2013 Spring Festival Gala Hao Jian’s sketch lines

Today’s Happiness 2

Hao Jian: Let me tell you something, my boss has had a seizure recently. You said that I was doing a good job as a waiter, and suddenly you promoted me to the lobby manager, hahaha. I accidentally embarked on an official career, hahaha. Happy! My wife is also happy. Well, she has a new mobile phone, new clothes, and even bought a fruit basket for me to send to my boss. You think she is so sensible? With such a daughter-in-law helping me, you think I can’t advance step by step on the road to happiness? ! According to this progress, I will be able to ascend to heaven before I am forty! Do you envy, envy, and hate me? Why am I such a person? I hate myself! (The phone rings) Hello, wife! What are you doing? I'm almost at the boss' door! (Seeing my wife) Oh, my wife! Why are you here?

Hao Jian’s wife: I just don’t feel reassured. Come and take a look. You’ve got all the fruits?

Hao Jian: Oh my god, you are so fucked up! (Hang up the phone)

Hao Jian’s wife: Hey, don’t hang up! Don't hang up the phone from now on!

Hao Jian: Why?

Hao Jian’s wife: I’m just wondering why your divorced female boss promoted you to be the lobby manager?

Hao Jian: Ang~~You have been making trouble for a long time and you are doubting me!

Hao Jian’s wife: I’m not doubting you!

Hao Jian: That’s OK!

Hao Jian’s wife: I am doubting you two! (Smiling and patting Hao Jian on the shoulder) It's okay, it's okay. Just be natural and knock on the door normally. I just want to hear how you two usually communicate. Don't hang up the phone! ! Go ahead.

Hao Jian: I won’t go!

Hao Jian’s wife: OK! Then I'll go! If I go up and knock on the door... (He was interrupted by Hao Jian before he finished speaking)

Hao Jian: That's enough! ! If you do this with me, then I'll go up there! ! (Go away)

Hao Jian’s wife: (Shout loudly) Remember~~Don’t hang up the phone! ! !

Hao Jian: Humph! ! (Goes to the boss’s door and knocks on the door) No, it’s such a normal knock!

Boss: I’ve left the door open for you~~

Hao Jian: Listen, no, what a strange door opening! (Pushing the door open) Where are you, boss? Who is leaving the door open for? It's me! Hao Jian, who has a clear conscience!

Boss: What? I can't hear clearly! I'm taking a shower! Come and tell me!

Hao Jian: Oops! I won’t go there yet!

Boss: You really know how to be on time! Just in time, I just took a shower (Jujube). (Comes out with dates) Hao Jian

Hao Jian: (Sees the boss running over) Ah, boss! It turns out that what you wash is edible red dates! hehe! (Eating two dates)

Boss: (Putting down the dates) Hao Jian, why are you here so late?

Hao Jian: Hey, didn’t you promote me to lobby manager? After that, my wife had to ask me to send a fruit basket over, hahaha.

Boss: Thank you! Oh, are you tired from carrying this little fruit basket?

Hao Jian: It’s okay! I take two steps and rest two steps, so I’m not tired!

Boss: Hao Jian, that’s it. You came at the wrong time today. My ex-husband will be here in a while. I’m afraid it will cause unnecessary misunderstandings. You understand, ha!

Hao Jian: I understand, I won’t delay you two. But who do you think has not had a misunderstanding? I just want to ask you to say something out loud, you said there are seven waiters in our hotel, why did you promote me to the lobby manager?

Boss: What? Is this probability very low? Don’t you still know why I promoted you?

Hao Jian: I...sometimes I am clear, sometimes I am confused, haha.

Boss: Don’t I just like you?

Hao Jian: Boss, let me tell you, you should be careful when talking. If you want to steal like this, I tell you that I will really delay you for a while! (Sit down)

Boss: Oh my God, Hao Jian, why are you still sitting down? ! (Looking at the watch) No, look at Hao Jian. My ex-husband will be here soon. Isn’t it inappropriate to leave us alone in the middle of the night? ! hey-hey.

Hao Jian: How can we still catch him? If I eat two of your jujubes, you'll catch me!

Boss: Hao Jian, do you think it’s usually time to sleep at this time?

Hao Jian: (stands up) When did this happen? When did we sleep together? !

Boss: I’ll just tell you the truth! I won’t keep you tonight!

Hao Jian: Which night did you stay with me? ! If you’re not the boss, what did you say today that was so shocking? ! I ask you to answer me seriously, what is the relationship between us? !

Boss: Hao Jian, if you are really reluctant to leave, can you come back after my ex-husband is gone? !

Hao Jian: (almost crying) Will I come back? ! Why didn't you go up against the wind when you spoke today? !

Boss: You came here against the wind! !

Hao Jian: Who... (Before he finished his words, he was interrupted by a knock on the door)

Boss: It’s over, it’s over! Now he's caught! ! ! (Running hastily) Hao Jian, hide quickly! !

