A short story about wit

No one writes ink

A son from a rich family went to take an exam. His father took the exam beforehand and his score was very good. He thought he would be admitted, but unexpectedly

There is no son’s name on it. My father rushed to the county magistrate for comment. The county magistrate brought the roll to check, and saw a faint layer of gray fog on it, but no words could be seen.

As soon as his father came home, he scolded: "How come your exam paper is so written that no one can read it clearly?"

The son cried: "There is no one in the exam room to polish it for me." I have to write with a pen dipped in water on an inkstone."

Old lady chanting Buddha's name

There was an old lady holding a few beads in her hand while chanting Amitabha, Amitabha. , while shouting: "Er Han, Er Han,

There are too many ants on the pot. I hate them to death. Get a fire and burn them to death for me." Then he read: "Amitabha, Amitabha

Buddha." Then he shouted: "Er Han, Er Han, help me remove the ashes from the bottom of the pot. Don't use your own dustpan, because If you want to burn it, just ask your neighbor to borrow a dustpan. Remember, remember. Amitabha, Amitabha"

A monk is never a vegetarian.

A monk is not a guest. When the master saw that he was a monk, he asked: "Master, do you drink?"

The monk smiled and said: "Drink a little wine, but I never eat vegetarian food."

Except Confused

A man complained to the county government: "I will lose my hoe tomorrow. Please investigate."

The county official asked: "You slave! I will lose my hoe tomorrow." , why didn’t you come to report the crime yesterday?”

After hearing this, the clerk next to him couldn’t help but laugh. The county magistrate immediately concluded the case and said: "You must be the one who stole the hoe! What did you steal it for?"

The clerk replied: "I want to get rid of that fool."

The old man is sad

There was an old man who was rich and wealthy, with a family full of descendants. On his 100th birthday, the house was crowded with birthday guests, but the old man was very unhappy.

Everyone asked him: "You are so lucky, why are you worried?"

The old man replied: "I am not worried about anything, I am just worried about my 200th birthday. The number of people coming to congratulate has increased by hundreds and thousands.

How can I remember them all?"

Arguing for advantages

One person holds his son in his arms? While playing outside, a neighbor jokingly said: "Father and son are of the same blood. Just look at your son and you will know that his face is exactly the same as mine."

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The person holding the child said: "Yes, you and this child were born from the same woman. How can your faces be different?"

< p>Heart-broken

Two villains had malignant sores on their backs and asked a doctor to treat them. The doctor looked at one, then the second, and pretended to be horrified and said: "His heart is worse and can be cured, but your heart is so bad that it has become rotten. Call me How to get a good cure?"

Sparrow Treats

One day, the sparrow treated the birds to wine. It said to the kingfisher: "You are wearing such bright and bright clothes, so naturally please sit on the table."

It also said to the eagle: "Although you are bigger, you are wearing You are wearing dark and ugly clothes, so I have to sit down at the bottom of the table."

The eagle replied: "Why are you such a snobbish slave?"

Sparrow! He replied: "Who in the world doesn't know that I, the sparrow, have a small heart and shallow eye sockets."

Animals bully the poor

A man asked a beggar: "Dogs?" Why do they bite you when they see you?"

The beggar replied: "If I have good clothes and hats, the beasts will respect me."

The emperor. Clothes

A beggar came back from the capital and boasted that he had seen the emperor. Others asked him: "What does the emperor wear?"

Answer: "Wearing a hat carved from white jade and a robe made of gold."

Ask: "Yes. How can I bow to someone wearing a gold robe?"

The beggar spat at him and said, "Haha, you really don't understand the world! Who do you bow to after becoming an emperor?"

< p>Afraid of drowning in wine

Guests come into the store to buy wine and drink. After drinking a glass, they say the word "dun" and keep talking.

Someone else asked: "I think you drank too much. Are you afraid of having diarrhea, so you go squat in a hair pit to get out?"

The man pointed at the wine glass and said: "No. I just want to have a pier so that I can climb up and not drown in this thin water."

Signature Painting Knife

The hotel owner hired someone to write the store sign, then. After the person finished writing, he drew a knife on it.

The boss asked in surprise: "What does drawing a knife mean?"

The boss replied: "I want to use this knife to kill the moisture in the wine!"

