A truly cold joke must be surprisingly cold.

Reply: -＿-A collection of jokes about G A Y

A man was drinking in a bar with a heavy heart...

Waiter: "Sir, I am in a bad mood. Tell me what you are worried about!"

Man: "I'm gay."

Waiter: "So what?"

Man. : "My brother is also gay."

Waiter: "..."

Man: "What's worse, my brother is too."

Service Student: "...Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

Man: "Yes! My sister."

A guy went to the hospital for a checkup and did many tests.

The doctor said: "There is good news and bad news! After reading your test results, I found that you have potential homosexual tendencies!! And it is difficult to cure."

This The guy said: "Oh my god! What about the good news?"

The doctor said shyly: "I found you are quite cute..."

One day A man fell into quicksand while passing through a swamp. When the quicksand reached his knees, a passerby happened to pass by.

So he said to passerby A: "Please pull me up, I will give you anything."

Passenger A: "I don't want anything, you just want suckmydick , I will pull you up."

Man: "What I hate most in my life is homosexuality. Go away! Even if I drown, I don't want you to save me."

Passenger A then Gone! Soon after, the quicksand had reached his waist. At this moment, passerby B passed by! The man then said: "Please pull me up, I will give you anything."

Passenger B: "As long as you suckmydick, I will pull you up."

Man: "Bah! Shameless! Let's go! Even if I drown, I don't want you to save me."

Passenger B then left. Not long after, the quicksand had already reached his neck. If no one passes by, he will drown! But at this moment he saw passerby C walking in this direction!

He said directly: "I suck your dick, please pull me up quickly."

Passenger C: "#*amp;@.... I hate this person the most. That’s gay.”

Passerby C kicked the man’s protruding head off as he spoke!

A farmer felt that his rooster was too old and decided to buy a young rooster, which would satisfy the hens. After the little rooster was bought, the old rooster thought that the little rooster would take his place, so he said to the little rooster: "Let's run around the yard ten times. Whoever wins will prove that he is strong. Hens Whoever it belongs to." The little rooster agreed. At first, the old rooster rushed out first, followed by the little rooster chasing closely behind. The hens are all shouting come on. After three or four rounds, the old rooster lost strength and the young rooster gradually caught up. Just as he was about to overtake the old rooster, he suddenly heard a gunshot and the little rooster fell to the ground. The farmer held a gun in his hand and said angrily: "They sold me another gay chicken!"

Male employee: Boss, there is a gay in our company.

Boss: Ah! Who is it?

Male staff: Just give me a hug and I will tell you.

The priest and the rabbi accidentally walked into a gay bar. Not long after, a young man came over and chatted with the priest: "Can I ask you to dance next?" The priest was dumbfounded and at a loss for words. He quickly touched the priest with his elbow and said lowly. He said in a voice: "Help me, I'm so embarrassed!" The priest calmly said a few words in the young man's ear. The young man immediately walked away, and the priest breathed a sigh of relief. "Uncle Her, thank you very much. What did you say to him?" "I told him we were on our honeymoon."

One day, four retired old people played mahjong together.

After playing a few rounds, during the intermission, an old man wanted to go to the toilet, and the other three started chatting...

An old man couldn't help but smell when he talked about his son Junming. Shit, "Junming of our family... is in the jewelry business. I don't know why he went crazy a while ago. He actually gave a big diamond ring to his friend. I really can't stand him..."

Another Not to be outdone, an old man said, "My Jianguo... worked as a manager in a car company, and he was the same one a while ago. I don't know what happened, but he gave a Cadillac to his friend! You say a loser never loses his fortune!"

The third old man also spoke, "My untalented son Zhixiong! He is engaged in real estate, and now the economy is in recession. Not long ago, he actually gave a house to his friend! I really don't understand What is he thinking..."

The three old men farted for a long time. The fourth old man came back from using the toilet and said, "What are you talking about?"

The great man was stopped by a traffic policeman: "Comrade, you crossed the line."

The driver lowered his head to look at the line and cursed: "I didn't crush it for you!"

The traffic policeman fainted, Come on, great people, and run away.

Soon, another traffic policeman told the awesome man to stop. After the awesome man got out of the car, the traffic policeman said: "Comrade, you are driving drunk."

The driver sneered: "Beer counts as alcohol." ? Then you said that soy sauce is also oil? "

The traffic police are confused again, and the awesome people are running away.

1. When a hungry wolf was looking for food, I heard a woman lecturing her child: If you cry again, I will throw you out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited impatiently outside the door until dawn, sighing: Liars, women are all liars!

2. A prisoner was executed. Because the bullet was of inferior quality, the first shot was not fired, and then the second shot...and the third shot...then the prisoner cried: Big Brother. Just strangle me to death, it’s so damn scary!

