Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Bad antiques

Bad antiques

"Old Ann, what do you mean?" This morning, there was a fierce quarrel in an antique shop called Mingji in Nanbin's famous antique street. "After all, we are old friends for decades. How can you sell fake goods to me as real goods? "

"No wonder I am. Who told you to be greedy and cheap? " Old Zhai, the owner of the antique shop, said unhurriedly.

"When did I take advantage of petty gain? Obviously, you told me that I spent 300,000 yuan to buy this thing because the cash flow in the store was not enough and I needed help! "

"So what? You bought it willingly, I didn't force you. Besides, you have been in this business for so many years, how can you be so careless that you don't even look at things carefully? "

"So, you won't refund your money anyway, will you?"

"The goods have been shipped out and will not be returned."

"That's great! You wait for me! "

Watching Lao An leave angrily, Lao Zhai's wife said, "Lao Zhai, it seems inappropriate for you to do this, doesn't it?"

"Women, what do you know?" Lao Zhai glared at his wife unhappily. "If I don't do this, how can I recover the loss of the antique shop?" ? That's nearly three hundred thousand dollars! "

"Who told you to be greedy for petty advantages? Otherwise, I won't fall in love with that Taiwan Province person. " Lao Zhai's wife said, "But you are so cruel. Don't you dare to play emotional cards and sell fakes to old friends for many years. Your idea is cruel. "

"No way, no business, no rape." Lao Zhai proudly said, "Well, the problem has been solved anyway. Let's just pretend that nothing happened and never mention it again, shall we? "

"Suit yourself." Lao Zhai's wife said, "But I have to remind you that Lao An is not a good crop, so be careful that he will retaliate against you in the future."

"Want to get back at me? Joke! In my old position today, the person who can retaliate against me has not yet given birth to him! "

"You just blew it! Anyway, bragging doesn't have to be taxed. "

Lao Zhai stayed at home for a few days and felt bored, so he wanted to go out and try his luck.

"You should be careful this time, don't be fooled by others." Before going out, Lao Zhai's wife confessed, "There is no second Lao An in this world to pay for you."

"Wife, don't worry. I will keep my eyes open this time. "

Lao Zhai came to the old city, where there is a well-known "ghost market", which specializes in selling all kinds of fake antiques from all over the world.

It is said to be fake antiques, but there are always a few genuine ones buried because the vendors don't know the goods. If you are lucky enough to buy these genuine products, you will make a fortune.

Lao Zhai was in the "ghost market" and was suddenly attracted by what an old man was selling.

"Grandpa, how much is your Song porcelain?"

"You mean the red champion? Boss, you really know the goods. " The old man squinted and said, "I bought this thing from a captain who touched gold." Since you have a crush on the boss, let's make a deal for 3 thousand yuan! "

"Three thousand yuan? ! "When Lao Zhai heard the price, his heart was pounding with nervousness. Damn it, this thing is real. The market price is as high as100,000 yuan, and now it only costs 3,000 yuan. This business is really a good deal.

"Don't buy that thing, or your life will be finished." Old Zhaigang was holding porcelain in his hand, and suddenly a voice sounded behind him.

Looking back, Lao Zhai saw a kind old man looking at him with hale and hearty spirit. The well-informed old Zhai immediately realized that most of what the old man said was true, but the profit of100000 yuan was too attractive: "What are you talking about, old man?" Die! "

He shouted at the old man and left in a hurry with Song porcelain in his arms.

Back home, Lao Zhai solemnly put the porcelain on the desk of the Qing Dynasty and enjoyed it slowly.

"Yes! Yeah! It is really the best in the world. " He couldn't help sighing, "I'm so lucky this time."

He looked at it carefully for a while and suddenly found an inconspicuous red stain on the porcelain. Obviously, it was a pool of blood.

"The old man was so careless that he accidentally stuck blood on it and broke it. What should I do! "

He picked up a brand-new rag and tried to wipe the blood clean, but as soon as the rag touched the stain, the porcelain changed strangely.