Treading on a flat gourd

A hotel has a rule: any guest who comes to buy wine and drink wine will be tied to a wooden post as punishment if he says the wine is sour.

One day, a Taoist priest came into the shop carrying a big gourd. When he saw the man tied to the wooden pillar, he asked what the reason was. The boss replied:

"He lied about my wine being sour, so I punished him."

The Taoist priest said: "Please give me a glass and let me have a taste." The shopkeeper served the wine, and the Taoist priest just said After taking a bite, he ran away in a hurry.

The boss was very happy because he did not say the wine was sour, and hurriedly greeted him: "You forgot the gourd."

The Taoist priest said as he ran away: "I don't want it, I don't want it anymore, you Just keep it and flatten it as a sign of jealousy."

A banner

There is a family in Huizhou who has been fighting with others for years, and they are full of resentment and boredom. On New Year's Eve, the three fathers and sons discussed

"Next year's New Year, we must say some auspicious words to bless us with good luck in the coming year and avoid lawsuits."

The sons said : "Dad, tell me first."

The father said: "This year is good."

The eldest son then said: "There is little bad luck."

The younger son They also said: "No lawsuits."

They asked someone to write a banner with three sentences and 11 words, posted it in the nave, and asked family members to recite it aloud at all times, so as to make people more comfortable.

Auspicious.

Early in the morning on the first day of the new year, my son-in-law came to pay New Year greetings. When he walked to the hall and looked up at the banner, he read aloud: "This year is very unlucky. I will not be allowed to file a lawsuit."

The father and son stamped their feet anxiously and said repeatedly: "Unlucky, unlucky!"

Scolding those who fart

A group of friends were sitting together, and suddenly someone farted. I don't know who it was. Who, everyone doubted someone and gathered to blame him. In fact, the man didn't fart, he didn't argue, he just laughed.

Everyone asked: "What's so funny?"

The reply was: "The one who laughed at the fart also followed everyone and scolded me."

"Pay it off every year." ”

A man borrowed 6 taels of silver from someone and agreed that the interest would be 5 cents for one or two months. At the end of the year, the interest would be 3 taels and 6 cents. One year has passed, and the borrower asked the creditor to pay back 4 yuan in exchange for an IOU of 10 taels, and the creditor agreed.

At the end of the second year, based on the calculation of 10 taels, the interest should be 6 taels. Since the person could not pay back, he asked for another 4 taels in exchange for an IOU of 20 taels

, the creditor agreed again.

At the end of the third year, the sum calculated as 20 taels with interest and principal and interest was 32 taels. He could not pay it back, so he asked for 8 taels in exchange for another one

An IOU of 40 taels. The creditor hesitated, and the borrower said angrily: "You are so heartless! The principal and interest I borrowed from you are not clearly counted in any year. I have already found all the change. How can you pay back the principal and interest?" Aren't you happy?"

Yellow croaker is afraid of the smell

There is a fishmonger who picks yellow croaker with a vigorous pace. A rich man liked his strong feet and hired him to lift them. Unexpectedly, he was carrying the sedan chair very slowly. The rich man asked him strangely why. The bearer replied: "Yellow croaker is afraid of the smell, so he has to go fast. What are you afraid of?" >What?"

Special instructions before execution

A prisoner will be executed according to law. When the guards tied him up, he unbuttoned his shirt, slapped his chest with his hands, and asked him what he meant.

He said, "I'm afraid I caught a cold. This is not for fun."

The officer escorted him halfway and suddenly heard the crow of a crow. He knocked his teeth three times and chanted the sutra seven times and asked him what it meant. He

said: "The crow crows, which means there will be a quarrel. Knocking his teeth and chanting sutras is to avoid fighting with others."

Finally, when it was time to cut him, he begged the executioner: "Please wipe the edge of the knife clean with rough paper.

