The more classic jokes, the better. Don't tell dirty jokes to girls.

I met a bank manager in the street. We have a common business relationship. Every time I see him, I see him through bulletproof glass. It's really hard to see him suddenly outside. I greeted him: "Are you out?" This guy paused, put away the smile on his face and replied coldly, "I didn't go in!" " "

I regretted it afterwards and went to the bank to withdraw money the next day. I deliberately approached him and said, "I didn't mean that yesterday ..." He also smiled, "I know you are joking." In order to apologize, I deliberately raised my voice and said, "How can you get in without taking bribes and corruption?"

Contract abortion

I went to see a client. She is about thirty years old and a little fat. We had a smooth talk and agreed to sign the contract the next day. It is estimated that I can make a net profit of 50,000 to 60,000, and my heart is exulting. In order to deepen my feelings when I said goodbye, I pointed to her belly and asked with concern, "Is it six months?" The voice is falling-the noisy office is quiet, and everyone pretends to bow their heads and wait nervously for the following. The smile on the customer's face froze immediately, and his face turned from white to blue-from blue to purple. I saw her abdomen gradually getting bigger and narrower, her fists clenched tightly and her veins stood out-her eyes seemed to burst into fire! I was startled! I don't know what I did wrong, so I said incoherently, "Are you all right, big sister? Don't move the tires. " This sentence caused another burst of suppressed laughter. I seem to understand what's going on and sincerely comfort her: "Men and women are the same, and daughters carry on the family line!" " "When the customer heard this, he stumbled and almost fell down. He held the wall with his hand and barely squeezed out a sentence through his teeth:" I ... didn't ... get married! "

A university has been worried about stray dogs on campus.

Stray dogs sometimes bark at people unintentionally.

Some dogs will also run to the classroom during class and then lie down in front of the podium. ...

One day, the bell rang and the students came into the classroom one after another.

At this moment, I saw a stray dog wagging its tail and swaggering into the classroom. Seeing that the professor didn't look up, I squatted in front of the platform.

At this time, the professor could not help but loudly denounced:

"quick! Somebody get rid of this dog, it's already in this class! ..」

A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and did a lot of tests.

The doctor said: There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have a potential homosexual tendency! ! And it's hard to cure!

This guy said, oh, my god! What's the good news?

The doctor said shyly, I found you very cute ~

A man: "That girl looks delicious. 」

B man: "Do you mean she is delicious?" ? 」

A man: "I mean her" good food "! 」

One day, the physics teacher of a class in a girls' middle school called in sick.

Forty female students are expecting who will take this course.

In physics class, he is actually a handsome male teacher.

A female classmate teased and said, Teacher, can we play some exciting games instead of class?

The male teacher was silent for a moment and said:

Ok ~ ~

Dear students, put away your textbooks and take the exam now! Modify the answer

Examiner: What education?

Candidate: I didn't graduate from primary school.

Examiner: Have you ever been in a fight?

Candidate: This is the usual practice.

Examiner: Do you have a criminal record?

Candidate: Just came out.

Examiner: What about physical fitness?

Candidate: Not bad. You can kick over the peddler's tricycle with one foot.

Examiner: Dare to take other people's things?

Examinee: This is my strong point, just like taking my own things.

Examiner: Does the old man dare to fight?

Candidate: Cai Xiao, my father crippled me.

Examiner: You passed the exam. What our urban management needs is talents like you!

Examiner: One more question. What if something happens?

Candidate: Just say it's a temporary worker.

Examiner: Work tonight.

2. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.

The fashionable girl turned around and said, "Are you sick?"

Confused, the man replied, "Do you have any medicine?"

The people in the car snickered!

The woman felt very angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"

The man said coldly, "Can it be cured?"

The whole car is hilarious!

The bus driver stopped to lie on the steering wheel and laugh!

Second:

The bus was too crowded, and a woman stood at the door.

