I saw this joke and it made me laugh so hard! He kept saying that the emperor wanted to accept the concubine, and he couldn't persuade her. Later, a minister said something, and the emperor didn't wan

I saw this joke and it made me laugh so hard! He kept saying that the emperor wanted to accept the concubine, and he couldn't persuade her. Later, a minister said something, and the emperor didn't want to accept the concubine!

A colleague I didn’t know well was chatting with me. The content of the conversation was extremely boring, just talking about what was going on between him and his girlfriend. I am speechless. After he spoke for a long time, he looked at me, probably meaning that after he said so much, I should express my opinion. For a moment, I really didn’t know what to say, so I blurted out and asked: "Is your girlfriend a girl?"... The exam teacher handed out papers, and the girl behind took an extra one and shouted: "Teacher, I have it. I have it!" The boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine!"... Once, when I was waiting in line to buy breakfast, I found that the usually stern boss was also waiting in line, so I was very nervous and said hello. Finally, he said to the chef: "Master, please give me a cup of steamed buns with two breasts!"... It was the first time in two years that I heard the boss laugh so loudly. I went to buy watermelons that day and heard someone asking the melon seller: Does your watermelon have a skin? The politics teacher once said during a lecture: "Let me give you an example." Then he felt it was wrong and said again: "Give me an example." A classmate explained to me how to dial a certain inquiry phone number. I wanted to ask if the person who answered the phone was a real person or a voice, and I actually said, "Is the person who answered the phone alive or dead?" In my junior year, my classmate went to work in a fish mall. The guest took the picked fish, and my classmate pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him gently: "Go over there, someone will kill you."... The teacher told us: "Be honest when riding in the car during spring outings, don't keep your head turned up I wanted to drink soda that day, so I hurried a few steps towards the cold drink stand to get a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw the beer in front of me and said in a hurry: "Boss, a bottle of soda!"... … When one of our colleagues went to take the driving license test, he said a classic saying to the examiner: Report your appearance, the examiner is normal! …… MM told me about KFC’s new “Blood and Blood” and asked me to take her to eat it. It was extremely hot in Beijing in those days and I was groggy. When I got to the restaurant, I said to the smiling KFC lady: “Please give me I'm both bloody and bloody, thank you! "... At a literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! If a tiger doesn't respond to a cat, you think I'm critically ill! When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. The teacher grabbed XXX in anger and said: XXX, stand on the wall! The whole class is freezing! Me: "That's our physics teacher..." Classmate: "What do you teach?" Me: "Chemistry..." A person in our dormitory drank too much and wanted to pee. Then he said a cold saying: "Drink too much pee." , there’s a lot of wine.” Junior high school art party, Q&A session. The female host: "Everyone, be careful, don't rush too fast. Wait until I finish speaking and start raising your hands!" Then she started to read the question and said, "Now..." At this time, a contestant rushed to answer. The host said: "This classmate is a little too anxious. My shit is still in my mouth, why did you snatch it away..." When I was in school, one day I got a phone call, and my classmate answered it and handed it to me. Said: "Your mother is looking for you." I picked up the phone and said casually: "Male or female." Everyone laughed wildly. I have been laughed at for 4 years... A high school classmate of my classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle shop and flipped his hair coolly: "Boss, two ounces of green onion and no rice noodles!" After that, he added: "Please order more rice noodles!" Boss : "...Do you want rice noodles or green onions?" Once the mother of a classmate in the dormitory called me. I used to say "he's not here", but this time what I wanted to say was "he's gone out". The result was: "He is no longer..." The president of our university used to teach us calligraphy. When talking about his experience, when it came to the year of one's life, one had to wear red. He said: "In that year, what did I do? I didn’t wear any (red clothes) either.” The whole class laughed wildly.