I heard people say,

If the razor is not clean, I will get sores when I shave my head; if the beheading knife is not clean, I will get sores in the future. When will I recover? ”

A Drunken Monkey

Someone bought a monkey, dressed it in clothes and hats, and taught it the etiquette of kneeling and worshiping, which was very decent. One day, the master held a banquet

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The guests asked the monkey to perform a bow and salute. Everyone thought it was very cute, so a guest gave it wine. It got so drunk that it took off its clothes and hats and spread them all over the floor. Rolling around. Everyone laughed and said, "This monkey looks like a human being when he doesn't drink wine, but when he eats wine, he doesn't look like a human being anymore." "

Learn to be good before death

A criminal who was about to be punished heard that there was a fool somewhere, so he recruited him and offered him 100 taels of silver to lure him: "All this money< /p>

Give it to you. Go buy good clothes and good food. Your wife and family will benefit a lot. After a while, the government will send officers to check on you. I'd like to ask them to tie you up on my behalf. After a few days, they will let you go home. "

The fool saw the table full of lights and quickly agreed to take the silver back. An elder in the neighborhood knew about it and hurriedly came to persuade him: "Return the silver to him quickly

. If your life is lost, what's the use of ten thousand gold? ”

The fool said: “With the money returned, it would be foolish for me to continue living those difficult days.” "The old man sighed and left. The fool spent his money

and the whole family was very happy.

Not long after, the official document arrived and called the fool by name. The officer tied him up and took him to the execution ground. Beheaded. The fool then cried: "I regret that I listened to others' advice and ended up today!" But I learned well today. This is the only time you will suffer! ”

Black Teeth and White Teeth

There were two prostitutes, one had black teeth, the other had white teeth; one tried every means to hide her black teeth, and the other tried to

Trying to show off her white teeth.

Someone asked the prostitute with black teeth what her last name was. The prostitute pursed her lips tightly, puffed up her cheeks, and whispered in her throat: "Gu. "Asked again

How young she is, she puffed her cheeks and answered: "15. ”

Finally, I asked her what her skills were, and she replied in her throat: “I know how to play the drums.” "

Others asked White Teeth what the prostitute's name was. The prostitute opened her mouth and replied: "Qin. "

Asked how old she was, she opened her mouth again and answered: "17. "Asked what she could do, she opened her mouth wide, exposing her white teeth, and said, "I can play the piano." "

Boasting about his son

The father was walking with his son. An acquaintance of the father met him and did not recognize his son, so he asked, "Who is this?" "

The father replied: "Although this man is the ninth-generation direct son-in-law of the true grandson of the imperial court's favorite official minister, he is still

my son. ”

Give me back my red face

Before going to a friend’s house for a banquet alone, I was half drunk and my face was red. When I went to the friend’s house for a banquet, I felt drunk< /p>

The taste is very weak, and the more I drink, the more tasteless it becomes. Even the wine I drank has made me sober, and my face has turned red. After the banquet, I said to the host: "Your wine is very good.

, I just beg you to return my red face! ”

Want to be a son

An old man is described as haggard and weak, but as long as he is said to be old, he will be annoyed. If he is praised for being young, he will

I liked him endlessly.

When one person found out, he deliberately took advantage of him and said, "Although your beard and hair are white, your face is delicate and beautiful. You are not only comparable to a child, but also the same." My newborn baby's skin is as fresh and tender as ever.

The old man said happily: "If your face can be so fresh and tender, I would like to be your son." ”

From fast to slow

The teacher was very angry that the master did not invite him to drink. When the students came to the school to study, he taught poetry quickly and angrily: "Spring Outing< /p>

Fangcaodi. "

The student reluctantly followed the reading with tears in his eyes. However, he understood the teacher's intention and said:

"Father"

The teacher asked: "Father, what do you do? ? ”

The student answered: “Buy meat.” "

The teacher slowed down the teaching of poetry slightly: "Appreciate the green lotus pond in summer. The student still couldn't follow, and the teacher asked again: "What does your father buy meat for?" ”

Answer: “Please, sir.”

"

The teacher's anger gradually subsided, and he slowly taught the third sentence: "Drink yellow flower wine in autumn. ”

Asked again: “When will you invite me?” ”

Answer: “Just today.” "

The teacher was overjoyed and slowly and clearly taught the fourth sentence: "Winter chanting poems about white snow. ”

Open a skylight

There is a person who likes to take advantage of relatives and friends to do errands. He often takes the lead in asking everyone to pool money to host a banquet, but he should pay a share

He often kept it secret and used the extra wine money to enrich himself. The king of hell hated him for his dark conscience, so he was taken to the underworld and thrown into a dark prison to suffer.

But as soon as the man entered the cell door, he shouted: "This room is so dark. There are several people here now. Please collect money to open a skylight."

