the company want from you?

* Ninth Company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: wait a minute, I'll think about it before I answer you.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: you are arrogant. I asked you questions repeatedly. What does the company want from you?

* The tenth company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

tutu: I ... I ... don't know ... how to answer you.

After work, the boss said to Tutu: You don't have to come tomorrow.

tutu: why?

boss: because you don't even know whether you are busy or not, what does the company want you for?

* 11th company

Boss: Tutu, are you busy with your work today?

Tutu: Fuck you, I resigned ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Boss: Hey! If you have personality, our company won't let you go ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The topic of Beijing College Entrance Examination composition: "You can't see the drizzle and wet clothes, but you can't hear the idle flowers when you fall to the ground" is a poem written by Liu Changqing, a poet in the Tang Dynasty, in "Don't be strict." Someone once understood this poem like this: 1. This is a beautiful artistic conception that celebrates spring. 2. Idle flowers and drizzle express unknown loneliness. 3. Being invisible and inaudible does not mean doing nothing. It is a bleak way of life. 4. This artistic conception is no longer suitable for today's world ... Write a composition according to your opinion. The topic is self-made and the genre is not limited. More than 8 words.

the zero-point composition:

midsummer, night, late at night. Jingshan mountain is on the top.

there are people on the mountain, two people, a man and a woman.

These two men are the two most famous killers in Wulin today. The man's name is Qiu Xiaoyu, and the woman's name is Ye Xianhua. People in Jianghu call them "Rain Xianhua". Liu Changqing, a poet, once described these two terrible killers as "the rain is wet and the clothes are invisible, while the idle flowers fall to the ground and the ears are silent". Drizzle wet clothes, wet clothes are blood; Idle flowers fall to the ground, and the head falls. These two people kill people without a trace. If they want to kill you, you will be dead before you see their figures or hear their voices.

Autumn drizzle received a post three days ago, naming it to kill Ye Xianhua. After the job is done, he will not only have three million and two thousand Mingbi, but also be allowed to play the role of Cao Xueqin in the talent show "A Dream of Red Mansions"! But killing Ye Xianhua is much more difficult than killing Bill.

No one in the Jianghu knows Ye Xianhua's martial arts origin, personality and temper, but everyone knows Ye Xianhua's story. Ye Xianhua has a pair of charming big eyes. It is said that she once stared at Zhao Wei and Gao Yuanyuan without moving, but she was only seventeen years old that year. Ye Xianhua's voice is as intoxicating as Oriole's. Legend has it that Lin Chi-ling was numb and numb for a whole year after hearing her talk. Do you think it would be fatal? Ye Xianhua's flying skill is unique in the Wulin. She walks through the snow without a trace and lands silently, claiming to surpass Wei Yixiao, the king of green-winged bats. She was seen stealing the Liu Xiang Olympic Games pass on the highway last week. Liu Xiang chased after 1, kilometers and was finally exhausted alive. Most people have been scared to buy diapers when they heard the story of Ye Xianhua, but autumn drizzle didn't buy them. Autumn drizzle is not ordinary people. He knows that killing people depends not only on technology, but also on character! Autumn drizzle is very calm. He is trimming his fingernails with a nail clipper. His fingers are slender and powerful. He wants to make the other person impatient first. Masters strive for each other, and the slightest mistake is not allowed. Those who are impatient first will show their flaws. Fatal flaw! Therefore, the autumn drizzle said nothing, just quietly playing with nail clippers. I didn't expect Ye Xianhua to take a rest, putting on lipstick and perfume leisurely. Autumn drizzle had to strike first, saying, "You know why I called you out."

Ye Xianhua said softly, "Can't we talk before we start?"

autumn drizzle said, "I'm here to kill people, not to chat."

Ye Xianhua said, "Are you sure to kill me?"

autumn drizzle said, "I never do anything I am not sure about."

Ye Xianhua said, "I want to remind you of one thing."

autumn drizzle said, "you say."

Ye Xianhua said, "Bai Xiaosheng is a killer, and my little girl ranks first in the killer list, but you are only second. Can you really kill me?"

autumn drizzle said, "I also want to remind you of one thing."

Ye Xianhua said, "Tell me."

Autumn drizzle said, "As for the killer's strength, I was ahead of you, but the ranking of Bai Xiaosheng used SMS voting system, and the number of' flower addicts' in China was too large to make you win the first place."

Ye Xianhua's face changed and said, "I want to remind you that my fan group is called' pollen', not' anthomaniac'!"

autumn drizzle said, "I want to remind you at last that all your' pollen' are anthomaniac. Also, we have digressed. "

Ye Xianhua said, "Aren't you afraid of trouble if we fight so hard?" Autumn drizzle said, "You don't have to be afraid of trouble anymore. There is only one kind of person in the world who will never be afraid of trouble, the dead!" "

Ye Xianhua said, "So you have to force me to do it?" Autumn drizzle didn't answer, so he didn't have to answer.

autumn drizzle said, "light your weapon!"

Ye Xianhua said, "I use a knife."

autumn drizzle said, "You use a knife? Where is the knife? "

Ye Xianhua said, "I am the knife!"

Ye Xianhua gave a sweet smile and suddenly took off her clothes, leaving only a lace bikini and black stockings all over her body. Ye Xianhua's face is breathtaking, and with such a figure, such a dress is full of a primitive temptation. Her eyes can talk, her smiles can talk, her hands, her chest, her legs ... Every minute of her body can talk. She knows that as long as he is a man who is not blind, he will be fascinated by her now. Autumn drizzle is a man, and he is not blind. But now he seems to be blind and completely indifferent. He knows that a beautiful woman is a knife. When you are intoxicated, the knife will enter your chest.

autumn drizzle mused, "I just want to ask you one thing."

Ye Xianhua smiled and said, "Go ahead."

autumn drizzle said, "In summer, aren't you afraid of mosquito bites if you wear so little?"

Ye Xianhua was silent for a long time and said faintly, "You must think I was wearing perfume just now, didn't you? I tell you, I am spraying Liushen toilet water! "

Ye Xianhua added, "But it's not.