30 jokes that make you sick.

30 jokes that make you sick. Everyone likes watching them. They can bring us infinite joy and drive away our troubles when we have not started. Here are 30 jokes that make your stomach ache. Let's say goodbye to unhappiness.

I want to live in your heart, but I didn't expect it to be a neighborhood with many neighbors.

Second, my money is really wet, because I have been crying when I spend it.

Third, what is really terrible is not playing the lute to a cow, but the cow is playing the lute to you.

Fourth, I hope you will have wine, meat and girls in the future, and girls will be ugly.

5. How can bangs grow so fast?

I am very principled, and my principle is to follow your mood.

Seven, I am single because no one can easily deserve me as the successor of the proletariat.

I wanted to give life a kiss, but reality gave me two slaps.

Nine, Alipay wants to socialize simply, as long as it is a function of "rich people nearby".

Ten, I just want to turn gracefully, but I unexpectedly hit the wall.

Eleven, lazy, doing well is called enjoyment; Persistence in doing well is called persistence; Playing the fool, if you do it well, is it called playing the fool? Don't play tricks on me, or I'll play along.

If money is dirt, then I am dung beetles.

Thirteen, the old vines faint, air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, Ge You sofa with the same paragraph, the sun sets, I put it aside.

Fourteen, take the initiative to ask you to open a strange woman, not miss or fairy jump.

Fifteen, I am dead, and the only thing I can't worry about is my QQ.

16. Don't envy that we have no homework during the holiday. Do you know how tired it is to play all day?

I know I have a bad temper. If you can't bear it, you must reflect on yourself and why others can.

Give you something you have to cherish, especially your face.

Nineteen, I want to kiss you when I am happy, and I want to be kissed when I am unhappy.

Twenty, we agreed to grow old together, so dye it as a putty.

Even if my love is cheap, I won't give you a discount.

Twenty-two, dreams still have to be there, otherwise you will tell people when you drink too much.

Twenty-three, after you get married, the marriage partner is not me, I will move to your house next door and be a quiet old king.

You always say that dreams are out of reach, but you never go to bed early and get up early.

Twenty-five, you are fat and ugly. We are friends.

Twenty-six, prettier than your girlfriend, and I'm sorry about that, too.

Twenty-seven, life will make you suffer for a while, and then let you suffer for a lifetime after you get used to it.

I don't know how others turn pressure into motivation. Anyway, I will only turn stress into appetite.

Twenty-nine, everyone is so young, why should I spoil you?

I advise you to like me early.

Beggars don't envy millionaires, but they envy beggars who mix better than themselves.

Thirty-two, if you don't come to sleep with me, you care what time I sleep.

Find a fortune teller, you and I are destined to be together.

Thirty-four, strange women who take the initiative to invite you to dinner, 100% are wine trays.

35. Blame me me for being so handsome and shocking that so many people in single dog have been displaced.

Never bow your head, the double chin is too obvious.

For going to work, a considerable number of people's main job is to "pretend to be busy".

Thirty-eight, "How do you feel about the avalanche of homework?" "You got my man, but you didn't get my heart."

Thirty-nine, on WeChat, 1. A strange woman who actively adds you as a friend is either your wife or WeChat business.

Forty, the same age as a flower, has grown into a fleshy one.

I want to see you, so I'm running.

42. Smart people don't tell lies. Come to me when you have time.

Forty-three, when others are holding hands, I will hold my dog to see who is not happy to bite.

I suggest that you like me. I will reply to the message in a few seconds.

Forty-five, your date is not me, you might as well be single.

Forty-six, the lovely me has long since disappeared, replaced by a more lovely me.

I'm telling you, it's foolish of you to refuse a lovely girl like me.

48. Every time someone attacks me, I feel that there is something wrong with this person. In the face of such a lovely me, he can still lose his temper and be speechless.

49. Everything must come to an end, but if you invite me, I can eat more with you.

Fifty, those nights that stay up late will eventually be repaid with a morning that can't get up.

Remember to burn me a handsome boyfriend if I die.

Fifty-two, everyone loves life, and flowers are beautiful, so happy.

