School history jokes

What do you want to do on Christmas Eve? Want to get rich? Want to get lucky? Want to be an official? Want to become famous overnight? Want to stay young forever? Do you want people all over the world to be crazy about you? -Stop dreaming, wash your feet and sleep!

On this beautiful Christmas Eve, God said that one of my wishes could come true. I took out my globe and said, I want world peace! The Lord said it was too difficult! I took out your photo and said, make this person beautiful! God sweated and said, "Bring me the globe and let me have a look!"

On Christmas Eve, it's raining, it's wet, and the mood is wet ... You just stare at the cold window and continue to observe. I came up to you and said softly, "Wang Cai, go in. Santa won't send bones."

Did you have a good time on Christmas Eve? To tell you, I have changed my job, and now I work in a bank, not far from you. Come to me when you have time, call my name at the bank, and I'll know. Yes, I changed my name. That's too vulgar! ! My name is Qiang Jie now.

On behalf of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China, the State Council, the National People's Congress, the Central Military Commission and the offices of Hong Kong, Macao and Taiwan in the State Council, I would like to lodge the strongest protest to you: Why did Taiwan Province Province not remain on the map of China after you wet the bed on Christmas Eve?

Your happiness, I will build; I will make up for your confusion; I will satisfy your greed; I will give in to your willfulness; I'm the only one who cares about you. I am a professional pig farmer.

Dude, you're going to invite me to dinner on Christmas Eve. If you don't meet my requirements, I'll write your mobile phone number on the wall and add two words in front of it-apply for a certificate.

I'm really scared to hear that you have been trafficked. Although you grew up with dementia, it is harmless to society. Who is so bold as to dare to sell you? I'm worried about him. It's strange to sell it!

Doing bad things is called bad guys, empty heads are called idiots, being fired is called fuck off, and swearing is called assholes. Alas, it's over. Those who can't chew the bones eat black-bone chicken and white eggs, and see a message of Merry Christmas!

Bird flu didn't scare you, and chicken plague didn't kill your spirit of working hard for the continuation of your family. When you walk into the delivery room again, I silently bless you: Happy egg laying!

Wanted order: An old man with a white beard and a red robe often sneaks into residents' homes at night and puts things that make people happy and deadly. Anyone who finds it should call the police immediately. The alarm code is Merry Christmas! You will get lifelong happiness in return.

Snowflakes are bookmarks for my good memories. Dancing under the colorful Christmas tree in the moonlight is my lovely dream. On this special day, let me wish you a Merry Christmas with my sincere greetings!

From the South Pole to the North Pole, I sincerely wish you! Santa Claus from the North Pole invited the Antarctic immortal Shouxing Lao to wish you and your family happiness, smile at life, live a long and prosperous life and receive more gifts!

I want to let the sunshine warm you, decorate you with starlight, intoxicate you with wine, satisfy you with food, shine on you with fireworks, and drown you with happiness, but I haven't been a god for a long time, so I can only wish you a merry Christmas by SMS!

Santa Claus is too fat for elk to hold! You can't ride the sleigh! So I volunteered to distribute my blessings instead of him. I wish my friends all the best! Merry Christmas! _ Send you full blessings!

For the comfort and pleasure of your Christmas trip, please send me a text message to inform you of your height and weight-I made a wish to Santa Claus that you should be my Christmas present, but his old man asked me to prepare a sock of the right size first!

A little love is worth a thousand taels of gold, a little warmth can offset the frost in Wan Li, a greeting brings warmth and sweetness, and a short message brings all my thoughts: Merry Christmas! Happy every day!

When the "old" people arrive at Christmas, their "friends" are supreme. Cherish the love of "friends", smile "wish" peace, welcome "you", meet "saints" on Christmas Eve, live happily, act quickly and get together.

Snowflakes are fluttering and cool. On Christmas Eve, I sighed softly at the candle. Happy smile, like bright light. Deep tenderness, such as bright stars. I wish you peace. Love waves, spend Christmas together.

With the coming of Christmas Eve, I thought of my friends far away. May the bright and festive Christmas candle warm you every day and night of the year, just like my smile always fills your heart! Merry Christmas!

Snowflakes are floating in the sky outside the window, and hymns in the church are flowing in the crowd. I am praying: May the candlelight on Christmas Eve open your heart and make your life more brilliant!

I want to send you an apple that is half green and half red on Christmas Eve. The green one represents me and your past, a little green. The red half represents my happiness and sweetness for you now and in the future ... Merry Christmas to you!

