Humorous jokes, funny talks, complete works.

1, little me, see through everything with secular eyes.

2, the desolate world is chaotic, don't talk nonsense in front of me.

I advise you not to touch my bottom line, or you will bear the consequences.

4, always so rational, you will never get true love.

5. How can you get ahead without hard work? How do you know your parents' hard work if you don't suffer?

6. If you don't have the potential to be a lady, you must have the consciousness to be a woman.

7. I am not you, I can't be what you want, and I can't be as perfect as you think.

8. What happened to that woman? When I become a strong woman, I will look down on you.

9. Are you qualified to say I love you? I don't know how to repay your love for me. What else do you know?

10, I drink because I want to forget the temporary pain, and then I will understand.

1 1. Even if you know what kind of person I am, you don't know what kind of heart I have.

12, don't pretend to be kind in front of me. I should have known your hypocrisy.

13, always playing dumb, always naive, at least I look happy.

14, everyone has their own way to go, and all the sadness has nothing to do with others.

15, don't compare others with yourself, you never know what he has experienced.

16, whether you are here or not, I am here, waiting for you to turn back.

17, hold my hand tightly, I lost everything, let go of my hand, and I will have what I want.

18, I remember that there was once a person who loved you from the heart, but you didn't cherish it.

19, I am your little monster, and you never know how much it loves Altman.

20. Can you not tell others that you once loved me?

2 1, I didn't have time to participate in your past, but I missed your future.

22. I'm not the kind of person who gives up if you want it, and gives up if you don't want it.

23. What's the big deal about being in love? Get married if you can.

24, not all feelings are like family members, never give up.

25. I am relieved. I haven't contacted you since Finally, it's time to say goodbye.

No one will appear twice in your life, so you can't cherish it.

27, love is the most sad, don't say let everything be a secret.

28. The biggest church in the world can't tolerate your sins.

29. Others don't take you seriously, so don't think too highly of yourself.

30. My sister is Datura, which is beautiful but also the most deadly.

3 1. A truly brave person dares to face blood and life.

Don't pretend to be warm-hearted in front of my sister. My sister can freeze you into ice at MINUS ten degrees.

33.TM men don't break their promises. Don't let go when they say love and ability.

34. Your love for me is not worth it, and my love for you is not worth trampling on.

35. Love is nothing. I just want my family to never betray me.

36. If I get too close to you, you will know that the knife will hurt me the most.

I will let you remember me for a lifetime, so I won't let you go easily.

Come and give me happiness in person, or don't interfere with my happiness in the future.

39, people don't love me, I don't love; If people love me, they will promise each other.

40. Don't think you have drawn an eye on your forehead. You are Yang Jian, and I am still white.

4 1, I don't mind giving up this world for you as long as you still love me.

42. I am not gentle, not a lady, but I am strong, and I have a style that you don't have.

43. Promise to be my lover, then you must be worthy of the word lover.

44. Even if you leave, what will happen? I will still be the same, and I will still be very happy.

45. Do you know why I am not in love? Because affection is more qualified to say forever than love.

46, your sister! Why suppress yourself to help others?

47. Everyone has his own destiny. What does everything have to do with others?

48. God predestined your destiny, but you can choose to stay or leave.

49. The man I like is not handsome or rich, but what does it matter?

You asked me what I like about you, and I said I like you and stay away from me.

Humor, humor, tell me about the complete works

1, God arranged fate for us, but forgot to give us instructions.

When I was in college, I saw my roommate playing games in the dormitory one day. I said to him, "Tomorrow is the exam. Don't you study? " The roommate calmly replied: "The day after tomorrow, am I wrong?" So I continued to argue with him. Just as we were quarreling, another buddy in the dormitory was surprised and asked, "You didn't go to the exam this morning!" " "

Time has taught me that I don't have to wait for anyone except express delivery.

You are so old that you have mastered a specialty without learning other skills. You can sleep well without sleeping pills during the day and get excited without stimulants at night.

I warn you not to touch my bottom line, or I will change my bottom line again.

6. I don't know how to say it. I hope everyone will stop forwarding pornography in space. I think this kind of behavior is quite bad, and it really has a bad influence on others. For example, for me, it's too much for you to make me climb out of bed in winter to find headphones!

7. I know this is a world of looking at faces. I took the money from the school to have plastic surgery.

8. Girls usually have no sound when chatting. Girls use voice when chatting with you. Your relationship with her is absolutely unusual. Delete the note for you, and she can see at a glance that you sent the message.