(The fart was made by me) My friend’s child is half a year old. I called to care about it. After a few words of greeting, I came to him: “Is your child taking human milk or your milk now?”… I was buying food in the canteen. When I saw the tofu skin that I had been coveting for a long time, I excitedly said to the waiter: "Get some potato skins!"... everyone around was shocked. What a good donkey to treat as a heart, liver, and lungs... The last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the salesperson: "A bag of potato chips!" They said they didn't have any. I said: "What kind of store...it doesn't even have potato chips?!" After saying that, I turned around and left... During the politics class, we talked about Sino-Japanese political issues, and talked about Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher introduced: "Japanese samurai all had caesarean sections before they died!"... Once I called a customer named Wang. The person who answered the switchboard was a girl with a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know. Knowing whether the person named Wang I was looking for was a boy or a girl, I asked by the way: "Is he a boy or a girl?"... When I was in college, a classmate of mine just bought a mobile phone and got a mobile card. , called the 1860 artificial desk to inquire, and was excited: "Can I ask about your ground transmission service..." From the speakerphone, we actually heard the operator lady politely said: "Our ground transportation service..." The whole dormitory burst into laughter! Yesterday, someone asked me to introduce a girlfriend to me. I originally wanted to ask, "Is it beautiful?", but I ended up saying, "Is it cheap?" I sweat myself to death... A college senior sister, studying educational psychology, was late... walked into the classroom and glanced sideways at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked his senior sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. The senior sister hesitated for a long time and said: ""Sexiness and Sex Theory", this is too difficult to talk about." The whole class fell into disbelief. It turns out that the professor's original topic was: "On Reason and Emotion"... I heard from my classmates that once a girl in their dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins and said to the boss: "A pack of sanitary napkins." The boss actually asked: Do you want fresh food or spicy food? Then the classmate was stunned for a moment and said: Let’s have three fresh dishes. I’m afraid I can’t stand the spicy food... I have a classmate who has been reviewing for the computer level 3 test. One day while playing football, another classmate dribbled the ball to the bottom line and just listened to him. Shouting: Enter! Enter! (Biography) When I was in college, I heard a girl ordering: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potato shreds, without the potatoes! When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture about a new type of material and said: "The sexual function of this material is incomparable to old materials... Oh no, performance and function..." One day I was eating at a rice noodle shop. It was very slow and very hungry, so I finally couldn't hold it back anymore and slapped the table and roared. I originally wanted to say that if the rice noodles were not served, I would turn over the table! The result was: "Boss!!!! If you don't serve rice noodles, I will eat the table!!!!" The whole store was silent for 3 seconds and burst into laughter under the table... It's embarrassing... My parents quarreled, and my dad said angrily: "I'll get you out!" I once went to buy mutton skewers. I stretched out four fingers and said to the boss, "Here are three mutton skewers." The boss was confused and asked, "How many?" I stretched out three fingers and said "4 sticks"... Our general manager's surname is Zhou. One time he called me while I was driving. When I was nervous, I opened my mouth and said: "Premier Zhou..." Once I helped my boss book a hotel and wanted to ask if there was anything free. I couldn't think of a good way to provide services such as Internet access, so I asked the other party: "Excuse me, do you have any special services here?" The other party said: "What? We are a regular hotel for special services!" Queuing in the cafeteria , I heard a boy next to me say: "Master, have a bowl of 'bullet cauliflower' soup!" (seaweed and egg drop soup). A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write the festival section? I answered: Add a festive stanza under the prefix "草" and remove the prefix "草"! Everyone burst into laughter! I didn't react for a while... The physics teacher said: "This is a thick spring. I push it from both ends to see if it has become dense (constipated)?" Boss, do you have a toilet paper card? Some of our colleagues are on a business trip, and the dealer invites us to dinner. If you need to urinate during the meal, the dealer said there is a restroom opposite. If you go there, if you tell the door, we are eating across the street and it will be free.