The sea is calm, and the moonlight reflects the sea very romantically. I threw the glass bottle full of blessings into the bay with the bell, and the bottle floated with the tide. If you receive this letter in the bottle, it is the person I care about most. Merry Christmas!

The green Christmas tree is full of my thoughts about you, the long Christmas socks are full of my love for you, the beautiful Christmas candles light up my blessings to you, and the lovely Santa Claus brings you my greetings. Merry Christmas!

Colorful snow fell in the dark sky, and the cold forgot the yearning for moonlight. The pines and cypresses are wrapped in silver, and the breeze blows down a little miss, so that the calm night brings me my deep blessing: Christmas is safe and happy!

It was Christmas Eve again, which lasted for several years. Passionate love is still there, followed by deep affection; In fact, plain is true. Then, let's always keep our love in our hearts … Merry Christmas and a happy life!

Snowflakes flying all over the sky, with frozen fingerprints in my heart, quietly fly to you in the depths of my thoughts. In this quiet moment, let's hold hands and fly happily in the Christmas bell. ...

If you look up at the night sky tonight and there is a star twinkling, it is to wish you a safe life; There are thousands of stars shining, that is to wish you happiness forever; If there are no stars, it is too many blessings to make all the stars pale.

If you can shine sunshine, whose heart do you want to warm? If you can blow the spring breeze, whose smile do you want to stretch? Who do you miss on this Christmas Eve? No matter how things change, I wish you every success. Merry Christmas

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"There was a sincere love before me. I didn't cherish it. I regret it when I lose it. The most painful thing in the world is this. If God can give me a second chance, I will say three words to that girl:' I love you'. If I have to add a deadline to this love, I hope it is 10,000 years. "

-"A Chinese Odyssey"

"Then let's all start this relationship right away!"

-"A Chinese Odyssey"

"I am Kang Xuan, 18 years old this year. I am a trainer in Gusu, and I am innocent. Just for the sake of poor family, I finally became buddhist nun in a mansion in China. It is worth 520 taels of silver. From the autumn festival, it will be temporarily placed in the financial room and recovered after three years. Since then, he has taken over the study, burning incense and sweeping the floor, washing inkstones, grinding ink and so on every day. Start from the beginning. This contract is the foundation. "

Description: On the surface, it is a contract. In fact, Tang Yin has explained his purpose, followed by the word "self-made", pun intended. The word "head" refers to the first word of each line, which means "I am Chou-heung" when read together.

-"Tang Bohu points Chou-heung"

"As long as you say I can, even if the whole world says I can't, I don't care!"

-"agent provocateur"

"I raise you!"

Description: If you have an action, you should chase out the door and shout loudly. I don't know any woman who can resist such a confession.

-"king of comedy"

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I looked at your sexy body that day, twisted naked in front of me and gently stroked your skin. I can't resist your temptation: boss, I want this fish!

You are happy because I am happy, I am happy because you are happy, I am sad because you are thin, I am thin because you are sick, I smile because you are strong, and I am rich because I sold you. .................................................................................................

I was nervous the first time. He always let me relax gently, and then he stuck me in my body. There is blood, and the pain is speechless. I just realized … blood donation is like this!

That night, I held you in my arms and told you to put that thing on your ear. It's cool that you don't wear it. It's a safe period now, nothing ... what should the traffic police do without a helmet?

I am a person who has a crush on you. The first time I saw you, I decided that you were the right person for my life, but my only regret is that. ...................................................................................................................................

When you left me silently, I was in pain and didn't know what to do. I hate myself when I watch your back go away. It's all my fault ... I got up early and caught the bus.

Do you know that?/You know what? Do you know that?/You know what? I miss you every day and every night. I want to eat, sleep and work. I really want to tell you to pay back the money quickly.

I really love you and I don't want to leave you. You got me into such a deep hole that it hurts me. If you really don't want to upset me, please hurry up ... the stock market.

You are as kind as a cat, as loyal as a dog, as lovely as a bird, as knowledgeable as a horse, as brilliant as a butterfly, as hardworking as a bee, and like everything. No wonder everyone calls you an animal.

The first time I saw you, I said to myself: You are my goal in this life. I want to pursue you and hug you. I want to announce: I love you ... RMB.

Life becomes uncomfortable without you. I hate that hateful third party for taking you away. Do you have a new relationship with him? I want you to give it back.-wallet.

Don't ask me why I am crying, my tears flow for you and my heart is broken for you. I hate that man, why did he take you away from me ... thief.

Shy, I have been afraid to say anything to you. Today, I finally got up the courage: When will you invite me to dinner?

Without the wind, the clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you, stupid people wouldn't exist.