9. I see through what brothers and friends are, and I don't want to borrow my girlfriend to sleep for two days in such a cold day.

10, the mirror installed at the school stairs tells you that ugly people should read more books.

1 1. My lover is a world hero. One day, he will sneak into the tower and marry me. I guessed the leader, but I didn't guess that Po Hou was a stick.

12, I played with many men, such as Li Bai, Han Xin, the Monkey King, Hou Yi, Xiang Yu and Dian Wei.

13, chasing someone who looks like you, suddenly remembering that there is no you in this city. I put down the brick and almost hit the wrong person.

14, there is no road in the world, and there are so many people wandering around that I don't know how to get there.

15, "If Chinese, math, English, physics, thinking, history, geography and politics teachers come into the classroom at the same time, what will you think of?" "Eight-Nation Alliance's war of aggression against China."

16, how can you take a selfie without a boyfriend?

17, I hope one day we can become strangers again, and then we can get to know you again. See how I kill you!

18, "What can make you put down your dignity and humble yourself?" "Copy homework"

19, I just saw a news that both mother and daughter are flight attendants. I don't know what's good about this, just mother and daughter! Our ancestors were farmers for eighteen generations, and I never show off! Am I proud? Am I bloated?

20. The flowers and plants were plucked up before they could get laid.

2 1, I used to be scolded by my teammates every day when I played the king. Slowly, my fighting ability has improved, and now I don't scold me because they have already scolded me.

22, young only once, how to tell my son that he was not crazy.

23. When I was at school, I often did autopsies. I'm used to dead people. The dormitory is hotter than the steamer at night. The roommate had a whim and said that the morgue had air conditioning. Why don't we sleep there? I have the key. One or two other goods were agreed immediately, and two went. The next day, the janitor was hospitalized.

24. I am not good at arts and sciences now, so I have to learn magic.

25. When I was a child, I had an cartoon. I only listened to the theme song, thinking it was a legendary story about the thief and his son. The song goes like this: "The thief's son and the thief's father ..."

26. If you are lazy with me, you will lose, because I am too lazy to compete with you.

27. Dad taught me: "Don't be cheated by men. Don't believe what men say. " For a while, I didn't know whether I should listen to my father or not.

28. When I found that all wifi had passwords, I deeply felt the malice of the world.

29. Some people say that "I'm hungry" is a test sentence: tell mom that she will get up at once and say "I'll get you something to eat". Tell dad that he will smile and say "OK, let's eat out". Tell your boyfriend, and he will say softly, "What do you want to eat?" Tell your girlfriend, and she will always answer "Me too". So more and more boys choose to find boyfriends.

30. I've seen many hooligans, but I still don't like scum like you.

3 1, quarreling with my wife, I shouted: "Don't think you are beautiful, I won't dare to hit you!" I thought she would be happy to hear this, but I didn't expect her to say, "Don't think that what you said is very reasonable and I will let you go!" " "

32. The boy rode his horse to the edge of the cliff, turned to his beloved girl and said, "I want to ask you one last question, will you marry me?" If you don't marry me, my life will be meaningless, and I will jump off this cliff. " The girl was moved and shouted "marry" to the boy. The horse screamed and rushed down the cliff.

33. I caught the bus in the morning. When I got to the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout: "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."

34. Violence can't solve problems, but it can ease anger.

Since you borrowed money from me, I have been thinking about you every penny.

36. Many aunts say that I am handsome today. Why don't you introduce your daughter to me?

37. I felt like crying, and then it began to rain. I ran to ask my mother about my life. I am Princess dragon three of Donghai. Why did you keep it from me for so many years?

38. Always remind yourself that life is too short to eat, drink and sleep with people who want to sleep.

39. I don't answer every second for a reason. There is a time difference between us in heaven and earth, so I may often not come back every second.

40. "What do girls think of the filth of boys?" "People who hit it off can also hit it off. "

4 1, actually I like math very much. It has no circuitous language, English grammar, historical and political complexity and information, but it just can't, can't, can't.

42. A fat girl is afraid to take the elevator because she is not confident, so she insists on taking the stairs to work every day. So, after nearly a month's hard work, she was fired because she was often late.

43. Please pay attention to parents: These days, a new type of fraud has appeared in society. Liars will forge a report card with a low score, falsely claiming that it is a child's achievement in the name of e-school, WeChat and class teacher, and sow discord among them, causing serious family discord. Please delete the result message immediately after receiving it. Don't believe it. Forward positive energy at will.

