Humorous jokes in classical Chinese

1. Classic Classical Joke

Everyone is equal to me, and the class is full of students. It's so elegant that no students come. "

The joke goes like this: There was a private school teacher who taught the Analects of Confucius. He mistakenly pronounced "Yu Yu Hu Wenzai" as "Everyone is equal to me". Later, a new private school teacher changed the correct reading of "Yu Yu Hu Wen Zai". When "Wen Zai" came, the students thought that the new teacher had made a mistake and did not come to school. People at the time mocked him and said: "Everyone is indifferent to me. The whole class is full of students. I am so depressed that none of the students come to school."

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One day, the wind was gentle and the sun was shining warmly. Yu and his friends gathered in the lower room. The edges were short and the wind was blowing cold, so I had He sighed and said, "Oh, my luck is bad. The dragon is trapped in the shallow water, and the wind and clouds are hidden in the young pines. Who is to blame for not being professional? It's God's fault!"

Yu You also sighed, "Destiny. I have a great responsibility, my bones and muscles are suffering, and the Chinese system is miserable, but you can't do it."

His friend shook his head and struck the can, saying, "The Chinese system is miserable, what can I do? The unevenness of the five continents, but the absurdity of chemistry often lies in remote places and is incomprehensible to ordinary people. Therefore, the suffering of my muscles and bones is not something that you three can clearly understand."

The other person remained silent. They all have endless lives, and some are twice as good as me, so they laughed and said, "Brother's career can be said to be hot, and his wife and children can be said to be hungry. Is that true or false?"

Brother is still beige-colored. Angry, everyone was shocked, "Your career can make a living, but my career is hopeless, so why bother?"

The other three people all looked at each other, but were silent for a long time, and then answered, "No. Vertebrate linguistics too! ”

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One night, I was walking on the Third Teaching Platform when I saw a woman. He came up gracefully, his long hair fluttering, and he couldn't help but look at her sideways.

As I approached, the woman suddenly

stopped and looked at me. Yu secretly said, "Aren't I very handsome?" But when I saw Yi's eyes widened and the corners of her mouth twitching, I

sighed, "Am I too ugly?"

But he saw Yi's eyes getting wider and wider, and his mouth opening wider and wider. I was so afraid that I secretly thought that I was a true gentleman in ordinary times and had never offended her

, let alone never

met her? I almost wanted to turn around and run away, but suddenly I heard Yi shouting "...ah...sneeze!!!". Yi

rubbed her nose and drifted away.

I am already sweating profusely. 2. Classic funny sentences in classical Chinese

1. Chirp again chirp, Mulan flies a plane, what kind of plane is it, Boeing 747. 2. I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in exile in Tokyo, a remote place without music, and finally I never heard of Sima Guang.

3. Money is what I want; beauty is what I want too. You can't have both, just give up money for beauty.

4. If you don’t leave me here, I will leave you somewhere. If you don’t leave me everywhere, I will go to the railway. 5. I have many diseases and cannot survive at the age of nine.

Lonely and lonely, as for the founding of New China. There are no handsome men, but there are always beautiful women.

If the gate is weak and the gate is weak, there will be rest in the evening. 6. And Liu Suying's illness is always in heaven.

Chenshi urine soup has not expired. 7. I love Rejoice in the Holy Dynasty; Li Kui, the former prefect, loves Lafang even more.

Later, Leslie Cheung, the governor, raised ministers and servants. 8. The edict is severe, and the official Ultraman is responsible.

People from all over the universe are forcing me to hang myself. I had no choice but to obey.

9. A minister without a grandmother can live a hundred years; a minister without a grandmother can live a thousand years. Mother and grandson are incomparable to a turtle.

10. Chen Mi is twenty-two this year, and grandma is ninety-nine this year. Please forgive me for the personal relationship.

3. Looking for a joke in classical Chinese

1: The original text of Ji Ji’s story of attacking the chicken. Ji Ji Ji, Ji Ji Ji, the chicken is the thorn chicken.

The thorn chicken is hungry, Ji Ji and Ji Ji help the chicken. The chickens are good, the Ji Di, Ji Ji avoids the chicken, the chicken, the chicken, the rush, Ji Ji rush, the Ji Ji hit the chicken, the dysentery hit a few tricks, the trick is, the chicken gathers a few bases, and the season is the foundation. Ji Ji struck the chicken with her clogs, and the chicken was killed. Ji Ji was agitated, and the story of Ji Ji hitting the chicken was recorded.

