Seeking funny sketches

Scene: Two chairs, a table and a cup.

Characters: Old squad leader (Shandong) and Lao Hu (Guangdong)

Old monitor: (carrying a military shoulder strap and holding a key, holding up the key to read the label) "12 1 room". (Then I searched 12 1 room from house to house, but kept saying 12 1, 12 1, and the pace started to be the same as 12 1. Then I suddenly found that the pace was wrong, so I changed it to 1. Find the room, push the door in, sit in the chair and fan your feet from time to time) "Oh, it's so hot!" "

Khufu: (looking back) Oh, 12 1 room, I see, thank you! (Then go door to door. Suddenly I smelled a strange smell and followed it. Why is this smell so familiar? Hmm ... It has a history of twenty years!

Old monitor: (I am fanning your feet with a fan at the moment)

Khufu: (following the smell to the door and looking up) 1-2- 1, this is it. (knocking at the door)

Old monitor: (open the door)

The moment the door opened, both of them were shocked.

Khufu: (excitedly) Old monitor!

Old monitor: (excited) Hu Dai!

Khufu: Oh, old monitor, I came here with a smell! Just now, I was wondering why the smell is so familiar. I bet your smelly feet were still enduring it twenty years ago!

Old monitor: You boy, expose me as soon as you meet. I thought you were still a dull boy, but now you can't even find your shadow! How's it going? What did you do after demobilization?

Khufu: First I drove a big car, then I drove a car, and now I'm the factory director!

Old monitor: Good, promising! I've been a soldier all my life! Come, come, sit down. My brother and I are going to have a drink today! Take out a bottle of wine from the satchel, open the bottle cap with your teeth, and take out an old tea urn from the satchel, ready to pour the wine.

Khufu: (grabs the bottle) I'll pour it! Old monitor, how many years has this jar been used? It's antique!

Old monitor: This was issued when we entered school. This is memorable, I can't bear to throw it away! Come on, let's have a drink first!

Khufu: Fuck! (Pour the wine again)

Khufu: Speaking of that time, there were really few soldiers who had read books. They were crazy about going to school.

Old monitor: I can't wait! How are people who have read books treated? Leaders attach importance to it, and comrades also curry favor with it!

Khufu: Yes, write a letter to this person from home, and then write some love letters to that person. What a spectacular sight! (Seriously) As a result, the writing style has also been exercised.

Old monitor: Do you know the high school student in Class Five? His name is ... Oh, that Tao Jing guy!

Khufu: Yes, I begged him to write a letter to my partner for me!

Old monitor: writer! What is the chairman of the Provincial Federation of Literary and Art Circles now!

Khufu: Yes, I collected all the materials when I was a soldier. Let people write and tell them everything!

Old monitor: His first book was about our life as soldiers, and he also wrote that joke you played.

Khufu: Which joke?

Old monitor: Have you forgotten? It was raining that day, and you were stopped by the traffic police on your way back with a carriage …

Khufu: I remember that I just came to the big city from the countryside and didn't know anything. Moreover, being able to catch up with the carriage in those days was even better than driving your own car now. That's the owner of the car!

Old monitor: So you dare to run a red light! Come on, let's relive the old dream and act it again!

Khufu: Play it again?

Old monitor: Yes, I will be a traffic policeman.

Khufu: Well, I'll catch up with that old car twenty years ago!

Voice-over: Thunder, lightning, rain.

Khufu: (driving while walking) It's raining. Drive, run ...

Policeman: Comrade, stop the car, stop the car!

Khufu: ... Comrade, what's the matter?

Policeman: Why is your carriage walking in the middle of the road? How dare you run a red light? This is a serious violation of traffic regulations!

Khufu: The new teaching building in our school is still waiting for this brick. I'm in a hurry!

Policeman: Don't look at the traffic lights in a hurry? Buckle the carriage!

Khufu: Hum, buckle it! (turns away)

Policeman: Hey … Don't go yet. Fill in the form and register.

Khufu: Words know me, but I can't. Press your handprint. (Holding out a finger)

Policeman: Forget it, forget it, you say, I'll write it. What's your name?

