What a funny thief have you seen?

I have an old subordinate who jumped ship and became the deputy director of the local police station. I heard him say such things.

It is said that in the jurisdiction of their police station, two couples have been arguing for a long time. The man always suspected that the woman had a lover outside, but he didn't catch it.

During that time, the couple had a quarrel about something. The man wants to take this opportunity to find evidence that the woman is cheating. So, when the man went out in the morning, he left a note on the dining table at the door, saying that he was on a business trip and would not come back for a week.

When the woman got up in the morning, she saw the note left by the man. I wonder if she ran out to be chic. Anyway, she also said on the note that she was going on a business trip and might come back a few days later than that man.

It happened that one day, a thief touched into their house, saw the note on the table, and knew that the host and hostess were not at home, so he swaggered around the house to collect valuables. Although no cash was found, there were two big bags of things that could be exchanged for money.

After cleaning up, I saw that there was wine at home, so I locked the door, opened the wine and started drinking with ready-made leftovers. After drinking, I fell asleep on the sofa in the living room.

Besides, after leaving a note, the owner went out for a walk and quietly touched it back at eleven o'clock in the evening, ready to arrest him. I could take out the key, but I couldn't open the door, which strengthened my wife's judgment that she was cheating in the house, so I started knocking at the door.

The thief is sleeping soundly on the sofa. Hearing someone knocking at the door, he opened the door impatiently and shouted to the man, "Who are you looking for in the middle of the night?" When the man saw a strange man opening the door and yelling at him, he was shocked at that time and immediately judged that the man must be an adulterer. So he said, I'm looking for XXX (his wife's name). The thief said, "She's not here!" Then bang, close the door!

After the man was locked out of the door, he immediately thought of calling the police, which meant to let the police station prove that his wife was cheating. When I called the police, I claimed that a thief had entered the house.

When the police arrived and broke in, they really caught a real thief. But the matter of men catching rape has become a laughing stock. As for whether his wife is really on a business trip, I realized later.

My uncle is a prison guard. He told me about a thief. Listening to his words, all the relatives in the room laughed their heads off, and my second grandfather even laughed off his false teeth on the spot. It is said that the thief stole a donkey in a neighboring village and was hungry when he brought it back. He eats noodles at a roadside stall. Because I was not at ease with the donkey, I took out my belt, put the reins tied to the donkey in the belt ring, buckled them around my waist, and tied my head to eat. Halfway through the meal, the diners next door had an argument with other diners. They copied stools and smashed each other. A stool just hit the donkey's hip bone, and the donkey let out a miserable cry and ran away in the direction of the original owner's house. The thief was caught off guard and was dragged down, and the cotton trousers were taken away instantly. In those days, people usually talked about autumn trousers slowly, and even underwear was rare. The thief suddenly became naked, impatient and ashamed. After a few steps, he saw that he couldn't catch up, so he had to squat down and pull down the hem of his coat to protect the bird.

When people saw this scene, they stopped fighting and pulling and laughed their heads off. The stall owner couldn't stand it anymore, so he brought him a sack, gouged out two holes, and put his leg on his ass to hide his shame.

The donkey ran back, ran into an old man halfway, was cut off, and happened to meet a passing defense team member. He was surprised when he saw a pair of trousers dragging on the reins. He took out a cloth ticket and a certificate of lint payment from his trouser pocket, put on a mask and wrote his name. He felt that there was a clue to the victim's compensation and reported it to the police station, so the thief was caught. [Laughing and crying]

An unlucky thief

Relatives told me that something happened in 20 15, which was both shocking and a bit unbearable.

It was an early spring night. At about 0 o'clock, the telephone rang, waking up relatives in their sleep. It is late at night. Who's calling? Relatives mumbled a word and reluctantly answered this inexplicable phone call. I didn't know until I answered it. I was still a neighbor. It turns out that all the men in the neighborhood have gone out to work, and only his wife is at home. At this time, a scary voice came from the phone: "Brother, come and see, someone is coming in my yard."