Complete works of humorous jokes

Complete works of humorous jokes

1. I met a Jianghu elder brother the other day. He has a carp tattooed on both sides of his calf. The color is red and black, with the fish head on the left facing up and the right facing down. At dinner, someone finally asked about the meaning of tattoos. Big Brother lit a cigarette and said: I was born in March 1976, 15 ... We all cocked our ears and waited for this story that was doomed to bleed. Big Brother smoked a cigarette and said, I am Pisces (@ Memory Vest).

A fire broke out in a hospital. After the firemen put out the fire, they reported to the dean that the fire had been put out. We found three injured people in the basement, two of whom were saved by artificial respiration, and the other was not saved. Hearing this, the Dean fainted, and everyone began to save the Dean. Finally, the dean woke up and said, our basement is a morgue. . .

The priest's daughter is sleeping upstairs, crying. The priest went upstairs and asked her why she was crying. Dad, I'm scared. Not afraid, little baby. God is with you. Dad, why don't you come and be with God? I'll go down and be with Mom, okay?

At the graduation ceremony, the headmaster announced that the first student of the whole grade had taken the stage to receive the prize, but after several consecutive shouts, the student slowly walked onto the stage. Later, the teacher asked the students, what happened? Are you sick? Or did you not hear clearly just now? Student: No, I'm afraid other students didn't hear you clearly.

The kindergarten teacher is asking the children questions. After asking one question, ask the next one, but a child keeps holding his hand high! When it was finally the child's turn, he put his hand down. The teacher asked: You waited so long, why did you put your hand down when it was your turn? The child replied: it's too late, it's already finished.

6. All-inclusive hairy leg stockings are necessary for women to prevent sexual harassment in summer.

7. I went shopping with my girlfriend to buy clothes today. After entering a women's clothing store, I sat on the sofa. At this moment, I saw a six or seven-year-old shota running around. He suddenly ran to the door of the fitting room and shouted: It's time to witness the miracle! The curtain in the fitting room was lifted at once.

8. Men and women have been married for half a year, and the woman insists on drinking red wine for four months. One day, I asked the man, "Everyone says that drinking red wine is good for beauty. Do you think I am getting younger and younger? " ? Are you going to be a girl? M: I think I am talking about IQ. You can go to kindergarten in two months.

9. The reason why you can see a woman's masculinity is because she doesn't like you at all. . .

10. Today, I took my four-year-old daughter to see the pantomime Cinderella. She asked me: Mom, what is a stepmother? I said stepmother. After watching it for a while, my daughter said to me with tears in her eyes: Mom, how can this stepmother be worse than you?

Complete works of humorous jokes

1. Ge Fa's talk: Today, I specially decorated my home very romantically, and the sofa was filled with roses. Take a picture with your girlfriend on the sofa. . My girlfriend is breaking up with me now. . Shit, I forgot to pull out the thorn on the rose. . I silently made up a knife: Did it leak?

2. Several things that people from China seem to particularly like to do when they come to the United States: 1) Buy a pornographic magazine. 2) Go to the driving range to play with guns. 3) Hold a sign in front of the White House and shout: Obama steps down. 4) Log on to Google to search for domestic banned words. 5) Go to Outlets to buy clothes. 6) I visited a famous school and found that there was not even a decent school gate. 7) Find a way to download songs over the wall. 8) Say something bad.

There is a widow with a net worth of hundreds of millions, who is nearly 50 years old, but her charm still exists, and she looks much younger than her actual age. Later, she married a handsome boy who was only 30 years old. How can he marry you when you are so different in age? Asked the widow's best friend. I lied about my age. Replied the widow. You said you were only 30 years old? The friend asked. Wrong. The widow said, I lied to him that I was 70 years old!

Just saw a scraping accident, two car owners were calmly discussing the reasons and compensation, and the two next to them fought excitedly. The reason why they fought turned out to be an argument when discussing who was fully responsible, and then they fought. Now the two car owners are ignoring the car, and they are fighting. . .

Sometimes, suddenly hearing the news that XXX and XXX are in love is just like hearing the news that Meng Po and Yan are in love. What do you mean? Only God knows how they got together. (@ Summer)

6. Classmate A: This word was written by Xin Qiji. Classmate B: How should I know? Sunday.

7. A fifth-grade elementary school girl was laughed at by her classmates because of her breast development and went home to cry to her mother. Her mother comforted her: Never mind, they can laugh at you for two years at most, and you can laugh at them after at least twenty years!

