Stories and jokes are hilarious.

1, it was very hot. My son wants to eat sorbet at the weekend. I ate one this morning. In the afternoon, he couldn't help it. He quietly ran to the refrigerator and opened the freezing door. And I found out. I shouted: I can't eat any more! My son is very wronged, muttering: An sorbet told me that it wants a warm home, and I want to help it!

2. I crowded the subway in the evening rush hour. Seeing a big brother calmly put away his mobile phone, I crowded next to him and waited for his seat. As a result, my eldest brother didn't want to get up for a long time. I couldn't help asking, Brother, why did you put away your mobile phone before you got off the bus? Big brother looked at me with a puzzled face: the phone is dead!

3. Me: How much is your beer? Attendant: One is 10 yuan and the other is 12 yuan. Me: How much do you think a person like me can drink in a bottle? Attendant: Sorry, we don't have a bottle of 2 yuan here!

4. I once quarreled with my boyfriend and cried on the phone. My girlfriend came to comfort me. Suddenly, he stared at my eyes. Pop up a sentence: What brand of mascara do you use? You didn't cry like this. I was so angry that I threw away my cell phone and stopped crying.

5. I went to see a doctor once with toothache. The doctor said my teeth were a little worn. Did I grind my teeth when I slept at night? I said I don't know. How do I know if I'm grinding my teeth when I'm asleep? The doctor said, oh, single.

6. I deliver takeout in a restaurant, and a customer always likes to order takeout from our store. Once, he asked: Your take-out is not expensive, but your chef is an old chef, right? Me: Yes, I have experience. My cooking is first-class and my taste is different. Can you see that this is the skill of the old chef? Customer: I can't eat the old chef's cooking, but I can always eat white hair!

7. I am nearsighted. A few days ago, I saw a woman carrying a bag decorated with white background and blue spikes, which was particularly beautiful. I thought it matched the lake green dress I bought, so I ran up and said, your bag is beautiful. Where did you buy it? As a result, I took a closer look: there were two green onions hanging in the plastic bag.

8. My mother called me and said, Son! Come to the hospital, your sister is going to have a baby! ! I said: good! By the way, is it a man or a woman? My mother said: I don't know yet, so I don't know if you are an uncle or an aunt. .

9. When I went to the mall and saw the clothes of a franchise store were beautiful, I took off my coat and gave it to the waiter to try on all kinds of clothes. I tried a lot of clothes, but I still feel that the price has been forgotten. Later, I asked the waiter: Where is my coat? The waiter looked at me for a long time and said that there were too many guests just now. I think I sold it.

10, going to the wedding, my buddy arranged the seat. He said I was unmarried and wanted to arrange a single table for me. I was so excited at that time that I thought I might have a single goddess or something. Later, I was assigned to a table full of children, and TM asked me to take care of them and have a good meal!

1 1. After drinking too much with some friends, I walked to a path without street lights, and when I was in a hurry, I started to pee directly. Looking to the left, several girls came, thinking that they could not see in the dark. Who the fuck would have thought that those eight bastards took out their cell phones, turned on their flashlights and took pictures of me, saying they were afraid I would pee my pants.

12, I often tell my girlfriend that if you are flustered, drinking water will calm you down. That day, I slipped and fell into the water When she saw that I was in a panic, she shouted, Don't panic! Drink some water!

13, accompany my girlfriend to walk the dog in the park. There was a girl with big breasts across the street, and I couldn't help glancing at her. Girlfriend slapped Hal's head with a bang and scolded him: Did you say you were cheap? Big fish and big meat feed you, and your eyes will glow when you see a lump of shit!