Fifty-three, everyone is "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm different." I'm "I don't know where the money went, and I'm broke." "

Fifty-four, take the initiative to tell you the above, not a liar or cheated.

55. What should I do if I don't like the slow reply of the object message? I'll be back soon.

56. Now I only need three steps to do a math problem: look at the problem, write the solution, and start crying.

Fifty-seven, this summer, not going out feels like a waste of life, and going out feels like life is worse than death.

58. Silence is golden. Don't talk to me. I want to save money.

Fifty-nine, when I don't want to talk to you, it's no use trying to coax me. At this time, you should give me a red envelope.

30 jokes that make you sick.

1. Once upon a time, a man named Shuang died. On the day of the funeral, his family wept bitterly. They cried and screamed at his grave. Shuang Shuang … Shuang Shuang … At this moment, passers-by asked, what are you admiring? Shuang Jia replied with tears: we are so cool …

This short message is brief and to the point. No advertising, no nonsense. Sweet words are just bubbling. Just be happy and know yourself. Happiness can't run away, so I won't say what I think. I wish you success: Happy New Year!

3. New Year's Day is coming, it is too routine to give gifts, and there is no trick to bless. I only hope that my dear friends will be harassed by the God of Wealth every day, always illuminated by Maitreya, make big money, laugh happily and run happily.

This new year message came in the heat wave that swept through! May you have Buffett's financial resources, Furong's compact figure, the social status of the five bars, the enthusiasm of grabbing the salt tide, the wealth of the imperial city, and the same happiness as the longer the house price!

One day, a death row prisoner was being shot, but because of the quality of the bullet, the bailiff missed the first shot, the second shot and the third shot. When the bailiff was about to fire the fourth shot, the prisoner suddenly turned around and hugged the bailiff's leg, crying, Brother, you can strangle me, which is really fucking scary …

6, train students to nourish the eight-character decision, saying: Voss is going to become a monk, is going to become a monk. Read aloud five times on the balcony every morning, and you will be alert and have an appetite. For the sake of your health, you must persist!

7. I wish you a "super guerrilla" in the new year: you can survive when you encounter difficulties. The longer you grow, the more you look like a white-faced scholar. Your speech can be full of fun. Worry makes it barren. Happiness makes it this life. Wish you a happy life!

8. This sincere, sincere message, one in a hundred, trudged all the way from thousands of miles away and finally got into your mobile phone, bringing you my deep affection-Happy New Year's Day! Don't forget, my friend

9. When buying clothes, the salesman (contemptuously): This dress is very expensive. Don't touch it unless you buy it. Jane Doyle: It seems that you are rich? Don't sell it if you have money!

10, Spring Festival, Tang Priest added a cotton gown, Wukong added cotton trousers, Friar Sand added a cotton cap, Bajie, your little hand, don't just play with your mobile phone to read text messages, remember to buy a small glove.

1 1. Laugh happily every day, live happily, feel better, and good luck will come. Happiness will naturally knock on the door, so the mentality is the most important. In the new year, I will send a short message to make you laugh happily!

12, Fengtian Freight, the emperor said: Mindful of Ai Qing's loyalty and hard work, I specially gave Ai Qing the right to shop for free. How to get it: Take this short message to a nearby shopping mall and choose whatever you need. It would be nice if he gave you everything. If he doesn't pick it up, he will run. Qin this! Note: The final interpretation right of this message belongs to me.

13, I made a wish on New Year's Day: I want to wash my feet for good luck, rub my back for good luck, bring me tea for happiness, and pour me water for good luck. The best part is that I don't know the east, the west and the north. Finally, I wish this person who reads the information as dizzy as me a happy New Year!

14 How are you? I think you ... have always dreamed of walking with you on that grass recently. If there is still a chance, just say weakly: only eat grass, not defecate anywhere!

15, an ugly monkey went to a matchmaking agency to find someone, and the boss said it was expensive. The ugly monkey said it was cheap and the boss said it was stupid. The ugly monkey said it doesn't matter, so the boss shouted at the window → Fool, don't read the message, come out on a blind date.