As soon as the bell rang, the students rushed out of the school. On the way to the Internet cafe, two students stood out. Because the two students rushed to the front. Suddenly, one of the students fell down and rolled on the ground twice, with blood all over his forehead. Another student stopped and turned to help him. Who knows, the fallen student rudely shook off his hand and shouted at him, leave me alone! Go and start the machine. ..

9. It is said that the zongzi eaten by astronauts is sweet. The sweet pie said: As the first zongzi to enter outer space, it determines the standard of the future cosmic zongzi. The salty school retorted: this means that sweet zongzi was unearthed, and you don't understand. [

10. Mother and daughter watch Journey to the West together. Mother asked: Why does the Monkey King pass out every time he blows monsters? My daughter thought about it and said that because she hasn't brushed her teeth for 500 years, she has bad breath! Mom said that if you don't brush your teeth, you will have bad breath.

Complete works of humorous jokes

1. Recite words. In addition to various skills, repetition is more important. Look at your children. He usually paints Weibo, doesn't he? Then you change his Weibo password into words every two days, such as ichthyology, Crytoscope and so on. He wants to lose once on the computer, once on the mobile client and once on the ipad. See, within a month, he can definitely quit Weibo!

2. There are gun battles and brotherhood. A dangerous cartoon ~

Just saw a scraping accident, two car owners were calmly discussing the reasons and compensation, and the two next to them got into a fight. The reason for their fight turned out to be that they had an argument when discussing who was fully responsible, and then they fought. Now both car owners ignore the car and are still fighting. . .

Girls got married when they promised their boyfriends to go abroad, and the phone messages of boys never stopped. When the girl had a high fever, he was very anxious. The girl got her master's degree for more than a year, but she married someone else. The girl said to him: Your love moved me! But when I walked out of the classroom on a snowy day and was shivering with cold, it was my husband's car that stopped in front of me in time. He said helplessly, is that why you want to marry my driver? !

5. When a child flies for the first time, he looks out from the window and says excitedly, Mom, mom, the plane is flying so high. You see, the people below are as small as Jing Wanguo, and my mother said with a smile, silly boy, the plane hasn't taken off yet, that's Jing Wanguo. . .

6. Dragon Boat Festival is coming. . . Send you a fat zongzi in advance!

7. Today, in a fast food restaurant, a child grabbed a pile of coins and bills and excitedly asked for this dish and that dish. Suddenly a woman came in, grabbed him and shouted, cooking at home, come back with me! Then the kid gave a hysterical meal: your cooking is terrible! I saved pocket money for two weeks just to eat a fast food. Don't drag me back to help! ! Help! Her mother was blue in the face and was decisively beaten!

8. My family set up a wireless network after the last move. The first time I went home after moving, I found the wireless password posted on the wireless router: 1234567, and then I asked my mother for the password. What should I do if my neighbors can guess it after searching? My mother said disdainfully? Let them guess, they won't guess when they are tired, and neither will the colon in front of me.

9. At noon, my cousin asked my six-year-old son to take a nap. The child is too playful to sleep. Cousin said that you can pretend to sleep for a while and lie to me. The child thinks it makes sense and says, then I'll pretend to sleep for half an hour and get up to play. Cousin said: OK. The child lay in bed and began to pretend to sleep. Two minutes later, he looked at it and fell asleep.

10. I have a friend who is over 400 short-sighted. When he was a soldier, he had to learn the charts by heart in advance. What lines did he say when the doctor pointed him out? The doctor replied, get out! /(ㄒㄒㄒ)/~ ~ What a pity. . .

Funny talk about jokes, the funniest jokes.