Translation Ji Ji felt lonely and gathered some chickens to raise. They were the kind of pheasants that grew out of thorn bushes. When the pheasants are hungry, they cry out. Ji Ji feeds them the millet in the bamboo dustpan.

When the chicken was full, it jumped on Ji Ji’s bookcase. Ji Ji was afraid of getting dirty, so she hurriedly scolded the chicken. The chicken was frightened and anxious, and then jumped on several tables. Ji Ji became even more anxious. He borrowed a bamboo dustpan as a tool to drive away the chickens and threw the pheasants. The bamboo dustpan was thrown very quickly, but it hit the pottery figurines on several tables. The pottery figurines fell to the ground and were shattered. Ji Ji took a quick look and saw the chickens hiding under several tables and squealing wildly. Ji Ji was so angry that she took off her wooden clogs and beat the chickens to death.

Thinking about the experience of raising chickens, Ji Ji became excited and wrote this article "Ji Ji Shooting Chickens". Does this count? . 4. What are some humorous short jokes in classical Chinese?

1. "Bloody with Money"

1. Original text: A man lost his way and met a dumb man. He didn't answer the questions, but made them with his hands. The money sample shows that you can get money before you can give guidance. The man expressed his intention by counting the money. The dumb man opened his mouth to point out the way. The man asked: "Why do you pretend to be dumb when you don't have money?" The dumb man said: "Now In the world, if you have money, you can speak!"

2. Translation: A man lost his way and met a "mute" who asked questions without answering. The "mute" only gestured with money with his hands. He looked like he was asking for money before he would give guidance. The lost man understood what he meant, and immediately took out some money and gave it to the "mute". The "mute" then opened his mouth to point out the way, and the lost man asked: "Why are you pretending to be dumb?" "Mute" Said: "In today's world, if you have money, you can speak."

3. Excerpted from "Laughing Lin Guangji", "Laughing Lin Guangji" was collected by the owner of the game signed in the Qing Dynasty, and was mostly taken from Ming and Qing jokes. set.

2. "You Li"

1. Original text: One official is the most greedy. One day, the two were arrested and interrogated. The plaintiff was given fifty gold. The defendant heard about this and doubled the bribe. During the trial, the plaintiff was beaten by drawing lots regardless of the reason. The plaintiff made a five-digit gesture with his hand and said: "The young man is reasonable." The officer also raised his hand and said: "Slave, you are reasonable." He also raised his hand and said: "He is more reasonable than you."

2. Translation: There was an official who was very greedy. One day he detained the plaintiff and the defendant for interrogation. The plaintiff gave the official fifty taels of gold as a gift. When the defendant heard about it, he doubled the bribe. When the trial came, the officials drew lots and beat the plaintiff indiscriminately. The plaintiff stretched out five fingers and gestured, "I am justified." The official also stretched out five fingers and said, "Slave, you are justified," and then turned over his hand and said, "He is more justified than you!"

3. Source: Youli, pinyin yǒu lǐ, from "A Dream of Red Mansions".

3. "Confusion"

1. Original text: A young blind man was involved in a lawsuit and sued himself for being blind. The official said: "You clearly have innocent eyes, how can you deceive yourself?" He replied: "The master thinks that the villain is innocent, but the villain thinks that the master is very confused."

2. Translation: Yes A man suffering from blue blindness was involved in a lawsuit and argued that he was blind. The official said: "You have clear blue and white eyes. Why are you pretending to be blind?" The man replied: "You think my eyes are innocent, but I think you are very confused!"

3 , excerpted from "Xiao Lin Guang Ji".

4. "Duozi Helps the Battle"

1. Original text: A military attache went out to fight and was about to be defeated. Suddenly, divine soldiers came to help, and they were victorious. The military attache kowtowed to the god's name, and the god said: "I am the god Duozi."

The military attache asked: "What virtues and abilities does the young general have, so that he dares to help the god Duozi to save him?" The god said: "I just feel it. You have never hurt me with an arrow in the teaching field."

