Recently, everyone knows that it is illegal not to go home often. Then I want to ask, if I want to study abroad and live abroad for a long time, can I?

A piece of legislation links the two places together.

According to the report, according to the data of China Working Committee on Ageing, by the end of 20 1 1, the number of elderly people aged 60 and above in China had reached 654.38+85 million, accounting for 13.7% of the total population. According to the international standard that "the elderly over 60 years old account for more than 0/0% of the total population/kloc-",China has entered an aging society. Many people over 60 in China are empty nesters. "Going home often" is an extravagant hope for them and their children who are working hard in other places or even abroad. The National Office for Ageing pointed out that with the national and even international talent flow, the phenomenon of empty nest in China will become more common in the future and the empty nest period will be extended.

Another statistic about the number of overseas Chinese is that by 20 10, the total number of Chinese in the world will exceed 45.43 million. Among them, Huaying currently has 600 thousand people. 20 1 1 Statistics show that since 1978,/kloc-0.06 million China students have studied abroad, and only 275,000 have returned home. This means that a large number of international students become immigrants and settle overseas.

It can be said that whether "going home often to see" becomes a law is not only related to the 65,438+85 million elderly people, but also related to overseas Chinese who are far away from their parents in China, especially more and more new immigrants from the only child generation.

The regret of filial piety crossing the ocean

Around Tomb-Sweeping Day this year, many China readers living in Britain wrote articles to UK-Chinese Times in memory of their late parents. Most of them live in Britain, developing their careers, supporting their families and raising their children. Although they can be kind to their parents materially and try their best to visit them at home, they still can't stay with their parents all the year round, can't be happy with their parents, can't serve their parents because of illness, and even miss their parents' death. In this batch of words, some people express their concern for their parents because of the distance barrier, while others deeply regret and blame themselves for "children want to raise and not wait for their parents"

Yao Shujie, Dean of Contemporary China College of Nottingham University, is a professor of economics. Professor Yao's father died in China this spring. I hurried home to see my father for the last time. After taking good care of him, Professor Yao wrote a long article in memory of his father, which was touching to read. He told UK-Chinese Times that when it comes to the filial piety of overseas Chinese, if parents are not well off, they should first ensure that their parents have no worries about the economy. This is a principle that he has been adhering to for more than 20 years after studying abroad. "My brother invested in China, I am abroad, and I will pay for it. Once a year or even once every two or three years, you can't stay with your parents to take care of them. My brothers are taking care of my parents' diseases and pains. Generally speaking, in foreign countries, you can stay a little less, and the cost of sending it back is quite enough. It makes no sense to have no money to subsidize parents. Material support for parents is the most basic and practical. "

"The second is to ensure communication with parents. I used to write letters once a week without a telephone. When my parents saw my letter, it smelled good after eating it for a week. In the last ten years, letters have become telephone calls. Call the elderly on time every Saturday morning (afternoon or evening in China). Calling the elderly is not a task. You should have special patience and concentration, even if you just listen to your parents' nagging. You can talk about everything from the recent situation of family members to the details of food, clothing, housing and transportation. Sometimes I give advice to my parents, sometimes I give advice. Such spiritual comfort is more effective for the elderly than taking any tonic. "

Short life and long life

Different from China people of Professor Yao's generation who studied in Britain, most of the only-child generation who are studying in Britain now are in the stage of career development, and spend a lot of time and energy on fighting for their careers and establishing their own small families, so as to "visit home often", even if they are unable to do so. However, most of their parents are young, healthy and financially sound. Many of them choose to apply for visiting visas for their parents, and take turns to bring the old people from both sides from China to get together.

However, with the gradual tightening of the immigration policy of the Coalition government, even this half-year-long "flying to visit relatives" is facing the pressure of policy change-the government began to restrict and cancel the right to appeal for visiting relatives visas-although this only increased the difficulty of applying for visiting relatives visas in procedure.

Some people say, in order to avoid the trouble of getting together for a short time, why not just take your parents from China to live permanently? Aside from the adaptation of parents after coming to the UK, the new family reunion visa policy, which will be implemented on July 9, has complicated conditions: if children in the UK want to take their parents to settle in the UK, they need to prove that their parents can't get other care in their country of origin, and ensure that their parents will not misappropriate British welfare after coming to the UK, and their parents need to apply in their country of origin. 20 13 to 10. If parents are under 65 years old, they should apply for permanent residence through "years".

