“My brother’s business is my business.” My sister-in-law repeatedly interfered in her sister-in-law’s family affairs, and she was angry at her. What do you think?

-01-

Each of us may have countless identities in our lives. Some identities flash by and disappear in the long river of time, while some identities do not. They will accompany us throughout our lives. For example, sons, daughters, parents, husbands and wives, etc. These identities will stay with us for a long time, and it is difficult for us to get rid of these identities.

It is precisely because of this identity relationship that every independent individual is closely connected with other people. Identity gives us a sense of belonging, but it can also cause us some trouble.

After each of us gets married, we will have a new identity: the husband or wife of our partner. And this identity means that from now on, your life becomes responsible for another person and a new family. The focus of your life should also be on this small family.

This actually brings about some troubles, the issue of trade-offs between the small family and the original family. Subtle changes occurred in the relationship with the original family members.

But it is undeniable that the relationship in the original family will affect our marriage. Sometimes the troubles and conflicts caused by the original family are difficult to solve.

After all, it is difficult for an upright official to stop household chores.

-02-

In a corner of the community, there are always some uncles and aunties sitting there chatting, playing mahjong, poker and the like. People in the community would like to call it the "senior activity center". My friend Xiao Li said that it was "a place where rumors spread."

This is true. If something happens in the community, within a few days, you will always hear about it from your uncle and aunt. And it's getting more and more outrageous. Sometimes I have to lament that people's words are terrible.

Not long ago, there may have been a fierce quarrel upstairs, accompanied by the sound of insults. The next day, I told Xiao Li about it. Xiao Li curled his lips and said, "If you want to know, just go to Rumors and spread the word." I smiled. It's not my preference to randomly inquire about other people's affairs, so I slowly forgot about this matter. .

Not long after, there was another quarrel upstairs. This time it was more intense than the last time, and almost the whole building could hear it. I was also wondering why there were always quarrels upstairs. Mother lay on the window and looked up. After looking at it for a while, she closed the window.

My mother shook her head as she walked, muttering: What a sin. As soon as I heard that my mother should know the situation, I asked her what was going on.

My mother sat down and told me the story of the family upstairs. After listening to it, I was also shocked. First, I was shocked that my mother and the aunts downstairs were really well-informed, and second, I was shocked that the people upstairs could have such a thing happen.

-03-

The family upstairs is a couple who have been married for three years and their child is just one year old. Let’s call the husband A Bin and the wife Xiao Lu.

Abin and Xiaolu are both from the local family, but Xiaolu is an only child, while Abin has an older sister.

The two people bought a house here after they got married. I heard that each family contributed half of the money, and the house was written in the names of the two people.

The couple originally had a good relationship. After all, they had just gotten married and their passion for each other was still there. It's just that Xiaolu met a strange aunt. Her originally happy married life was completely disturbed.

When Xiaolu first married A Bin, her eldest aunt gave her a warning. She insisted that A Bin and Xiao Lu agree to give their parents 1,000 yuan a month for living expenses. A Bin and Xiao Lu were both embarrassed. Even their parents said they didn't need it anymore, but their eldest aunt told them off.

In front of Xiaolu and Abin, she actually said: "My brother is married, haven't you watched the TV series? When you get old, your daughter-in-law will not support you and will send you to a nursing home. What will you do then? You need to pay for living expenses every month now, so that you can be guaranteed in the future!" Xiaolu was shocked when she heard this. The eldest aunt was insinuating that she was unfilial, but why did she decide that she would not support her parents-in-law? Xiaolu's impression of her eldest aunt suddenly changed a lot.

In the end, Abin and Xiaolu had no choice but to pay their parents living expenses every month because of their eldest aunt’s persistence. The parents-in-law told Xiaolu that they would save the money and would pay it back later.

What troubles Xiaolu the most is that her eldest aunt comes to the house several times a month, and sometimes stays for several days. Every time I come, I have to pick and choose, especially to find faults with Xiaolu. Every time Xiaolu was very angry and had an argument with her.

The two of them often look at each other and dislike each other, but what Xiaolu can't figure out is why the eldest sister has the audacity to come over and cause trouble for her. Do you really dislike yourself?

When Xiaolu was pregnant, Abin took her mother over in order to take better care of her. These days when my mother-in-law moves in, she and Xiaolu get along fairly well. Although the two people had some differences, they both restrained themselves.

But the eldest aunt often came to scold Xiaolu, saying that she was too squeamish and would trouble her mother even if she was pregnant. Mother is so old and she still has to take care of you, you are an unfilial person.

Xiaolu was very angry after hearing this. Her mother-in-law didn’t say anything, so why are you making irresponsible remarks here.

-05-

Furthermore, the eldest aunt kept the nutritional supplements that Abin bought for Xiaolu as her own every time she came. Sometimes Xiaolu didn’t even eat them. Ask her to eat it. Her mother-in-law also told her a few times, but every time she acted rudely, saying that her mother was partial to an outsider and was not good to her own daughter. It also made my mother-in-law very embarrassed.

The mother-in-law also apologized to Xiaolu, saying that she had not educated her daughter well and told her not to take it to heart. Looking at her reasonable mother-in-law, Xiaolu felt a little better. For the sake of her mother-in-law, Xiaolu didn't bother to deal with her eldest aunt.

After finally giving birth to the child, Xiaolu gave birth to a daughter. The whole family liked her very much, except the eldest aunt. She actually said that Xiaolu was useless, had failed to carry on the family lineage, and had given birth to a loser. In short, he said a lot of unpleasant things.

Xiaolu couldn't bear it any longer and started to have a big argument with her, and yelled at her: "This is my family's business. You are an outsider. Don't come to our house in the future. Get out of here." !"

Unexpectedly, the eldest aunt put her hands on her hips, pointed at Xiaolu and scolded: "You useless woman, why are you dragging me here if you can't even give birth to a son? Discipline you for my brother, my brother's business is my business. You must obey me from now on!" Seeing her arrogant look, Xiaolu went crazy. Got into an argument with her.

-06-

Xiaolu couldn't bear it anymore. She gave Abin an ultimatum, and she would not allow her eldest sister to come home again in the future. A Bin also felt that his sister was going too far, so he went to tell her personally. Unexpectedly, I angered my eldest aunt.

The quarrel a few days ago was that the eldest aunt came to the house and insulted Xiaolu, and the two of them had a heated argument. Xiaolu was also convinced by this weird thing.

After listening to my mother’s story, my heart couldn’t calm down for a long time. I feel angry and sympathize with Xiaolu at the same time.

The original family is the main factor affecting marriage, and conflicts between husband and wife and members of the original family are very difficult to resolve, because under the guise of family affection, many things will become unclear.

In fact, many times the main reason for conflicts between native families is the lack of a sense of boundaries between them. The sense of boundaries cannot be explained clearly, but if you grasp it well, the relationship between each other will continue to grow. If you ignore the sense of boundaries, the relationship will deteriorate.

Just like Xiaolu’s eldest aunt, conflicts arise because she has no sense of boundaries and has to intervene in everything. We all need to take her as a warning.

Each of us is an independent individual, and we still need to maintain a certain sense of boundaries between each other. This will be of great help to each other's feelings.