Comment on the great gods since ancient times. What impressive "divine reply" have you seen?

Q: When Japanese leaders visited China, the Japanese side was relatively cold, and even the welcome slogan was not hung at the airport?

A: How? Warmly welcome old friends to Japan?

Q: What is more disgusting than eating a lump of shit?

A: Eat two pieces.

What could be more disgusting?

A: It's stuffed.

It is said that there are three obvious signs before the earthquake:

① Abnormal well water;

② Abnormal reaction of livestock;

Three experts came out to refute rumors.

God replied: the second and third articles are repeated.

A forum comment, the original text is like this:

First floor: Everybody calm down. Come and listen to the fifth floor. !

Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable.

The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people.

Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice!

Fifth floor: upstairs are full of idiots.

What makes a football boy handsome and a basketball boy handsome is bullshit.

As long as you are handsome, you are handsome if you play the fucking glass ball.

Ugly people play golf like shoveling shit.

I fucking see through the world!

Forget it, I'll play with glass balls! !

My name used to be Dionysus, and I handled more than a dozen in one night.

Five people were injured and six people were drunk, which made countless people tremble with fear!

Whether it is red or white, the wine must be dry! !

But now why should I quit the Jianghu and live in seclusion in the mountains?

Pour two cups and break the article after three cups?

What makes me change so much! ?

Is it hatred? Or love?

Pick up your cell phone,

Edit the short message "I invite you to dinner" and send it to my mobile phone.

Communicate face to face with the former Dionysus, listen to the story behind Dionysus, and feel the glory and sadness behind Dionysus.

Q: Why do some people feel more handsome and beautiful after taking a shower and washing their hair?

Because I'm crazy.

Q: How to express anger gracefully?

Answer: Push your glasses with your middle finger.

Q: What is the strangest slogan in history?

A: Garbage sorting starts with me.

Q: Why can't the library wear slippers?

A: In case of a fight between a reader licking his fingers and a foot digger.

Q: How do you complain that a movie sucks?

A: The cinema has 17 rows of seats, with 32 seats in each row. There are 48 lights on the ceiling, and a black dot always appears in the lower left corner of the screen. The frequency is about 1 minute and 20 seconds.

Q: How should children answer "Why can adults hit me when I do something wrong and I can't hit them when adults are wrong?" ?

A: Because you can't fight, when you can, adults will start to reason with you.

Q: Let's sum up this summer vacation in one sentence.

I want to spend a winter vacation.

Q: What group dance is suitable for two boys and 25 girls? It's not what kind of dance you need, but what kind of theme and plot you want to dance. There are only two boys in the class. Take care of them.

A: Skipping rope.

1. Why do people get down on one knee when proposing marriage?

God replied: kneeling is the grave.

2. The man said to the woman: Look, when did the heroine in the novel or movie mention the house and car to the hero?

God replied: that's because you don't understand at all. You can't be a hero without a car and a house!

3. What do our favorite goddesses have in common?

God replied: they all said to me, "give up, I won't like you!" " "

4. Tell me one thing that happened that you didn't believe.

God replied: I have never been afraid of ghosts, haha, I don't believe it can suddenly appear. Press my head on the keyboard SDK lo2ijiaoajd209u1j2jjajd, and look at the mobile phone hj982 according to the time period u2189123jsfdi12hjk.

5. Why do you feel ugly when you look in the mirror in the morning?

God replied: Because the morning is the clearest time of the day.

6. What do you think of the resignation letter "The world is so big, I want to go for a walk"

God replied: the wallet is so small that you can't leave.

7. I dreamed that TFboys three people hit me together, and I easily avoided it.

God replied: because their left and right hands are in slow motion.

There are many couples on the road today, just like last year. As soon as I appeared, they let go of their boyfriend's hand.

God replied: Then he called you: Dad, it's not what you see!

9. Why do they always let the woman see a doctor when they have no children?

God replied: crops can't grow in your field. Let the cow go to the vet.

10. What should I do if I meet a tiger?

God replied: just kowtow and call dad, because tiger poison doesn't eat children.

I'm here to share some "divine reply" with you.

I remember that several of our girlfriends had dinner together and chatted. One elder sister said to her boyfriend: those who think they are handsome have no money, and those who are rich are not handsome. Only when they meet you will they know that they can have both. "

Everyone booed: How can you praise your boyfriend so much? It's about time. If you know that your boyfriend is good, that's not the case. ...

The elder sister glanced at each other: "Bah, he is ugly and has no money ..."

There is another one that I saw on the Internet. This glove buyer will probably go crazy in the end ... Look at the photos and be patient:

1. What's a bigger word than the universe? Reply: the scope of the exam.

2. What did I do wrong when I went to such a bad university? Answer: You did the wrong question.

4. Landlord: How do boys spoil them? God replied: this is such a thing as being spoiled ... how can people know!

5. Nice to meet you. God replied: How happy are you?

6. Nice to meet you. God replied: You are happy too early.

7. What are you thinking when you have insomnia? God replied: I want to sleep.

8. What is the best way to solve insomnia? God replied: Go to the classroom to sleep.

9. What pants are younger to wear? God replied: I really can't think of anything younger than wearing diapers.

10. I like you. God replied: Well, I have a good eye. I like myself too.

10:58

A: There is pineapple oil again today. It's delicious.

B: I won't eat it. I am getting fatter and fatter. Want to lose weight without eating.

A: then you have to eat, too

No, I will not. I will lose 10 kg by the end of the year!

12:00

A: It's time for dinner. What do you want to eat? Vegetable or fruit?

B: Huh? I, I've got someone to pack us two portions of pineapple oil ~

A: .......

B: Now let's go to eat. Pineapple oil will arrive later.

Didn't you say you wanted to lose weight?

B: Which is more important, losing weight or studying? Study, of course! There is a final exam at the end of the year. How can you delay the exam because you are fat? Eat it. Eat it.

:)

When I was in junior high school, a roommate owed money for his mobile phone. I called his father with my mobile phone and asked him to charge the phone bill. Roommate turned on the speaker, and his father was a little noisy, so his voice was a little loud. How much should I charge? My roommate also loudly said "full", and immediately the whole dormitory laughed. . .

It's not interesting to read the article, mainly in the comment area!

Sand sculpture netizens are really funny!

Contract my jokes for a year!

That's what impressed me most about Zhihu's comments, okay? ! A rare tacit understanding between friends! ! Emma, Laughing Shit (* @ ο @ *) was impressed by the power of netizens in China!

Met with members of the research committee.

This is the god reply joke I just saw!

! Is college the place where dreams begin? "

God replied, "Yes, I slept soundly."

! Describe your husband's love for you in one word! "

God replied, "If you want to achieve something, you must work hard."

! What skills do boys have that will make girls shine? "

God replied, "Welding."

! What is the difference between loneliness and loneliness? "

God replied, "loneliness means that others don't want to talk to you, and loneliness means that you don't want to talk to others."

! "How to tie a ponytail to look good?"

God replied, "It only takes three steps to tie a ponytail: 1. It looks good. 2. Good-looking. 3. Just tie it. "