Relatives all know that his neighbor's new house, built in 2000, is a deep house with high walls. How did this man get in? With this question, I walked over with a ladder. When I arrived at the scene, I set up a ladder and went up the wall with a flashlight. At first glance, I knew it was Qiu in the village. I saw him in the corner, unable to enter the house or go out, which was embarrassing. Seeing this scene, relatives taught the man a lesson: "What are you doing at home in the middle of the night, drinking again?" A "ladder" was set up for Qiu, who staggered, flushed and left despondently.

Seeing relatives coming, their neighbors opened the door and said, "I slept, just woke up, heard a thud, knew someone was coming, and called you at once." Thanks to you, thank you! "

Later, I heard that under the mediation of relatives, Qiu apologized and settled.

After the event, everyone analyzed that Qiu must have stolen something. As for stealing or stealing color, no one knows. However, this Qiu is also the most unlucky thief. He didn't steal anything, but he fell in and couldn't get out, which became a joke in the village.

A beautiful female colleague went to the park to play, sat on a bench and put her bag beside her. After a while, she got up and threw the garbage into the nearby trash can. She turned to see that the bag was missing, so she borrowed her colleague's mobile phone and sent a short message to the thief with a try. The general content is that you returned the documents in your wallet, and she didn't want the mobile phone and money in her bag.

The thief replied seconds after receiving the message, saying that he could return it, but he must promise not to call the police. The girl agreed. The thief also sent a message that beauty is the best liar, and he has some scruples. The girl said that she had never cheated anyone and would not tell anyone.

Then the two agreed on the place to return the things. At the gate of our very big supermarket, the girl left with her boyfriend, who called some friends and prepared to wait for the thief to appear before catching him.

At the appointed time, the girl sent a message to the thief when she saw that the thief had not arrived, asking him why he didn't speak professional ethics and said that no one had come at the appointed time. The thief answered again and said to her, look, there is a cigarette case on the ground five meters ahead. Your ID card and bank card are all in that cigarette case.

The girl went over to pick up the cigarette case and saw that the ID card and bank card were really in it. There is a note in the middle. She took it out and looked at it: I stole your bag, but you stole my heart. There is a photo in your wallet, so I left it as a souvenir.

She took out her card and threw away the cigarette case. When her boyfriend saw that the thief didn't show up, he gathered around. At this moment, I received a short message from a thief. I was sincere to you, but you lied to me. Really, beauty is the best liar, and we thieves are not as trustworthy as we are. Young people don't have martial arts, so I advise you to do it.

It may not be funny, but I think it's quite interesting. Let me share it with you.

The funny thief has never seen it, but he is addicted to stealing. This is a village where I left the team a few years ago. In this village, there is a person who often steals countless things. When you ask him who he stole, he always steals how many things. He doesn't know who he stole, how many things he stole and where he hid them. At first, his wife didn't know where his things came from, and he didn't say anything. Later, more people disappeared in the village, and people spread the news of who stole what among them, which also attracted his wife's attention. When he checked that everything he stole was old, he asked him where it came from, but he still didn't say anything. When he was working in the field, his wife couldn't go out to find out who stole what and let people claim it. The stolen things were taken away, but he didn't find them. Of course, what he stole was small and worthless. Later, it was spread in the village that he was stealing, and people began to take precautions. No matter which house he goes to, the owner always sends him out, and gradually he can't steal from any house. He made a mistake by staying up at night and talking in his sleep. At first, he didn't attract the attention of his wife. A few days later, my nephew played lanterns and took care of my uncle. His wife thought he was ill and asked him if he was ill. Of course, it's not very loud. After a long time, his wife thought he had some evil disease or something to follow, and she was a little scared. She called her sister-in-law and asked her to stay with her at night. She is very brave and doesn't believe in superstition. She listened to what her brother said when he slept at night. It turned out that his brother muttered in his dream that it was good to see other people's things, but how could he steal them? The next day, my wife went to say which one to give, and gave him a chance to steal it back. The wife gave it back. Later, the man can sleep, but the dream of stealing still exists. Over time, the wife will tell her who she wants to steal in her dream, instead of being sent back by her wife, that is, being taken away by the thief.