It’s so bright and bright. ” (The proverb is “opening the skylight” for advocates of embezzlement and corruption who gather everyone’s money.)

At the wedding banquet

There was a crazy son who often liked to say depressing words.

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One day, his brother-in-law’s family was getting married, and his father took him to a banquet with him. Just as his son was about to speak, his father said: “Marriage in his family is a happy event, so don’t say depressing words. "

The son said: "Without your instructions, I understand: 'Marriage is not a funeral. '"

Asking for a pig-head debt

A man went out for the New Year and encountered a bird dropping feces on his hat. He thought it was unlucky and wanted to offer sacrifices to the Bodhisattva to eliminate the disaster, so he went to the Bodhisattva

< p>The butcher owed him a pig's head as a sacrifice.

Not long after, the butcher saw him and said, "I've been owed money for the pig's head for many days. It's time to pay." "

The man replied: "I owe you for many days, but I have an analogy: If this pig doesn't give birth to a head, will you come to me to ask for the pig's head money?

? "

The butcher said: "How can there be a pig without a head? ”

The man said: “Since this doesn’t make sense, I have one more thing to say: If I paid back the money last year and you ran out of it, wouldn’t there be no money left?

The butcher said: "You are even more ridiculous. If you had paid me back last year and used it, you would have saved me other money." "

The debtor lowered his head and thought for a while and said: "This doesn't make sense. I'll just make it clear to you. For example, if this bird droppings are sprinkled on your head, you

yourself A pig's head must be used as a sacrifice to the gods to ward off disasters, so where is the money for a pig's head? "

The pairing of wind and rain

A teacher likes to drink, and he often goes crazy when drinking. Once, he occasionally asked students for a word pair - "rain"

Yes, the student said "wind"

He added three words: "It makes the flowers rain." ”

The student said to him: “You are drunk and crazy.” "

Another five words were added: "It rains in the garden. ”

The student said to him, “We often drink alcohol and go crazy at the banquet.”

The teacher said, “That’s right, but you shouldn’t talk about my husband’s shortcomings.” . ”

The student said: “If I don’t change my ways, I will be my teacher’s teacher.” "

Fart article

A scholar was very good at talking and was used to helping people with lawsuits. The county magistrate hated him and said: "Scholars should read with peace of mind behind closed doors

Shu, why do you need to go to the Yamen to enter and exit? I think the article you wrote must be ridiculous, I will give you a test when I come up with a question. "While he was talking, he was thinking about a topic, and suddenly he farted, so he asked him to write an essay on the fart.

The scholar immediately respectfully presented the words: "Teacher, hold your golden butt high. , fart loudly, as sweet as the sound of silk and bamboo, and as fragrant as the smell of musk orchid. It is a great honor for Xiaosheng to stand in the limelight. ”

The county magistrate laughed and said: “This scholar can’t write serious articles, but he can do excellent fart articles.” There is a mass excrement pit on the east street of this county. He was made to stand by the cesspit and smell the scent of musk orchids every day, so that he would not disturb others when he had nothing to do. "

Inexhaustible

A man borrowed something from the temple for the night and said, "I have things that will never be used by generations to give to your temple. "The monk happily let him stay and was very polite to him.

The next morning, the monk asked what it was. The man pointed to a tattered curtain in front of the Bodhisattva. Said: "Hey, if you dismantle these things and make small sticks for lanterns, how can they be used for generations to come?" ”

The mother of salted eggs

Two people A and B ate salted duck eggs for the first time.

A said in surprise: "The eggs I used to eat were very bland, why are these eggs so salty?"

B said: "Fortunately you asked me about this, tell me You know, this egg was born from a salted duck."

Wooden wedges stop hunger

A certain rich man was stingy and always gave his servants half a full meal. One day when he was about to go on a long journey, his servant asked, "What should I do if I get hungry on the way?"

The rich man found a rope and a wooden wedge and said, "Don't say you are hungry on the way, otherwise you will be laughed at." If you are hungry, I

just say, "I'm hungry," and I will make you feel less hungry."

After walking for a long time, the servant was hungry. If it didn't work, he hurriedly followed the rich man's instructions. The rich man quickly took out the rope and tightened the servant's belly.

