Animal humorous jokes and short stories

Animal humorous jokes and short stories

Animal humorous jokes 1:

It doesn't matter what money is.

At the age of 23, he stood on the balcony of a villa worth tens of millions, with a cigarette in his mouth, watching X6 stop at his feet, but his mind was full of thoughts. Life is the pursuit of money, power and fame, but when you have these, you will feel that these are not important. The important thing is how to live a meaningful life ~ ~ ~ Unconsciously, a beautiful and moving lady came up behind him and said to him, Master, you are here. Is this 100 piece for you to open the toilet? .....

I'm really a little confused

Father and son want to get some money to spend. Dad said: you let mom get it. ? The son replied:? No, you go. ? Dad:? Otherwise, let's grab it together. ? Son:? How to rob? Dad:? I put my mother on the bed. You can look in the drawer. ? Son:? All right. ? It's time to act ... mom is at a loss and scolds: Fuck you, kick your son out and do it again! ?

Keep your voice down.

The babysitter was very loud, and the host told her that all the people who came here tonight were important people, so be sure to keep your voice down. After dinner, the host and the guests played cards. After cleaning up, the little babysitter wanted to go to bed early, so she whispered to the host's ear. Then I'll go to bed first. ?

Pacify the beast

I heard you. Every time I quarrel with my boyfriend, he gently puts his hand on my head, and I naturally express myself. I thought it was a way for him to love me, so I didn't ask! One day I couldn't help it, so I asked him, why did you touch my head when I was so angry? That idiot pointed to the world of Warcraft on the screen. Look, this skill soothes the beast. ...

I'm filming mosquitoes for you.

Three girls went to get tattoos. The first one said:? I want to tattoo a rose? The second one said:? I am a snake. ? The third said:? I want to tattoo a mosquito on my palm, bloody and flat. ? Two girls asked curiously: Why did you tattoo mosquitoes? She said:? If I meet someone who doesn't obey the rules, I will slap him. If he is angry, I will open my palm and look at him. Here, I'm filming mosquitoes for you. ?

Since then, there has been an old legend in our school.

I remember when I was in the first grade of primary school, I won the three good students for the first time and held a meeting to receive the prize. The head teacher said: You are the first one to go up, so you must be polite when you go up. I nodded solemnly. When the principal gave me the certificate of commendation, I took it with both hands, knelt down and gave the principal three heavy punches. Since then, there has been an old legend in our school. ...

I have been shaking the bed all afternoon. ......

Today, I went home and saw the goddess before the third grade of primary school. The two men smiled at each other and remembered the past: at that time, they gave her everything delicious and interesting. Once, there were no adults at home, so we did it. We looked at each other for a while, then I put her on the bed and put the quilt on my head. I did nothing but shake the bed all afternoon. ......

The child was not raised for nothing.

Yesterday, my wife and I took our children to the hot springs. Finally, Xiong Haizi said that she was going to find her mother. Because men and women were separated, I was embarrassed to go in, so I let Xiong Haizi go in by himself, still holding a mobile phone. After coming out, I took a look at my mobile phone and took nude photos of all kinds of beautiful women. I immediately felt that the child was not raised for nothing.

Animal humor joke short story 2:

I'll make it up to you tonight

Lz female, shopping guide, met a female customer tonight and tried on a suit of more than 2000 yuan. When she tried it on, she asked her husband to pay at the counter. Her husband said it was so expensive! She will come back tonight to make it up to you. Hehe, am I thinking too much?

Those are twins, you idiot.

My wife is pregnant and goes to the hospital for B-ultrasound. A young intern told us with a serious face. Get ready, it may be a freak, he has two heads, four hands and four legs! ? We were shocked in an instant, and our wife burst into tears on the spot. At this moment, the doctor came, one? Lightning palm? Hit the young man on the head and curse: Those are twins, you idiot! ?

Still want to die?

? Dude, why didn't you mention it? I will leave your sister-in-law soon. Why? I went to her best friend's house that day. It was late, and her best friend let us sleep in the master bedroom. She sleeps in the guest room. Do you and your sister-in-law know that I have a problem recognizing the bed? What, are you insomnia? No, me? I fell asleep.

That makes sense.

A sister paper in the office just got off the phone and broke up with the male ticket. Immediately shouted: I want to be a queen, and I want 72 male concubines in 3 palaces and 6 courtyards. There is a faint sentence floating in the corner: that's not a queen, that's an actress.

Let's be an ordinary student quietly.

Once our class ran for class cadre, and I wanted to run for monitor. When it was my turn to take the stage, I spoke passionately about how to manage the future goals and plans of our class. At the last climax, I got excited and blurted out: So! Today, I want to announce to you that I want to run for class teacher! ! ! ? I can't forget the surprised expression of the whole class and the slight trembling of the head teacher's shoulders.

Is that why you don't hand in your homework?

Me:? If I give something to others, I don't feel bad about how much I have given. But if the other party insists that I want it, I will be disgusted and would rather throw it away than give it. ? Teacher:? Is that the fucking reason why you don't hand in your homework?

A man who breaks his word.

A woman was caught cheating by her husband, who waved a kitchen knife and questioned his wife and man: What did you say before you died? Wife:? Water under the bridge. Kill if you want, and cut if you want. There is nothing to say, a man of his word. ? Husband:? When did I break my word? Wife:? I thought you said you weren't coming back today. ? Husband:? !

Am I at the wrong door?

Helping colleagues move, picking up the TV and leaving, an old woman came in from the outside and shouted: You robbed! Put it down or I'll call the police. ? I said:? It was Xiao Wu who asked me to help him move. ? Grandma said:? You are at the wrong door. This is not Xiao Wu's house. You will get amnesia at such a young age. ? I blushed and put the TV back. I turned to go, and suddenly my grandmother shouted, Young man, move the TV. Am I at the wrong door?

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