In Britain and B 1, it is equivalent to IELTS 5. Not to mention such strict economic requirements, just speak English twice. How many parents can pass?

There is a hot post in a forum popular with Chinese in Britain to discuss whether to return to China, which shows that some Chinese are worried about their parents in China and are influencing their decision to stay in Britain. A girl has been in England for seven years, and her work situation is good. Worried about her aging parents at home, she decided to quit her job and go back to China with her husband. A girl in her early twenties came to England. For more than eight years, she has been married, with a job, a house and a car. "Five years ago, someone asked that he would not return to China after killing people;

Three years ago, I wavered; Last year, my mother, who had always been healthy, had a sudden cerebral hemorrhage and was in a serious coma. When she came home crying all the way, she suddenly found that when she had a job, a house, a family and an identity, the person who loved you the most in the world was gone. What's the point? Firmly return to China. "

With love, what about distance?

Mei Xuan is currently studying for a doctorate at a university in London. A few years after leaving home, her family settled in England. A year ago, Mei Xuan's mother was seriously ill. After Mei Xuan returned to China to visit Britain, whenever possible, she tried to call home every day, sometimes just a short greeting, and sometimes asked her relatives to tell her jokes. "This kind of greeting can be used even when you are just walking on the road or waiting for the bus."

"It is irreplaceable to go home often, but parents also want their children to succeed in their studies abroad, and they don't want you to leave home with too heavy a burden. Filial piety is not only one form, but diverse. " In American understanding, love is more important than filial piety. Although children are overseas, it is not difficult to achieve "spiritual support" as long as they ensure emotional communication and happy communication with their parents, so that parents can feel affection, warmth, happiness and joy, and truly realize spiritual satisfaction. This process is two-way. Children know their parents through communication, which is also a part of knowing themselves. Now, all kinds of VoIP and video software have created convenient conditions for this spiritual and emotional exchange. Even material filial piety can be done through online shopping abroad.

Why did you stay in England for ten years? From students to office workers, they have all settled in Britain. He said: "Every old man has different expectations for his children. For my parents, moral support means hearing my voice and calling once a week. At the same time, I also want to understand and meet their expectations of me-a successful career and children under the same roof. " His view is similar to Mei Xuan's: "These spiritual things, in the case of the two places, are more restricted by communication channels. But now that technology has narrowed the distance, the remaining questions are more about whether children are willing and how to raise their spirits. Geography, busy work, etc. Are secondary conditions. "

Own life

What about parents themselves? Mei Xuan asked, can parents take the initiative to pursue their own lives? Even with the encouragement of children. If parents take the initiative to create a "life without children around" and cultivate their own hobbies, don't they pin their feelings on their children? For example, Mei Xuan has a friend who lives in Beijing. When chatting, she almost complained that her mother didn't pay much attention to her and seldom called her because her mother was busy with various workshops on children's education in Beijing. In other words, the mother's own life is full and colorful. Then, the so-called "filial piety" pressure of this child will actually be much smaller.

Xiao S went to study in the UK five years ago, and then settled in the UK to work. Coming from a single-parent family and an only child, she is particularly concerned about her mother who is alone in China. However, my mother is still conscientiously doing her filial piety and accompanying her parents, so she can't go to Britain for a long time to reunite with Xiao S. Although the long-term plan is to finally take her mother to England for regular parties, Xiao S feels that it is essential to really enrich her mother's retirement life. She encourages her mother to be familiar with all kinds of electronic products, enjoy barrier-free internet communication, encourage her mother to enter painting and calligraphy classes and cultivate her self-cultivation; Encourage mothers to actively participate in beneficial activities and peer gatherings, such as hiking in wetlands.

"Of course I know how important I am to my mother, but I hope she has her own life, and her attention is not only projected on me. Just like when I was a child, my parents shaped my ability to live independently. Only when I am independent from home can I really grow up. I hope my mother can live well without me, "Xiao S said. "I also know that this is not easy, and it is' beautiful and cruel', but objectively speaking, our parents' generation has shaped us into qualified and independent people, and we can also ask our parents to be mentally qualified and independent.