When friends borrow money from you, don't ask "how much" in a hurry. Smart people do that.

In life, it is difficult to borrow money from others, but on the other hand, it is not easy not to want to borrow and hurt your feelings. You have mastered the boundaries here, and friends still have something to do. If you don't master them well, you two are likely to break up.

Liu Wei and Ma Qiang have been friends for many years. On one occasion, Liu Wei talked with Ma Qiang.

"Money is a little tight recently. Can you lend me some money? "

"How much is it?" Ma Qiang was embarrassed and asked subconsciously.

"Can I borrow 20 thousand first?"

"Well ... I'm not convenient at hand now. Tell you what, here's 2000, you can use it first, ok? "

"2000 is not enough. For the sake of old friends, help me, can you borrow more? "

"Then I see ..."

In fact, in the end, even if Ma Qiang lent all 20,000 yuan, Liu Wei would not be grateful. He will think: actually, we have to bargain. Our friendship is not even worth the money!

What's more, Ma Qiang didn't want to borrow so much from Liu Wei at all, but his first reaction was to ask, "How much?" Obviously all wet, why?

As soon as "how much to borrow" is exported, you lose an excellent opportunity to refuse to borrow money.

In the face of friends asking for money for many years, Ma Qiang focused on the question of "how much to borrow". The hint to Liu Wei was that he might want to lend me more. Liu Wei immediately raised his expectations.

The result that can be asked is only a fraction, and Liu Wei's expectation suddenly fell from the peak to the bottom. He will think: if you didn't intend to borrow it in the first place, why did you ask for the amount? Since I asked, I can borrow at least half of it, just a fraction ... What about the beggar?

The final outcome is likely to be that although Ma Qiang also lent money to Liu Wei, he also lost the human feelings that could have been harvested and was thankless; And Liu Wei, even if he got the money, felt insulted and unhappy.

When borrowing money, everyone has a corresponding "sentiment" in their hearts.

China has been an individual society since ancient times. Whether it is relatives or friends, in their own hearts, to put it bluntly, they are all more or less linked to a specific amount, which has a great relationship with the distance between relatives and friends and the interests of personality.

Have close relatives and friends, reliable personality, and borrow more if you are willing to borrow; If you are far away, not so good, and have poor character, you will give less if you are willing to borrow.

For example, classmates and friends who don't usually contact much suddenly come to borrow money, and we can borrow four or five thousand at most. If the other party can pay it back, it is not expected. Moreover, we usually contact relatives to borrow more money. We can borrow tens of thousands according to the actual situation, but if we have more, we will feel distressed. Every day, we have to think about when the other party can repay it.

Of course, this "sentiment", only we know, can't be compared on the table, otherwise it will become a very unkind thing. Because, when you are with others, you also have an "emotional amount".

Because of this, when others borrow money from us, the "emotional amount" they feel about themselves often does not correspond to the "emotional amount" recognized by us. In most cases, it will be lower than the amount we recognize, which is embarrassing.

So, once you put forward "how much to borrow" and focus on the specific amount, your relationship is basically not far from breaking up.

Human feelings, once measured by a specific amount, even have to bargain. As a result, both of them feel that they have lost money and are ungrateful to each other; In addition, in the future, one does not want to return it, and the other urges it. Whether it is friendship or affection, it is in this debt that it will be exhausted and eventually broken.

Graded refusal: don't care about the amount, care about the reason first.

When someone asks for money, the first step is to ask "why" instead of "how much".

The difference is that if you come up and ask "how much to borrow", the focus of the next topic will still fall on you. For example, if the other party returns "20,000", that means "borrow it or not, it's up to you!" But if you ask "why do you want to borrow it", the topic falls on the other party, and the other party should provide reasons and explain their reasons with appropriate sentences.

In addition, asking the reason first, on the one hand, shows that you care about each other's life, on the other hand, provides a space for thinking about your next action.

At this point, the other party borrows money for two reasons:

To deal with/deal with an emergency

For example, the other relative needs money when he is critically ill, or the loan turnover can't be opened in a short time, and so on. We should be able to help with the guarantee of the truth. After all, everyone has difficulties.

But if the other party's amount is too large, we must explain clearly. Within our ability, if we help the other party, the other party will not be picky.

Interest free

It is to treat you as an interest-free loan in order to save the trouble and interest of borrowing money from the bank.

For example, the other party wants to buy a house, a car, or other big things. Faced with this reason, once it is lent out, it is likely that the future will be dominated by dunning, and the other party may take the initiative to return it to you earlier; Unconsciously, I will avoid you, and your relationship will become more and more rigid for no reason.

So how did you politely refuse at first?

On the one hand, continue to dig deep into the reasons and gain the trust of the other party. On the other hand, give a similar reason for not lending.

For example, if the other party says "the down payment for buying a car is not enough", you can say "understand, a better car is really too expensive now." Never ask the other person directly: Why do you want to buy a car beyond your ability? Why not ride an electric car? This is very impolite.

Only by standing in a unified position with the other party and gaining the trust of the other party can the other party tell you the truth: it is not forced by her mother-in-law or wife, and she can save face without pulling.

At this time, you can give an equally similar reason, such as "I understand the pressure. Recently, my mother-in-law came to look after our children and is considering changing to a bigger house. Now the space is too small and crowded, and there is friction every day ... "

Now that you mention it, it turns out that everyone is working hard for their own better life. Even if the other person is not kind, he will not say "wait for me in your good life first"!

In this way, the other party thought his reason was very convincing. In this way, if you face the same difficulties as him, he will not pester you any more, and you can also complain together, help each other in the same boat and enhance your feelings.

In society, unlike at home and on campus, not everyone has a good father and teacher who can teach you how to say and do things by hand. You can only learn and accumulate by yourself. Many times, your first reaction and first sentence on the spot will lay the foundation for your future development.

Interpersonal relationships in life, if done, can help you rise to the top, if not, there will be countless pairs of little shoes waiting for you. There is a saying: details determine success or failure. Society is full of traps, and many people end up suffering big losses in life, workplace and society just because they don't pay attention to details.