Give some cold jokes, classic

1. Never say the wrong thing at a critical moment.

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand by the valley, shout what you want and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! ! Woman! ! "Next jump, there really is a beauty waiting for him. ...

The second is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book! ! ! ! "Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys. ...

The third kind is an indecisive person who can't decide what he likes after thinking for a long time. An hour later, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the valley ... He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit! ! "Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley. ...

2. Once upon a time, a horse walked into a bar, sat down at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine. The bartender said, your face is so long.

3. can't help but fart

A person always farts at work, and colleagues can't help but say, can you be quiet?

Then I saw him sitting there trembling and asked him what he was doing.

I have tuned it to vibration now. ...

4. Super composition of fifth-grade girls in primary school

Thirty years later, I am.

Xiaomei, a girl in the class, wrote, "It's a beautiful day today. I'll take my children to Da 'an Forest Park in .............. We drove Lawrence, which my husband bought me, with a big diamond ring on our fingers and a gold necklace that we just bought me last month around our necks. I took my lovely children for a walk in the park, and people everywhere envied me. Suddenly, a smelly, muddy and homeless old lady rushed out of the road. Let me take a closer look ~ ~ ~ Oh, my God! She turned out to be my fifth-grade Chinese teacher! ...........

5. Zorro's death

One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to meet her. Xiaosan asked Zorro: What should I do when my husband comes back?

Zorro said: it's okay. If your husband comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will pick me up below.

The hostess said that if I heard three knocks at the door, my husband would come back.

Zorro said: I see.

After a while, it rained. Suddenly there were three knocks at the door: knock, knock, knock. Then say it's late

Yes, Zorro flew out of bed and jumped out of the window in the blink of an eye. When the hostess saw Zorro leaving, she went to open the door.

I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her, Tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor.

6. One day, in the big forest, the fox was smoking marijuana. At this time, the little rabbit came from a distance and saw all this. He came up and said, Fox, how can you smoke marijuana? This is not good for your health. Look, how fresh the air is. Come and run with me. The fox thought it was right and ran away with the rabbit.

Running and running, they saw the elephant smoking heroin. The rabbit ran to the elephant and said, elephant, elephant, why are you taking drugs? Look how fresh the air is. Run with me. Elephants think it's right to run together.

Running and running, I saw the lion roll up his sleeves and was about to inject heroin. Little rabbit shouted to the lion from a distance: lion, lion, taking drugs is not good for your health. Look how fresh the air is. Run with me. ...

I saw the lion put down the syringe and rushed over, shooting rabbits crazily. The elephant trembled and said to the lion, why did you hit the rabbit? He doesn't want us to hurt his health!

The lion said angrily: NND dead rabbit, every time he takes drugs, he wants me to run wild in the forest with him, damn it!

7. Two people were bickering, and suddenly a person next to them said, "You are really full and have nothing to do!

8. A leader of the Education Bureau inspected the exercises between classes. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words, held back for a long time and shouted: "Retreat!"

When a student of the physical education department was in the internship class, many teachers were listening to the class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank and he said, "Attention, attention! Flash! ! "

9. Teacher: "You finally came! Why didn't you come to class yesterday? "

Student: "Because, because, my mother fell down the stairs."

Teacher: "Oh! I see. Mom was hurt, so you didn't come. "

Student: "No ... My father was injured ..."

Teacher: "Why did your mother fall down the stairs and your father get hurt?"

Student: "Because .. my dad has a woman outside .."

Teacher: "What? .. what does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs? "

Student: "because they were fighting .. my mother fell, it's okay." My father was injured by my mother. "

Teacher: "Oh ... so you didn't come to class because you took dad to the hospital?"

Student: "No, that woman outside sent my dad."

Teacher: "Then why didn't you come to class?"

Student: "Because I overslept."

Teacher: "What does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs! ? "

Student: "No, I ... I just mentioned by the way ..."

10, Electrical Appliances held a joke contest,

It is stipulated that every electrical appliance should tell a joke.

Let all the audience laugh,

Otherwise you will be taken to Aruba. First, the washing machine,

As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.

Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.

I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.

The third place is the most humorous desk lamp.

The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.

The rice cooker said, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"

Just as the magic lamp was about to be taken to Aruba,

The rice cooker stood up angrily.

Turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said:

"I've had enough of your laughter. Don't open your mouth so wide and cold."

