Zhao Benshan's sketch lines from Heart Disease

Zhao Benshan: Ladies and gentlemen, here is an advertisement. Although the election for village head failed, we still have to do ideological work. I will open a psychological clinic at home to treat people's brains. Welcome everyone to see a doctor. You can give some money if you have money. Linjiang Village, Daming Psychological Clinic, attending doctor: Zhao Dabao Tel: Move crutches, move crutches.

Gao Xiumin: Doctor, I'm in a hurry, doctor.

Zhao Benshan: Yes, the advertisement is coming soon.

Gao Xiumin: Yes, I heard your advertisement.

Zhao Benshan: Don't trust advertisements.

Gao Xiumin: What do you believe?

Zhao Benshan: It depends on the curative effect.

Gao Xiumin: Ha ... God, that's funny, doctor.

Zhao Benshan: Needless to say, you must have menopausal syndrome. Come on, open your mouth. Let me see the tires. Oh, I want to see the tongue coating.

Gao Xiumin: I'm not a doctor.

Zhao Benshan: Who's watching?

Gao Xiumin: It was my father who saw the doctor.

Zhao Benshan: What happened to your old man?

Gao Xiumin: Ha ... You have never seen my father suffer from this disease. The thing is that two days ago, he won 3000 yuan in the lottery. After telling him, he was very excited, honked his horn, smoked, and stayed in the hospital for a few days, but it was almost unsuccessful.

Zhao Benshan: Ouch ...

Gao Xiumin: After leaving the hospital, he bought a lottery ticket and won another prize. This is the biggest one. 3 million grand prize.

Zhao Benshan: It's over.

Gao Xiumin: After that, I took the lottery ticket to see a doctor. The doctor said that we can't cure this. Please see a psychiatrist at once. This disease can be cured easily.

Zhao Benshan: Yes.

Gao Xiumin: I told him when I got back. I said we had to see a psychiatrist, which made the situation worse. I suspected that I was mentally ill, so I honked my horn and smoked again. What did you say?/Sorry?

Zhao Benshan: I see. Ah, you won the lottery again, and you dare not tell him.

Gao Xiumin: Yes.

Zhao Benshan: I was afraid that his illness would kill him. When he was finished, I asked him to see a psychologist. He immediately suspected that he had an incurable disease.

Gao Xiumin: Yes.

Zhao Benshan: You are a * * * disease.

Gao Xiumin: Second, doctor, doctor, don't worry about a few diseases. If you can cure him, I will give you more money.

Zhao Benshan: God, forget it. It's too vulgar. Don't see a doctor without paying. What's wrong with this man? Anyone who keeps his mouth shut is all about money, serving the people and saving lives will be told. How much can I give?

Gao Xiumin: Hehe, you can give as much as you want.

Zhao Benshan: No way. Take me to counseling.

Gao Xiumin: No, doctor, no, I brought him here.

Zhao Benshan: Where is it?

Gao Xiumin: Standing in front of your house.

Zhao Benshan: Standing in front of my house.

Gao Xiumin: Ah.

Zhao Benshan: Hey, how dare you let a 300 million millionaire stand guard at my door? It seems that you are very thoughtful.

Gao Xiumin: Ha ... You are so funny. Well, I have to tell you that he now suspects that he has an incurable disease. Don't mention it when he comes into the house and sees him in the future.

Zhao Benshan: Not to mention getting sick.

Gao Xiumin: Once you talk about your illness, make sure you smoke. Really, you will talk to him about money.

Zhao Benshan: OK.

Gao Xiumin: How can you manage to accept this 3 million? I'll thank you.

Zhao Benshan: Great.

Gao Xiumin: No, please, doctor.

Zhao Benshan: Oh, my God, I got a big job. You said that.

Gao Xiumin: Go, go, go.

Fan Wei: Daughter-in-law, tell me what is on my mind. Why do you always torture me?

Gao Xiumin: You are suspicious all day. The doctor will tell you when you come in.

Fan Wei: Gee, this really tortures me.

Gao Xiumin: Here he is, doctor.

Zhao Benshan: Hello.

Fan Wei: Not so good, doctor.

Zhao Benshan: Please forgive me for meeting you for the first time. Please sit down.

Fan Wei: Hey.