Not far away, the servant shouted again. The rich man took out a wooden wedge and stuffed it into the rope. He found a brick and knocked hard on the wedge. He said, "It's so tight, so I won't be hungry anymore!" "

After he couldn't walk a few steps, the servant shouted more urgently. The rich man was furious. He untied the rope and the wooden wedge fell to the ground.

Said: "You Hungry slave, go find someone else, I have such a good guy, I don’t have to worry about no one using it.”

My rough moon

Someone often speaks in a rough manner. Modesty.

One day, he entertained guests and while he was drinking, the moon rose. The guest said happily: "The moon is so beautiful tonight!"

The man quickly raised his hand and said: "Don't dare! Don't dare! This is just a rough moon in my house."

< p>Being an official and a robber

A few people drink wine and compose poems. Each person has to use a poem to describe a person who has the same nature as a robber. One said: "The person who takes the lead in collecting money (the person who takes the lead in collecting money)".

One person said: "Defrauding people and harming others is a bad scholar."

Another person said: "Four sedan chairs are coming to shout."

Everyone started to make a noise. "This is a government official, how can he look like a robber?"

The man replied: "Look at the people sitting in the sedan chair carried by 4 people, 9 out of 10 are better than robbers." It's awesome!"

Xiucai Trial

A fool said: "I wish I had 100 acres of land."

The neighbor said: "You. If you have 100 acres of land, I will raise 10,000 ducks and eat up all the rice in your field."

The two quarreled and went to the government for comment. When passing by the academy, I saw the high red wall and the gate tower. I thought it was a government office, so I pulled him in.

A scholar came out. They thought he was an official, so they rushed to talk about their own reasons. The scholar smiled and said: "One of you goes to buy the land first

The other goes first. Raise ducks, wait until I become an official, and then I will try this case!"

Forgot about the Dragon Boat Festival

Dragon Boat Festival, the teacher did not receive the gift, so he asked the student why. The student asked his father and came back and said: "My father forgot."

The teacher said: "I will fight you with the first couplet. If you don't agree, I will fight." The first couplet he produced was: "Han There are three heroes: Zhang Liang, Han Xinwei

Chi Gong "

The student couldn't answer the second line and was afraid of being beaten, so he cried to his father. The father said: "There is a mistake in the pairing. Duke Yuchi is from the Tang Dynasty, not the Han Dynasty."

The student reported to the teacher. The teacher smiled and said: "Your father remembers things thousands of years ago very clearly. Why did he forget yesterday during the Dragon Boat Festival?"

Confused interpretation

< p>In the Southern Song Dynasty, there was a monk in Suzhou who was drinking and causing chaos. The state official ordered him to be arrested and sent a police officer to escort him to a remote place

where he could be punished. The transportation was inconvenient and the dissatisfaction was resented. Therefore, the sticks were constantly used and the monks complained endlessly.

A few days later, while staying at an inn, the monk wanted to run away, so he said some kind words to Jie Chai and then took out some broken silver

and invited him to drink. Jie Chai, who was greedy for drinking, immediately took off the monk's shackles and drank to his heart's content. After a while, he was drunk and turned into a pile of mud. At this time, the monk found a razor, shaved Jie Chai's head, put sin clothes on Jie Chai, put shackles on him, and then escaped through the window.

The next day, I woke up after a night of work and didn’t see the monk, so I became anxious. But when I looked at the prison clothes on my body and the shackles on my collar, I looked at my head in the mirror and saw it was bare, and my worries turned into joy.

He said to himself: "Haha, I don't dare to run away even if I think of you!" But

after thinking for a while, he was stunned again: "Hey! The monk is here, where did I go!"< /p>

The surgery is over

A soldier was hit by an arrow in his arm and was in constant pain, so he asked a famous surgeon to treat him.

The doctor cut off the arrow tube exposed outside his arm, then asked for money and left. The soldier said: "Who doesn't know how to cut off the arrow barrel? But the arrowhead

is still in the flesh, why do you want to leave?"

The doctor shook his head and said: "I have already done the surgery. Done, the arrow in the flesh is a matter of internal medicine!”

Where is the wind?

It is hot in the middle of the summer. Several officials were discussing official matters and talked about the hot weather. Where is the best place to enjoy the cool air? One person

said: "There is a garden where the water pavilion is very cool."