0 1, which was in the 1970s. Once, a parent-teacher conference was held in a village primary school, and at least 200 parents attended the school with more than 200 students. A thief also mixed among parents, pretending to be a parent and coming to school, waiting for an opportunity to commit a crime.

Because of the parent-teacher conference, the doors of the teacher's home, office and reception room are all open. You know, the school in the last century was really a Qingshui yamen, and the teacher's salary was very low, only 30 yuan. Most of the teachers' rooms are worn-out quilts, old tables and chairs, etc. And there is nothing of value. The thief saw nothing, and finally saw a small alarm clock in the office. Seeing that there was no one around, he quickly stuffed the alarm clock into his trouser pocket and went out into the parents' group as if nothing had happened. Maybe the thief should be unlucky. As soon as he walked into the crowd, the alarm clock in the bag rang. Everyone is looking for fame at present. Finally, everyone found that the bell in the thief's bag rang. The thief turned pale with fear. (thieves were also timid in those days. ) I took the alarm clock out of my bag and gave it to the teacher, repeatedly admitting that I stole it in the office. At present, two able-bodied parents have taken the thief to the brigade to see the security director. At this point, some people will ask, a small alarm clock is worth a few dollars, so why make a mountain out of a molehill? Comrade, if it were now, stealing a small alarm clock would be like stealing a needle. In the last century, if a radio with more than 20 yuan was stolen, as long as the owner reported it, someone from the police station would immediately come down to investigate and solve the case. So stealing an alarm clock at that time could have been fined and detained.

At 02: 00, Mr. and Mrs. Wang took advantage of the National Day holiday to travel to Guilin. After playing outside enough, they returned home two days before the end of the holiday, ready to rest for two days to go to school. At this point, it is already a million lights. Through the community clearing. Before stepping into the fifth floor of my suite, I took out my key and prepared to open the door. The door is unlocked and the light is still on. Teacher Wang reacted immediately, and the thief came. Teacher Wang's wife is more careful, as if she heard snoring inside. Teacher Wang listened carefully. It is not hard to imagine that there are thieves in it, and the thieves are still sleeping. Teacher Wang immediately took out his mobile phone and called the police first, then waited at the door. After a while, the police arrived and everyone entered the room together, and a strong smell of wine came to the nose. Finally, I found a man lying on the floor of Mr. Wang's bedroom, drunk as mud. I also found a big bag of soft things next to it. The police rushed forward to handcuff the thief. Ironically, the thief muttered, "I'm not drunk yet. I still want to drink." The police put the thief in the car and left. Later, it was learned through trial that the thief found that no one lived in Mr. Wang's house, so he was relieved to commit crimes inside. Later, the thief found that there was foreign wine in the wine cabinet and something delicious in the refrigerator. Maybe the thief is a horse urine drinker, so he drinks one cup after another regardless of the willy-nilly. Until I got drunk and collapsed. The thief never imagined that he would give in easily in a drunken dream.

I once heard a story, the worst thief in history, whose experience made others laugh. It's really sad and funny! !

This story happened abroad, and it was a meaningful thief experience!

There are two unlucky thieves who accidentally went to a gay family to steal things, only to be found by their owners to have stolen nothing!

Sadly, the owner of this house is a macho man, two meters tall and weighing 136 kg. The shopkeeper caught two thin thieves at once! !

Moreover, they were imprisoned, and the two were imprisoned for five days. During this period, they suffered different degrees of violations and have been ...

It was not until the neighbors heard a man calling for help that they called the police and were rescued. After the rescue, the two thieves never met again!

God, I don't know how to judge this matter from three angles. I just want to say that these two thieves are simply unlucky!

I want to laugh inexplicably, but I can't help laughing. Their experience is so funny! ! !

Have you ever heard of a thief who is funnier and sadder than this?