2. Translation: Once upon a time, a general went to fight, but he was about to fail. Suddenly, magic soldiers came to help and turned defeat into victory.

The general kowtowed and asked the god's name, and the immortal said: "I am the God of Duozi."

The general said: "What kind of kindness or ability do I have, so I dare to ask the God of Duozi to save me?" The God of Duozi replied: "Only Thank you for never hurting me with an arrow when you practice archery on the school field."

3. Source: Selected from "Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio" written by Pu Songling in the Qing Dynasty.

5. "The Landowner Sees Chickens"

1. Original text: A rich man had an extra acre of land, and he rented it to three people, asking for one chicken per acre. Zhang San hid the chicken behind his back, and the landowner chanted one after another, "This field is not with Zhang San." Zhang San hurriedly offered the chicken, and the landowner chanted again, "Not with Zhang San, but with whom?" "Zhang San said: "You didn't talk to me when you first heard about it, but you did talk to me later. Why?" The landowner said: "At first, we talked about it without a chicken, but later we did it when we saw a chicken."

2 , Translation: A rich man has extra land at home and wants to rent it to Zhang San for planting. (The condition is) one chicken per acre of land. Zhang San puts the chicken behind his back, and the landowner (rich man) will The owner groaned and said, "This field will not be cultivated by Zhang San." Zhang San quickly took out the chicken and offered it to him. The owner of the land chanted again and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?" Zhang San said, "Just now. I heard you say you won’t plant it for me, and then you plant it for me. Why?” The landowner said, “It was nonsense at first, but then you started doing it when you saw the opportunity.” "

3. Excerpted from "Xiao Lin Guang Ji". 5. Where can I find a selection of short jokes in ancient classical Chinese?

The question is inappropriate.

Available online and in bookstores. For example: The original text of the joke is that a scholar was about seventy years old and suddenly gave birth to a son.

Born because of age, it is called age. Not long after, another son was born, who seemed to be able to read and learn knowledge.

The following year, another son was born. He laughed and said: "It's a joke to have a baby at such an old age."

Because of the name, it was called "a joke." The three of them were old and had nothing to do. They all ordered to go into the mountains to collect firewood. When they returned, the husband asked: : "Which of the three sons has more firewood?" The wife said: "I have a lot of age, but no knowledge at all, and a lot of jokes."

Translation There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife Suddenly a son was born. Because he was old, he gave birth to a son, so he named him "Jiu". Not long after, another son was born. He looked like a scholar, so he named him "Xuewen".

Another son was born in the third year. The scholar laughed and said: "It's a joke that you can still have a son at such an old age." So he named it "Joke".

When the three sons grew up and had nothing to do, the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to collect firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife: "Who among the three can collect more firewood?" The wife said: "You are older. He has no knowledge at all, but he has a lot of jokes. "Snobbish people will avoid them every time they are in trouble."

When a fellow traveler asked him why, he replied: "I gave up my relatives." This happened again and again, and the traveler got tired of it.

I met a beggar by chance, and tried to evade him, saying: "I want to give up my marriage." He asked: "Why do you have this order to marry me?" He said: "But the good ones are all recognized by you."

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Translation: There was a vain man. When he went out and saw dignitaries passing by, he stayed away. People traveling with him asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."

This happened many times, and every time he did this, people traveling with him found it annoying. Later, suddenly I met a beggar on the road. The people who were traveling with him imitated his behavior and hid aside, saying, "That beggar is my relative."

The vain person asked, "You How come you have such poor relatives?" The person traveling with me said, "Because you have recognized all the good things." People from the original text of eating olives went to the city to have a drink, and there were olives in the banquet.

The country people tasted it, but it was astringent and tasteless, so they asked the people sitting at the table: "What is this?" As a name, he remembered it and told people: "I tasted a strange thing in the city today, and I named it 'Su'."

The crowd didn't believe it, but the person opened his mouth and exhaled and said: "You don't believe it. , Nowadays, everything is vulgar." Translation: A farmer went to the city for a banquet, and there were olives in the banquet.

The farmer took it to his mouth and ate it. It was both astringent and unpalatable, so he asked the people at the table: "What is this?" The people at the table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously: "Vulgar. The farmer thought that "Cu" was the name of olives, so he kept it in his mind and told people after returning home: "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called 'Cu'."

