Classic funny jokes and quotations

Collection of classic funny jokes

Introduction: "I like rainy days, I like to hear the sound of rain hitting banana trees, I like to see roses swaying in the wind, and I like to see you stroking them in the drizzle. The charming posture of long hair, the little one, can’t kill you!” Below are the funny quotes I compiled for everyone to read.

1. When parents deceive their children, it is called education; when children deceive their parents, it is called deception; when they deceive each other, it is called generation gap.

2. Don’t talk about feelings with me. Talking about feelings will hurt your money.

3. Love is about immersing yourself in everything and then getting out again and again!

4. The most contradictory thing between lovers is fantasizing about each other’s future. But they are thinking about each other's past.

5. Before I had a chance to touch the flowers, I was plucked out.

6. A hero has a hard time with a beauty. I am not a hero, but beauty helped me pass.

7. A man’s brain likes a woman’s heart, but his eyes like a woman’s appearance.

8. Women like bad-looking men, not bad-looking men.

9. Getting married means wearing a cotton coat for freedom. It is inconvenient to move around, but it will be very warm.

10. Knowledge is like underwear, invisible but important.

11. If someone doesn’t offend me, I won’t offend anyone; if someone offends me, I’ll be polite; if someone offends me again, I’ll give him a shot in return; if someone offends me again, I’ll eliminate the root cause.

12. I allow you to enter my world, but you are not allowed to walk around in it.

13. It’s easy to hide when you are exposed, but it is hard to prevent when you are undercover.

14. God has not given me any great responsibilities, but it still tortures my mind and strains my muscles and bones.

15. I came quietly and left quietly, waving my dagger, leaving no one alive

16. When will the bright moon appear, look up yourself.

17. A hero does not care about the way out, and a rogue does not care about his age.

18. When the road is uneven, roar and continue to move forward.

19. There is no wall that cannot be ventilated, and there is no beam that cannot be hung.

20. Confucius said: If you don’t sleep at noon, you will collapse in the afternoon! Mencius said: Confucius is right!

21. Hold the son’s hand and drag the son away! If the son does not leave, , knocked him unconscious and continued to drag him away!

22. Does being big mean he is powerful? Aren’t the dinosaurs extinct anyway?

23. Only when you hold the hand of the child, you will know that the child is ugly, and the tears will flow. Manmian, if you don’t leave, I will leave.

24. The red beans don’t grow in the South, but on my face. I’m so lovesick!

25. I firmly believe that there will be a man who comes here just to be tortured by me. of the world.

26. Journey to the West tells us: All monsters with a backing were picked up, and all monsters without a backing were beaten to death with a stick.

27. What are you unhappy about? Tell it to make everyone happy.

28. I like you so much that you will die if you like me.

29. Even though you are wearing cologne, I can still smell a faint human smell.

30. I curse you for buying instant noodles without seasoning packets for the rest of your life.

31. If you don’t eat enough, you won’t have the energy to lose weight.

32. My mother asked me if I had a boyfriend. I said no. My mother said: I can have a boyfriend. I said: I really don’t have a boyfriend...

33. Ideals are very full. The reality is very skinny.

34. Lei Feng did not leave his name when he did good deeds, but he recorded everything in his diary.

35. I am not a renminbi, how can I make everyone like me?!

36. In addition to teeth, there is also love that makes people unable to extricate themselves.

37. When life viciously turned everything into black humor, I turned myself into a highly educated gangster.

38. Time is too thin and the gaps between fingers are too wide.

39. Little girls dream of finding a white horse. When they open their eyes, they find that the world is full of gray donkeys. After being heartbroken, they can only choose one of the donkeys. Strong and strong, such a donkey is named: Economical Male.

40. I want to cry, I want to make trouble, stay up all night, holding a bottle of sleeping pills in my hand, and a small rope to hang myself. No matter how ugly you are, you still have to fall in love and the world is filled with love.

41. Our goal: focus on money and make big profits.

42. I am a passerby that you turn around and forget, why should I accompany you to the end of the world?

43. During an episode of intermittent depression, do not disturb strangers, only acquaintances Don't look for it.

44. If you don’t have medical insurance or life insurance, don’t act bravely after dark...

45. You can’t play chess, calligraphy and painting, but washing and cooking are too tiring.

46. If you say money is a sin, everyone is trying to get it; if you say beauty is a disaster, everyone wants it; if you say the heights are too cold, everyone is crawling; if you say smoking and drinking are harmful to the body, even if you don’t quit; if you say heaven is the best It’s wonderful, don’t go there!

47. Taking the bus is a comprehensive sport that includes Sanda, yoga, judo, balance beam and other sports and fitness projects.

48. I will know that you are a monster as soon as I open my eyes.

49. No one loves anyone with his hands in his pockets.

50. Holding a kitchen knife in hand to cut the wires, sparks and lightning along the way.

51. Being single is not difficult, the hard part is dealing with those people who try their best to make you end your singlehood.

52. What is happiness? Happiness is when you eat fish, I eat meat, and watch others chew bones.

53. After studying for more than ten years, I think it is easier to get along in kindergarten!

54. They said I was BT and asked me to do a CT, but it turned out that I was ET.

55. My advantage is: I am very handsome; but my disadvantage is: I am not obviously handsome.

56. I was also an infatuated person, but it rained... and I drowned.

57. Nuwa shot the sun into the sky, and Hou Yi shot it. < /p>

60. In the year before last, we ate, slept, played, and enjoyed life; in the following year, we were struggling to support our families; and in the last year, we squatted at the door every day and greeted the passers-by...

61. My girlfriend and I have only been in a relationship for a week and are about to break up with me just because I haven’t read Octavio Paz’s books or Borges’ poems…

62. When I smile, my smile is full of the bohemian temperament of a poet. Behind this bohemianism, there are delicate and warm emotions. When I am silent, when I raise my head, I feel like a pure and graceful girl in the choir, and when I lower my head, I feel like a profound and elegant nobleman. Yes, I am such a man who perfectly combines various seemingly irreconcilable qualities.

63. Since ancient times, there have been no beautiful women on the Internet. There are rows of broken flowers and willows. There are occasionally a few pairs of mandarin ducks, which are also pheasants and wolves.

64. Master, just wait, I will ask Buddha to grant the marriage!

65. Don’t be sad for the old and waste new tears!

66. My wife is a big tree and my lover is a small grass. Plant a big tree to enjoy the shade and raise a piece of grass to let the birds walk. This is a harmonious society and a green environment.

67. Be a hooligan with temperament, a pervert with taste, and an illiterate with knowledge!

68. Be confused and don’t pursue the truth...the truth is a bitch x!

69. The Mathematics Department’s party membership activities actually forced girls to clean the boys’ dormitories. This behavior is really outrageous!

70. When I was a child, my parents always believed that girls become ugly ducklings. I will become a white swan, and then marry a rich man and become a rich woman; one day when I grew up, my father looked at me very attentively, and then said sincerely: "My child, you should study hard..." ;