Why do you have a self-disciplined heart but always can't control yourself?

Every holiday, my private letters will suddenly increase, and I will sort them out a little. Everyone is asking the same kind of questions: "Grandpa, my plan was originally set, but the small holiday came, and I played games with my classmates for three days, and the whole plan ran aground." How can I be more disciplined? "

"Grandpa, why can I go to work from nine to five and do it according to the plan with peace of mind, but when I rest, the whole person becomes lazy?"

The above problems are endless, but the root of the problem is the contradiction between self-discipline and holidays.

At first, I often replied, but after reading too much, I shook my head helplessly and threw all these private messages into the recycle bin.

These students, to put it mildly, accept repeated education with an open mind and never change. They can't say it well, they will be fooled every time, and Dangdang is the same.

The reason why these students often make the same mistakes is not because they lack willpower, but because they have made two fundamental conceptual mistakes in self-discipline.

1, Self-discipline for the sake of self-discipline has a widely circulated joke: A reporter went to the countryside for an interview and saw a child who got up at four or five o'clock every day to herd sheep. The reporter asked him: Why are you herding sheep? Answer sell money. Why do you want money? Answer to marry a wife. Why do you want a wife? Answer to have a baby. Ask what the baby is born for. Answer: herding sheep.

In grandpa's view, there is no difference between a classmate who is self-disciplined for the sake of self-discipline and this child who is herding sheep for the sake of herding sheep. If you insist that there is, it is better for children-at least, people have a bigger goal: to marry a wife.

Self-discipline, for what?

Further,

Bob Dylan smokes and drinks (perms) and smokes marijuana, which does not delay people from taking Nobel Prize in Literature;

Duras coffee is served with brandy and red wine every day, so as not to delay others from writing Lover and Love in Hiroshima.

Robert Downey Jr. was addicted to drugs for nearly ten years, and he didn't stop others from giving up drugs to create the only Iron Man in the world.

Closer to home, grandpa has a primary school classmate who still lives in his hometown. His life is very regular: he gets up at ten o'clock every day, has breakfast and plays mahjong with his friends. The game broke up at five o'clock in the afternoon, not winning or losing. Several people pooled their money and went out to drink until midnight, and then knocked on doors along the small commercial street to collect protection money. When the protection fee of a street is collected, I will drill in the hair salon or bath center and light a small pink lamp, do something unspeakable and sleep until ten o'clock the next morning, repeat.

In your opinion, who is more disciplined?

Many times, we tend to over-deify the simple activity of "self-discipline", thinking that as long as we can achieve self-discipline, we can be promoted and raised all the way, become the general manager, become the CEO, and marry Bai to the peak of our lives.

Don't be silly, if success is so simple, then successful people all over the world should be obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Self-discipline should never be an end, but a means. It should control not your behavior, but your heart.

I have met some people with full schedules. When the time comes every day, they will definitely follow the schedule and never slack off. However, when I asked them, "Why are you so self-disciplined?" They are often speechless.

In my opinion, these people are not really self-disciplined. They are only satisfied with the short-term pleasure after the schedule is completed. "Look, I finished another thing as planned."

Through unremitting efforts, they succeeded in living themselves into people on the schedule.

And this is meaningless.

Self-discipline means not getting up at five o'clock every day, reading for an hour and running for three kilometers, but gradually moving towards your core goal by adhering to these small and executable behaviors. For the core goal, please refer to the previous article "Without a goal, you are a salted fish! 》)

We need self-discipline, because we know that our ideals and goals are difficult to achieve overnight, and effective self-discipline can help us accumulate and achieve those seemingly unreachable ideals and goals.

Self-discipline means spending time and changing abilities.

Confucius once said: three rescues a day are unfaithful to others. Make friends with people you don't believe? Can't you pass it on?

In fact, at the end of the day, we can also ask ourselves: What do I want? How far am I from it? Did I work hard today?

Self-discipline lies in self-reflection.

2. Take self-discipline out of context

Our understanding of self-discipline is very narrow. Self-discipline is actually divided into two parts: individual self-discipline and environmental heteronomy. However, we put too much emphasis on individual self-discipline and didn't pay due attention to heteronomy, or even didn't understand it at all.

How bad is the situation?

Tamfu University has a well-known simulated prison experiment: college student volunteers are divided into prison guards and prisoners by flipping a coin. The experimental plan lasts for two weeks. No one told prisoners and prison guards how to play their respective roles, but they soon entered a high state, and their behavior characteristics were highly in line with the expectations of the society for these two roles. In a few days, a real prison was built. "Prison guards" are more cruel and bossy than real prison guards, and "prisoners" are more cowardly and obedient than real prisoners.

This experiment proved the power of the situation. Social psychologists believe that in a specific situation, our performance is partly determined by human nature and quality, but the situation itself can better predict a person's behavior.

There are also some programs playing tricks on people abroad, which are very aware of the power of the situation and entertain the public. There was once a program called "elevator game": a normal passenger entered the elevator, facing forward normally. Later, five passengers arranged by the program group came up one after another, but after everyone entered the elevator, their backs were turned to the elevator door. A funny scene appeared. After a struggle, the passenger silently turned his back on the elevator door. . .

The power of situation is very powerful, and the influence of situation on learning is even more immediate. I am in "Why can the college entrance examination last for one year, but not the postgraduate entrance examination?"? "lists eight reasons, two of which come from the power of the situation:

1, promoting effect. When people around us work hard for the same goal, it will stimulate their sense of competition and improve their efforts and motivation. You chased me in high school, and you took the postgraduate entrance examination alone, and the motivation lost first.

2. Herd effect. When people around us are doing something, we will do it consciously, so the college entrance examination is just like eating and drinking water, but there is not enough time and basically no willpower to maintain it. However, the postgraduate entrance examination seems to be a closed effort, but in fact it is mostly behind closed doors.

Therefore, if you are very self-disciplined at school and on weekdays, your holidays will get out of control. This does not mean that you are a weak-willed person, but that you have changed an environment that is not suitable for learning.

However, many people don't understand the power of the situation. Once out of control, they blame themselves and deny themselves, constantly hitting their sense of self-efficacy and self-confidence. Over time, it is easy to "learned helplessness" and really become a weak-willed person.

The May Day holiday has passed. Did your plan come true?

If not, what's your problem? Is there no clear goal or a good learning environment?

Find the crux of the problem, and then really be self-disciplined. Don't blame yourself for weak willpower as soon as you lose control. This pot has too little willpower.

Let's study efficiently and live happily together! It is recommended to pay attention to WeChat official account Gao Taiye ID:gaotaie 0504.