Everyone. The farmer didn't believe it, so he opened his mouth and said, "You don't believe it, now I'm talking about vulgarity." The original text of the funny joker was to let a guest have lunch, but the guest had already finished the whole bowl, and there was no more food.

The guest wanted the host to know, so he pretended to say: "A certain family has a house for sale." So he turned the mouth of the bowl to the host and said: "The rafters are also this big."

The host Seeing that there was no rice in the bowl, he called out to the boy to add more food. Because he asked the guest: "How much does he want to be worth?" The guest said: "Now that I have food to eat, I won't sell it."

Translation: A man invited a guest to have lunch, and the guest had already finished a bowl. , no one helped him. The guest wanted the host to know, so he pretended to say: "A certain family has a house for sale."

Then he deliberately pointed the mouth of the bowl towards the host and said: "The rafters are also as thick as the mouth of the bowl." The host saw the bowl. There was no food in the house, so he hurriedly called the servant boy to bring him more food.

Then he asked the guest: "How much did he sell it for?" The guest replied: "Now that I have food to eat, I won't sell it anymore." Original text of the lie Some people are used to lying.

His servants will be round in every generation. One day, he said to someone: "A well in my house was blown to the house next door by the strong wind yesterday."

Everyone thought it had never happened before. Pu Yuanzhi said: "It's true.

My well is close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was strong last night. I saw the fence blowing over the well, but it was like the well blowing over the neighbor's house. "One day, he said to others: "Someone shot a goose with a bowl of rice soup on his head."

The crowd was surprised again. Pu Yuan said: "This is also the case.

My master was eating noodle soup in the courtyard. Suddenly a goose fell down and its head fell into the bowl. Could it be that the goose was holding noodle soup on its head?" day.

He also said to others: "The Han family has a warm sky tent, which covers the heaven and earth so tightly that there are no gaps." The servant raised his eyebrows and said: "Master is offended. He is telling such lies all over the sky. How can I cover it up?"

Translation: There was a man who was used to telling lies, and his servants always lied for him. One day, he said to people: "A well in my house was blown to the house next door by strong wind yesterday."

Everyone thought that such a thing had never happened before. His servant justified his lie and said: "It is true that my well is close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was strong last night and blew the fence to the well, just like the well blew to the neighbor's house."

One day, he said to people again: "Someone shot down a wild goose with a bowl of rice soup on his head." Everyone was very surprised and did not believe what he said.

His servant explained his lie again and said: "This happened too. My master was eating noodle soup in the courtyard. Suddenly, a goose fell down and its head happened to fall into the bowl. Isn't it a goose? "Powder soup on your head?" Another day, he said to others: "The Han family has a warm sky tent, which covers the sky and the earth tightly. There is no gap at all." The servant frowned in embarrassment after hearing this. Said: "Master has gone too far, telling such a big lie, how can I cover it up."

Original text of Lishui Xuetai A scholar's servant peed on the baby, and did not urinate for a long time. He was frightened and said: "The school is here." The doll immediately peed.

The scholar asked why and replied: "I saw you scholars were so frightened that they peed and pooped when they heard that they were dismounted. I know this." The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect that this baby could inherit his father's ambition. Keshao is scholarly; I didn’t expect that this school platform is good at benefiting from the water and can help with defecation.”

Translation: A servant in a scholar’s ??house would hold a baby to urinate, but the child would not urinate for a long time. The servant frightened him and said: "The school is coming."

The doll immediately peed. The scholar asked him why and replied: "I saw that you scholars were so frightened that they peed when they heard that the academy was coming, so I frightened him like this."

The scholar sighed and said: "I didn't expect this. The baby can inherit his father's ambition and continue his scholarly pursuits. What's more, he didn't expect that this school is good at diuresis and can pass urine and urine.

"Classical Chinese is a processed written language based on ancient Chinese. 6. Classical Funny Sentences in Classical Chinese

1. Chirp again chirp, Mulan flies a plane, what kind of plane is it, a Boeing 747.

2. I resigned from Beijing last year and lived in exile in Tokyo, a remote place with no music. I never heard of Sima Guang throughout my life.

