Ten jokes laugh at you all day.

1. The child eats at his aunt's house, and her aunt cooks fish for him. The child said while eating: this fish is really delicious. It would be better if there were no thorns.

Three women died in a car accident and went to heaven. When they got there, the angel St. Peter said, "In heaven, we have only one rule here-never step on a duck." After confirming that the three girls understand, enter heaven. There are ducks everywhere in heaven, and there are so many ducks that you can hardly step on them. Although they tried to avoid it, the first woman accidentally stepped on one. At this time, the angel St. Peter immediately came to her with an ugly man that a woman had never seen before and told her that the punishment for stepping on a duck was to be tied to the ugly man forever.

The next day, another woman accidentally stepped on a duck. Then St. Peter came to her with another extremely disgusting man, just like the woman before. St Peter associated the second woman with the ugly man he brought.

The third one has found this cruel result. She doesn't want to be tied to an ugly and disgusting man forever. So she is very, very careful about her steps. She lived for months without stepping on any ducks. But one day, St. Peter came to her with a super handsome guy he had never seen before. This man is not only tall and strong, but also has beautiful long eyelashes. St Peter locked them together and left without saying anything to the woman. The woman asked the man tied to her, "I want to know why I can be tied to you forever?" I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck.

3。 A frog called the priest and asked about his fate.

The priest said, "Next year, a young girl will come to meet you."

The frog jumped up happily: "Oh, really? Was it at the prince's wedding? "

The priest said, "No, it's in her biology class next year."

4。 Someone's new phone has just been rented out by the cinema, and people often call to ask about the movies being shown. At first, he always explained politely that this mobile phone is no longer owned by the cinema, but it is his now. Please don't call again. After a long time, he also felt annoyed and simply said, "You have the wrong number!" " This will also save some saliva.

One day, a familiar voice came from the other side: "What movie is showing now?" As usual, he said, "You have the wrong number!" After a moment of silence, the other party replied, "Is it a China film or a foreign film?"

5。 The residents on the first floor got a big dog from nowhere. When he first came, he was very vigilant and barked at the slightest movement. My home is on the sixth floor. Although I climb up and down every day, I will still be called ten times. I am timid. As soon as the dog barked, I ran as fast as I could for fear that it would suddenly rush out.

Pick up my little nephew who is attending an English training class on Sunday and go home for dinner. Just entering the first floor, the big dog barked as usual, which gave me the willies. The little nephew was not afraid at all, but shouted, "spit." Strangely, after a few spits, the big dog actually stopped barking and made a poor "hum" sound.

When I got home, I asked my nephew how to curb such a fierce dog. Xiaozizi mutton

He proudly said, "When a dog barks at you, it's actually saying one, and you answer two. At this moment, the dog came.

Because I can't reply to you three, I'm ashamed, so I won't scream. "

6。 When I was at school, I was going to change my pants in the dormitory one day. I just took off my belt, but I didn't expect several female students to come in. I had no choice but to come to the dormitory next door with my pants. I untied my button and was about to take it off. Unexpectedly, several female students came in. I had no choice but to carry my pants to the door of the dormitory next door. Because I was in a hurry with pants in my hand, I had to kick open the dormitory door and shout, "Is there a woman in it?" Is there a woman? "I saw many girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror. ...

7。 One day, two men and women in love were on the road. The boy is with a girl. The girl is very beautiful, wearing a very elegant white dress. Boys' eyes are not very good-myopia. The boy was riding a bicycle with the girl on the road, and they were together sweetly.

At this time, passing a crossroads, no one noticed the existence of the police, and the boy rode to the police. The policeman looked at it and shouted, "You! Come down, come down. " The boy jumped out of the car at once, and the girl was calm. Seeing this situation, her mind turned to her heart. He said to the policeman, "Have you seen me? ! ! "The police were stunned. The girl winked at her boyfriend when the police were not looking, and the boy understood at once. The policeman asked the boy again, "Is she your girlfriend?" The boy said, "Who are you talking about?" The girl said, "Have you seen me?" The policeman was horrified and said to the boy, "Let's go, hurry up!" "

8。 The bus driver drove a bus full of buses to get on the bridge, so he kept stepping on the accelerator to accelerate. When he found an old woman crossing the road in front, it was too late to brake! I saw the old woman lying on the road in front of the car, motionless, with a pile of intestines flowing out of her side and beginning to ooze blood. ...

Some people started screaming, some people were speechless, and the driver looked pale and dared not get down in his seat. When the driver in the car started pointing at the driver, something strange happened ... Suddenly, the old woman stood up trembling, took out a broken plastic bag and began to pick up the intestines, muttering, "How do you eat the intestines you just bought?"

9。 My brother doesn't like his mother's cooking very much, but he likes instant noodles. His mother scolded him, "You won't go out to buy lunch, will you?" Eating instant noodles is not nutritious! ! "My brother talked back and said," I just like eating, so what! " ""oh ~ mom tells you that instant noodles are really not a good thing. There is a young lady in your father's company. In order to save money and send it home, she eats instant noodles at noon and night in the morning. Eat instant noodles every day, and she died three months later! "Brother (frightened to disgrace):" Really? "How could mom lie to you?" Really, how did she die? "

Ok ... I had an accident when I bought instant noodles ... "

10. There is a female student who works very hard. One night, she finished reading a book after one o'clock It is said that the night view of Lake Xiang Si is beautiful, so I want to go there for a walk. When she reached the lake, she suddenly felt someone patting her on the shoulder. She turned around and saw a pale woman. The woman said, "junior, I have no feet." Primary school girls don't think look at that strange woman's feet, really not!

The primary school girl started to run, but the female ghost followed her all the way and said darkly in her ear, "I have no feet, I have no feet ..." The primary school girl felt very annoyed, so she went directly to the dormitory and shouted at the female ghost, "What should I do without feet?" I don't have breasts yet! "