I forgot what year it was. I took my son to Jingkelong. When we came down from the second floor, I received a phone call, put it in my pocket and was targeted by thieves. After paying the bill, I walked to the door, where there was a counter where I could buy snacks, such as boiled corn, Sugar-Coated Berry. If the child says he wants to eat, I will buy it. A few people were shopping, and then I found a man pushing around in the back, so I raised my vigilance and put my backpack on my chest. After shopping, I led the child to the door. That's the quilt curtain in winter. I carried the shopping bag in one hand, lifted the curtain in the other and bowed my head to let the child out. I was shocked to see a hand reach into my pocket! Oh, my God, that hand suddenly retracted. I immediately put my things on the ground, tidied them up, and a phone call was still there. I saw him. As soon as I took the child out, I saw the thief standing at the door smoking, which was very depressing. I was so angry that I didn't call! Walk up to him and say, steal from me? I tell you, I have been paying attention to you for a long time! Dear friends, guess what he said? He said, I was noticed. Are you careful? ! I was speechless ... Now I want to laugh when I think about it.

I once heard Li Shu say that there is such a thing. 2 1 years ago, his family met a thief. The thief's IQ made people laugh and cry, and we all laughed our heads off.

2 1 years ago, 38-year-old Li Shu was a famous snake catcher in the village. His father and grandfather are both experts in catching snakes. It is conceivable that Li Shu's snake catching skills and courage are legendary. There is a local legend that snakes, insects, rats and ants will avoid Li Shu as long as they smell it!

2 1 year ago, the general living environment in rural areas was not so good. Families with better environment have black-and-white televisions and telephones, and they can have a good time. If the environment is not so good, there is no place to relax every night, so we can only go to sleep early.

Li Shu's family used to go to bed early, and basically fell asleep after 8 o'clock.

That summer, it was very hot. Li Shu was wearing an undershirt in the room, fanning with a sunflower fan in his hand, and slowly fell asleep. Suddenly, he heard someone climbing the window. At that time, the windows of every household were made of wooden frames. Rusty joints crunched when the window was opened.

Li Shu, born with keen hearing, suddenly opened his eyes and listened quietly. Sure enough, a thief entered the house!

In the 1980s, thieves were very common. In railway stations, vegetable markets, factories, etc. Thieves are everywhere. I didn't expect thieves to be recruited at home. Uncle Li is fearless, even the terrible snakes avoid him. Can this thief scare him? Li Shu is going to teach him a lesson!

People's footsteps and the sound of rummaging through cabinets came from the room. Li Shu pretended to go to the toilet and had a big stretch. With a bang, the room suddenly became quiet.

Li Shu conveniently hid the shoulder pole with thick arms behind him, opened the door and went out. Looking around, I didn't see anyone, and there were many sundries at home. After all, rural people are farmers, and their homes are full of sundries.

After walking for a week, I still haven't seen anyone. Finally, Li Shu focused on the stairwell.

In rural houses in the 1980s, the stairs were all bare concrete floors, and sundries were piled under the stairs. Li Shu thinks he's hiding.

Looking closer, sure enough, there was movement in the rubble, but Li Shu smiled and deliberately walked away, giving the thief a chance to escape!

When Li Shu leisurely returned to his room, he heard people's hurried footsteps again. Li Shu is very happy. He wants to see what tricks the thief is playing. Li Shu raised his voice again and walked into the house. He knew at a glance that the thief had gone to the toilet.

The hut is in the corner of the compound, about 10. In the past, every household with scalpers would take them to the hut. Li Shu's family had no scalpers a long time ago, and now this is the place where straw is piled up.

Li Shu deliberately sang in the toilet to see who was more patient with the thief, because Li Shu knew what was piled up in the toilet, and he was waiting to see the drama.

Sure enough, within 10 minutes, the straw bag in the toilet moved and made a "chirp" sound. The thief tried to dispel Li Shu's suspicion by imitating the mouse's voice. But Li Shu wouldn't leave. He kept singing.