3. After watching the black man’s 100-meter race, an old lady wiped away tears and said: It’s scary! Several coal diggers knelt in a row and were shot. They fired without aiming. The children were so frightened that they ran away, and even the ropes couldn't stop them!

4. Mr. Huang loves revolution. In order to commemorate the Red Army, he named his son "Jun". One day when he was taking his son to class, he saw bus No. 8 coming into the station, so he shouted to his son: "Huang Jun, run!" The Eighth Route Army is coming! ~~~

5. A little bear went to the mountains to start a business. The farmer gave him a sickle and the carpenter gave him a hammer. When the little bear came to the mountains and met a tiger, he was so frightened that he raised the sickle and hammer. Above the head, the tiger said: I didn't realize that you are still a party member despite being such a bear!

6. The farmer was carrying a load of manure. When the foreigner saw it, he asked: Master, how much does this sauce cost per pound? The farmer didn't say anything, and the foreigner dipped his hand into some and put it in his mouth, thinking: If you don't tell me how much it costs per pound, I won't tell you that your sauce will stink.

1. One day Xiao Ming had a plaster on his hand.

The teacher asked: What’s wrong with your hand?

Xiao Ming said: It’s broken

The teacher said: Why?

Xiao Ming said: Because I am too lazy

The teacher said: If I am too lazy, my hand will break?

Xiao Ming said: I was walking on the road and a stone got into my shoe.

But I was too lazy to use my hands to remove it, so I hugged the telephone pole and shook it. I stood on my feet and let the rocks fall out.

Passers-by thought I was electrocuted and hit my hands with wooden sticks

So...... ...

Teacher: .....

2. Taiwanese businessmen doing business in the mainland,

due to family They are all in Taiwan,

so they like to go to sensual places every night.

One day he was unfortunately caught by the police.

The Taiwan compatriot ID card was stamped with the two characters "sexual insect".

He was very unhappy,

so he spent some money through connections,

to get rid of this indecent term.

A week later,

his friend told him that it was done.

He thought, as long as you have money, is there anything you can't do in mainland China?

After receiving the Taiwan Compatriot Certificate, he opened it excitedly and saw three big characters stamped inside:

Not a leptozoan.

Later, through more powerful people, he wanted to get rid of the three words

not a worm

because he I think these three words are still indecent,

so this matter must be resolved this time.

Because he will return to Taiwan next month...

My friends also assured him again and again,

There will be no problem,

It’s just etiquette that is absolutely essential.

Another week passed,

his friend came to him and said to him: This time it was really done!

He quickly took the Taiwan Compatriot Certificate and took a look.

It read:

African Fireworm

3. A and B C and three people travel together, and A catches a cold...

At night, everyone sleeps in the same bed, and A sleeps in the middle.

In the middle of the night...A sneezed hard,

B and C's whole face was covered with A's crystals.

B and C: You will inform us next time...

Half an hour later,

A: Pay attention...

B After hearing this, B quickly got into the quilt,

and made sure there was no connection with the outside world...

As a result, A farted.

4. I once went to a high school teacher’s house with some classmates

to see him.

It was an old man. Before he left,

We left some fruits for the teacher,

but the teacher grabbed the monitor’s laptop bag tightly and said:

“Look, let’s see what else I bring. …

Just leave it at the door.”

5. Accompany a friend to take a taxi to meet an online friend,

When we are almost there,

My friend pointed to an extremely ugly girl not far away and said to the driver:

“Did you see that woman?”

“Yes, over there. Stop?"

"No, kill her!"

6. I met a netizen at Oriental Plaza.

I didn’t want to appear too tacky. , about at Starbucks.

While waiting for MM, I felt it would be inappropriate not to buy something, so I went to the counter and ordered coffee.

The waiter asked: "What would you like to order?".

I didn’t wear glasses that day.

The lights in the cafe were dim.

I looked hard at the price tag, but I still couldn’t see it...

Just Said: "Can't see clearly!".

Waiter: "Okay, cappuccino!"

So I drank my first cup of Cappuccino at Starbucks...

7. The company manager asked his secretary to forward an official document to the boss:

"Report to the boss that there will be a batch of orders in Europe next month.

I think the company needs to bring someone to have a meeting with them."

The boss simply signed at the back of the official document: "Go a head".

After the manager received it, he immediately instructed his subordinates to buy a plane.

Plan the itinerary while he packed his luggage.

On the day of departure, I was stopped by the secretary.

Secretary: "What do you want to do?"

Manager: "Going to Europe for a meeting!"

Secretary: "Does the boss agree?"

