Ancient comedy sketch script

The Butterfly Lovers

Act 1

(Liang Shanbo enters with his boy.

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Liang: You carry the load, and I lead the horse (like leading a horse, but one person can pretend to be a horse), welcoming the sunrise and seeing off the sunset...

(The person pretending to be a horse is extremely depressed , taking the opportunity to overwhelm Liang with the following lyrics

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Horse: smooth out the bumps and become a great road... (step over Liang)

( Liang stood up and subdued the horse with force, fighting scene)

Liang: After fighting the difficulties and dangers, he set off again, and set off again.

(Liang uniformed the horse and made a proud gesture, and the book boy walked with him to the center of the stage. The horse made a depressed gesture and got off the side of the stage)

(Liang walked to the center of the stage, about to The audience said hello, and some of the audience on the left side of the stage held signs saying "Journey to the West Fans" and began to applaud enthusiastically and shouted: "We are Journey to the West fans! We are Journey to the West fans!") (Note: If the subtitles brand is not eye-catching, Use slogans only if they are effective, otherwise don't use them

)

Liang: (looks dumbfounded) Dear readers, I want to explain that I am not Sun Wukong, and I don't know martial arts (music and lyrics). ), the younger brother is from Hunan, his surname is Liang, and his name is Shanbo...

(Part of the audience on the right side of the stage, using the sign "Water Margin Fans", interrupted Liang's speech with enthusiastic applause and shouting , one of them sang: "The river flows eastward, the stars in the sky join the Big Dipper...")

Liang: (Nearly fainted, hurriedly stopped): Wrong, you are all wrong.

This play is not a performance of "Journey to the West" or "Water Margin", but a performance of "Butterfly Lovers"!

(There was sudden silence in the audience. After a while, someone whispered, "Hey, apart from the four great classics, have you read any other books?" Answer: "No, you said "Butterfly Lovers" is What the hell!”)

Liang: (heard, furious, yelling) Screenwriter, screenwriter, screenwriter, get here, quickly, quickly!

Screenwriter: (running up quickly) Brother Liang, please give me any advice!

Liang: (He grabbed the screenwriter and beat him, punching and kicking him) You stinky cobbler, writing a script smells worse than your feet. I told you not to make it up like this, but you turned a deaf ear to me. Look at me. If I don’t beat you to death, I will beat you to death.

Screenwriter: (crouching to avoid) Oh, don’t fight, don’t fight, how did I know that the cultural level of college students today is so low!

Shutong: (putting down his burden and hurriedly stepped forward to dissuade him and opened the beam) Stop hitting him, stop hitting him, it hurts my heart when you hit him!

Liang: (backs up, walks aside silently, ponders for a moment) Why are today’s college students so depraved, addicted to computers, games and the Internet, and why do they even have such nasty things?

Hey, I am now going to study at the Dream Miracle MBA Academy, the number one business school in China. Will my ending be the same as theirs? Will my ending be the same as theirs? ...(Mumbling quietly, turning around and walking to the side of the stage) The road is long and long, and I will search up and down, and search up and down... (Fade away)

(The book boy helps the screenwriter, ambiguous Separately, pick up the burden, catch up to the beam, and get off from one side of the stage

)

(On the other side of the stage, Zhu Yingtai and his maid came up together.

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I wish: The male rabbit’s feet are twitching, the female rabbit’s eyes are blurred, and the two rabbits are walking side by side. How can they tell whether I am male or female?

(The audience in the middle of the stage was about to shout) Zhu: (Hurrying to stop him) Damn, wait a minute, I am not some Mulan, I don’t want to be stuck in a pile of sweaty old men and hold my breath. live! snort!

Waitress: That’s right, can you keep your voice and breath in such an environment? It stinks so much that it has ruined our beautiful lady...

Zhu: (stopping the waitress) Xiaolan, how many times have I told you not to call me miss? There was huge ambiguity among the Guangzhou generation.

The key point is that we are going to a college to study. Women are not allowed to study there. Otherwise, why would my father spend a lot of money to buy a college student qualification?

Look at me now as screenwriter Liang Zhu

The scholar Liang Zhu

I went to the academy to study. There are no girls allowed to study there. Otherwise, why would my father still spend the money? Spend a lot of money to buy a college student qualification.

Look at me now

Zhu: (stopping the waitress) Xiaolan, how many times have I told you not to call me miss. This is a huge ambiguity among the generation in Guangzhou.

The key is what we have to do

We are all dressed up like this, so be sure not to reveal your secret and ruin my good deeds!

Waitress: Miss (seeing that Zhu’s expression was not right) Master, why do you think you have to suffer so much and take such risks to study in an academy?