Hao Jian: Why should I, Hao Jian, who has a clear conscience, hide? !

Boss: We divorced because of a misunderstanding! I beg you to hide quickly! !

Hao Jian: I am upright and not afraid of shadows slanting on me! (I was disturbed by the sofa and dropped my shoes) Quickly, I tilted my (shoes)!

Boss: Hurry up and hide behind the curtains! (Throws away shoes) Here are your shoes! !

Hao Jian: (shoes are gone) It’s over, all I have left is that I’m not afraid of shadows!

Boss: Let me in! ! (Open the door)

Ex-husband: (Come in and walk around, looking at the furniture) Have they all been replaced with new ones?

Boss: Yes, what else should I use? When we got divorced, didn’t we ask you to move out?

Ex-husband: Really?

Boss: Lao Gao, forget it. When you leave, only me and the load-bearing wall will be left in the house!

Ex-husband: Back then, I was so impulsive! Hahahaha! (Pull the curtains)

Boss: (Flying over to block Hao Jian) ??What are you doing with the curtains? In the middle of the night!

Ex-husband: You were so shy back then. (covers mouth and laughs) I’m shy too! (Pulls Hao Jian's hand from behind the curtain) I hold your hand, just like now, and my little heart is pounding. (Pulls Hao Jian away) We were holding hands like this, walking on the asphalt road, and bumped into your mother! It scares you. (Sees the boss’s expression) Yes! That's how you looked at that time! (Took Hao Jian with him again) When I saw your mother, you took your hand away and went into the woods. (Hao Jian takes the opportunity to escape) As soon as I see you leaving, I will chase you! Oh, I will chase you! Just run! I will chase you! Just run! As soon as I see that I can't catch up with you, I'll just wait for you! As a result, you hit me right away! (While talking, he chased Hao Jian, and finally caught him)

Boss: (frightened, kicked into the curtain) Go! (Quickly drag Hao Jian out and hide him)

Ex-husband: (comes out holding his stomach) Oh, I’ll go! Your ruthless kick kicked me from memory to reality!

Boss: (Hao Jian was about to come out and shouted quickly) How cheap! (Hao Jian)

Ex-husband: (Hearing this, he thought he was talking about himself) Okay, I’m cheap! I'm so mean!

Boss: I’m not talking about you...

Ex-husband: Stop talking! (Waving hands) I’m here today just to tell you the good news. I’m getting married again! I found a girlfriend who is young, beautiful and rich. Do you think it’s annoying? Hehehe. I want you to check it for me today. If you are such a narrow-minded person and say she is good, then we will get the certificate! Of course, as long as you say you don’t agree, it won’t work! Hahahaha, don’t you feel a little uncomfortable?

Boss: If you say that, then I will feel so sad...! Hahahaha! ! ! Now that everything has been said, you should check it for me first! Come on, show your face, baby! ! (Opening the curtains to reveal Hao Jian)

Hao Jian: (laughing silly) The shoes are hanging on the branches of the tree!

Boss: Stop hiding, it’s all over! Come, let me introduce you, Hao Jian, my little boyfriend. Lao Gao, my ex-husband.

(Pushing Hao Jian in front of her ex-husband)

Hao Jian: (stretching out his hand) Brother ex-husband. Why don't you guys talk first? I just have a meeting there.

Boss: (pulling Hao Jian over) What’s wrong?

Hao Jian: Misunderstanding! !

Boss: (whispering) Please cooperate.

Hao Jian: (Looking at the phone) It’s not that I’m not cooperative. On the surface, there are three people, but in fact there are four!

Boss: Four people?

Hao Jian: Yeah. (Yangyang’s mobile phone)

Boss: Hahahaha, why do you tell everyone about everything? (Touching belly)

Hao Jian: (Nearly crying, covering his face) Oh, my God!

Ex-husband: (walks to a painting) Shameless! !

Hao Jian: Ex-husband, you have a hat on your head.

(My ex-husband saw that he was a cuckold...)

Boss: (Hao Jian is about to leave) Well, the guests haven’t left yet, so you, the host, are leaving. OK, is it appropriate? The child’s father!

Hao Jian: (frightened) His father is hacking! ! Just behave a little and say as little as possible!

Boss: Okay, hubby! (Grabbing the phone) Stop playing with your phone!

Hao Jian: (He tried his best to grab it and threw himself on the boss) Give it back to me!

Boss: Hey, Xiao Xiao Jian! Just stop hugging me in front of your ex-husband! How exciting it is for him! !

(My ex-husband pinched the pillow excitedly)

Hao Jian: Then let’s do this. With so many people here, let’s play a game to see who can remain silent!

Boss: He is my little boyfriend after all, so it’s fun! I never leave my cell phone all day long, so I know how to chat on Weibo and other blogs.