The thief was in a hurry and made another "cry". Needless to say, the thief imitated it. This time he imitated the frog's voice. Li Shu held back, trying not to laugh.

Finally, Li Shu saw the straw bag shaking, and the thief couldn't help shouting "Help", then pushed it away and rushed out!

"Is there a ... snake, it hurts, help ... help! ! "The thief in front of me looks only 18 years old. He rushed out, covered his fingers and shouted.

Li Shu has been waiting for him with a pole. He forgot to be beaten and knelt before Li Shu for help.

It turns out that it's summer, and snakes are easy to haunt. Recently, Li Shu caught many snakes in fields, houses or mountains. He kept them in cages and put them in huts covered with straw to see when to get rid of them. These jokes were opened before they could be dealt with.

Li Shu deliberately made the thief suffer to see how long he could stay in the toilet. Sure enough, the thief didn't see the snake in the cage when he was pretending to be a frog and the mouse was barking. At that time, when he tried to shake the cage and pretended to scream, his finger was bitten by a snake.

He didn't realize that he was standing in front of a cage of snakes until he heard the sound of a snake spitting letters! He ran out in fear!

He knelt in front of Li Shu and held the bitten finger tightly, thinking, "Oh, shit, will I die of poisoning?"

Li Shu has been catching snakes for many years. He not only has rich experience in catching snakes, but also developed ancestral snake medicine. As long as he applies it to the wound, it will be all right soon.

Li Shu turned and walked into the house, then took out a bottle of medicinal liquor and put it on the thief's finger with a piece of cloth. The thief sobbed and thanked Li Shu for saving his life.

Li Shu let the thief into the house with him. When he came to the stairs, Li Shu turned on the light. Under the dim light, bottles of wine piled up under the stairs are clearly visible, including ant medicinal liquor, cobra medicinal liquor, scorpion medicinal liquor, etc., especially the bottle of snake wine, which is wrapped around these big snakes and makes people's backs cold. And that bottle of scorpion wine. Scorpions are so dense, it seems that they will climb out and sting people, making people's scalp numb.

Li Shu said, Look, didn't you notice just now? If you see it, you may cry with fear.

The thief's feet trembled and he hid behind Li Shu, just crying.

Ask carefully, the child's parents have gone out to work. He is a left-behind child, and his grandmother can't control him. He is wild and often goes hungry, so he has to live a life of stealing chickens and ducks. Now, I also thought of stealing something valuable and selling it for money. I didn't expect to enter Li Shu's house and was almost killed by his snake, insect, mouse and ant travel trap.

In the end, Li Shu didn't teach him a lesson, but told him that this snake medicine needs to be applied for a week, but if it is found that there is still stealing food, Li Shu will never help him change the medicine and mind his own business.

The child is really much more honest to save his life. He said that after he was cured, he would go to the city to work for a living, do odd jobs and do rough work, and he would never make mistakes.

When Li Shu said this, we burst into laughter. I really want to ask the thief's psychological shadow area. I guess I won't do petty theft next time.

Have you ever had a fight with a thief?

In the late 1980s, there was a craze for eating dog meat and old hen soup. So there is a group of people who specialize in stealing chickens and dogs.

One night, after a busy day, people fell asleep At this moment, two guys drove a motor vehicle into our village.

They did well, but something happened the first time. There are many grass chickens and two dogs at home at the same time. One is outside the house, and two thieves are fascinated by the one outside the house. When they were about to steal the chicken, the one in the house cried.

This cry woke up the owner and all the men and women in the village, so everyone went out with sticks and hoes to catch thieves.

Don't look at Ma Pingchuan, but the terrain of this village is very complicated. The two thieves didn't rush out in a motor vehicle, so they finally had to abandon the car and run away.

Looking at a car full of chickens and dogs, people shouted insults.

The funniest thing is that a family with two dogs got up in the morning and found a trampled wallet and even an ID card. Now the two thieves are even more unlucky and have been caught by the police station.

Since then, most of us have two dogs, one outside and the other inside. Even thieves are talking about this village.