Humorous jokes about the quarrel between husband and wife

Humor can reduce tension and create a relaxed atmosphere. I collected some humorous jokes about the quarrel between husband and wife for you. Let's have a look.

A selection of humorous jokes about the quarrel between husband and wife

1) An old couple who have been married for forty years are chatting. Wife complains:? You are not as kind to me as before. You used to sit next to me. ? The husband replied:? This is easy to handle. ? Then he moved to sit next to her. ? But you used to hold me tight. ? Is this good? He put his arm around his wife's neck. ? Do you remember how you used to kiss my neck and bite my ear? He jumped up and walked out of the door. The wife quickly asked, Where are you going? The husband replied:? I have to get my dentures. ?

2) The wife is pregnant, and she asks her husband if he is a boy or a girl. Husband reluctantly put down the mop:? Girls are good, and there is no trouble being a girl; Being a girlfriend can be unreasonable; Being a wife may be tricky, but being a woman is great! ?

The couple are watching TV at home. Tv news broadcast:? Men nowadays want to have an extramarital affair. ? After the husband listens, busy say:? Then I must be from there. I'm an asshole! ? Then, the news continued to report:? Other men are already having an affair. ?

4) Husband is surfing the Internet. My wife is pathetic: Dear, do you love me or not? Husband:? I won't tell! ? Wife:? How could you? I just want to ask. Now you won't even tell me the language of love. Think back to that time? (Omit the thousand-word love story below)? Husband is helpless: love, love, love? Wife:? Then you will be willing to give me the computer! ? Husband:

5) Poor wife:? Honey, do you love me or not? Husband:? Honey. ? Wife:? Love me, can you promise me one thing? Husband:? All right! ? Wife:? Then I will surf the Internet today! ? Husband:

6) The wife and husband quarreled because of lack of money. Husband quarreled and lost, frustrated tunnel:? Only women and little people are difficult to raise! ? The wife is stupefied:? Who said that? The husband proudly said, Confucius! ? The wife said disdainfully, it seems that his salary is not high. ?

7) Couples who want to divorce go to the Civil Affairs Bureau to go through the formalities. On the way, suddenly, the husband said to his wife, I beg you, just hold my hand and put your head on my shoulder and be happy, okay? The wife asked in surprise. Why? Husband said shyly:? The woman walking in front is my ex-wife. ?

8) Wife: Honey, you are always talking in your sleep recently. Do you want to go to the hospital for a checkup? Husband: That's not necessary. If it is cured, my last right to speak will also be deprived.

9) At night, a couple is lying in bed. The husband patted his wife on the shoulder and began to rub her arm. The wife turned around and said, honey, I'm sorry. I'm going to see a gynecologist tomorrow. I want to keep clean. The husband was rejected, so he turned to get ready for bed. But after a few minutes, the husband turned around and started patting his wife on the shoulder. This time, he leaned close to her ear and asked softly, "Are you going to see the dentist tomorrow, too?"

10) male:? I really love you, but a young lady is pregnant, and I have to say I did it. ? Wife:? I absolutely believe it's not you. Take a closer look at our children. What is like you?

1 1) My wife loves playing mahjong and doesn't go home until the early hours of the morning. In order not to wake her husband, she took off her clothes in the living room and then quietly walked into the bedroom. I was about to go to bed when my husband happened to wake up and flew into a rage. Too much! You didn't come back until you lost everything?

12) Today, when my husband came back from a business trip, I suddenly felt the desire for love! So I asked shyly, how are you going to torture me when my husband comes back?

Husband replied: I will sleep on the sofa tonight!

13) Husband: Honey, I have bought all the cosmetics you want. Please buy some for me! ?

Wife:? Of course, this big bag of washing powder is for you! ?

Classic humorous jokes about the quarrel between husband and wife.