A GG pushed from the back of the car to get off and said to the woman, "Sorry, get off."

The woman didn't move.

GG stepped on her when she pushed over.

As a result, the woman was too powerful and kept scolding: "You are crazy! You're crazy! ~ ~ ",loud enough for the whole car to watch.

GG hasn't spoken. When he got off the bus, he couldn't bear it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"

There are some funny children in the back who have been playing the scene just now.

A said, "You are crazy! ............................... "B" said, "You repeat the machine, and you .............................................."

The whole car burst into laughter ~!

Later, a little MM also got off the bus, squeezed past and said timidly, "I ~ I ~ I want to go down, I'm not crazy ~!" "

The whole car laughed again ~!

The woman didn't speak, and a word came from the side: "Are you out of power?"

The whole car is laughing ~!

On Monday, I got on the bus with nothing but 1 yuan. Sitting from the starting point to the finish line, I feel very calm all the way. But when I got off at the terminal, I found a note in my pants: "An adult goes out without anything, and it's no shame to lose it." - "

On Tuesday, I took a broken wallet with 1 cent in it. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "We are not beggars, please don't insult our profession. - "

On Wednesday, I still broke my wallet, which contained counterfeit money of 100. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the money was still there, and a note was stuffed in my wallet: "It is illegal to hide large face value * *, please consciously turn it over to the relevant departments. - "

On Thursday, I took an envelope containing a stack of overdue Straits Got Talent. When I arrived at the terminal, I found the envelope was still there. I took out the newspaper and read it. The newspaper was replaced by the latest straits talent newspaper. 1 Remarks: "Now is the consulting era. Only by updating information in time can we seize the opportunity and win success! - "

On Friday, I put a toy mobile phone in my pocket. After arriving at the terminal, the mobile phone was still there, and there was an extra note: "Please don't make such jokes, which will affect the normal work of our company. - "

On Saturday, I took a toy pistol and stuck it in my waist. When I arrived at the terminal, I found that the gun was gone and a note was stuffed in my pants: "I hate you robbers most, you have no technical content at all!" " Confiscate the tools of crime! - "

On Sunday, I was about to get on the bus, and there were too many people to squeeze in. When waiting for the next bus, I felt in my pocket and found that there was an extra 20 yuan, and there was a note: "Brother, our business is not easy this day. This is 20 yuan. You can take a taxi to where you want to go, please don't mess with us. "

Do you want more? I have many. Call me if you like. Respondent: The person holding the white flag is an idiot | Level 1 | 2011-6-2218: 52 | Report.

What is the difference?

One day, a small supermarket downstairs sold a box of yogurt 30 yuan and gave children folding plastic tables and chairs.

Me: "This desk and chair is very good. Do you sell it alone? "

Boss: "sell!"

Me: "How much is it?"

Boss: "30 yuan, give you a box of yogurt ..."

Don't let them find out

One day, I took Niuniu to the self-service bank to withdraw money. I saw a little boy shouting in front of the ATM: "Dad, don't put money in! Why should we give it money for nothing? "

When it was my turn, Niu Niu, who saw me take the money, suddenly glanced nervously at the little boy who was still at the door, motioned me to bend down and whispered, "Dad, we will come here to get it if we have no money. Don't let them find out. "

Aihe steamed bun

The girl is going to break up with the boy. She invited her boyfriend to eat in the school cafeteria. The girl said, "Can we break up? I want to change it. " The boyfriend said "No" without thinking. The girl asked, "Why?"

Boyfriend pointed to the plate on the table and said, "Just like the steamed stuffed bun in this canteen, will people change it for you if you take a bite?"

The girl has some helplessness: "But you are not as good as I thought. What should I do if you don't change me? "

Boyfriend continued: "Just like the buns in this canteen, you wanted to eat meat buns, but you took them by mistake. You don't want to change it for you after taking a bite. Did you throw it away? " Make do with it. "