Zhao Benshan: Well, your old lady and your wife both told me about your illness just now, saying that you were afraid to talk about it. If you mention nausea, you will be slapped.

Fan Wei: Ga. ...

Zhao Benshan: Yes, that's right. Come and take this stove down,

Fan Wei: I can't. My heart is cold. I want this rattan.

Zhao Benshan: Relax. There's nothing wrong with you. Let's go

Gao Xiumin: No, no, let him take it away.

Zhao Benshan: Well, let's start therapy, talk therapy.

Fan Wei: What kind of talk therapy?

Zhao Benshan: No injections, no medicine, sitting is talking to you, and talking is also called chemotherapy.

Fan Wei: And chemotherapy, heredity. ...

Gao Xiumin: Old man, old man.

Zhao Benshan: That's it. I can't see the disease. What the hell, big sister, do you think I haven't seen it yet? How should I fix it?

Fan Wei: Wife, it's over. The doctor told me about the chemotherapy.

Zhao Benshan: Haha ... Talk therapy is my medical term. Talk therapy is short for chemotherapy.

Gao Xiumin: I tell you, doctor, he is very timid. Don't use abbreviations, use full names.

Zhao Benshan: Haha ... OK ... You are too fragile, so I'll just read and chat. Please sit down.

Gao Xiumin: Reading and chatting. Come and lean over there.

Zhao Benshan: We should pay attention to this kind of patients and do well. Next, please listen to the first topic "Postpartum Nursing of Sows" with the wrong title book. Please listen to the first topic, "Saddam is ready for war …", which is not good either.

Zhao Benshan's classic quotations and Zhao Benshan's classic sketch lines

I not only have a car, but also can light a cigarette myself, but I am lonely.

It's not that I don't laugh, I lose my powder when I laugh!

People are not smart and bald like others.

Don't call me playboy if you can't tie my heart!

It's also good for mice to make money as escorts for cats.

Who says my face looks like a shoehorn? It is a typical pig kidney face.

Eyes are spinach in autumn.

Sample, take off your vest, I still know you.

I have been looking for happiness all my life. When I am old, I understand. What is happiness? Answer: Happiness is pain.

Go, hurt self-esteem, too hurt self-esteem.

Big head and thick neck, either rich or cook.

How can there be such a big gap between two cohabiting couples?

Ruthless diseases are devouring healthy cells in your brain, and a brand-new vegetative state is about to be born.

Don't mess around, just dig out our IQ and weigh it, which is two kilograms heavier than you.

Don't call me playboy if you can't tie my heart!

Chopin, no matter how awesome B is, it can't play out Lao Tzu's sadness!

Be happy when you are alive, because we will die for a long time.

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

A six-level carpenter is equivalent to an intermediate intellectual.

Whether the cat walks in a straight line depends entirely on the mouse.

Big head and thick neck, either the boss or the cook!

I have been pursuing happiness all my life, and I know what happiness is. Answer: Happiness is pain!

A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true?

Eyes are spinach in autumn!

You let the blind man go to the South Pole, and he can't find the North at all; You let the cerebral thrombosis on the fork, he can't hook his leg at all; You let the monkey wear cheongsam, it can't see beauty at all; You ask Pan Changjiang to kiss Zhao, but he can't reach his mouth at all.

People are not smart and bald like others.

It is said that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. In retrospect, there are too many chefs who have streaked for more than 20 years!

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four sentences to say, including this one and the first two. I've had enough.

The real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to eat in one place for a lifetime, but to eat in every place for a lifetime.

Even if it's a piece of shit, you will meet dung beetles one day. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today.

The man riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but a Tang priest. Wings are not necessarily angels, but sometimes birds.

Comrades: Don't speculate in stocks. It's too risky Tofu is the safest! Tofu is dry and hard, tofu brain is thin, tofu skin is thin, soybean milk is useless, and stinky tofu stinks! Don't lose!

Big head and thick neck, either the boss or the cook!

Whether the cat walks in a straight line depends entirely on the mouse.

If there are no difficulties, we must create difficulties.

China football is a good dish, but the chopsticks with vegetables are poisonous, so we have to stop eating it.

There are thousands of houses at home, and it takes three feet to sleep.

