Toothpick and hedgehog joke

1. Once upon a time, there was a toothpick. One day, it saw a hedgehog on the road, so it shouted: "Bus!"

2. When I got home last night, my wife told me that she I just made a best friend and asked me to guess her name. I ignored her and went to Yantai to smoke. She came over and asked me what was wrong. I said I wanted to be quiet. She slapped me in the face and said, "I just made a friend." My best friend’s name is Jing.” I also slapped her and said, “No wonder you’ve been pooping faster recently.”

3. I just went to the toilet in the supermarket. The door was broken, so I held the handrail with one hand. . This is when a buddy pulled hard from outside the door. You guessed it right, he pulled me out. Damn it! I started fighting him without even wiping my butt!

4. When I went to RT-Mart to buy something, I was queuing up to check out. An old man in his 70s asked, "Brother, does he have a membership card? Can you lend it to me?" I looked at him for half a minute and then said no. It's not that I didn't want to lend it to you, it was your words of "big brother" that severely broke my heart.

5. Wife called: "Husband, when will you come back..." Husband: "I'm working overtime, I don't know what time I'll be back!" Wife: "I was watching TV just now, and there was a talk about a women's market. She saw her husband and his secretary entering a hotel, so the woman bought a kitchen knife at the market and rushed into the hotel. The scene was so bloody that I was so scared..." Husband: "I'll go home right away..."

6. The old man who made popcorn when I was a kid said that his pot could pop all kinds of grains, such as corn, peanuts, sorghum and so on. I felt very curious, so I went home, washed some pieces of sweet potatoes (the yellow kind), and asked him to fry them for me. I had never exploded sweet potatoes before. After a sound, I saw a pot of shit spewing out. Where are my sweet potatoes? The old man had a heavy expression and went home to wash the pots.

7. Yesterday I beat my son. Today he said to me: Dad, I will be obedient and don’t beat me anymore. I said: How is this possible? How can we lose this ancestral craftsmanship? Your grandfather also beat me like this before. . .

8. When I was a freshman, I lived with a roommate who looked stupid. One day, on a whim, he stuffed the quilt into the washing machine and washed it! At that time, other roommates were laughing at him, but I was not. I silently helped him buy a new one for him. Now he and I are best friends. Well, who told me to see his father driving a Bentley on the day I entered school?

9. The handsome guy next door always stares at Xu Xu with a sly look. Today I happened to run into him in the elevator with Xu Xu on my arm. So I asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he shook his head. I asked him if he liked the beautiful woman next to me, and he nodded. I smiled proudly: "I like it too..."

10. My girlfriend is fat. How fat is she? Let's put it this way, she opens the curtains in the morning and goes, "Wow, what a sunny day" and I'm lying in bed and it's pitch black!