Diner: How much is a night's sleep? (How much is a bowl of jiaozi) Attendant: Rogue! (Sixty cents) Businessman: Sixty cents? Too fair. I have been here for three nights.

Because of too many times (sometimes twice a day), my hair is messy and I have no pleasure when I insert it. Let's break up ... toothbrush.

When I was down and out, you were by my side; You were by my side when I was sick and injured; When I am frustrated in love, you are still by my side ... it's bad luck to be with you.

"Is it tight?" "Never mind!" "Can you go in a little more?" "Be careful, it should work!" "Does it hurt?" "It doesn't hurt! It feels so cool! I want this pair.

Looking at your streamlined body, I want to burn my body, open your unopened seal, insert my own stick and suck your crystal liquid. Cool! Ghosts; Sprite

I thought about it in my heart. It itches after two tablets. Take a stick and stick it in the middle. This stick is too short. Neither of them itches, and I don't want to ... Are you addicted to smoking again?

Late at night, walking alone in the cold street, lonely heart, nowhere to go, always thinking of you, thinking of you, looking forward to you, I really want to say loudly to you ... invite me to dinner?

How many times have your delicate body clung to me, and that gentle and considerate caress made me enjoy a moment of pleasure, but after enjoying it, you became thinner and thinner ... inferior soap.

I have been by your side, worrying about you again and again. Are you full today? Did you sleep well? Will it be cold late at night? I always knew you couldn't take care of yourself. Every time I walk away, you jump out of the pigsty.

You gently lean on me, your slender hands touch my tender skin, and your gentle mouth sucks my body fluids until you are satisfied and float away! Oh, damn mosquitoes!

You flashed by, making my blood boil and my heart surge. Looking at your back, I really want to keep you. I told myself, I can't let you leave again, and I will never … catch thieves again!

A man threw a handle forward on his bicycle and met a traffic policeman at a fork in the road. The traffic police shouted to him: good palm. The man replied happily: comrades have worked hard!

I dreamed of you last night: we walked by the river and snuggled together. You looked up at my eyes and spit out three words affectionately ... woof woof woof.

The hot girl called a taxi. Miss, what will you wear in the future? Spice Girl: Red miniskirt! Recipient: Then where to go? Spice Girl: It's thighs!

Hungry, I can't resist your temptation. When I was in close contact with you, you gave me an unspeakable pleasure. I feel the world is turning. I want to have a big fight with you, but I'm afraid of getting pregnant ... dear beer.

In the vast sea of people, my heart is broken for you. You seem indifferent, but you make me feel boring. Your indifference makes me afraid to confess, but I can't extricate myself. Now I want you to understand ... you are stepping on my foot.

I dreamed of you yesterday. Really, the sky is so quiet, the sun is so bright, and the sea is so boundless. You stood on the blue beach and I stabbed you with a stick. Hey, this little bastard has a hard shell.

I like crawling around on you, touching every inch of your skin and lying in your arms. I can't live without you for a moment. I love you.-sofa.

On the journey of our friendship, sometimes you can't see me by your side. It's not that I forgot you, nor that I let you go alone. But I choose to walk behind you. When you accidentally fell down, I ran up and stepped on my foot. ...

Next time I meet you, I will definitely pull you to the bedroom, lock the door, quickly push you down on the bed, cover your head with a quilt, and extend my big hand ... Look, my mobile phone has a blue screen.

I have always had a soft spot for you, and your face has always appeared in front of me! But I am too poor to expect, and now I have money! You can say loudly: boss, cut that pig head in half for me!

These days, I've been trying to say three words to you, but I'm afraid even ordinary friends can't do it, so I can't help it. I still want to say: borrow some money!

Ah! Your skin is so shiny and your fragrance is so irresistible. Let me bite you hard, dear-braised pork.

How can I bear to see you leave? How many warm and happy times we spent together, but today we are going to break up! Looking at your sad eyes, I shouted: wait a minute, I'm not selling this dog.

Someone saw you today, and you are still so charming, walking slowly in a plaid vest, looking detached and comfortable. It is really cute. I wonder how you beat rabbits in those years.

Many nights, you snuggled up to me gently, touched my delicate place with your delicate little hand, and sucked up my precious body fluids before letting go. Alas! This damn mosquito!

Without the wind, the clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you ... stupid people wouldn't exist.

I'll give you a gift with the heaviest amount of feces since there was feces. You will eat a catty and be full. If you feel that the amount of feces is not enough, please help yourself.