Khufu: Hu Dai

Policeman: Are you fooling around? I said how to run a red light!

Khufu: It's not Hu Dan, it's Hu Dai.

Policeman: Which unit?

Khufu: Big units and small units?

Policeman: Big unit?

Khufu: China People's Liberation Army

Policeman: Small unit?

Khufu: From the carriage class!

Policeman: What a fearless underground party! That problem is solved. Where are you going to get this car?

Khufu: Just return to the carriage! (turning to go again)

Policeman: Wait, wait, you'd better go back by yourself! Pay attention next time!

Khufu: Comrade, you should pay attention next time! You are responsible for the later construction!

After the performance, the two laughed.

Old monitor: Look how great you were then! (sarcastic tone)

Khufu: At that time, the carriage class was equivalent to the current automobile company. I felt very proud when I put on my military uniform. I am more proud of catching up with military vehicles!

Old monitor: Do you remember how I criticized you?

Khufu: Remember! (imitating the tone of the old monitor) I said, Comrade Xiao Hu, why are you so confused? I have been in the carriage class for so many years, and I have never violated the traffic rules! This is the quality of your army coachman? Face the wall for two hours and regret it a thousand times!

(then laughs)

Old monitor: You exposed my shortcomings again. I have been entrusted with the omnipotent situation for several years and regretted it for several years! I didn't know this was a confession until I got to school!

Khufu: But that's why we know how poor we are. Therefore, I especially miss those two years in the military school. Without the changes in those two years, I wouldn't be where I am today!

Old monitor: The 50th anniversary of the founding of the school is an anniversary. Don't mention how happy you are to receive the notice from the school! What am I? I've been a soldier all my life, and finally I'm a six-level sergeant, and I'm not an official yet! But I got an invitation!

Khufu: Old monitor, you can't say that. No matter how big the machine is, you can't lack a screw. No one dares to deny the contribution of screws!

Old monitor: No, I'm not denying myself. It's just that most people nowadays value titles and things like that! Twenty years ago, when I put on my military uniform, everyone envied me. Times are different now. Even my wife says that everyone is better than us as a soldier.

Khufu: Powerful what? We sweat as much as any of them, and they may not have tasted all the hardships we have suffered. Wearing a military uniform only asks for dedication, not asking for it. What is strong and what is not? Do you have status, wealth and strength?

Old monitor: I have never asked for too much money. Compared with the past, I am very satisfied with my present life. To tell the truth, I have been a soldier all my life, and I have never been promoted, but I have never regretted it. Nowadays, people pay attention to preparing a backpack to bear the achievements of a lifetime and shine. But I only have one Pojun, and the old tea urn is enough. The army trained me, made me learn culture and technology, so I regarded the army as my home. As you said, the country is a big machine, and everyone has a place in this machine. No matter the position, no one can be short of. I decided that it is my duty to be a screw, do my job well and stick to my post. Before coming, your sister-in-law said, "Don't go. Those who return to school must be high-ranking officials or accomplished people. How shameful you are! " I said that I am as dedicated to the society as they are, and my heart is as hot as theirs. Who dares to look down on me, because I have been a soldier all my life!

Khufu: You're right, old monitor, you are the most admirable! Tomorrow, you must say a few words on behalf of the soldiers who have come out of our time and say a few words from the heart!

Old monitor: I mean, I have to say a few words for our petty officer! There is a phrase that goes like this: "We petty officers have the strength to carry two guns on one shoulder, but we can't find a wife, see our mother, and have no name to contribute to the party." Indeed, I said that officials are not officials and soldiers are not soldiers, but I have worked hard all my life and done my duty. I use what I have learned to serve the army and contribute to the country. Therefore, I must say to my alma mater that you can be proud of me and be proud of a man who has been a soldier all his life!

Khufu: Yes, alumni, let's be like the old monitor. Today we are proud of our school, tomorrow, let our school be proud of us! Come, for our bright tomorrow, for the officers who are as silent as the old monitor, and for the 50th birthday of our alma mater, let's drink a toast and then face the audience. ..