White clouds and black soil apologize to you. Please open your eyes and see how pathetic I am. Can you and I repeat yesterday's story today, and can my old boat ticket board your wrecked ship?

After pursuing happiness all my life, I finally understand what happiness is. Answer: Happiness is pain!

Waiting for the aftershock is like a first-love girl and other lovers, afraid that he won't come and that he will mess around.

China football is a good dish, but the chopsticks with vegetables are poisonous, so we have to stop eating it.

Don't come to me for nothing, let alone everything!

Even believe that there is a lie hidden in the middle!

I like you so much that you will die if you like me?

I'm not RMB, why does everyone like me?

A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true? !

Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

Holding your hand, you will know that your son is ugly and his face is full of tears. If you don't go, I will.

Zhuge Liang never led a soldier before he came out of the mountain! Why do I need work experience?

Cherish life. If God keeps you alive, there must be a plan.

Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

The foot of my bed shone so brightly that the glass fell in love with the frost. If you don't rub it often, you have to dirty yourself.

Life is numbered, up to 36 thousand days; There are thousands of houses at home, and it takes three feet to sleep;

Say that people are like flowers in a pot; Life is a mess!

Chopin, no matter how awesome B is, it can't play out Lao Tzu's sadness!

Be happy when you are alive, because we will die for a long time.

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

Don't come to me for nothing, let alone everything!

Even believe that there is a lie hidden in the middle!

I like you so much that you will die if you like me?

I'm not RMB, why does everyone like me?

A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true? !

Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

Holding your hand, you will know that your son is ugly and his face is full of tears. If you don't go, I will.

Quotations from Zhao Benshan's classic essays

A Collection of Quotations from Zhao Benshan's Classic Essays

1, kill the panda, I am a national treasure!

2. Comrades: Don't speculate in stocks. It's too risky Tofu is the safest! Tofu is dry and hard, tofu brain is thin, tofu skin is thin, soybean milk is useless, and stinky tofu stinks! Don't lose!

3, don't talk to me about ideals, quit!

4. What touched my dad the most: "Study hard, son. Dad used to play mahjong 10 yuan, and now he plays mahjong 10 yuan to learn from you. "

If you fall, get up and cry again.

6, 2008 is too abnormal, everything is abnormal! At this critical moment, China Men's Football Team stepped forward and proved to the world that China Men's Football Team is still normal!

7, low-key! It's the best b show! !

8. After several decades, we will meet again, send them to the crematorium and burn them all to ashes. You have a pile, I have a pile, no one knows who it is, and they all have to be sent to the countryside to make fertilizer.

9. How to lose weight if you don't have enough to eat?

10, "love" is a very strong word. The upper part of it is taken from the "change" in Metamorphosis, and the lower part is taken from the "state" in Metamorphosis.

1 1, sorry to make you laugh.

12, riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but a Tang priest; Wings are not necessarily angels, but sometimes birds.

13, I can resist anything but temptation. ......

14. If I win10 million, I will buy 30 houses and rent them to others, and collect the rent once a day. Wow, it's full

15, I not only have a car, but also work by myself. ......

16, even a piece of shit, met dung beetles one day. So you don't have to worry too much about yourself today.

17, I lit a cigarette, but I was lonely. ......

18, the real meaning of the iron rice bowl is not to eat in one place all your life, but to eat everywhere all your life.

19, it's not that you don't laugh, you lose your powder when you laugh!

I am in a bad mood today. I only have four sentences to say, including this one and the first two. I've had enough.

2 1, people are not smart and bald like others.

22. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like brothers. Looking back, I actually streaked in too many chefs for more than 20 years!

23. If you can't tie my heart, don't call me playboy!

24. The feeling of waiting for the aftershock is like that of a first-love girl and other lovers, fearing that he will not come and that he will mess around.

25, Chopin of Niu B, can't play Lao Tzu's sadness!

26, you will never see my loneliest time, because when I can't see you, it is my loneliest time!

Be happy when you are alive, because we will die for a long time.

28. The story of the stone tells us that everything we really love is ultimately scattered, and everything we mix and match is ultimately reunited.

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

30, love, just say it out loud, because you never know, tomorrow or accident, which comes first!

3 1, I never hold grudges. I usually report it on the spot.

32. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you are squatting in the toilet or waiting outside. ......

33. Don't look for me if you have nothing to do, and don't look for me if you have anything to do!

34. People never know who inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.

35. Even believe that there is a lie hidden in the middle!

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

37. I like you so much that you will die if you like me?

38. If you see a shadow in front, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind!

39. I am not RMB. How can I make everyone like me?

40. If you choose to look up at others at 45, don't blame others for looking down at you at 135.

4 1. A man's words are like an old lady's teeth. How much is true? !

42. You can see the words I typed on the screen, but you can't see the tears I dropped on the keyboard!

43. Q: What do you like about me? A: I like you to stay away from me!

44. The physical education teacher in junior high school said: Whoever dares to wear a skirt to my class again will be punished for handstand.

45, holding the child's hand, I know that the child is ugly and full of tears. If the child doesn't go, I will go.

46. Teacher, you are the devil in my heart. The closer I am to you, the farther I am from Buddha. ......

47. Zhuge Liang never took a single soldier before he came out of the mountain! Why do I need work experience?

48. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving a name, but everything was recorded in his diary.

49. Cherish your life-if God keeps you alive, you must have a plan.

Funny sketch lines

A: Everyone has a pair of hands, and everyone has fingers.

B: Nonsense, who doesn't have fingers?

A: Fingers are long and short, big and small.

B: Yes, telling the truth with your eyes open.

A: But the more you look at it, the more you like it (thumbs up), and the more you look at it, the more you hate it (index finger).

B: It takes five fingers to make a fist. How can you say love and hate?

Well, you don't know. In my family, my thumb is my father and my forefinger is my mother.

B: Why am I getting confused?

A: For example, one day, I was praised by my teacher in kindergarten. I'm so happy!

I should be happy.

I skipped home and shouted happily, "Mom!" .

B: Then your mother must be very happy.

A: But as soon as the voice fell, the "forefinger" came.

B: Why? Do you still have guests at home?

A: (Holding out the index finger) The index finger is my mother. "What's the matter with you? Your clothes are too dirty. Where have you been? "

Well, your mother is really something.

I'm thirsty. I was just about to eat an apple when the "forefinger" came again.

B: What's the matter?

A: (holding out index finger) "How do you know how to eat? Write quickly. You can't eat until you finish writing! "

B: Not even allowed to eat?

A: I just sat down and wrote two words, and I wanted to pee.

B: well, this urine doesn't live up to expectations

A: Oh, I can't hold it any longer!

B: Then you should go.

A: No. The "index finger" is coming again. (Stretching out index finger) "You child, you are so lazy. Hurry up and do your homework! "

B: Alas!

A: In this way, the repeated appearance of "index finger" made me lose my spirit in doing my homework.

No one will be energetic.

A: The less energetic you are, the more mistakes you make. The more mistakes I make, the more my mother criticizes me.

B: It's called a vicious circle.

Do you think I can stop hating it? (Stretching out index finger)

B: Your forefinger is really boring. What about "thumb"

A: The thumb is different, OK! Very good! Very good! Great! Great! Great! You're amazing!

B: Look! It's refreshing to say it.

No, I just finished my homework when my father came back. Pushing the door open, he smiled and said appreciatively (thumbs up), "You are great, son! You will know how to study when you get home. " One sentence made me feel embarrassed.

Listen, praise is like a ray of sunshine.

A: In order to repay my father, I went to get his slippers, newspaper and turn on the TV-

Look, as long as there is sunshine, he will become very smart.

A: As a result, my father praised me again (thumbs up). "My son is so lovely, he just knows how to be considerate. I said, my son is the best! " I heard you, don't say how happy I am!

B: Look how beautiful he is!

Do you think I won't like it? (thumbs up)

I should. Even I envy your thumb.

A: "Thumb" means praise and "forefinger" means criticism.

B: Which child in the world doesn't like praise?

A: So, when I have a son in the future, I will use this more (thumbs up)!

Well, it's still early.

A: Do you think they can be the same?

B: It's different. Even the expression is different. The "thumb" is like this (smiling face) and the "index finger" is like this (losing face).

How I wish my mother did the same! (thumbs up)

Your mother will, so she's here!

A: Ah (scare away)?

Oh, look at him!