20 1 1 understand all the 30 worst cold jokes until you die of vomiting blood! What's the answer

At night, a masked gangster broke into Mike's house with a knife. He shouted to Mike, "Give me all your money, or I'll kill you!" " "Mike looked at the gangster and said helplessly," I'm sorry, I've been unemployed for half a year, and I have no money to give you. "The gangster was furious:" You lazy bastard, I just lost my job last month and have been robbing outside this month! " "

Selected jokes: the teacher asked the students; What is the highest state of life? Students answer; You can take Saudi salary, live in a British house, wear a Swiss watch, marry a Korean woman, raise a Japanese mistress, be a thai massage, drive a German car, take an American plane, drink French red wine, eat Australian seafood, smoke Cuban cigars and buy a Russian villa. The teacher commented: You just want to be a cadre in China!

Cold joke: Giraffe said: Rabbit, I hope you can know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what I eat delicious, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. The rabbit looked at him without expression. In summer, rabbit, cold water slowly flows through my long neck. It's delicious. What a long neck! Rabbit, can you imagine? The rabbit said slowly, did you throw up?

Cold joke: Obama received a letter from bin Laden, which only said "qs-IHS-IN". In the past two days, the top cryptographers in the United States have been fighting day and night, but they have never been able to crack it. So I asked China for help and soon received a reply from the Chinese side, "You took the letter backwards!" !

Cold joke "Why hurricanes are usually named after women?" "Because when the hurricane came, you just ran lightly, but when the hurricane left, it took away your house and car."

What is a brother? Brother is 50 years later, when you are old and lying in bed, I ask you if you want to drink water. You shake your head. Eat fruit? You still shake your head. I asked again: Find a girl for you? You open your eyes with tears in your eyes. Brother, help me up and try. . .

cold joke

The Weaver Girl came down to take a bath and got to know the Cowherd, and interpreted a love story that made the gods cry. This tells us that there is no chance to take a bath at home, so we must take a bath outside. .....

The signature of the joke is 1. My first kiss is gone again. I gave you my phone number. Why don't you understand my mind? Charge me dozens of dollars if you have something to do. Being in this harmonious society, I feel very practical. Good people don't let go Are you afraid it will let the bad guys go? That man is so rude that he never talks to me in class. The emperor called himself a widow, and the three thousand beauties in the harem should be called "widows".

Cold joke: The boss took the little secret for half a month. On the night when he came back, he worked hard and made a scene in order not to let his wife doubt anything. Suddenly, the neighbor downstairs knocked at the door and shouted angrily, "It's been half a month. How can you not let people sleep every day?" ! "

20 1 1 Selected Cold Jokes

First of all, we have to understand what a joke is, so I looked at Baidu. Generally read Baidu Encyclopedia, because there are more users editing it, so it is more accurate. As follows:

A cold joke, that is, a failed joke, means that the joke itself can't achieve the funny purpose because of boring, homophonic words, translation, or omitting the theme, different logic, judgment or special content, or because of the performer's tone or expression. But it doesn't mean that the joke itself is boring, which is also a manifestation of humor.

Ok, let's start our sharing today, 20 1 1 cold jokes.

1 Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. She felt that there were too many pimples on her face, so she sliced it herself and applied it to her face.

2. When the bull was running, he saw a cow grazing on the roadside and said to the cow eagerly, "Run, the expert is coming." Niu: "What are you afraid of when experts come? Aren't experts human? " Bull: "Experts are bragging now." The cow was startled when she heard this, so Huan Zi ran to the bull and asked, "Expert bragged B, you are a bull. What are you afraid of? " The bull said, "You really don't know. Today's experts will not only brag, but also pull eggs. "

Chatting with friends the day before yesterday. He has never had a girlfriend. I asked him why. He said earnestly that my love died as early as kindergarten! Then he lit a cigarette. I liked girls at that time. One day I bought some candy bars! She came up to me as if she really wanted to eat. I said I'll give you one, and you let me kiss you. She said yes! So I gave her one, but she ran away, and I never believed in love again!