1) The wife made a scene when she found out that the man was eating in a restaurant with a little secret. The man took his wife home and advised her: just playing, not serious. ? The woman cried and said, play? Why not take me to play? The man said:? I'll take you to play and let her cook at home. Would you like to? The woman said:? Then why don't you let go of her hand? The man said:? That's someone else's hand. Not fresh, not serious. ? Woman:? Then why don't you hold my hand so affectionately? Man:? I hold my hand, what kind of affection do I need? The woman cried and said, you have no feelings for me at all. ? Man:? Of course, you are already my right-hand man and a part of my body. Although I won't miss her deliberately, I can't live without her. If I leave, I will become disabled. Which of these two hands is more important The wife thought for a moment, smiled through tears and said, are you really bad? .

2) A couple is sleeping in bed. It's about midnight. There seems to be a noise outside, which woke his wife. The wife was in a daze and quickly woke up her husband. And said to her husband:? Get up quickly, as if my husband had come back. ? The husband was awakened by his wife and was in a daze. After listening to his wife, he stood up and said, why didn't you say so earlier? Then where should I hide now? ?

3) Professor A came home from the research room and saw a big bunch of flowers on the table. He asked his wife: What day is it today? Have you forgotten? Today is your wedding anniversary. ? He listened and smiled. I see, thank you! On your wedding day, I also bought a big bunch of flowers to congratulate you. ?

4) As usual, I came home from work in the afternoon and found that my wife was in a bad mood that day. The result was an intimate fight and an unhappy attitude. Everything I did was wrong. In the evening, things didn't get better, so I suggested that I go out and pretend to have just arrived home, and then start all over again, and my wife agreed. After I went out, I came in and said, honey, I'm back! ? Where were you just now? She snapped. It's already started. ?

5) Husband:? Don't take that strange dog with you when you go out. ? Wife:? I think that flower dog is very cute. ? Husband:? You must take it with you. Do you want to show your beauty through comparison? Wife:? You are so stupid. In that case, I might as well take you out! ?

6) The wife cried beside her dying husband, and the husband comforted her. Don't be sad! Maybe you will find your ideal partner again soon! ? The wife cried even more sadly. He said: Who would want an old woman like me? If you were like this before.

7) A lady and a football coach are about to get married. She knows that the game will always be her husband's top priority. One day she was particularly depressed and blurted out, Frank, you'd rather miss my funeral than go to the ball game! ? Husband answered calmly:? Roberta, what on earth makes you think that I will arrange your funeral on a day when there is a ball game?

8) Mott? Sal is compassionate? Football widow? . Once, a woman asked him how to shift her husband's attention from TV to her. He replied: Wear transparent clothes. What if this doesn't work? She asked. ? Then put a number on your back! ? Shaer replied.

9) On the platform of the station, a couple are complaining to each other. The husband looked at the second bus that had left and said to his wife, it's all your fault. If you hadn't dawdled, we could have taken the train. It's all your fault? The wife replied? If you hadn't been urging us, we wouldn't have spent a lot of time waiting for the next train. ?

10) female:? My husband and I have been married for seven years, and he has always treated me the same as on our wedding day. ? Woman b:? I heard you two quarreling last night! ? A woman:? Yes! My husband and I quarreled the day we got married. ?

The husband comes home from work and the wife prepares dinner. ? Honey, you can choose the dishes tonight. ? The wife said. ? What dishes do you have? Asparagus ? The wife replied. ? What are the options? Are you going to eat or not?

12) The bride is a very devout believer. As soon as she got married, she put a sticker on her bedside: I need you every day. ? The next day, the groom put his note aside: Oh, God, please give me strength! ?

13) A couple traveled to England and lived in an old mansion. In the middle of the night, a strange sound came from downstairs. The wife said to her husband:? Can you go downstairs and have a look? The husband replied:? Not so good. Your English is better than mine. You'd better go and have a look. ?

Humorous jokes about the quarrel between husband and wife

1) Wife: Honey, is this shredded pork delicious? Husband:? So-so. ? Wife:? How about this fish? Husband:? Not bad. ? Wife:? How about this tofu? Husband:? Just so-so ? My wife couldn't help yelling: Can't you say a good word? The husband who is eating soup shouted:? It's too hot. ?