Zhu: Hey, you don’t understand this! In today's era, women have no status. It is this evil society. On the surface, men and women are equal, but in the final analysis, it is still a society where men are superior to women.

(Music and lyrics) Do you still remember the opera troupe my old man invited to my house the month before last? It's the one on Broadway in New York. Do you remember that show called "Yentel" starring Barbra Streisand? Isn't it the story of a woman in medieval Europe who took the risk to study despite the church's regulations that women were not allowed to study? In the process of concealing her gender while studying, she still reluctantly gave up on love and continued studying! I was so moved that I washed away the "Baolai" moisturizing lotion I had just applied on my face with tears, so I decided to become a Chinese Yanteel. However, if I could find a tall and mighty person with a jade tree facing the wind, handsome and unrestrained, , but also know how to care about me and take care of me, to comfort me when I am sad, to encourage me when I am depressed, to accompany me when I go to the store, to let me go when I eat, and to be willing to wait. , follow and obey, it would be better to get a new good boyfriend.

(Looking like a nymphomaniac, meditating while walking forward.

)

(The other side, on the beam.

) : (Swaying head up and down, muttering in a low voice) Searching up and down, searching up and down... ("Bang", Liang and Zhu collided with each other.

)

Butterfly Lovers: Ouch.

Liang: Ouch

(The two fell down in an extremely embarrassing scene.

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Zhu: Ouch, ouch, a ghost hit the wall. Oh, the ghost has hit the wall! (He kept making signs of pain on the ground aside.

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Liang: (Getting up with a grin on his face, looking at Zhu aside, puzzled) It’s really weird, this brother Taiwan, it's obviously a man hitting another person, how can you say it's a ghost hitting a wall? Why is a good person just messing around like this? I really don’t know if I am a ghost or a wall? Forget it, it’s my fault that my walking posture was too forward just now, so just give him a hand! (Going over and extending his hand to Zhu) Brother, I'm really sorry. I was just practicing the dazzling and dazzling walking method. What's even more embarrassing is that I have been a pervert since I was a child. Ah, no, no, I have been color blind since I was a child.

Haha, what you were wearing happened to form a "protective color" effect against the background just now, so in an instant, we bumped into your face. It was really an embarrassing situation for us.

(Music and lyrics) Are you okay?

Zhu: (Turns his face angrily) Damn it, you bumped into someone and didn’t apologize properly, and you even insulted my idol “Xueyou”’s song, look at that person’s waist...

(While speaking, he turned his face and met Liang's eyes. Both of them were stunned and were silent for a long time)

Liang: (opened his mouth for a long time) Yingtai...

Screenwriter: Wait a minute! (The screenwriter rushed onto the stage, grabbed Liang and beat him violently.

)

Liang: (hiding and screaming) Hey, hey, why are you hitting people? What, you want to bully others and avenge private revenge!

Screenwriter: (stopped his hand and pointed at Liang angrily) I asked you to familiarize yourself with the script. If you are not familiar with the script, you are making a mistake now! Even before she introduced herself, you and I already knew her name was Yingtai! ?

Liang: Huh, (stands up and points at the screenwriter angrily) I have the nerve to say, as for those ants on Guawa Island in your script, I can read them. He is a world-famous archaeologist.

Up to now, I have relied entirely on my own performance. I just saw that this guy is really handsome, so I was a little distracted and omitted a few words for "handsome brother". It is directly called "Yingtai". In English, it is called "shortcut", do you understand?

Screenwriter: (still wanting to say) Who called you abbreviated, who called you abbreviated...

(Everyone on the stage came over and kicked them.

): Go down, you!

(Everyone returns to their previous appearance.

)

Liang: Handsome brother, I wonder what happened to your waist?

Zhu (turning around, shy) No, no, it’s nothing, I just let youth bump my waist.

(The hand that connected Liliang moved up smoothly)

(The book boy on the side of the stage greeted the waitress and talked happily.

)

Liang: The miracle of dreams! (Discovering the badge mark on Zhu’s chest) Oh, are you also studying at the Dream Miracle MBA Academy, China’s number one business school, which is known as the home of IBM in China, the cradle of GE, and the hometown of Microsoft?

Zhu: (surprised) What, you too?

Liang: Yes.

Zhu: (Happily) Ah, ah, that’s really great.

Liang: Exactly, then we will be sharing the same bed, no, no, we are classmates, so we will stay together. What do you think, brother?

Wish: Great!

(The two of them turned around, only to find that the bookboy and the maid were chatting happily and walking further and further away.

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Butterfly Lovers said in unison: (Sigh) It seems they are much faster than us.

(Everyone comes off the stage.

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