One person said: "There is a temple where the hall is very cool."

A common person shouted at the side: "It's the coldest in the Yamen Hall!"

All the officials asked in surprise: "Why?"

The common people laughed and said: "There is no sky there!" Why isn’t the wind cool in a place where the sun shines?”

Rotten Plate

Once upon a time, there was a magistrate who swore to God when he took office: “If I want money with my left hand, I will give it to you.” The left hand is rotten; if the right hand wants money, the right hand is rotten." Soon, someone offered him a lot of money as a bribe. He wanted to accept it, but was afraid of violating his oath. After thinking about it, I came up with a solution: ask someone to bring out an empty plate, ask the briber to put the money in it, and then put it in.

The official comforted himself and said: "The punishment I swore and swore at that time was money, but today the payment is silver. My master never did anything. If I wanted to,

it would only rot the plate. It has nothing to do with me."

"Integrity official" wrote a couplet

A new county official, in order to show his integrity, posted a couplet on the door: "If you accept Muye's money, you will be punished. Heaven and earth will destroy him; just like

Listen to what the government officials said, men are thieves and women are prostitutes!" The people saw this and thought he was an upright official, and were very happy.

Soon, the county official became corrupt. In order not to conflict with the couplet, all bribery must be done openly during the day; as for money, the parties must personally deliver it themselves, and the government officials are not allowed to handle it.

Understanding the truth

The son did not like reading, so the father locked him in the study room and ordered: "Read the book carefully with your eyes and think about it again and again in your mind

If you read the book, you will understand the truth from the book!”

Three days later, his father asked him if he had understood any truth from the book.

The son said seriously: "You are absolutely right! I read according to your teachings for three days and gained a lot. I understand:

The book was originally printed ! "

A square snake

Someone saw a snake and exaggerated: "It is 10 feet wide and 100 feet long."

Others naturally don't believe it. He then reduced the length of the snake by 20 feet. People still didn't believe it, so he reduced the length of the snake by 30 feet,

40 feet, and finally reduced it to 10 feet.

Someone said: "According to what you said, it is 10 feet long and 10 feet wide. This snake -"

The man shouted awkwardly: "Oh, it has become a square." Snake!”

Don’t take any medicine

A doctor was very ill. Before he died, he shouted in bed: “If a good doctor can cure my disease, , I have a family member who will give me the elixir of life. If he takes it, he will live for hundreds of years!” The landlord was very mean to his servants. He neither gave them food nor wages, and the servants were all angry.

Once, a friend said to him: "I will give you a servant who will not eat and will not be paid."

The landlord asked: "What will he eat if he does not eat?"

The friend replied: "He has learned a way of eating Fengqi cigarettes and does not eat anything else all day long."

The landlord shook his head and said: "I don't want it."

The friend asked: "Why?"

The landowner replied: "When I hire a man, I want his excrement to fertilize the fields. The servant you recommended only smokes cigarettes and does not excrement, so what do I get< /p>

What about Feitian? ”

Laughing at being drunk

There is a man who likes to drink, and no matter how much he drinks, he will go crazy. His wife is very angry.

Once, he asked his wife for a drink.

His wife poured the water soaked in ramie into a jug and gave it to him to drink. After drinking for a while, he started to get angry again.

The wife scolded: "You will become drunk and crazy after eating hemp-soaked water?"

He laughed and said, "No wonder I can't go crazy no matter how much I move today!"

A louse

Many people were drinking together. One person felt itchy, so he scratched it and suddenly felt a louse. Afraid of being laughed at by others

for being dirty, he threw the lice on the ground and pretended to be dignified and said, "I thought it was a lice."

A guest picked it up The louse looked at it carefully and said to everyone: "Hey, I thought it was not a louse."

Coarse clothes and soft clothes

The rich man and his guests were talking in the hall, and the servant came Send tea. He had no clothes on his body and only used two thin tiles to cover his lower body from front to back

with a straw rope tied in the middle. The rich man scolded: "How do you behave when there are guests here? Wearing such thick clothes! Go and change into something light and soft!"

After a while, the servant explained Remove the tiles, replace them with lotus leaves, and come to the hall again.

The guest said: "The expenses in the house are too extravagant!"

The rich man asked: "Where is the luxury?"

The guest replied: "You servant , I have both rough clothes and soft clothes, isn’t it luxurious?”

