What are the flirting words between husband and wife, humorous and close to life?

After a wife is pregnant and gives birth to a child, her weight becomes a top secret.

Facing my wife's protruding figure, my curiosity to explore the truth is getting heavier and heavier.

One day while boating in the park, I suddenly had a brainwave and drew a mark on the waterline of the boat.

My wife asked me what I was doing, and I smiled mysteriously: "Dear, do you still remember the story of Cao Chong being an elephant?" ?

1, I saw a news on the Internet, the general content is: my husband bought a Tibetan mastiff cub, and he has no time to raise it, but his wife has been raising it; A couple quarreled and the husband hit his wife. As a result, the Tibetan mastiff rushed out and decisively bit off her husband's hand! After watching the news, I asked my boyfriend, "What lessons have you learned from this news?" I wanted to hear him say that you can't beat your wife, but I didn't expect this product to say, "If you beat your wife, you must tie the dog!" "

2. My wife cried in the mirror: "I'm getting fatter and fatter! Getting old! Ugly! " Later, the wife spoiled her husband: "Husband, you flatter me, coax me!" " The husband thought for a moment and said, "Well, wife, your eyesight is still very good!" "

There was a woman who didn't trust her husband and was always afraid that he would break a pair of shoes.

One day, a woman came back from going out and asked her husband, "Dear, are you a prostitute?" .

The husband said, "I don't have a wife!" " "

The wife said, "Nothing, just say it. One person gives you one hundred dollars. "

The husband said, "Go away, I don't lack your 32 thousand."

Xiao Zhang has just been promoted to vice president of the hotel. He was so excited that when he came home in the dark at night, he shouted excitedly, "I'm the vice president!" " Then his wife said in bed, "Go to bed, and your subordinate Xiao Zhang will be back soon."

At a national toll station, a truck driver complained to the female toll collector: It's too tired to climb two mountains to get to you. The female toll collector said: It will be even if it goes down a little. The driver said: Is there any grass next? Female toll collector: ...

6, the man found that his wife and leader were not good, and he was angry with the leader's wife! After listening, the heroine said angrily, "We also went to bed to get back at them!" " Afterwards, the heroine said, "I still don't believe it. Let's take revenge again! " "The man cried and begged," Please, I don't hate them anymore. "

7. The newlyweds are making out at home. My husband suddenly complained, "Wife, this bed is creaking loudly. What if someone hears it? " The wife replied disdainfully: "Nothing. I can't hear the bed ring if I speak louder. "

Because of her excellent work, the female secretary got married with a capable clerk with the help of her boss. First night performance ... groom: keep your voice down, how embarrassing it is for others to hear! Bride: Why do you sound like the boss?

9. "Husband, I am sleepy." "Then get some sleep." "That was a kiss!" "Well, kiss and sleep." "Husband hug!" "Okay, hug, go to sleep." "Husband, you shot me." "Well, my husband will pat you to sleep." "Husband, tell me a story." "... I think ... why don't you stay up ..."