I want to show myself in front of others, but I can't. When answering other people's questions, I already know how to answer them, but I hesitate to express them. ...

Medical Guidance/Peking University Psychotherapist Exhibition

In life, you inevitably have to deal with all kinds of people, especially office girls. Socialization is an important aspect of showing your elegance. You may need to talk to important people, express your views in public, and appear in various social occasions such as negotiations, cocktail parties and dinners. However, you always shrink back involuntarily, or bite the bullet and let a good opportunity slip away because of your bad behavior. You are upset and regretful, but when the next opportunity comes, you start to be timid, hesitant, flustered and trembling. Over time, your self-confidence is exhausted in embarrassment again and again.

Do you or your side often have such a scene:

"I can't make myself clear in front of the boss, and my expression is very poor. The more I want to show it, the more overwhelmed I am. " -Pang Ruoxian said she was 29 years old.

I am the advertising planner of the company. I know I am very capable and have many good ideas. But I am always clumsy in front of the company's top management, and I can't express myself clearly at all. Just like the planning meeting just now, I had a heated discussion with my colleagues at the bottom, and good ideas kept emerging, which was wonderful. However, when I saw the company leader, I suddenly made a slip of the tongue, as if everything was stuck in my throat. When I saw the boss's increasingly frowning brows, I was even more fragmented and frequently lost points in front of everyone.

"I really don't want to go to this class reunion because I don't know what to wear." Yang Meiwei said that she is 34 years old this year.

I got a call from my old monitor, saying that my old classmates will hold a grand 10th anniversary party next week. I have been nervous all week. To tell the truth, I miss my old classmates, too, but the thought that I don't have a few high-end clothes to match my face has caused many new spots on my face recently. I hope to go there in a glorious way, so that everyone will think that I am better off than them, otherwise I might as well not go. So, I escaped on the pretext of business trip. This kind of escape has happened several times.

"I really can't be convenient outside!" -Xiaoxin said she was 26 years old.

Going out to find a "convenient" place is really a headache. In big cities, some bathrooms are clean and comfortable, comparable to five-star hotels. But in some places, the bathroom doesn't even have a separate compartment door, so I'm really embarrassed to solve the problem there. I feel particularly embarrassed in public.

Fang Zhan, a psychotherapist in Peking University, believes that fear of socializing is also a disease;

These three young ladies are not just a matter of personality. Obviously, they are not only shy and embarrassed in front of others, but also have a strong sense of uneasiness and rejection of the world outside themselves. This kind of fear and social disorder caused by inadaptability to social life and groups is called a mental illness in the medical field, that is, social phobia, also known as social anxiety.

Don't underestimate social phobia. Social phobia is the third mental illness after depression and alcoholism. This may be because modern people are facing increasing pressure to survive, especially the arrival of the Internet era, which has brought people a new social field. If they indulge in social activities in the online virtual society for a long time, they will weaken their social skills of direct communication with people in the real world.

China people, especially women, are reserved and do not express their feelings easily. This greatly affects the judgment of social anxiety disorder. Most people think that this is just a weakness in character, not a disease, or don't think it is a disease, or it is very taboo to say it is a mental illness.

Dr. Fang reminded everyone not to hear that wind is rain, and not to worry about blushing when talking to strangers often. Some reserved expressions of women in China can't be regarded as social phobia.

Social phobia is not only manifested by being at a loss in the face of strangers, but also by extreme behaviors such as not making phone calls in public, not drinking with people in public, not meeting strangers alone, not working under the gaze. When this kind of fear and anxiety appears, it is often accompanied by symptoms such as palpitation, trembling, sweating and difficulty breathing.

Therefore, whether you have social phobia or not has to be judged by a psychologist. Generally speaking, the following professional test forms can be used for testing:

1, afraid to speak in front of important people. A: (1 2 3 4)

I feel uncomfortable blushing in front of people. A: (1 2 3 4)

3. parties and some social activities scare me. A: (1 2 3 4)

I often avoid talking to people I don't know. A: (1 2 3 4)

5. Let others say that I don't want it. A: (1 2 3 4)

6. I avoid anything self-centered. A: (1 2 3 4)

7. I'm afraid of speaking in public. A: (1 2 3 4)

I can't do things under the attention of others. A: (1 2 3 4)

9. I can't help shivering and flustered when I see a stranger. A: (1 2 3 4)

10, dreaming of making a fool of yourself when talking to others. A: (1 2 3 4)

Scoring method:

Each question has four answers, which respectively represent: 1, never or rarely; 2. Sometimes; 3. Often; 4. All the time. Circle the corresponding answers according to your situation in the above table. This number is also your score for each question. Add up the scores and you will get your final score.

(1-9) Don't worry, you don't have social phobia. (10-24) You already have mild symptoms, and it may not be good if you continue like this. (25-35 points) You are on the verge of moderate social phobia. If you have time, you must go to the hospital to seek the help of a psychologist. (36-40 points) Unfortunately, you are already a serious social phobia patient. See a psychiatrist, and he will help you solve it.