May Day Golden Week! Value-for-money luxury tour, tractor pick-up, mountain climbing tour of Beijiang River, taro digging, sweet potato eating and chicken shit picking! It only costs ten yuan to enter the five-star cowshed (hotel)! Sign up quickly!

Don't panic when you meet a dog on the road. Fight bravely. There are only three results: first, you win, you are better than the dog; Second, if you lose, you are even worse than a dog; Third, you are even. You are like a dog. QQ:8 17620**)

Butterflies complain that bees have a big belly and there are so many sweet words in them that they just don't tell me. How irritating! Bees complain about butterflies, wearing exotic flowers and grasses, and the two antennas on their heads are so long that they just don't send me messages. I'm bored to death!

Tips for love, seven commandments after meals: first, quit smoking, second, stop eating fruit immediately, third, relax, drink tea immediately under temptation, fifth, walk idly, sixth, take a bath immediately, and seventh, go to bed immediately! Bajie: Do you remember?

After all these years, do you know how hard I have been looking for you? I traveled all over the world just to find a face like yours. This is my business card. Welcome to my plastic surgery hospital at any time! Misleading experts

Hey, almost everyone uses keyboards instead of pens now. In fact, typing with a keyboard will have a strange thing. If you don't believe me, look at your keyboard. There will be a pig hand on it! Happy April Fool's Day!

[April Fool's Day] Don't think that building a city can settle down; Don't think that sowing seeds will lead to a bumper harvest; Don't think that the summit is conquest; Don't think that I have forgotten you. At critical times, such as today, you are my first thought.

Welcome to the beauty call station. Press 1 for local girls, press 2 for oriental girls, press 3 for western girls, and press ................................................................................................................................... for gays. Today is April Fool's Day!

Don't read and receive short messages on your mobile phone for the last month because of the virus found in the short message network, remember! The virus is "because of the virus found in the SMS network, don't read and receive SMS on your mobile phone for nearly a month, remember!"

One of the most typical jokes on April Fool's Day: Tie your wallet to the street with a thin thread and pull this thread in the dark. Once someone finds a wallet, suddenly drag it away!

Dear users, your mobile phone number won the first prize in our city's prize-winning network access activities, with a bonus of 1 1,000 yuan. Please pick it up at any bank with a pistol. Password: Freeze!

That day, you cut a pig with a knife, and the pig fled into a dead end, only to hear the pig kneel down and beg for mercy from you: "We were born from the same root, so why fry each other!" "

The new four idiots: those who love not to hang themselves, those who take medicine without illness or disaster, find a sick lady's, and giggle after reading the text message!

You are a genius-a born fool, graduated from Harvard-Harbin Buddhist College, and you look good-it's really not your fault that you look like this.

Please don't look down, turn it off. There is really nothing to see. Come on, do you really want to see it? No regrets? Well, you asked for it yourself-you are a pig!

People are really tired when they are alive! Standing and thinking about sleeping, I have to queue up when I get on the bus. Secret love is really painful, eating is tasteless, drinking is easy to get drunk, work is particularly tired, robbery is not enough, I have to pay taxes when I earn money, and I have to pay for texting silly pigs.

Part I: It's windy and rainy. I am waiting for your call back. Bottom line: live for you, die for you, and wait for you all your life. Horizontal batch: sent to the wrong person.

The kangaroo and monkey in the forest game were praised by the lion king for jumping high, and the bear was criticized and said unconvinced: I will jump over this bridge tomorrow! Lion King: Look at you. You are still on the bridge (you are still watching! )

I heard that a toad jumped out of Taihu Lake today and was run over by a car. I've been worried. I'll text you right away. If you are still alive, please reply to me!

Jianghu knows that you are skilled in martial arts, but you can't be proud. If you do this, you will no longer be a person, but a swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman! Chivalrous swordsman!

Look at you, American head, French waist, Indian nose, Hong Kong foot, people are not people, ghosts are not ghosts, only one head and two legs, look at you, smiling and reading text messages!

Under the red sun and blue sky, farmers rushed into the cinema excitedly to watch the third-grade films, and their angry shouts shook the world. The village chief came to ask what was going on, and the farmer said, "People who read short messages are not stars, and we won't pay if we are killed."

Do your fingers itch? That means I miss your caress; Does your lips itch? That means I miss your kiss; Are you itchy ... that means you are dirty, so take a shower!

You are as hardworking as a bee, as beautiful as a butterfly, as loyal as a puppy, as smart as a kitten, as simple and honest as an old cow and as fierce as a tiger. No wonder people call you an animal!

Since ancient times, who has no shit and who doesn't use paper to shit? If you don't use toilet paper, are you using your fingers?