Manager: "Didn't the boss tell me to go a head?"

Secretary: "I've been in the company for so long, don't you still know the boss's English proficiency?" ?

The boss means: Go to hell! ”

8. A certain brother likes to eat fish.

The sea bass from Walmart is 9 yuan a pound,

if it’s dead and put on ice, it’s 7 yuan for two fish,

it’s just as fresh.

After a certain brother got off work,

he hurried to buy it, but he was often bought out.

A certain brother just stood in front of the fish tank and waited.

Sometimes Not a single one died for quite a while.

A certain brother went in with a net to catch it and knocked the fish on the head with his handle.

The waiter couldn't stand it any longer.

He came over and said to the brother:

"Sir, those who fainted don't count..."

9. I am an old woman in her 50s.

I visited the boys’ dormitory one day, and there happened to be a boy running around underground without any clothes on~

I was seen by my classmate

Immediately screamed and jumped onto the bed,

covered himself with the quilt~

Ban Ren left a few words and left:

I am so old I haven't seen anything before,

What's your name~

This classmate is so cold - -!!!

10. Pirated CD:

-Are you serious? (Are you serious?)

-No, I'm kidding. (No, I'm kidding.)

Movie translation:

-Are you Silaris?

-No, I am Kaidin..

11. When I was a freshman,

I have a friend in my dormitory

When I woke up one morning

I found half a big black moth on the pillow,

I felt very depressed.

I picked it up and was about to throw it away when I suddenly found the tooth marks on the moth's wings. . . . . .

The whole dormitory has been freezing for one semester! ! !

12. A man and a woman were having an affair. The husband suddenly came home. The man jumped out of the window and ran away without putting on his clothes. He walked on the street and watched onlookers. The man pretended to be casual and looked at the sky: ah, this is the earth. . Passersby said: Cao, pretending to be an alien.

13. There is a small noodle shop opposite our dormitory.

I have a roommate in the dormitory,

who likes to be cool,

one day I was washing my hair by the window,

waiting to finish ,

Try your hair to look like a star,

point to the noodle shop,

shout: Friends eating noodles across the way, how are you!

14. One day, a classmate was walking around Zhongguancun.

A hawker approached and asked,

"Do you want a hard drive? It's cheap?"

A classmate took it over and looked at it and said: "How hard it is."

There was a guy in the dormitory of the university at 15 who liked to talk in his sleep.

One night I was getting up to take a drink of water.

Unexpectedly, he suddenly yelled: "Hey!"

I was so scared that I broke the cup...

One night, he continued to talk in his sleep.

Muttered:

"Actually...actually...I'm...pregnant...(slightly crying)"

16. Once Xia Tian was eating supper outside.

A shirtless fat man sat on the table next to him.

He is so fat that all the flesh on his upper body hangs out.

After eating half of it,

the pager rang (in the 1990s) and we saw that it was not ours.

As a result, I saw the fat man turning up the meat on the waist.

After looking at the pager, he put the meat down and started eating.

At that time, the beauties at our table were squirting.

One day, Mr. A pooped in the toilet.

It was probably impossible to poop out.

He just barked in the toilet

This At this time, Mr. B outside heard it,

so he sang loudly:

“I can’t pull it out and roar!”

What’s even more amazing is,

Mr. C immediately went on to sing:

“If you can’t pull it out anymore, just dig it out with your hands!”

Since then, this song has become the room song in our dormitory.

For the subject three exam, we were asked to gather at 5 o'clock in the morning. Naturally, I was in a daze during the exam.

When it was my turn to get in the car, I started, walked, and drove steadily. The examiner didn’t say anything and just sat next to me.

Suddenly, the examiner said to me, come on, classmate.

Suddenly, I was flattered and felt a warm feeling in my heart. I thought, what a good examiner, knowing that I was nervous and encouraging me.

So, I smiled and said to the examiner, thank you, examiner.

The examiner was stunned and looked a little helpless. Just driving like this, after turning the corner, the examiner said again, "Come on!"

I felt warm and touched again, and still smiled and said, thank you examiner!

The examiner seemed even more speechless, suppressing his facial expression and shaking his head.

We were almost reaching the finish line, and the examiner said impatiently for the third time, "Come on!" come on! classmate.

Before I could say thank you, the examiner straightened up and pointed at my right foot that was stepping on the accelerator and said:

I am asking you to step on the accelerator, not for you. come on! You think this is the Olympics and I’m here to watch you compete!

22. At night, one person fell asleep in the four-person dormitory.

The other three people were discussing how to express love for a girl for the first time.

The discussion was lively ,

The sleeping one woke up:

Don’t say anything, let’s go to sleep...