2) One night, the wife said to her husband, What's the matter? Why are you so depressed? The husband replied, alas, I can't sleep, and I don't know what's going on. "Go to the kitchen and have a cup of hot honey milk," said the wife. "Good idea, wife," said the husband. "Husband, after drinking, remember to wash the small pot and cup, dry it, put it back, and don't forget to put the milk back in the refrigerator and the honey back in the cupboard. If the stove or leather table is dirty, and ... "The husband said," Forget it, I'm a little sleepy now. "

3) A lady is getting married soon, and her mother tells her: When sleeping on your honeymoon, don't take off all your clothes at once, but keep a little reserved. ? After the honeymoon, the groom asked his mother-in-law. Is there anyone in your family who is insane? Don't! What happened? Your daughter wore a hat to sleep every day during our honeymoon. ?

4) a:? Life after marriage is like diving. ? b:？ Why? c:？ From this moment on, you should learn to submit to humiliation. ?

5) female:? I want to formally warn you that my husband will be back in an hour. ? Man:? But I didn't do anything rude ? Woman:? I know. If you want to do something, there is less than an hour left. ?

6) At a banquet, several gentlemen were talking about their marriage. One of them said: I will never forget the day I got married, because the day I got married was the day before World War II broke out. ? What's so strange about this? The one next to him said,? I was one day ahead of you and started a war as soon as I got married. ?

7) After the quarrel, the husband found his wife packing, so he asked. Where are you going? The wife said: Las Vegas, I heard that the minimum tip for nightclub girls there is 1 USD per night. ? After listening, the husband also began to clean up. The wife asked? Where are you going? The husband said, I'm going to Las Vegas, too. I want to see how you spend your dollars a year! ?

The wife is yelling at her husband. I finally know you now, you are a selfish guy! You always keep your mouth shut, my wife, my paintings, my salary, mine, mine? It seems that there is nothing in the house that is not yours. Remember, if you don't get rid of this bad habit, I will divorce you? Hey, what are you rummaging through in the closet? ! ? I'm looking for our pants? . The husband replied.

9) A newly married young couple had a child. I want to hire a nanny, because I am too busy at work. Because the house is too small, the couple have differences on how to arrange the nanny. The husband wants to hire a beautiful young girl, but the wife is uneasy and wants to hire an older nanny. Husband said: I am old and inflexible. ? So I don't agree. Finally, the husband gently offered to ask his wife's sister for help. But I am afraid it is not inconvenient for a family. ? The wife said: You mean to turn my sister into a family?

10) once upon a time, there was a man named daxiong. When he was dying, he called his wife to the bed and warned her. After I die, don't steal people casually, otherwise, every time you steal someone, I will roll on the ground! ? Say that Nobita will die? !

1 1) a year later, daxiong's wife has something important to find in hades? Nobita? Yan Luowang stayed for a long time and didn't know who Nobita was. Finally, she mentioned Nobita's last words before he died, and Yan Luowang suddenly realized. You told me! ? Then he shouted into it: Hey! Gyro bear, someone is looking for you! ?

12) One day, while everyone was having a big fight in their new house, someone suddenly asked the couple to talk about how they met and got married. The bride said shyly, we are in free love. ? At this point, the groom quickly added:? Yes, we can fall in love freely. I gave all my savings to your mother to set you free. ?

13) A couple is sleeping in bed. It's about midnight. There seems to be a noise outside, which woke his wife. The wife was in a daze and quickly woke up her husband. And said to her husband:? Get up quickly, as if my husband had come back. ? The husband was awakened by his wife and was in a daze. After listening to his wife, he stood up and said, why didn't you say so earlier? Then where should I hide now? ?

14) A lady broke her right index finger while riding in a car. She wants to sue and claim 1 10,000 yuan from the car company.

The lawyer said to her: I'm afraid a finger can't claim that much?

The lady growled. But my fingers are used to command my husband! ?