The rich man said, “When this servant comes to my house, I want him to go back to his own house for dinner. I only care about his clothes.” How can I keep him if he wears one suit and another?"

Wood carving food

The rich man invited guests to dinner, and the table was filled with dishes. Fruity points. However, they are all carved from wood, and their surfaces are painted with colorful colors.

The guest said: "Although these foods look good, they cannot solve hunger."

The rich man said: "As long as they look good, you will be full after eating them."

Busy in chanting sutras

In a riverside temple, a monk was chanting sutras. Suddenly he heard a bell ringing in the corner of the temple, and he called out repeatedly: "Apprentice, apprentice, the bell

sounded very loud, the wind It must be very big, and there must be a boat capsized in the river. I am chanting and praying, and I don’t have time to go out. Please help me to salvage something from the river bank. If someone is drowned in the water, don’t save it. ."

Special "Firecrackers"

On the first day of the Lunar New Year, every house opens the door and fires off three firecrackers to celebrate the Spring Festival. It is taboo for everyone not to go off the firecrackers. One person said:

"Every time my family celebrates the New Year, I always tap the table with a ruler three times. It doesn't cost money, and I don't have to worry about causing a fire, and it's three times

' "Firecrackers', all of them burst, there is no 'dumb explosion'"

Limited lifespan

An old man celebrated his 100th birthday, and a certain person said: "Wish you a happy birthday!" You live to be 120 years old."

The old man was very angry and accused: "I don't rely on you to support me, why should I limit my life span?

Year?”

It changed instantly

A rich man accidentally farted while sitting in the living room, and there happened to be two guests next to him. One guest hurriedly said:

"Although your fart is noisy, it doesn't smell at all."

Another one also said: "Not only does it not stink, it also has a strange smell." Fragrant."

The rich man immediately said with a frown: "I heard that farts don't smell bad, so it must be that the internal organs are damaged and death is coming. Am I going to die?

Am I going to die? "

A guest hurriedly raised his hand in the air and sniffed several times with his nose:

"The smell is coming."

Another person. Wrinkling his nose, he sniffed a few times, then covered his nose with his hands and said:

"Oh, the smell here is even worse."

Standing in his thirties

The teacher gave a question about "standing at thirty" and asked two students to explain the topic.

One student wrote: "Two fifteen-year-olds dare not sit on chairs and benches even though they have chairs."

Another student wrote: "They are half the age of sixty. It’s just that you have to stand on two legs.”

Two clay statues

There are two clay statues in a temple: the Taoist founder Laojun is on the left, and the Buddhist founder Sakyamuni is on the left. right side. As a rule, the left has a higher status than the

right.

One day, a monk came in and saw it. He was very dissatisfied and said: "My Buddha's power is boundless, how can I be inferior to Laojun?

So he moved the Buddha statue to The left side of the statue of Laojun.

A Taoist priest saw it and said angrily: "Our Taoist ancestors are extremely noble, how can we succumb to Buddhism and put it on the right side?

After that, he put the statue of Lao Jun again. Move to the left of the Buddha statue.

The two kept moving each other back and forth, and even broke the two statues.

Identify the character "鱼"

Someone asked how to write the character "鱼", and someone else wrote him the character "鱼" (the traditional Chinese character for "鱼"). He looked at the word

horizontally and vertically, and finally shook his head: "This word has two horns on its head and four legs at its feet. Where can it be like a fish swimming in the water?

< p>'s horns and legs?"

The writer said: "This is indeed the word 'fish'. If you say it's not, what is it?"

He shook his head in a serious manner. Said: "Look, I see, it has horns and legs, it must be an animal that walks on land. What word it is depends on the size of your writing: if you write it big, it must be an ox; if you write it big, it must be an ox; If it’s neither big nor small, it’s a deer; if it’s small, it’s a sheep

”

The name is glorious

There is an old lady Wang who is rich. And easy to talk nonsense. She made herself a coffin and wanted to inscribe something on it, so she rewarded the Taoist priest with a lot of money and asked him to come up with a glorious name so that she would have a good reputation after her death. The Taoist priest thought about it and finally wrote this sample title: "The Grand Master of the Hanlin Academy, the Imperial College, offered sacrifices to the coffin of Granny Wang next door."