4. The meaning of cup letters: A cup-airport: airport, B cup-barely: almost none, C cup-can do: not bad, D cup -Damngood: it really fits, E cup-ecstasy: very charming, F cup-fake: is it fake? G Cup-God: God …

Xiaoming asked his father to tell him a story. Dad said do you want to listen to the long one or the short one? Xiaoming: Dragon! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly that buzzed, buzzed, buzzed, buzzed, buzzed … Xiaoming: Dad, you'd better make a long story short! Dad: Once upon a time, there was a fly, hum, bang!

6. In order to attract business, Hot Pot City wrote the following sentence on the advertisement of the cat-flapping lamp: "Self-help hot pot, each 30 yuan, free for children under 1 meter." My aunt in kindergarten was very excited after reading it. Holding 30 yuan's money, she led 50 children in her class to Hotpot City.

7. A child asked a rich man, Sir, why are you so rich? The rich man said: I had nothing like you when I was a child. My father gave me an apple, so I sold it, bought two more apples with the money I earned, and then sold it to buy four more apples. The child said thoughtfully, sir, I seem to understand. Mr. millionaire said, you know your sister. Later, when my father died, I inherited all his inheritance.

8. A loyal party member died. God didn't want to accept the soul of an atheist in heaven, so he sent him to hell. A month later, the prince came sweating and said, "Take that man away quickly. He has trained almost all my children to be young pioneers! " God accepted, and after another month, the prince gloated and asked God, "What happened to that party member?" God said, "First of all, please call me * * ..."

9. Whose bodyguard is more loyal than the leaders of China and the United States? The American leader ordered the bodyguard to jump from the 10 floor, and the bodyguard knelt down and said, "Come on, I still have family." So the president of the United States gave in. The leader of China ordered the bodyguard to jump, but the bodyguard of China jumped without saying anything. The president of the United States quickly caught him in fear. China's bodyguard said, "Come on, I have a family."

10, there is a tall coconut tree. There are four kinds of animals, orangutans, apes, monkeys and king kong. Who do you think will pick bananas first? Test your character.

The answer is: 1, and the monkey is the most typical 250; 2. Orangutans have low intelligence and few tendons; 3. Ape is the predecessor of Alzheimer's disease; 4. King Kong is a fool whose head is caught in the door; Have you ever seen a coconut tree grow bananas?

1 1. When I was a child, my teacher told me that everyone had a diligent villain and a lazy villain. You hesitate, they fight. Diligent villains often beat lazy villains out of the water in primary school, tied in junior high school, and lazy villains often win in high school. But when I got to the university, I suddenly found that they stopped playing, and the damn diligent little man was killed.

12, hee hee and haha are good friends, very good friends. One day, haha died. Hee hee is very sad. He went to Haha's grave and said, "Haha, you are dead."

13, the clearest sentence in listening comprehension in CET-4 today: Now please take out the tape and turn to side B to continue listening. . .

Beggar: Sister-in-law, I haven't eaten for two days. Can I have some cake? Sister-in-law: Cake? I only have rice here. Beggar: Forget it if it's normal, but today is my birthday!

15, a woman asked a man, "Do I look good?" The man said: You are like Mona Lisa's sister now. The woman said: Really, who is her sister? The man said: Janet Martha.

16, it is said that sandstorms have blown to Taiwan Province province. Many old people took to the streets, spread out their hands, looked up at the sky at 45 degrees, burst into tears, took a deep breath and said excitedly, 60 years, 60 years, and finally smelled the soil in their hometown.

17, my brother went to a primary school to play basketball and heard a junior girl ask a junior boy, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly, "My mother gives me 3 yuan a day, and 2.5 yuan is for you to buy snacks. Do you think I love you or not? "

18, I had a chance to add clothes before me. I don't cherish it until I catch a cold. If God gives me another chance to start over, I will not hesitate to add all my clothes.

19, someone spilled oil on you and said to you: Don't worry, it's automatic! What would you do? Hit him with kidney deficiency and say to him, "Don't worry, there are six kinds of Dihuang pills for kidney deficiency, which contain no sugar."