#047 "Insight into Human Nature": Why shouldn't you "just define a person"?

The meaning of human nature refers to the fundamental aspirations of people, which is the motivation behind people's actions.

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The book "Insight into Human Nature" is one of the classic works of the famous psychology master Adler. In it, the word "human nature" is given a A new definition, the essence of so-called human nature is the motivation behind people's behavior; the driving force behind most of people's behaviors comes from this motivation, and long-term behavior plus the dimension of time becomes a behavioral habit, and everyone The accumulation of behavioral habits also forms a person's character.

The core idea of ??this book gave me a new perspective when thinking "Why do some people always like to define people casually?"; in our daily lives, there will always be a group of people who are very I am willing to evaluate a person, and the basis for the evaluation may only come from seeing one side of the person, or even just hearing another person's evaluation and believing it.

My previous understanding of this phenomenon may have only been based on the structure of the brain; brain science believes that: Our brain is a cognitive miser, able to think as little as possible without thinking, and label people. , quickly defining can save our cognitive resources.

From the perspective of the core keyword "human nature" in this book, we like to label and define people. The essence of this is to only analyze the behavior of this person, without analyzing the other person's behavior. Analyze the problem from the "human" level.

For example, there is an example in the book: a young man always changes his girlfriend. Even though he may get along well with the previous one, he will immediately start a relationship with other members of the opposite sex as soon as he gets a chance. Another relationship; if we analyze the problem from this behavioral pattern, we will habitually conclude that "this man is a scumbag with bad moral character..." But if we look at this phenomenon from the "human nature" level, we have to know It turned out that this man was locked up alone at home during his childhood, which left a heavy psychological shadow and made him feel abandoned. In order to escape this feeling, he sought outsiders and kept changing his girlfriends. Prove that you are needed; if you analyze this phenomenon from this perspective, you will find that your definition of him may not be accurate.

So "Why shouldn't we just define people casually?"

Firstly, it is difficult for you to think more carefully when labeling people. Until the real motive is revealed, keeping silent is the best strategy; secondly, if you are a person who likes to evaluate others at will, you need to think about the real motive behind your behavior, which is "because commenting on others at will can get others' attention, and thus gain the attention of others." "A sense of existence?" Or "Randomly commenting on other people's shortcomings can give you a sense of superiority"? It can be seen that we all have problems ourselves, so why should we define others?

If you look at "interpersonal relationships" from this perspective, you will find that you will get a golden rule: "Always stay open, allow others to present themselves in all aspects of behavior, and do not judge others at will. If others behave If your actions make you feel uncomfortable, you must learn to reflect on the nature behind this discomfort. If it goes against your values, learn to let go.”