"What is this?" Lao Zhai is puzzled.

The porcelain is vibrating and making a "buzzing" sound, which makes Lao Zhai's ears ache. Not long after, when the sound and vibration disappeared, dozens of red shadows suddenly emerged from the porcelain bottle, scaring Lao Zhai to almost have a heart attack.

Those red shadows, like frightened sheep, wear around the room, jumping around, giving out a strange smile of "Jie Jie ……" from time to time.

Hearing this, Lao Zhai got a fright.

"What are you?" Old Zhai shouted.

Those red shadows didn't answer Lao Zhai and continued to fly around the room. Lao Zhai is angry. He picked up a handful of Gu Jian beside him and chopped at the red shadows.

Or because the murderous look is too heavy, Gu Jian is very destructive to those red shadows. After dinner, Lao Zhai chopped up all those red shadows.

"Finally finished!" Old Zhai panted heavily as he pulled Gu Jian and sat on the ground. He was so tired that he fell asleep as soon as he sat on the ground.

"Mr Zhai! Wake up! "

Lao Zhai doesn't know how long he slept, only that he was awakened vigorously. He rubbed his eyes and found that a policeman had woken him up.

"What happened, comrade policeman?"

"What did you do? Do you still have to ask me? "

Lao Zhai was taken aback and looked up quickly. The sight in front of him completely stunned him.

His wife, son, daughter, and Husky raised at home all lay upright in a pool of blood, covered with knife wounds of different sizes, and looked terrible. In addition to seven or eight policemen, there were many onlookers at the scene.

"What's going on? Who killed my family? "

"It's yourself!" The policeman said without looking up that he was recording every word that Lao Zhai said.

"Me? How is it possible! " Lao Zhai couldn't believe his ears. "Why did I just kill my family?"

"Who knows what you think?" The policeman said, "I only know that many of your neighbors have testified that you are fine at home, and suddenly you seem crazy." You pick up a Gu Jian and chop it at your house. Your neighbor tried to stop him, and you cut him. They were forced to report the case to the police. "

"I just cut a person, not a red shadow?"

Old Zhai looked at the side with trepidation, and when he saw Gu Jian lying on the ground bloodily, his heart suddenly understood.

"Comrade police, you can't blame me for this."

"Can't blame you? You are really good at talking! " The policeman said coldly, "With so many pairs of eyes watching you commit crimes, how dare you say it's none of your business?"

"This is all about Song Dynasty porcelain." Lao Zhai told the strange things that happened to him truthfully, and the latter couldn't help laughing after listening. "Mr. Zhai, are you talking about a serial?"

"no! I am telling the truth! Comrade police, you must believe me! "

"I believe you. The key is that in court, the judge doesn't believe you. "

The policeman paused and then said, "Unless something like you will happen again, if I want to believe it."

Maybe God opened his eyes and wanted to make Lao Zhai's grievances clear. The police were just about to take Lao Zhai to the police car when a young man rushed over and said, "Comrade policeman, the situation is not good. There has just been a murder in Antique Street. The murderer took a Gu Jian and killed his family. The most surprising thing is that after the murder, the murderer did not escape, but directly committed suicide with a sword. "

"Do you know who the murderer is?"

"yes. His name is Lao An, and like the owner of this antique shop, he sells antiques for a living. "

"How did Lao An commit the same case as me?" Lao Zhai wondered.

Lao Zhai's doubts were quickly answered. The old man who saw him in the "ghost market" once again appeared in front of him: "Lao An's death was all because of revenge on you. In the hands of a captain, he bought a porcelain specially used to pretend to be a dead man in the Song Dynasty. This kind of porcelain is so murderous that the ancients usually threw it into the sea to avoid disaster. You are always eager for revenge and forget about this murder. If his life is not hard enough, it will not only kill people, but also bite himself. "

"I see." Old Zhai suddenly realized, "Excuse me, old man, how do you know?"

"Because I am maoshan taoist." The old man finished this sentence and left without looking back.