Get rid of phobia

According to statistics, one person in every 10 suffers from social phobia on average, but this kind of patient is very rare. What are the consequences of not being treated in time? Many patients suffer from mental illness such as alcohol addiction, drug addiction or depression due to long-term interpersonal communication barriers and loss of social function. We have to deal with people every day. How can we isolate ourselves?

First of all, we must find out why we are sick. In 2000, a seminar on social phobia was held in Shanghai. The keynote speaker, Mr. David Western Han, a famous American psychiatrist, said that both psychological and physiological factors can lead to social phobia, and its onset is caused by a chemical disorder called "5- hydroxytryptamine" in the human body. This substance is responsible for transmitting information to brain nerve cells. Too much or too little of this substance will cause people's fear.

Social anxiety disorder may also be caused by family background: depressed personality from childhood or parents didn't teach them social skills, or moved too much. Or it is caused by psychological reasons: self-esteem is too weak, afraid of being rejected by others; Or they just have no confidence in their appearance, are obese or have severe acne.

For these reasons, the treatment of social anxiety mainly includes the following:

1, Hypnotherapy: Psychoanalysts hypnotize you, dig deep into your heart or memory, see if you have experienced some embarrassing events, and try to find the root of your illness. This treatment takes a long time and costs a lot.

2, forced treatment: the doctor let you stand in the bustling street, or let you stand in front of the opposite sex that you are very afraid of, using huge psychological stimulation to force you to treat.

3. Situational therapy: Let you constantly simulate the scene of social phobia in an imaginary space and practice the plot of recurring symptoms. Psychoanalysts will continue to encourage you to face this scene and let you adapt to this environment that produces anxiety and tension from imagination.

4. Cognitive therapy: This is a therapeutic method of indoctrination. Doctors keep telling you that this fear is abnormal, so that you can correctly understand the procedures of interpersonal communication and teach you some methods of interpersonal communication.

5. Drug therapy: This is currently considered to be the most effective treatment. Mainly because your illness is caused by a chemical imbalance in your body, so you should use some drugs to adjust this balance.

Give you a self-treatment method.

1, don't deny yourself, keep telling yourself "I am the best hungry" and "Since God has given talents, let them find jobs!" .

2, don't be hard on yourself, do what you can, as long as you try your best, it doesn't matter if you don't succeed.

Don't recall the unpleasant past, let bygones be bygones, nothing is more important than the present.

4. Be kind to others, help to think that happiness is the foundation, forget your troubles while helping others, and prove your value at the same time.

5. Find someone to talk to. If you are in trouble, you must say it. Find someone you can trust to talk about your troubles. Maybe others can't help you solve the problem, but at least they can let you vent.

6. Give yourself 10 minutes to think every day and constantly sum up yourself, so as to constantly face new problems and challenges.

7. Go to a crowded place, let people walk in front of you and try to give people a smile.

Being nervous when meeting strangers is actually a sign of inferiority. You are afraid of being laughed at if you say the wrong thing. I'm sure neither you nor familiar people will do this.

In fact, everyone is equal, and others, like you, will have something they don't understand. Don't be afraid to say it out of fear.

Let me give you some advice. Try it first.

1. When a person is at home, read his favorite article aloud in front of the mirror.

2. Try to look into other people's eyes and listen to others.

3. Find some friends who are good at talking about topics of interest and close relationships.

4. Go to some crowded parties and try to talk to others.

It's hard to speak in front of people, my heart is short of breath, my tongue is stiff, and my mouth doesn't listen. The meaning is fragmented, which sounds awkward and difficult to understand. This is one of the common problems that many people have at the beginning. In fact, all you need is:

(l) To get rid of the bad habit of speaking nervously and incoherently, we should pay attention to being as calm as possible and speak slowly.

(2) Keep practicing reciting, find some excellent essays, understand them carefully and read them repeatedly.

(3) Participate in singing, speaking and other activities, make more appearances, overcome shyness and enhance patience.

And when dealing with people, I blush and panic when I talk, I feel nervous when I see strangers, I dare not speak when there are many people, I don't want to speak, I dare not look at people with my eyes, I am particularly stiff in some public places, I don't know where to put my hands and feet, I don't know where to put my words, I am embarrassed, and so on. You can:

(1) Timidity is an emotional state that many people have had in the process of communication, but the degree is different. And timidity makes people unable to adapt to society better, which is not conducive to interpersonal communication and career choice. It's not a healthy psychology.

(2) Look for the reason of timidity. Timidity can be divided into different types from the causes, such as temperament timidity, that is, natural introverted, quiet, unwilling to deal with strangers, once together is thoughtful and worried; Cognitive timidity, that is, paying too much attention to one's own image, suffering from loss, fearing that one's words and deeds will be laughed at by others, not speaking or acting easily without being fully sure, and unwilling to contact with others over time; Setbacks are timid, that is, they are cheerful and positive in communication, but they are hit by setbacks in practice and become passive.

(3) Strengthen the cultivation of independent ability, don't pursue a sense of security excessively, and let go of the ideological burden.

(4) Go to the society, go to the crowd, and communicate with others, especially with more cheerful peers.

(5) Rely on personal efforts, actively change your weaknesses, make up for your weaknesses in one aspect, avoid reducing psychological tension through timidity, and avoid negative self-escape psychological defense.

I hope it helps you.