What is red humor?

Humor can also be divided into colors, such as blue, black, red and yellow. I'm new here, but I dare not expect it. I want to present the red humor of several former Soviet leaders, whose authenticity has not been verified. Smile, those who are interested can also get a glimpse of the personality of Soviet leaders in various periods. The following events are arranged in historical order:

1. Who are you going with?

Lenin was dying, and he was told to call his successor Stalin to the Kremlin as soon as possible. He had a few words to entrust on his deathbed. "To tell the truth, I still have a hidden worry, Stalin." "Go ahead, dear ilych." Stalin listened attentively. "So, people will go with you? I don't know if you have thought about it? " "They will definitely come with me." Stalin emphasized: "I will!" I hope so. Lenin said, "I'm just worried. What will you do if they don't go with you? " "No problem!" Stalin replied, "Then they have to go with you!"

2. Hell experience

Dante, the author of Divine Comedy, decided to go to hell to experience the life in his poems. In hell, some prisoners are drowned in a pool of blood, while others are roasted by fire. Dante suddenly found a pool of knee-high blood under the most hateful villain. Dante is very strange. He looked ahead and recognized beria. Dante asked, "It seems that you are quite comfortable. Why is the blood only below your knee? Lavletti-pavlovic-beria. " Beria proudly replied: "I am standing on the shoulders of Comrade Joseph Vissarion Norwich Stalin."

Go back to your hometown

Once, the famous singer kozlowski learned that Stalin admired him very much and made a request to Stalin: "I have never been abroad, so I want to ..."

"You won't run away, will you?"

"Look at what you said, Comrade Stalin. For me, the villages in my hometown are much more amiable than those abroad. "

"Yes, well done! Then go back to your hometown. "

4. Dirty Stalin's pants

Borsa Koff, chairman of the Film Affairs Committee, handed Stalin a pen after showing a film for him, asking him to sign and approve the film. Unfortunately, however, this pen will not be short of water. Bolsacov took the pen from Stalin in shame and dumped it twice. But he was so stupid that he spilled ink on the white pants of the Supreme Commander. Bolsa Cove was stunned. Stalin saw Bolsacov so frightened and said, "Hey, Bolsacov, are you afraid?"? Do you think Comrade Stalin has only these trousers left? "

This guy cheated everyone.

Bogomolets, an academician of China Academy of Sciences, developed the theory of longevity. He asserted that people can live to 150 years old. Stalin himself is obviously interested in his work, so he is very concerned about his work.

Bogo Molecz's demands were met, and he was awarded various medals and titles: academician of the Academy of Sciences, Stalin Prize winner and socialist labor hero. ...

Bogo Molecz died on 1946 at the age of 65. When Stalin got the news, he said, "This guy cheated everyone!"

6. What did you do?

When Khrushchev exposed Stalin's atrocities at the 20th Congress of the Soviet Union, someone gave him a note. Khrushchev read the note on the spot: "What were you doing at that time?" . Then he asked, "Who wrote this? Please stand up! " . Asked for three times in a row, no one has come forward from the audience. So Khrushchev said, "Now let me answer you. I was sitting in your seat. "

7. Khrushchev and the pig

Khrushchev likes to pretend to be an agricultural expert. I visited a collective farm and found a sick pig. The chairman of the farm explained that the pig had been malnourished since childhood and had been raised stiffly. Khrushchev immediately said, take this pig to my house and promise to fatten it back to you two months later. It won't be long before I get better and go home to play with pigs. I decided to get rid of the pig quickly He put the pig in the stroller at night, ready to push it to moscow river and throw it away. Who knows, I happened to meet mikoyan on the road. "Comrade Khrushchev, take a walk." "Ah ... come out for a walk ..." "Who's this?" "Oh, it's my ... little grandson." "I have a look. Oh, what a good boy! He looks just like his grandfather! "

8. divulging state secrets

This is the real source of the joke version: a taxi driver in Moscow said when chatting with foreign passengers: Khrushchev is an idiot, and later he was arrested by the KGB. After investigation, a few days later, the driver was prosecuted for leaking state secrets.

