Always being laughed at, how can I make my classmates accept me?

In recent years, we often see some incidents of campus violence in the media. It is unbelievable to see these young children treat other students of the same age at school and bully others in such a cruel way. It's chilling. Many parents are also wondering, will my child be bullied like this at school?

In addition to such serious school violence, we need special attention. In fact, children may experience other unpleasant situations every day at school, such as being laughed at, teased and, of course, bullied. So what should my children do when these things happen? Next, let's talk about what to do.

What kind of children are easily laughed at? Generally speaking, it can be divided into two categories:

The first category: worried people who are laughed at.

If the child is an anxious mocker, his characteristics will be that he looks insecure, cringes and tends to take others' ridicule too seriously. Maybe sometimes, other students are just joking, but for him, it is a very serious ridicule. In addition, it is easy to cry, and then the body looks weak, and often complains about physical discomfort, such as stomach pain and headache, which will lead to some discomfort due to stress.

This type of child is what we usually think of as a bully. Because he doesn't look confident enough, and then he always feels a little weak, it's easy for those bullies to come to him and bully him on purpose.

The second category: called aggressive victims.

The characteristics of aggressive bullied people include: fidgeting, and then usually talking loudly, often talking nonstop at the beginning. In addition, they are prone to physical collision with other students and often misinterpret others' meaning.

They are called provocative mockers because they are often the first to laugh at others, that is, they will play tricks on others first. But these children can't accept being laughed at or teased by others, so you can imagine that this type of teasing is actually asking for trouble.

Then my parents often worry about my children. Are they bullied by others at school? Parents can carefully observe that children may be teased or teased at school. For example, the school used to be quite good, but recently he suddenly didn't want to go to school, which means that something must have happened at school that made him very unhappy; Or he often complains about pain here and discomfort there. After class, he will not associate with other students, and few friends will interact with him, and he will not talk to his parents about what happened at school. If the child is found to have the above situation, it is particularly noteworthy to know what the reason is and whether it is related to the unpleasantness between classmates at school.

Seriously speaking, in fact, these interactions between children at school, whether verbal ridicule or even some ridicule, are often not malicious at first, but just a way for children to fight. Children with high social quotient can easily tell which ones are well-intentioned and fun, and which ones may really be malicious teasing behaviors. Don't we often encounter such a situation when we are studying?

For example, some students will say, "You are so ugly dressed today!" Or sometimes classmates will say, "You didn't do well in the exam, you are so stupid". Faced with this situation, children with high social quotient will feel very funny and just laugh it off, so they will not care, and it will pass soon. However, children with low social quotient will think, "How can you say that? This is bullying me and you look down on me ",and then it will be particularly uncomfortable.

What should parents do to help their children improve their ability to face ridicule or play tricks on others? 1, help children learn to interpret other people's behavior from a kind perspective.

The first thing you can do is to tell your child, "In fact, many people say that they really didn't mean to hurt you." I suggest you find a chance to sit down and discuss this with your children. Ask the child first, "What did your classmate say to make you so sad?" Then you can discuss it with your children. It may not be appropriate for your classmates to say so. "He said so, it is easy to let others misunderstand. He is malicious. However, if you think he means no harm, if you don't care, it won't hurt you. "

2. Tell your child in a simple way that you don't need to affect your mood and self-confidence because of other people's remarks.

What if the child thinks that the ridicule of this classmate today is basically intended to bully him?

A boy of 10 years old came to talk to me about his feelings. What he said was his feeling of being bullied at school. He said that because he didn't do well in the exam for a while and didn't study hard, a male classmate in the class laughed at him and said, "You are an idiot, you are an idiot", which made him very sad and didn't want to go to school.

I nodded and said, I know this feeling. Must be hard, huh? Then I made a very exaggerated movement. I was on this side of the table and shouted at him, "You are a table, a table, a table". Then he paused and thought I was ridiculous. He said, "Teacher, I am not a desk". So I said to him, "So, if others are not talking about you, it is he who should review, and it is you who should not be sad?" The boy understood at once.

Later, his mother told me that when the boy went back to interact with his classmates, he often thought of the table and felt that these things were no big deal because he was not talking about himself. For parents' reference, you can tell your child in some simple ways. In fact, many times, we don't need to hurt our mood and self-confidence for some improper words and deeds of others, which is totally unnecessary.

3. Let children learn to say "Thank you for your concern".

When others laugh at us, the child can just answer one sentence directly, which is called "thank you for your concern".

For example, someone says "you are ugly and you are stupid". What should you do at this time? There is no need to be angry, because he is not talking about me or I don't agree with his judgment. At this time, I just need to smile and say "thank you for your concern".

4. Teach children to ask each other a completely irrelevant question.

For example, when the other person says "You are so ugly and stupid", you might as well respond with "Thank you for your concern. What time is it? "

This polite and unexpected answer conveys your kindness and generosity, and at the same time lets the other party know that you will not be particularly hurt by it. You are not a person who is easily bullied and successful.

What should parents do for the worried and provocative mocked? In addition to the above methods, if you think your child is a worried mocker, that is, he looks insecure and easily bullied by others, you can also help him do some confident body language training at home. For example, how to look into people's eyes confidently and powerfully, how to walk with one's head held high, and body language looks full of power. Then all these body languages are conveying the message, "I am still very confident and will not be bullied casually."

For the second type, it is a provocative mocker, that is, a child who often takes the lead in stirring up trouble first laughs at or plays tricks on other children, causing other children to answer blows with blows? It is the method mentioned in my last article, that is: wait, have a look, smile, talk, play empathy, and understand what others are thinking and how others feel; Also, when talking to others, don't hit people casually, or shoot body language that the other person may misunderstand. If children can improve their interpersonal skills in this part, of course, it is less likely to fall into the predicament of being laughed at and laughed at.

When talking about this point, it needs to be specially explained that the above-mentioned treatment methods are mainly aimed at minor situations such as verbal jokes or teasing in the usual communication between children. If children encounter serious violence at school, of course we can't handle it like this. These serious situations include physical violence, or the obvious isolation of children at school, or verbal violence and intimidation by other students.

If so, mom and dad definitely need to get involved. I suggest you go to school to find a teacher, find out the ins and outs of this matter, and then take necessary actions, and pay special attention to the child's psychological condition. I often encourage parents to find a psychological counseling teacher to help their children if they find such a situation.

Children's interpersonal skills are particularly important. We strongly advise parents to pay attention to their children's ability in this respect from an early age and provide them with the necessary help anytime and anywhere.