1. I visited Taobao yesterday and saw a knife seller with bad reviews. I clicked on it. It says: I ordered the knife from my master's house and made an appointment to fight on the third day. Fourth, Jack nife has arrived! Be sure to save money well in September, go to bed early and get up early, run every day, change your bad temper and lose weight by the way. If not, send it again in 10. 3. There was a teacher's home visit. When I got home, the teacher said to my dad, hello, I'm your son's head teacher. My name is Jinlian. Dad said: hello! Hello! Please sit down, Miss Pan. Head teacher: Sorry, my last name is Jin. 4. Beautiful women take the bus and wear tight denim shorts. The thief approached her slowly behind her. The thief took out the phone of the fart pocket and suddenly turned and shouted, Plug it back in for me, mine is so tight. You think I don't know if I pulled it out? There is a person going to school. He is a freshman. Because his head looks like a brick, his classmates call him a brick man, which makes him very angry. One day, he wanted to see if his head was like a brick. He went to the well and looked down. Suddenly, a voice came from the bottom of the well: lie down and throw it down to try. 6. Daughter-in-law does housework at home, and her husband is lying on the sofa with his legs crossed and playing with his mobile phone. The child suddenly said, Dad, you are really something. I really admire you! Dad asked: Why? The child said: You are really capable of marrying such a good wife, cooking, doing housework and making money. This delicious meal is very pleasing. Dad is proud of it. The child looked up and said to his mother, Mom, you can't. Look what you married. On the Naihe Bridge, a man said sadly to Meng Po, Meng Po, another bowl! You drank 20 bowls, but I don't have any here. Tears glistened in the man's eyes: but she was still there! Meng Po: Damn, black and white are impermanent. Someone is smashing a venue! 8. Yesterday I was looking for puppy love at school, and I found my girlfriend's head. I thought it was over, but her boyfriend wasn't me. 9. My husband and I are alumni. The first time I saw him was when I found his meal card, contacted the school supermarket and returned it to him. He insisted on buying me a drink. Before he left, he pulled into the supermarket and bought me a bottle of water. Later, before I bought me a drink, I asked him if he fell in love with me at first sight. My husband said without thinking, I'm afraid you'll use your meal card secretly. I'll take you to the supermarket to buy something to see the balance. 10. My boyfriend and I are both stubborn people, and no one will admit their mistakes when quarreling. Later, I saw a saying that couples quarreled and made up after dinner. It really worked, so I quarreled with him from time to time. After a long time, he knew he had admitted his mistake. 1 1. Just now, my roommate made us a fruit-washing cigarette and happily brought us a pot of fruit, and a group of people grabbed it in an instant. I didn't move! Not like Kong Rong, but he took my footbath. Watch them gobble and hide their fame! 12. I watched a movie with my husband at the weekend. There are two girls sitting in the front row. One of them is holding a big bucket of popcorn, and they have been eating it since the movie. After eating, the two took out a big bag of melon seeds and began to eat. To tell the truth, I was so bored that I wanted to scold the street, but I held back. I said to my husband: Take off your shoes. ! 13. I wandered around the community today and saw a buddy advertising in the community. I shouted downstairs: XXX, I love you, you can be my girlfriend. I saw him shouting downstairs for a long time, but there was no response upstairs. I guess the woman didn't like him, but the next scene shocked me. I saw that the buddy made a phone call and shouted, "Shit, I ran to the wrong neighborhood." 14. Do you like my gift for you? B: Thieves like it. A: Then why not wear it? I told you, thieves like this. 15. Being arranged for blind date and meeting, they were not satisfied with each other, so they made an excuse to leave and hurried to the next scene. Surprisingly, we met the same person at the same time and place. 16. When I was a child, I woke up my parents by crying in the middle of the night. My mother asked me what was wrong. I said I want to eat cookies. My mother jumped up and tried to hit me. My dad stopped me and said forget it. I want to buy it. Knocked on several shops in the middle of the night, bought cookies and handed them to me. I kept crying and said, I don't want to eat round, I want to eat square, and then have a mixed double! 17. I also sent red envelopes, flowers, rice, wine, a room and TT. Now you tell me that I have my period, and my mouth is still festering. Chrysanthemum has hemorrhoids, athlete's foot, hands and onychomycosis! Sigh 18. When my northern friend went to the southern vegetable market for the first time and saw that all I bought was a carrot, a tomato and a handful of bean sprouts, a complicated expression of shock, disbelief and fear suddenly appeared on his face. Later, he walked home with me silently and said, I just thought the boss would strike the table and cut you. 19. When I was half asleep, I heard the sound of marbles on the ceiling. It's so annoying Why don't the children upstairs sleep? I turned over to go back to sleep, and my wife next to me pulled my pajamas and asked, honey, don't we live on the top floor? I jumped out of bed in fright. When did I have a wife? ? 20. Once upon a time, there was an island. I don't know why everyone disappeared, leaving only two men and an ugly woman. A man can't help marrying this woman! The other one waited for eighteen years, and he smiled, because those two people had a daughter, which was beautiful!