9. widow

In the Kremlin, Brezhnev picked up the phone to the Egyptian presidential palace: "I am Brezhnev, and I want to speak to the widow of President Sadat!" " ""Widow? President Sadat has been alive? " A surprised voice came from the other end of the phone. Old Bob put the phone down and shouted at the KGB leader beside him, "Bastard! Why did you delay the original action time? "

10. Democracy

Brezhnev on Soviet Democracy During Brezhnev's administration, American President Nixon visited the Soviet Union. At the press conference, Nixon wanted to take the opportunity to promote American-style democracy, so he said, "In our American freedom of speech, anyone can call names in front of the White House:' Nixon is an asshole!'" "There must be no police to arrest him. Brezhnev said calmly, "In the Soviet Union, there was also freedom of speech. Anyone can curse in front of the Kremlin:' Nixon is an asshole', but there is no police to arrest him! "

Brezhnev is in Poland.

Brezhnev is about to visit Poland, and the Polish authorities ordered a famous painter to create a large oil painting named Brezhnev as a gift in Poland. The reluctant painter was forced to accept the job. After the painting was completed, a senior Polish official came to check and accept it. The result surprised him: a man and a woman were lying on a luxurious big bed, and the scenery outside the window was the Kremlin. "What is this? Who is this woman? ! "Senior officials asked angrily. "Brezhnev's wife." The painter replied. "What about that man? ! ""Brezhnev's secretary. " "But where is Comrade Brezhnev?" Brezhnev is in Poland. The painter replied.

12. Two microphones

Andrepov was in power for only one year and three months. He spends most of his time in the hospital. He suffers from severe emphysema. Chernenko finally understood why there were always two microphones in front of Comrade General Secretary when he boarded Lenin's mausoleum to speak. He said mysteriously to Yuska: "Do you know why there are always two microphones in front of Comrade General Secretary? One is for talking and the other is for delivering oxygen to him. "

13. Booking tickets

In the late 1970s and early 1980s, Soviet leaders changed frequently. A Moscow citizen came to the Kremlin to attend the state funeral of the leader. Doorman: "Citizen, do you have a ticket?" Citizen: "Yes, I have a reservation.

14. Kill Gorbachev

The Russian nation is a nation enslaved by vodka, and even the leaders of Brezhnev, Yeltsin and other countries are drunkenly flaunting themselves. 1985 Gorbachev issued a prohibition order immediately after he took office, becoming the only leader in the history of vodka to ban vodka. This is a street conversation the day after the prohibition was promulgated: people lined up to buy vodka, and one person couldn't stand it anymore and said,' I'm going to the Kremlin to kill Gorbachev.' An hour later, he came back. People still waiting in line asked him,' Did you kill him?' He replied,' Kill him? The line over there is longer than here! Vodka is far more powerful than Gorbachev in this strange country.

15. Gorbachev is his driver.

That was when Gorbachev became general secretary. One day when I was on a business trip, I felt that the driver was driving too slowly and urged him several times. But because of the heavy traffic, it still can't satisfy him. Finally Gorbachev grabbed the steering wheel, pushed the driver to the back and drove himself. He rampaged all the way, causing chaos. Someone called to report to the traffic director. The director was furious and questioned the traffic police who changed their position. Director: "Did you see the perpetrator?" Policeman: "Yes." Secretary: "Why don't you arrest him?" Policeman: "I dare not?" Secretary: "Why?" Policeman: "He is a big official." Secretary: "How big is it?" Policeman: "I don't know. Gorbachev is his driver anyway."

16. Acknowledge Yeltsin who pushed the motherland into the abyss

Yeltsin's speech: "Over the years, under the rule of the CPSU, our motherland has been on the brink of a cliff. Now, I can finally proudly announce that our great Russia has finally defeated the CPSU and taken a big step forward. "