Are there any jokes for kids?

A heated exchange of words

Yao and Li met at a tea pavilion

Li asked Yao, "What's your surname?"

Yao said: "My surname is Yao:"

Li said: "But next to the word for ominous omen is the word for male thief and female prostitute?"

Yao listened to his words and turned to ask, Answer Yi Li

Yao responded: "But the word "Wood" on the coffin, below is the son of the most eccentric son?"

The father said to his son: "When you meet What should you do about the cobra?"

Son: "Blow out its eyes first and run away!"

The radical "任" of the character "piece" in an auto parts factory is missing. It became a "cow"

An old man pulled a cow over and muttered: "If a car is paired with a cow, it should at least be a tractor."

Several people were there Watching the sunrise, one person pointed to the treetops and said, "I saw it." Others also said they saw it. At this time, a man came out from behind the tree carrying his pants: "You saw it when you saw it, what are you shouting about!?"

There is no desert in the world. Every time I think of you, God drops a grain of sand, and from then on With Sahara!

In the past few days, I have been wanting to say three words to you, but I am afraid that if I say it, I will not even be friends, but I can’t control my own feelings. Finally, I mustered up the courage to say to you - —"Borrow some money"

A bookworm is used to reading while walking.

One day, he accidentally bumped into a pig on the road. Without raising his head, he said, "I'm sorry, madam." Later he found out that it was a pig.

The next day, he really collided with a lady. This time he murmured while reading: "Whose pig is this? It was let out again today."

An old lady and Lao Wang lived in an apartment for the elderly. She wanted to please Lao Wang, so one day she ran naked in the hall on purpose. Lao Wang saw it and shook his head and said, "You are getting more and more outrageous. Look, You don’t even have to iron your clothes, they are so wrinkled and you dare to wear them.”

“Because more and more women are advocating new simple clothes, such as miniskirts, cargo shorts, etc.” A wife was reading a piece of news in the newspaper with great interest, "So according to statistics, street accidents have been reduced by half."

At this time, the husband who was watching TV nearby suddenly interrupted: "Then Why not try to completely prevent traffic accidents?"

At night, the four-year-old son was lying in bed, and he asked his father: "Dad, give me an apple!"

" "Child, it's too late, Apple has already gone to bed."

"No, the younger one may be asleep, but the older one is definitely still awake!"

The platoon leader shouted. : "Look to the right!" Everyone turned their heads to the right, but the last one looked to the left. The platoon leader asked him:

"Why did you look to the left?!"

"Tell the platoon leader that I am worried that the enemy will attack from the left." The man replied seriously.

A fat girl finally squeezed into an extremely crowded bus. When the bus started, she tried to reach into her trouser pocket several times to find the fare, but she couldn't find it. At this time, she It's so urgent.

"Let me pay for the car for you!" Suddenly a strange man next to her said to her.

"Thanks, I'll pay for it myself." She refused ungratefully.

"I think it's better for me to pay for the car for you." The man said impatiently, "Because you have picked out the pockets of my pants several times."

< p>The dirtiest legs

A man went to see a doctor and said to the doctor: "My legs are inflamed."

Doctor: "Let me have a look."

< p>He lifted up the corner of his trousers, revealing a section of his black and dirty legs. "

Doctor: "I bet your legs are the dirtiest in the city. ”

The man said: “Doctor, you have lost.” So he raised his other leg and said, “Look at this leg of mine.” "

The fish that can't be caught

Sister: "Sister, what does the fish sink and the wild goose mean? "

Sister: "The story of Shen Yu Luo Yan says: Xi Shi was so beautiful that even the fish felt inferior, so she sank underwater..."

Sister: “No wonder I never caught a fish.

”

A man went to the hospital for an injection. He injected it into his arm. The doctor wiped it with a cotton ball again and again, and he always frowned.

He saw the doctor frowning. I asked anxiously: "Doctor, has my condition worsened? ”

Doctor: “How long has it been since you took a shower?” ”

Son: “Today I was looking at ancient history and asked who ‘Lao Tzu’ was, but I couldn’t remember it! ”

Father: “Idiot, you still forget when we meet every day?” ‘I’ am me! "

Cheating

"Did you know that Jem was caught cheating on the exam? "

"What's going on? "

"When he took the exam, he put his hands into his clothes and counted his ribs. ”

“So what?”