Ex-husband: Hum, if I read it correctly, this phone can only play Tetris!

Boss: I am studying in Russia. What do I do if I don’t play with cubes? Isn’t it? ! (Pinch it directly)

Hao Jian: (It hurts from being pinched) Yes! Tetris! What fun! !

Ex-husband: (laughing) Oh, I said you were making kebabs in Russia! ! Dongmei, what kind of thing are you looking for?

Boss: Let me tell you, you can’t understand Xiaojian’s Western-style expression! Every day when I open my eyes, I say "I love you" "I love you"

"I love you". Oh, those sweet words make you sweet! Xiaojian, come on, let’s go! Take one! Walk, walk, walk! ! ! (Stepped on Xiao Jian)

Hao Jian: (It hurt from being stepped on) Ahh! ! ! ! ! I love you! ! ! (Speaking to the mobile phone) The snow in Saibei...

Boss: Compliment me for being fair...I love you too! Boom boom boom!

(“Hao Jian, I hate you!!!” came from the mobile phone)

Boss: Huh? Xiaojian, your cell phone ringtone is too noisy, I'll turn it off for you!

Hao Jian: (pounces to grab it) No! This is a call from my wife!

Boss: Well... mobile phones have radiation, which is not good for babies.

Hao Jian: You only consider the baby, but you don’t care about the life and death of the older baby?

Boss: Hao Jian, I will help you with your wife, now you help me! Please! (Quietly)

Hao Jian: Well, okay! If you have anything to do, hurry up, I'm afraid I don't have much time left! Boss, why did you two get divorced? My ex-husband looks like a scumbag!

Ex-husband: Humph!

Hao Jian: What are you talking about? ! Why don't you like hearing the compliments? Well, look at your facial features, which one can pass the test? It’s not easy to have an oval face, but it’s actually grown longer! What a good woman, you can’t control her. Do you know how many men out there can’t control her when they see her?

Boss: Beautiful! It turns out you are the slow-heating type! ! Ha ha ha ha! yeah! !

Ex-husband: Dongmei, logically speaking, I shouldn’t interfere with your business after we divorced, but only your feet know whether these shoes fit.

Hao Jian: Yeah, then one of me knows and the other doesn’t! (Raises his feet to look)

Ex-husband: Oh, I am completely defeated by your naivety!

Hao Jian: What defeats you is not naivety, but "shoelessness"! (Raises feet)

Ex-husband: Oh, I’m leaving! ! !

Boss: Lao Gao, let’s meet at the stadium tomorrow, and you also let me meet your girl. Xiaojian, come play golf with me tomorrow.

Hao Jian: Do we need to beat him tomorrow? Your name is Wolf? (Hit me as soon as I get up)

Ex-husband: Dongmei, you also know the purpose of my coming today, which is to remarry you. But when I saw that you didn’t mean that, I made up a story about a little girlfriend. I wanted to regain some face, but I didn’t expect...

Boss: What the hell? Did you make up the story about your little girlfriend?

Ex-husband: Ah.

Boss: I’ll just say it! What girl is so blind that she can fall in love with you? (Slaps ex-husband in the face) Hahaha, we both made it up too. This is my lobby manager, who came to give me a gift and caught up.

Ex-husband: What? Is he your lobby manager?

Hao Jian: What? To pursue an official career!

(Hao Jian’s wife rushes in)

Hao Jian’s wife: Hao Jian, don’t pretend to be the victim! !

Boss: Who are you?

Hao Jian’s wife: I am Hao Jian’s wife, “Jian Nei”! (Pointing to Hao Jian) ??Hao Jian, you must give me an explanation today! !

Boss: Brothers and sisters, you may have misunderstood. The young couple needs to communicate with each other, and it will be great if the communication is open. Just like your brother-in-law and I, we separated because of a small misunderstanding.

Ex-husband: In the end, I became my ex-husband’s brother!

Hao Jian; The two of them are now reconciled!

Ex-husband: So, between this couple, trust comes first.

Boss; without trust, there is no happiness! Come on, brothers and sisters, sit down and calm down! Hao Jian, come on, coax your wife!

Hao Jian’s wife: OK, Hao Jian, please tell me. I'll listen to what you say.

Hao Jian: Is there anything else we can say? (Getting fruit) Do you want pears?

Hao Jian’s wife: Divorce? ! Uh-huh-huh...

Hao Jian: I'm asking you if you want pears?

Hao Jian’s wife: Just leave! ! !

Hao Jian: What I’m talking about are apples, persimmons, plums, chestnuts, and oranges! !

Hao Jian’s wife: (laughing through tears) Is this an orange? ! I am really defeated by your naivety! !

The boss’s ex-husband, Hao Jian, said: (Hao Jian flicks his shoes) What defeats you is not your naivety, but your “shoelessness”! ! ! !