In order to save two cents, our colleagues walked straight away and confidently said to the toilet man: "I'm here to eat!" I work in the logistics department. During the Chinese New Year, customers called to check when the pre-holiday goods would arrive. , because I was confused these past few days during the holidays, and I couldn’t figure out the content of the order, so I asked casually: “Who are you?” When I was in high school, I went to work during the holidays, and I wanted to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant. Work. Because I was still a child and it was my first time to work, I was very nervous. I originally wanted to ask the manager if I needed some part-time work, but I thought it would be more subtle to ask if I needed more manpower, so I ended up saying, "Manager, do you need any part-time workers here?" A thug? "... Once I went to the market to buy vegetables and prepare for a dinner. A Korean friend bought lettuce for 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change he had to the hawker and was still short of a dime, so he said to the hawker: " I gave all my hair to you, so there is no more hair.” The vendor was dumbfounded for a long time before replying: “I don’t want any of your hair.” The manager usually said to smokers in meetings: “Strangle all smokers to death!” ! I met a colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what words to use to say hello. I asked him by accident: "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed, and my colleague replied: "Have you eaten?"... … When my colleague wanted to ask about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, he immediately asked how the orangutan and Japanese yen were exchanged. After the union chairman gave an impassioned speech, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let us do better work this year than next year! Everyone fell down. I went to the cinema to watch "Pirates of the Caribbean 3". There was a trailer for "Transformers" before the movie started. When I saw the leader of the Decepticons, I couldn't remember "Megatron" or that his team was called "Decepticons". ", because I was so excited, I exclaimed for a moment, "It's so handsome, it's Nan Batian!" What's terrible is that it was suddenly very quiet at that time without any movie sound effects, and many people stared at me and burst into laughter... It was so embarrassing. Got it! I was having dinner with a group of friends. One of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was so depressed that he drank a lot of beer. Then he stood up with a red face and yelled: "Brother! I'm not here to sell you!!" He probably wanted to. He said, "Brothers are not for betrayal"... I was so tired that I even ran out of energy to eat shit... When my colleague started to eat, the phone rang. She said: I am KAO, and I will come to eat as soon as I eat. I remember the monitor in elementary school as being extremely serious. During a self-study class, the classroom was abuzz with people. After maintaining order several times, the monitor finally couldn't bear it anymore. He stood up, slapped the table and roared: If anyone makes any more noise, cut him off! ! ! ...The whole class drank quietly with the leaders and others, raised their glasses and shouted loudly: "Let us die together!" At that time, my mind was too hot... A classmate named Yu Jingbo received a letter one day, and the dormitory guard shouted at the door of the dormitory: " Gan Liangpi, Gan Liangpi’s letter!” A friend got married and gave him a red envelope. My friend politely said no. I said: That's okay, it's only once a year, you must take it... I went to buy pastries. I originally wanted to say, "Two pineapple pies and an egg tart," but ended up saying, "Two oriole egg tarts." "What's even more depressing is that the shop owner actually understood... When I was in college, there was a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a classmate from another class sent her a letter. On the envelope, there is a horizontal line above the lower half of the word "Yun" in her character "Yun". Because the writing was too sloppy, the horizontal line turned into a dot. As a result, the classmate took the letter and shouted in our corridor, "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? I have a letter from you." Everyone in the corridor ran out to see Liu Mang (the gangster). As a result, the girl named Liu Yun was helplessly called a gangster for four years. There was a time when there was a rat infestation at home, so my mother bought rat poison to maintain the peace of the family, but not a single mouse was cured by the medicine. One day very early in the morning, my mother got up and looked at the rat medicine in the corner of the door, and said to herself, "Why is no one taking this medicine?" The whole family fainted... One time, while playing mahjong on a hot day, the power suddenly went out, so I had to buy it. Hold the candle and continue fighting. After half an hour, the heat was unbearable. One person said: "Let's turn on the electric fan, it's too hot." Another person said: "Don't turn it on, it will blow out the candles."

At this time, a girl saw that others had squeezed half of the tube and hers was only a little bit, and she was very puzzled. The farmer came over to take a look and said: Miss, not only did you crowd the wrong place, but you also chose the wrong cow. 10. A handsome guy wanted to buy condoms. A handsome guy wanted to buy condoms. She didn’t know the size. The service lady had no choice but to check. She said to the colleague next to her: "Here comes a box of 5-inch ones, not 7-inch ones... Oh, my God." , get toilet paper quickly. . . . . . . . 11. Caught his ex-girlfriend flirting with her new love. Shadow Pig had just been dumped by his girlfriend. He happened to catch his ex-girlfriend flirting with her new love on the street. The more he watched, the more angry he became, and he wanted to humiliate them. So he politely came forward to say hello, and said to his girlfriend Xinhuan with disdain: "You don't mind the second-hand goods I have used!" Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend laughed and said: "Every inch on the outside is old, but everything on the inside is brand new!" 12. If you miss the roll call after class, 50 points will be deducted from your final grade if you miss the roll call! When he thought of a brother, he jumped over for some reason, so he shouted: "Teacher, you missed something!" The old teacher, who was over sixty years old, looked down and said: "No~" 13. One summer, a A young man in slippers got on a bus. He sat down and crossed his legs. Sitting opposite him was a girl in a miniskirt (without underwear). The car drove off! ! Sudden! A brake! The young man's feet were inserted into the girl's BB, ugh! That’s how it is! Two days later, the girl felt that her vagina was very uncomfortable, so she went to the hospital. When the doctor checked, she was surprised and said, "Wow, your vagina has athlete's foot. It's strange." At this moment, the door was pushed open, and another A doctor broke in and said, "What's weird about this? There was a young man with syphilis on his feet just now!!" 14. Before the masquerade party, the wife suddenly felt unwell, so she asked her husband to attend the party alone. Later, when the wife felt better, she put on a dress that her husband had never seen before and drove to the dance. As soon as they entered the house, the wife saw her husband flirting with other women. She couldn't help but feel jealous and decided to test her husband. She walked up to her husband, spoke coquettishly, and threw herself into his arms. Finally, he was lured to the back garden to have a romantic time. At midnight, when everyone was about to take off their masks, the wife quietly left. And her husband didn't come back until three in the morning. "How was the dance?" asked the wife. "It's not fun at all," the husband replied. "What on earth did you do there?" the wife asked again and again. "To tell you the truth," the husband said, "When I got there, I saw several friends without their wives, so we played cards in the study." "Have you been playing cards all night?" Mrs. screamed. "Yes, but I lent my costume and mask to another old friend. The guy actually boasted to me at the end of the ball, saying it was the most wonderful night in his life! 15. On the wedding night, the bride has already The groom took off his clothes and went to bed. But when he got to the shoes, he ran into trouble because the shoelaces couldn't be untied and became more and more stuck together. The bride was worried and said, "That's stupid, there are some there." Knife, just use a knife to cut it off! "The bride's mother wanted to know if everything was going as she wanted, so she eavesdropped in the next room. When she heard the bride say this, she shouted: "No, you can't use a knife." She said through the wall: "Tell him, just put some saliva on it." 16. There is a couple. The husband likes bowling very much but is also afraid of his wife. The wife loves to smoke. One night, the wife found that she had run out of cigarettes, so she asked the husband to buy them. The husband had no choice but to buy them, but he had already smoked. It was very late and all the nearby canteens were closed. This made the husband very anxious. He suddenly thought that there should be a cigarette seller in the bar, so he went there. When he arrived at the bar, the husband saw a beautiful lady sitting at the bar. So he walked over and chatted with the lady, and then they went to book a room together.

In the middle of the night, the husband suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to buy cigarettes for his wife, and he was afraid that his wife would beat him to death if she knew about it, so he asked the lady if she had any talcum powder. The lady was very surprised but gave it to him anyway. , the husband smeared talcum powder on his hands and went home. As soon as he entered the house, the husband saw his wife standing there angrily. The wife asked her husband: "Where did you die!" The husband replied honestly : "There was no place to sell cigarettes on the roadside, so I went to the bar. When I got to the bar, I saw a beautiful lady, so I went over to chat, and then we went to book a room." After hearing this, the wife said to her husband: "Put your hand "Stretch it out!" The husband obediently held out his hand for his wife to see. The wife said angrily, "You're going bowling with your friends! What happened to your hand?" 17. A couple went to stay in the countryside. , the hotel owner told them to please bear with them, because there were often power outages at night because there was not enough electricity. Unexpectedly, the couple not only didn't mind, but actually thought it was very exciting, so they agreed to make out once the power went out. Sure enough, at night, the power went out every two hours. Several times, the man had to drag his tired body to discuss with the hotel owner and said: "Boss, I am willing to pay more, but please do me a favor. Can we change the power outage to every four hours?" The hotel owner smiled awkwardly and said, "I'm happy to help you, but it's a pity that you came a little late. Your girlfriend has already paid me more, on the condition that every day The power goes out every half an hour!” 18. Carrot saw the ham sausage and said: Wow! He is so rich that he wears leather clothes. Ham sausage: This is nothing. Look at other people’s sausages, they are made of real leather, and we are also wearing this artificial leather. 19. The kangaroo and the frog go to whore the chicken. The kangaroo does it in three or two strokes, and the frog next door just listens to the frog next door saying "Hey!" all night long! One, two, three Hey! Kangaroo is so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said: "Wow!~~Brother Frog, you are great!" The frog said: "Cao, I didn't jump on the bed all night!~~ 20. It is said that there was a shy little boy who fell in love with a handsome boy. A beautiful, elegant woman. Shy, he secretly observed her life every day, and finally found a cycle - she would eat noodles at a certain noodle shop on a certain day every week. He felt that the time was ripe, so he went there on that day. Waiting for her at the noodle shop, when she came in and sat down, he took a deep breath, gathered up his courage, and strode forward to ask her name, "Miss, what's your name?" The lady opened her big eyes and said to him, "My name is beef noodles." 21. A couple was watching people dancing in the ballroom. The husband said with emotion: "This world is really strange. That ugly and stupid man has a beautiful wife." The wife smiled and said, "My dear, you are really good at flattering me." ”