Whether it is a gust of wind or not, it is so eternal; This is a dream, but it is so real; You bowed your head and said nothing, but I couldn't calm down. Finally, I can't help but say to you, "let me know before farting!" "

Without the wind, the clouds will not move; Fish can't swim without water; If there is no sun, the moon will have no light; If it weren't for you, stupid people wouldn't exist.

I can't eat in the morning because I miss you, I can't eat at noon because I miss you more, I can't eat at night because I miss you crazily, and I can't sleep at night because I'm hungry.

I heard that your mobile phone has no short message function, so I sent this short message as an experiment. If you receive it and confirm that it has SMS function and it is not my SMS, please reply to me: I have it, it is yours!

When my cell phone rings, it means I miss you. Second, I miss you so much! Three times, I miss you very much! Four tones, I miss you very much; Five tones-demo, it's time to answer the phone!

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, and it is in vain not to smash you.

Beggars beg along the street with monkeys. He told them to laugh, cry, bow and read short messages.

You took part in a ball game the other day and only scored a volley ball. Before the goalkeeper could react, the goal was scored! We all applaud and cheer for you. You get up and pat your ass and say, damn, the ground is too slippery!

When you pick up the mirror and look at your round face, high nose, charming eyes, sexy mouth and blessed ears, you will sigh loudly-pig!

The aquarium celebrated the birthday of the old dragon king. During the dinner, Prime Minister Turtle took something out of his arms, looked at it and put it back. The dragon king quickly asked, what happened to Prime Minister Gui? Shrimp, soldier and crab will quickly answer: the old bastard has received the text message again.

My friend thought a lot last night, so did I. Only you are the coolest. I looked for you in my dream. Looking back, you were really thrown in the depths of someone else's donkey shed and tied up. How cruel! Cruel! Calm down after reading the information!

Are you free tomorrow afternoon? I want to find you. Can you pick me up at the station? However, I'm afraid it's hard for people to recognize it. You let your head explode, with a stick in your right hand and a porcelain bowl in your left. The joint signal is: Come on!

I dreamed about you. You made a dress out of white clouds, borrowed the wings of a bird, put the broom behind your ass, and flew to me like a sword. Tell me affectionately: Do you know? That's what birdman looks like.

I thought there was something better, but I found again and again that the best was around, just like you. I didn't think so at first, but as time went on, I realized that you were the best … bully!

I am determined to do three major things for the people of the whole country: 1 build an elevator for Mount Everest, tile the Great Wall, and put the plane into reverse gear; Do three little things: 1 put gloves on flies, 2 put a mask on mosquitoes, and 3 feed you some pig feed.

When I arrived in xishuangbanna tourism, Yunnan, I was besieged by a group of wild boar. Tourists took out food and money, and the wild boar was unmoved. You took out your only ID card, and the pigs knelt down and cried: Boss, we found you!

You are a 10 playboy, who often plays with 9 and 8 and has billions of money. You've been abandoned for seven years, and you've been looking for prey. You need to ask more questions, but you are still half-hearted. You are definitely not a good person.

You are very creative, living is your courage, ugliness is not your original intention, without you, who can set off the beauty of the world!

After seeing the Three Kingdoms, the tiger went to catch wild boar. He saw that there were no pigs in the pigsty, so he touched his beard and said, Empty city plan! I turned around and saw a dead pig on the animal trap. I was shocked: danger! Suddenly seeing you again, I was overjoyed: yo-ho, there is a honey trap!

The toad chased the swan, and the swan said disdainfully, if I were like this, I would have died long ago! Toad refused: Is the pig still alive? Hearing this, the pig felt wronged: I provoked whoever I recruited, I was just reading the text message!

There is a yearning, a love, a beauty, an agreement, and a greeting, hello pig!

I don't want to be alone I want it, too. I walk in the street and have a look. Handsome men and beautiful women hold hands, but I hold hands with my left hand. Now I just want to go out with you, but I'm afraid my friend will say, don't always walk the dog.

In a military exercise, a shell deviated far away. I was sent to check and found that the shell exploded in the farmland. You stood there in rags, with dark eyes and tearful eyes. You said to me: Is it worth stealing a cabbage with a shell?

I miss the days we walked together. Spring is beautiful, birds are singing and flowers are fragrant. Everyone in the village praises you for your beauty and cuteness. The villagers also praised me for being smart and capable, and I came out to release pigs at such a young age.

When you are lonely, watermelon may be your best vent. You can cut, chop, chop, and shout loudly: I kill melons, I kill melons, I kill melons!