3. Money is what I want; beauty is what I want. Yes. You can't have both, and you'd rather give up money for beauty.

4. If you don't keep me here, you'll have to go to the railway.

5. I have many illnesses, and I am alone at the age of nine. As for the founding of New China, there will be no handsome men, and my family will be poor, and I will have peace later. Liu Suying's illness is always in heaven. Chen's urine soup has not expired.

7. I love Rejoice when I was in the Holy Dynasty; Li Kui, the former governor, loved Lafang even more. .

8. The edict is severe, and the people in the universe are forcing me to hang myself.

9. I can live without a grandmother. A hundred years old; the grandmother has no minister, and can live a thousand years. The mother and grandson are incomparable to the turtle. 10. The minister is twenty-two, and the grandmother is ninety-nine. Please forgive me for this personal relationship. 7. Funny Classical Chinese Essays

The butcher has only just started his business, but he has never been able to damage Kuifu's hill. Honesty can use a tree with an inch diameter to make a ridge, an island, a kennel, or a rock. However, the guards and ministers can't stand it. The loyal people are frozen for thousands of miles, and the snow is drifting for thousands of miles. They chase the butchers all day long to watch the beauty in the field. , the more you look at it, the more you understand.

It is a good idea to cut down bamboos and take the road to visit the country, but it is not suitable to open the door to listen to the people's faults and block the way of loyalty and admonishment. If the oil spoils the sauce, you will be punished in rows and rows.

If there is an adulterer and a loyal person, it is appropriate to reveal his crotch and bare breasts to show your Majesty's displeasure. Zhang Suiyang, Zhang Fangping, these are all beasts, leaping and jumping?, so the butcher looks like he is enjoying himself with the tourists.

If you are stupid enough to think about reading, you will be able to read "Click". 》To the four drums, the donkey of General Guizhou is very fond of singing, and he is knowledgeable about military affairs. He tried to use it in the past. The butcher said that "the two are fighting, and they want to go first", so Zhongyong was recommended by the public. As a prefect.

If you are foolish enough to discuss matters of war and consult them, you will surely make your banners fall into chaos, and you will be unable to defeat them if you attack them with your own feet. The Han Dynasty was in ruins and prosperous; its eyes were blurred and its feet were far away, and henceforth the Han Dynasty was dejected.

When the butcher was here, he would sigh every time he looked at each other with his sword in hand. I am not able to ejaculate. Taihang, Wangwu, the son of the neighboring Jingcheng family, the god of snakes, this minister who knows Zhenliang's death, I hope your majesty will trust me, and the overthrow of the Han Dynasty will not be achieved.

I am a pure Han who has no idea how high he is. He works hard in the north of the hidden land. He spends his whole life wandering around and leaning against the dangers. He does not seek to learn and reach people in Chu. The butcher did not think that the minister was fierce and chivalrous, but looked around him. He visited the minister three times in the Poshan Temple. He was so grateful that he allowed the butcher to live in the Qing Dynasty and not stay for a long time.

After the value was overturned, at the end of the period, I was ordered to be between the two stocks. When you come, you will be useless. The butcher knew that his minister stopped his cup and threw chopsticks, unable to eat, so when he was about to die, he sent him a piece of wood an inch in diameter.

Since being appointed, I have held the yellow on my left and the blue on my right. I only know how to bend my bow and shoot at the big eagle. I am afraid that the entrustment will not work and I will hurt the late emperor's youthful madness, so I brush Zhang Suiyang with my sleeve and play with it in fear. Incessantly. Now that the South China Sea has been settled, the military revolution is not weak, and there is not a lot of rice and millet. The reward is to lead the three armies, and the people under his command for 800 miles are burned, and those who go forward are mixed.

The reason why this minister repays the butcher's duty is to ride the wind back. As for the losers singing on the road and the travelers resting in the trees, then Yu Shinan, Suiyang, and Fang Ping are all in charge.

May your majesty make people haggard for the sake of Iraq. If it doesn't work, kill him and bring him to the butcher's knife.

If there are no novelists to comment on, then Shinan, Suiyang, and Fang Ping will be blamed for their slowness. Your Majesty will also entertain guests at a banquet, cut their throats, and drain their flesh.

I am so grateful that I should stay away now. I stretch out my sleeves and arms, fighting with each other, almost wanting to leave first.