1 1. I just bought a house and called a buddy excitedly:' I bought a house, only 10 cents (I forgot to say the word' blank'), and I still need to decorate it. "The buddy said," Is there only one toilet? So where do you live? "

12, the last thing you want to happen when you barbecue: 1. Cook the meat with you; 2. Charcoal plays cold; 3. Clams are autistic; 4. The barbecue grill is cracked; 5. There is no kindling; 6. Meat and shelves engage in small groups; 7. Sausage meat plays gangster with you; 8. Black wheel puncture; 9. Onions play dumb with you; 10. Corn will play hardball with you!

Linda told a cold joke and she caught a cold.

So Linda decided to wear a coat when telling cold jokes.

But why did Linda catch a cold?

Because that cold joke is too cold.

14, rabbit race ... rabbit quickly ran to the front. ...

The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly ... and said to him, "Come on up, I'll carry you ..."

Then ... the snail climbed up. ...

After a while, the tortoise saw another ant ... and said to him, "Come up, too ..."

So the ants came up. ...

The ant came up, saw the snail on it, and said to him, "Hello."

Do you know what the snail said?

The snail said, "Hurry up ... This turtle flies really fast ..."

15, one day, Xiao Fang waited at the intersection for Xiao Ye to pick her up by motorcycle.

Before long, a motorcycle stopped in front of Xiaofang, and Xiaofang immediately jumped into the back seat. ...

She slammed on her helmet and shouted, "Why is it so late? It has been more than 30 minutes! "

The knight opened the helmet cover and said, "Miss, I'm here to ask for directions. Please don't hit people! " "

16, I have always been careless and forgetful, so my family always tries to remind me.

The day before yesterday, as soon as I entered the room, I found a 100 yuan bill on the living room table.

Usually there is no pocket money. Is my mother merciful and give me 100 pocket money this time?

I can't help feeling happy. ...

But when I picked up the hundred-dollar bill, I found a note under it.

It says: "Today is grandma's birthday, wait for me at home, and we will go to celebrate grandma's birthday together.

Attention! That hundred dollars is not for you, but for your attention. Please put it back! "

17. Stones fight with rice cakes, and when they get angry, they kick the rice cakes into the sea. ...

18, tell a story. Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who privately decided to spend their lives, but the boys needed military service, so they made an oath with the girls and gave them.

I gave the girl a diamond ring and promised to meet again today in three years. At that time, this ring will be used as a wedding ring.

Three years later, the girl has been waiting for the boy, but she can't. Sad and desperate, she threw the diamond ring into the sea.

Away from home. However, the boy has been waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date.

Therefore, it has become an eternal regret. The boy was heartbroken ... A few years later, the boy went fishing. Guess what he caught?

Rice cake ~ ~!

19, one day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid the wolf.

The wolf easily destroyed the straw house, wooden house and brick house, and the three little pigs ran desperately.

But the wolf caught up with him. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. Allah gave up,

Whatever you want. At this time, the Wolf * drooling with a smile and said:

Then tell me where little red riding hood is.

20. An egg went to a teahouse for tea and turned into a tea egg.

2 1, which song of zai zai is about piggy? Love is falling in love with you, and I just want to (Show Lo) love you.

The zoo guards caught three naughty children near Monkey Mountain and took them to the director's office.

The director is an old man who likes children very much.

He asked the child who looked the biggest:

"What's your name?"

"My name is Zhang Xiaoming." The child said.

"What did you do?"

"I wanted to throw peanuts at Monkey Mountain just now."

"Oh, it's no big deal," the director affectionately touched Zhang Xiaoming's head. "Remember not to do it again when you go home."

Then the guard chimed in and said, "No, his parents should be informed because ..."

The director interrupted him: "if I say no, I don't need it." Didn't you do a naughty thing when you were a child? "

The guard had to keep silent angrily.

When Zhang Xiaoming left, the director asked the second eldest child, "What about you?"

"My name is Wang Xiaoqiang. Like Xiao Ming, I want to throw peanuts on Monkey Mountain. "

"You shouldn't feed animals casually, you know?" The director smiled and said, "Go home."

So Wang Xiaoqiang also left.

At this time, the director looked at the third and youngest child and found that he was still as scared as when he first came in.

The director is very strange: "What's your name? Why are you afraid of this? "

"My name is Peanut," the child said trembling.

23. When I was admitted to Peking University, I went home on holiday and went out to eat with my elders one day. Arriving at a restaurant, the boss ran to make a phone call.

Hello, ask me if I am going to school or work. My elders said that I was admitted to Peking University and modestly said that I didn't study well. "It's all luck."

Before saying a few words, the boss replied, "Oh, don't say that, it's a university!" " "