Analects of Confucius: What should you do if your family makes mistakes?

Chen Guo failed to ask Confucius, does your monarch Lu know manners? Confucius replied affirmatively that the monarch knows manners. After Confucius left, Chen Si bowed to Wu Maqi at the door and let him in, saying, "I heard that gentlemen don't form a party for personal gain, don't they?" Lu married a woman from Wu. Obviously, they share the same surname Ji, which is forbidden in etiquette. But shattered glass changed his wife's surname to Wu Mencius in order to hide it. This kind of deviance is called knowing propriety. Who else doesn't know manners? "Wu Ma Su told Confucius about Chen Si's defeat. Confucius said, "I am so lucky. As long as I make a mistake, others will tell me. ". "

This passage tells the story of Confucius being accused and questioned by others. Lu is the monarch of Confucius. Everyone knows that Lu made a mistake, and Confucius naturally knows it. As a national, it is really difficult for Confucius to answer this question. If you answer politely, you will go against the objective facts and tell lies with your eyes open, and others will expose you to your face or behind your back, thinking that you are forming a party for your own benefit and catering to your interests. To be rude is to be unfaithful to the monarch, and others have more reason to attack the monarch. The reason is that even your subjects can't stand it. You should put righteousness above your family. However, in the etiquette system advocated by Confucius, the father hides for the son and the minister hides for the monarch, which means that the father has done something wrong, and the children can't blame and scold, but should quietly find ways to help the father make up for it, otherwise it is unfilial. If a country is not perfect, it should not vent its attacks to the outside world, but should contribute its strength in an appropriate way to make the country better.

What I want to explain here is "there is a difference between inside and outside". Confucius is from Shandong. If he is in the state of Lu and thinks that Lu Jun is not, he can give advice, but when he is in the state of Chen and hears others accuse his country and monarch, he will take the blame for Lu. Just as we find that our relatives have done something wrong, we can kindly point out and make suggestions at home and find that the existing system of the unit is insufficient. We can criticize each other behind closed doors and come up with valuable improvement measures, but we must unite and be friendly and resolutely safeguard the image of our family and unit.

Nowadays, many people, on the one hand, see the shortcomings of their families and units, do not try their best to put forward suggestions for improvement through formal and effective channels, and will only be "angry" birds to spread negative energy in the group; Publicize the shortcomings of family members and units everywhere, as a talk after dinner, thinking that they are "casting pearls before swine" and heroes are useless.

Whether it is a family or an enterprise, it will inevitably encounter various problems in the process of development. As a member, we have the responsibility to put forward suggestions for improvement and make efforts to contribute. It is easy to point out the problem, but it is obvious to solve it. Externally, you should regard yourself as the image representative of your family and unit. Maintaining the image of one's family and unit means maintaining one's own image, speaking openly, and trying to divide one's family and unit into different camps for verbal attacks. In addition to letting outsiders see jokes, I feel that you and your family and unit are incompetent and can't cause any sympathy for your experience. Such people are not conscientious at home and disloyal abroad.

Confucius knew that maintaining the image of the monarch might lead to doubts and accusations from others, but he still supported the monarch and took the blame for him. This is the proper performance of a responsible subject. Not only that, he didn't feel angry or ashamed in the face of accusations from others. He faced it with the attitude of "smelling is happy". He knew he had made a mistake, but he dared to bear it and didn't make excuses to shirk it. He is glad that someone can point out his mistakes at any time.