“That was the human anatomy exam”

One day, the father asked his son to buy a lock.,

After a while, the son came back empty-handed

Dad: "Why didn't you buy a lock? Did you lose the money? "

Son: "The money is not lost. I forgot to ask you, do you want to buy a key? "

The postman delivered a telegram. He held it with chopsticks and carefully walked into the house and said, "Dad, your telegram."

Dad saw it and was surprised. asked; "Why are you holding it with chopsticks?" "

The nickname said: "I'm afraid of electric shock! "

A beautifully dressed lady stood at the gate, and a beggar came towards her.

"Madam, can you please give me a cake? ”

“No cake, but bread, okay?” ”

“No, because today is my birthday. "

A champion athlete was bedridden due to a severe cold. The doctor told him that he had a high fever. He asked: "What is the temperature? "

The doctor said: "41 degrees! "

The athlete asked eagerly; "So what is the world record? "

Teacher; "Xiao Ming, tell me, why are you always late? ”

Xiao Ming: “Yes, teacher.” Because every time I walked 300 meters away from the school, I always saw a sign that said: "XXX School 300 meters ahead - go slow!"

The teacher said to a man who had just woken up from sleep The student said: "I lectured loudly on purpose, but you slept on purpose."

"I slept on purpose, but you made noise on purpose." The student replied.

Hello Guo Guo Jiangnan, I have been listening to your program for a long time. I have left many comments before, but I have never read them. My family is in Anhui, and I like to listen to the entertainment Double Cannon at home. Now I am in college and have come to Heilongjiang. I thought I would never be able to listen to your program again, but an accidental opportunity made me listen to it again. I am very excited! I have collected so much this time and hope to see it. I want to pay tribute to the ones in our dormitory. A few buddies requested a song, and it was "The Most Beautiful Ever" by Zhu Mingjie. I hope it can fulfill my wish

Joke in the Army

The army has a habit of calling the platoon leader " The surname is first used and then followed by typography to distinguish between different platoon leaders.

ex: The surname Zhang is called Zhang Pai, the surname Li is called Li Pai...

One day, the company commander asked Jiang Pai for something, and found a rookie to call someone,

Company commander: Hello! Go find Jiang Pai & Lin Pai.

Caitou: Jiang Pai or Lin Pai?

Nai Chong excitedly ran to the Zhongshan Room to get a box of medals, but he didn’t know where to get a spiritual plate. Suddenly, the soul chicken

moved, and I saw a portrait of the founding father hanging on the bed. I suddenly made a big mistake and thought it must be this! So the smiling and sniffing image of the founding father held the medal in his mouth and ran with his legs wide open to deliver a message to the company commander. ． ． ． ． ． ． ． ． ． ． ． ．

ps. Isn’t that person named Niu called Steak?

Eyes like the moon

Male: Miss~ I think your eyes look like the moon!

Female: Really! (Cheering)

Male: Yes! ! One look looks like fifteenth... one look looks like the first grade of junior high school...

Female: *&^%$#! @#$%….

What to do if you catch a mosquito.

I have been staying in the laboratory more recently and found that there are many mosquitoes at night... In order to control the mosquitoes, I thought of a fun way...

After hitting the mosquitoes, it is best not to use too much force. , don't beat it to death...just knock it out, break off one of its wings, or

one of its legs so that she can't run far. Then put it in a place where ants are infested... after. You will admire the ants

's concept of unity and division of labor... Not long after, a mosquito was decomposed, leaving only its wings and legs... (I don’t understand

why ants don’t eat wings and feet) Or you can watch the tug of war between ants and mosquitoes... The method is: catch a very energetic mosquito, use tape to hang the mosquito's feet on the table (wall), and soon you will see the ants begin

Ready to make a move... I wonder if the mosquito would want to cut off its own legs in order to escape... (I haven't seen it yet....

Only the remaining legs...the body has been decomposed.) This trick can make Two creatures that are unlikely to come into contact with each other

Have a chance to come into contact...Haha! !

Thirty Hungry

Since entering junior high school, Xiao Ming has become a passionate young man, especially interested in disaster relief.

One day he was taking Using photos of African refugee children, he explains to his seventy-year-old grandmother the meaning of the Thirty Years of Famine

And hopes that her grandmother can donate her personal money...

After explaining for a long time, my grandmother pushed up her reading glasses and said angrily: Damn kid! ! How dare you lie to your grandmother

The child in the photo has money to perm his hair so curly but has no money to eat. Who are you trying to lie to! !

Whose is this?

A couple wants to divorce, but they have a child that both of them want.

