A mother said that after having a baby, she was almost exhausted! I really want to say you deserve it

Tell me a joke

It turns out that a woman cannot lift it with her hands or carry it on her shoulders. She is so delicate!

Suddenly one day he became a superman, omnipotent.

He could fight a vicious dog and withstand a bucket with one hand.

Ask why?

The answer is: because she is a mother!

Women are weak but become strong as mothers

A paragraph vividly explains the difficulty of motherhood

After a woman becomes a mother,

Forget about fighting a bucket with one hand

You can sacrifice everything for your children

Including your life! !

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9.5 out of 10 parents are mothers

It is always the majority of mothers who pay more

But is such sacrifice really for the growth of children?

Let me share a case with you

I received a new parent some time ago

The eldest daughter is in grade 3 and the younger daughter is 3 years old

Since Once she has a child, she becomes a full-time housewife

In her words, after having a child

she never has a day to spare!

The day is fully arranged,

I am exhausted every day,

I have to help my boss with homework in the evening

Often I can’t help but lose my temper

I know this will have an impact on my child’s learning,

but I can’t control it!

She often has conflicts with her husband

She blames her husband for being inconsiderate of her

She blames her child for being ignorant,

She feels like she is suffering from depression.

In fact, I quite understand her.

Such an intensive arrangement every day

It is indeed quite tiring.

It is inevitable that there will be negative emotions that cannot be controlled. Live

Take it out on the kids!

I found out that the problem was not just what she said

During the period when the epidemic was serious

we were not allowed to visit each other,

that is She can't take care of her sister and grandma

But they didn't feel any discomfort

And her parents are also in good health

They are also in the same city as her

I usually help take care of my sister and grandma

Then I asked her a question

My parents are both healthy,

My sister is not bad either. Take time to take care of your children

You don’t have to do it

If you don’t do this now,

just focus on your family of four

Aren’t you so tired?

Her reply to me was this:

Have seen this case

How do you feel?

Do you feel the same? I feel like,

Isn’t this narcissism

looking for trouble for yourself?

It was through this mother’s situation

that I thought of the many consultations I had done before

Many parents will encounter such a problem

As a family education teacher

When communicating with parents on a daily basis

I will always encounter such a type of parents

Where is the child? What's wrong?

I have made a lot of efforts

but the child is still standing still.

There are also signs of rebellion

In the end When I started working in this industry

I had little experience and few cases

I would treat parents’ feedback as facts

and then tell parents how to communicate.

How to guide, how to operate!

I have been doing this for a long time

I have more contact with children

I found that the feedback from parents

is just his personal subjective feeling

and may not be the real situation

Just like if a parent follows I said

I have to keep an eye on my homework. If I don’t keep an eye on it, I won’t write.

Fruits won’t be eaten if they are not washed, and the room will be like a pig’s nest if they are not tidied.

If you don’t tell him to wash his clothes, he won’t know how to change them

The whole day’s busy work is all for him

............

But when asking about children

If you have children, you will say that my mother is just worrying

I know what to do

She always I'm worried about this or not

Are you tired?

It also messed up my original plan

Let her do whatever she wants, I don't either Method

There is such a plot in the Korean drama "Reply 1988"

(A classic among classics, highly recommended, a must-see)

Ms. Leopard is a family man Housewife,

A family of four, two sons, she and her husband

Ms. Leopard is a very competent mother

She keeps the house in order

In her eyes, her two children and husband

are living like idiots

There are too many things in life that make her worry and uneasy

Of course this is also true

Once Ms. Leopard had to go back to her parents’ home for two days.

This made Ms. Leopard a little difficult

If you leave by yourself, the child and husband will not starve to death at home

But you have to go back if something happens.

Various warnings before leaving

Before leaving, I looked back three times.

I felt uneasy written all over my face!

Within two days of Ms. Leopard’s departure

Her husband and two sons did not live up to her worries

Without her supervision and care

Sure enough, I lived a life of indulgence

Eating junk food, littering clothes

Playing games and watching TV!

Because Ms. Leopard took good care of the whole family before

During this period, many problems did occur

The stove was not hot, the toilet was blocked...

He couldn’t even separate the pot from the lid

In the end, it was solved by his eldest son who likes to read extracurricular books

Of course, the house was reorganized. It was a mess

Two days later, my son received a call from Ms. Leopard to come back

The three of them started cleaning like crazy

After Ms. Leopard got home

Let her see the same clean home as before

In order to reassure Ms. Leopard

Dad also said that there is no Ms. Leopard at home

They also live together Very good

But Ms. Leopard did not show any happiness or peace of mind

Instead, she went back to the room alone in despair

The father and son were very surprised

I don’t understand why

They obviously take good care of me

Why isn’t my mother happy?