16 I will send a short message worth 10 RMB to all the handsome and beautiful brothers and sisters who have a certain position in my heart. I'll invite you to a five-star hotel tomorrow ... and watch others eat! Please bring your own napkin so as not to get wet with saliva. I wish you all a happy face and a good journey!

17, life is your welfare home, relaxation is your massage room, happiness is your base camp, happiness is that you meet Uncle Benshan every day, work is someone else's work, you get the money, and the surprise is my message to wish you a happy New Year!

18. Yesterday, I was lucky enough to meet this old gentleman in the palace and gave me an elixir. Now I'm in a hurry, but something terrible happened immediately: I can see many monsters every day, and the important thing is that I actually found you ... slacker.

19, I am a kind person and keep a low profile. New Year's Day is coming, and I'm afraid I can't squeeze into the fast lane of blessing you, so I wish you a happy New Year!

Forgive me for keeping silent at this inappropriate moment. Apart from harassment, I may really be unable to dig out any deep meaning. If you wake up accidentally, remind you to cover the quilt and turn off your cell phone when you sleep again!

2 1, Ling has been back in Jinggangshan for a long time. Birds are singing and dancing everywhere, and monkeys are climbing trees. A closer look shows that orangutans can dance. Watch it again: Dude, I finally found you, so I stole food here!

22. Want to "miss": One day, after three boring Chinese classes in a row, the teacher refused to leave. Finally Bao couldn't help shouting, "I have to pee!" " The teacher was furious: How dare you shamelessly ask for "Miss" in my class!

23. My colleague: You have so many pimples on your face that the tractor will roll over when it is driven! Me: If the pimples on my face are as few as the hair on your head, I will be satisfied!

24. streaking is an outdoor sport that improvises courage, speed and figure, regardless of venue and gender. This sport originated in Europe and the United States, and has generated many fans in China in recent years. Recently, boys in Hangzhou streaked to protest against the school power failure, and photos were printed on T-shirts for sale, making them as famous as Zeng Ge and leading the new fashion of streaking. Weak asked: Today, did you run naked?

25. If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you may have to eat at least one pair of whales. ...

26. One day, Xiao Qiang ate too much and walked too fast, and met a beautiful girl. Xiao Qiang was about to apologize, but his stomach was complaining and spit out a thread. The beautiful girl looked at Xiao Qiang and asked angrily, Am I so disgusting?

27. When New Year's Day arrives, I will give you a grapefruit, a durian and a banana. I wish all the immortals bless you in the new year, and good luck will never leave durian to you. The horizon of happiness will always be with your banana!

28. Sorry, my dear friend. I want to send you a long and sensational holiday blessing, but I can't sleep all night, racking my brains and being utterly confused ... I still think my blessing to you can't be expressed in words. That's it. Please treat me to dinner on New Year's Day. Let me tell you something!

29. It is said that texting has four states: emotional catharsis; Make a mountain out of a molehill; Idle harassment; Sincere blessing. I am the last one, I wish you happiness, health, peace and happiness in the new year!

30.20 14 years of life "new requirements": clothes should be new, vegetables should be fresh, lovers should be trendy, houses should be built, and wishes should be new. May you feel happy and happy every day!

3 1, distance is not a problem, height does not matter, beauty and ugliness never care. No matter where you hide, I will depend on you to pester you. My name is happiness, and my nickname is peace. Happy new year!

32. When is the final exam? When will the test results come out after the exam? What grade is this school year? Did you find a good job? How much is the year-end bonus? Do you have a girlfriend? Did mom force you to have a blind date? Have you weighed yourself? Oh, honey. All right. Stop talking. Happy new year!

33. Life becomes uncomfortable without you. I hate that hateful third party for taking you away. Do you have a new relationship with him? I really want you to come back to me-wallet.

34. I don't usually send text messages to people easily. The person who received my message must be someone who is in conflict with * *, or someone who loves each other. So, kowtow three times, and stand up after three hooves! The New Year in China is coming, so I wish you a happy New Year. Nothing else, just miss you. Please stand down!