So we went to court.

The wife said: I gave birth to the child, and you stayed beside me to cool off when I gave birth to the child.

So the child should be mine.

The judge thought about it and said: Yes! ! You are right, the child is yours.

The husband thought that this was wrong, but he suddenly thought and said:

No, no! ! Please, your honor! ! Have you ever seen a vending machine!

The judge said: How!

The husband said: The drink you put money in and falls out is yours, so the child is mine.

The judge thought about it and said: Yes! You are right! The child is yours.

Xiao Xian: I bathed the dog at home yesterday, but it... dead.

Bali: Take a bath? Impossible?

Xiao Xian: Well, if it wasn’t the washing machine that killed her, then it was the dryer...

Bali: #*@! $

Lifeguard: I've been paying attention to you for a long time. You can't pee in the swimming pool! ! !

Bali: But everyone is peeing in the swimming pool!

Lifeguard: But no one is like you, standing on the platform and falling! ! ! ! !

Eight Force Manual Super Brain Twist

Q: How do you get off the elephant?

Answer: No need at all, because you are sitting on a horse.

Question: Which side is better to place the handle of the teapot on?

Answer: Outside.

Q: What’s on top of the general?

Answer: His hat.

Q: Where is Friday before Tuesday?

Answer: In the English dictionary.

Bali: I seem to have fallen in love with a dog...

Xiaoxian: What? Male dog?

Bali: Of course it’s a bitch! Do you think I'm a pervert?

Fortune telling

Azhu: Do you believe in horoscope fortune telling?

Ahua: We Virgos,

do not just believe in horoscope fortune telling!

Play the piano

Mom: Damn, you have to wash your hands before you can play the piano!

Dadai: It doesn’t matter! I just need to play the black keys! !

Joke in the Army

The section chief confessed something. The result won't be done.

One day passed….

Section Chief: That pot…. Lieutenant...how are things going?

Second Lieutenant: Report to the section chief…. I...I won't.

Section Chief: No? ...You fake your master's degree...

Second Lieutenant: Report to the Section Chief... This...has nothing to do with academic qualifications...

Section Chief: You fucking bastard... You talk back to me.

Second Lieutenant: The report...is true.

Section Chief: Bastard...come here...your mother didn't give you a butthole, right?

Section Chief: Damn it...you don’t know what others did before.

You should watch porn first before having sex.

Second Lieutenant: Yes, yes….

The second lieutenant thought (so inferior. I have to watch porn first... Your mother didn’t give you a brother.)

Why is he so young?

This is an advertisement from a long time ago...

Adapted by later generations...

Male: Miss, your silk scarf fell off!

Female: Thank you.

Male: You are my high school classmate

Female: I am your high school teacher! !

Male: You are. Teacher Chen

Female: That’s right, classmate Wang! !

Male: I am Mr. Wang’s father! !

Narrator: Why is he so young?

Robbery

It is said that a mother used the bag she bought from a department store to hold garbage... When she carried this "garbage bag"

from the building When she was about to go to the garbage dump to throw away the garbage, a robber on a motorcycle suddenly snatched her bag of "garbage bags" from behind. The mother shouted anxiously: "Robbery!" Robbery! "At this time, a policeman ran over and asked the mother: "What did he take from you? ” Mom replied: “He…. he…. He snatched

a bag of garbage from me. 』

Mr. Wang is busy writing the last section of the novel. The four-year-old twins in the house were wrestling on the floor and pulling each other's hair;

The two-year-old baby spilled the milk and stood on the chair crying; the puppy tore down the curtains and ran around the yard. Mrs. Wang

passed the study room carrying a large bucket of clothes and asked, "How is your writing going?" "It's almost done." Mr. Wang replied happily: " The hero is proposing to the heroine. "Mrs. Wang said, "Please! You must let her refuse, so that she can live happily in the future."

Pilot

It is said that one day Anan’s good friend Aping, who was a pilot, borrowed a car from him

Anan was always frightened after borrowing it

Xiao Ming asked him when he saw it< /p>

『What are you worried about? Are you worried about something happening to him? 』

Anan replied:

『No! I'm worried about my car."

"Do you know his occupation? Pilot! 』

"I'm afraid that when he overtakes, he won't overtake from the left or right, but will accelerate in a straight line and then pull up the steering wheel"

Lighter

One day in the Pauline Arena:

air: Is there a lighter?

Ken: Turkey hunting? Can't even type an x? So what's the turkey?