After the friend explained the reason to the second son

the second son suddenly realized it

When he got home, he started causing trouble continuously

The original one The nagging Ms. Leopard

appeared cursing again

complained to the children again

I don’t know what they would do without her

Can survive

Nothing can be done well

She is obviously not at home during this time

The children are also living well

After nagging, Ms. Leopard's mood improved significantly

In the end, the family happily ate and chatted together

This clip from the TV series

was ridiculed by many netizens Go

Did you press the surveillance button at my house?

Isn’t this the state I am in with my mother?

Then why did Ms. Leopard have such obvious changes before and after?

Obviously the Leopard Lady would not wish the children a bad life.

So why are you so disappointed?

Then there is only one explanation

She is worried that she is no longer needed

The mother mentioned before is also in the same situation

Many things do not have to be done by her.

What she calls "tired"

is that she longs for the needs of her family

to satisfy her own inner needs.

Including parents who told me

They are guiding their children to eat by themselves

But the child’s grandma or grandma

keeps chasing the child to feed them. Rice

I also told the old man that the child can now eat by himself

But the old man always has a reason to feed the child

No matter what he said, it was useless.

This behavior is also to satisfy

Grandma and grandma’s inner needs of being needed by their children

From a family perspective

Leopard Madam and the mother I mentioned earlier

The dedication to the family is touching and admirable

After women become mothers

The source of their sense of value is more What the family gives

They will sacrifice and pay more for the happiness of the family

They will also increase their happiness because they are needed in the family

!

So the one who works the hardest at home is always the mother

The one who works the hardest is always the mother

On the contrary, the father will be much less

No one can deny the mother's contribution

Through the circumstances of these two cases

The parents' own needs are met

If from the perspective of family education

From the perspective of cultivating an excellent person

Does this feeling of being needed really help children grow?

Will this kind of dedication help children?

Or do we regard this kind of need as the real needs of our children?

In the same way, may there be many of our own needs?

But we mistakenly regard it as the growth needs of our children

Or do we only care about our own needs

What if we ignore the needs of our children?

There are indeed, the most typical one is

treating their children as their own "accessories"

You must have encountered such parents

Children learn talents and learn what their parents wanted to learn when they were young

Satisfy our childhood shortcomings and regrets

What our children choose must be what we like

We Direct denial and suppression if we don’t like it

It’s also just to satisfy our own preferences

Children want things that exceed the family’s consumption level

It’s not okay to reprimand children. You can't ask for it.

You can't be ignorant. This is not something you can ask for.

This kind of denial greatly destroys the child's sense of worth

Just to hide our own sense of lack!

Instead of telling your children that you deserve it

But mom/dad can’t give it to you for now

You will definitely get it if you work hard in the future

Children must be obedient and sensible

Those who are disobedient are not good children.

If they are disobedient, let the bad guys take them away

Just to reduce their own troubles

p>

But it hinders the child's ability to think independently

and make judgments

When the child is born

Parents will have an ideal state The child's appearance

will also be applied to his own children in reality

When the ideal and reality do not match

he will criticize, accuse and compare

Repeatedly, falling into a vicious cycle

But forget that it is just imagination

The child in reality is your child

These are not Do parents impose their own wishes and needs on their children?

I really don’t know if I don’t tell you, but I will be shocked when I tell you!

There is such a big trap hidden here!

Of course, no parent has such intention

It is just unconscious behavior that leads to such behavior!

Ms. Leopard’s need made her ignore the growth needs of her children

As a result, the children lacked the ability to live independently

That mother was needed because she was needed

p>

Exhausting yourself,

Venting your negative emotions on your children

This confusion of concepts will indeed hinder the growth of your children

How to avoid similar things from happening?

First of all, we must understand what are children’s growth needs

What are our own needs

How to distinguish?

The simplest way to understand is to respect the child

Respect him and treat him as an independent individual

Treat him equally!

When we respect children enough,

we will not force them to meet our own needs

When we respect children enough

that is We will not impose our will on our children!

Genetically speaking, a child is a continuation of his parents’ life

but he is by no means an appendage of his parents’ life

He should have his own independent personality and thoughts

He can choose his own choice

And parents only need to let him understand the cost of the choice

and the consequences he needs to bear

Respect enough Children

From an appreciative perspective

We are very happy to participate in the growth of this life

Witness his journey and changes

Of course, there will be hardships and setbacks when growing up

He will also create a lot of chaos and trouble for you

Please relax, this is the price and the only way to grow

And this is also the same experience and experience between you and him

Our parents have to realize their own needs by themselves

Fulfill their own ideals by themselves

p>

Don’t force things on your children.

Because he has his own needs and ideals to fulfill

If there is a methodological trump card for family education

it is the attitude of parents facing life

The way parents work hard to fulfill their own needs and ideals

will definitely leave a mark on their children,

This will also encourage him to work hard and move forward!

Your life will be fuller because of his arrival

He will also become stronger and more mature because of your company and education

Those setbacks and difficulties many years later

can also be told like a joke