Funny quotes that will make you laugh instantly

1. A girl posted this: I like you not because you drive a Lamborghini and live in a beachside villa, but because the sun was just right that day and you were wearing a white shirt that I like. , love is so simple!

A few days later, I saw her posting a new message: I left you not because your villa was shared and the Lamborghini was borrowed, but because you wore a pair of black ones that day. socks, that’s not my favorite color, yes, love is that simple!

2. Today my leader said to me: The world is so big, don’t you want to go and see it? I was shocked! Damn it, is this a new word for getting fired? I answered steadily: Leader, you are my world! The leader smiled and said you are not going anywhere? I firmly stated that the company is my home and I will not go anywhere. The leader said it was a pity and organized everyone to go to the Maldives this time. Since you say so, then just stay in the company and be on duty!

3. Lips tend to get chapped this winter, so I asked my mother to buy a lip balm when I went to the supermarket. I applied it for almost two months, but I just found out that it was a solid lip balm

4. In the afternoon, my father scolded me and later got emotional and slapped me. He wanted to lighten the mood. He originally said, "Dad, are you hungry? I'll get you something to eat." But he quickly said, "You haven't eaten, right?" and then I I received another solid slap in the face

5. A friend called and cursed QQ customer service because QQ’s recommendation system recommended his girlfriend to his wife, saying that you have the same friend !

6. The New Year’s goals for 20xx are: 1. Buy a watch worth 100,000 yuan; 2. Buy a car worth 1 million yuan; 3. Buy a house worth 5 million yuan; 4. Find someone willing to lend me 6.1 million yuan. people.

7. I am a vegetarian and I only eat herbivorous animals.

8. My wife has been missing for more than 24 hours. I said anxiously on the phone: She had an argument with me early yesterday morning, but she hasn’t come home yet. I’m about to collapse. , if you have anything to eat at your fast food restaurant, please send me a few copies.

9. See the photos of your childhood and look at yourself in the mirror. I can't help but lament that time is like a butcher's knife. With one blow, all the pigs died, and the ones who survived were the good-looking ones like us.

10. A teacher said to his students: You changed my religious beliefs. I used to be an atheist, but after meeting you, I really saw a ghost.

11. There was a sudden power outage in the office just now. Many colleagues were complaining about not coming and saving their work progress. Fortunately, I had the foresight and didn’t do any work at all!

12. I don’t understand the behavior of many men who go to great lengths to hide their private money. Why can't you be like me and just not have a girlfriend?

13. How bold a person is, how late the review is.

14. What is the logic behind a young woman who has nothing to offer in return but to pledge herself to her? It’s okay to like someone. If you don’t like her, she must be saying that she will repay you even if she is a cow or a horse!

15. Others are lazy and have money, so they can sleep as late as they want. I'm lazy because I'm short of money, so I'll save a meal if I can.

Funny sentences and personalized quotes that instantly hit the point of laughter

1. Sister, your charming facial features are the beginning of your crime

2. The most annoying thing in the world is not playing the piano to a cow, but a group of people People play cotton on you

3. When it comes to growing fat, if you have the ability, don’t go for your waist, go for your chest

4. Who is your accessory? You are still mine. Where's the spare tire?

5. I hate the fact that you say you like me, but you never take action

6. Don't say I've changed, this is all because of what you said Give

7. I want to become stronger. God brought me to this world just to be the boss

8. You treat your sister’s love as a game. I think you still play it in the end. Don’t play

9. Everything that can be taken away is garbage

10. To put it bluntly, I am just a deadbeat. Falling in love with you is beyond cure

11. Women are for pain, and men are for supporting the family

12. Put away your hypocrisy, pack up your bed and get out now, immediately, immediately

13. High profile is the most hypocritical, low profile is the best way to show off

14. Your eyes are very poisonous, and you can see through beautiful women’s clothes

15. Infatuated people, all Killed instantly by a ruthless person

16. I am very low-key, but it’s just because of my appearance

17. If you can’t bear to be dragged like this, you can step aside

18. I can live alone, but I would rather be with you

19. I am not so generous, watching you and others show off your love in front of me

20. My human nature always makes you so free and easy

21. It’s you who are too fat, I can’t kick it out of my heart

22. It’s me who curses people My mantra, ignoring people is my specialty

23. Don’t try to seduce my sister, she is already famous and has a wife

24. I am such a person, happy in front of others, happy with others Poor after all

25. I would rather laugh heartlessly than cry pitifully

26. You liar, I hate people lying to me the most

27. Problems that can be solved by money are not problems at all

28. Whoever wants to marry you naked, go and run naked by yourself

29. It’s not that you don’t give up, it’s It refuses to die

30. Even if I am your stepmother, my name will still appear in your family’s household registration book

31. A good horse will not turn back to eat grass, but you will eat it. Over and over again

32. What I smoke is cigarette, it hurts my lungs, but it doesn’t make me sad

33. Who do you think you are? It’s not your turn to be like a sister. Call me a failure

34. I am a strong person, tough and never need anyone to worry

35. If I have ears, I will listen, and if I have eyes, I will see, so I don’t need to You bite someone’s heel from behind

36. Breaking up is actually very simple, not as complicated as you think, just goodbye and goodbye

37. I worked so hard to gain weight just because I want to be with you Take more space in your heart

38. How I want to find a beautiful man to choose as my bearer, so that I can support others

39. It’s the sun that wakes me up every day Me, because its light is too dazzling

40. When I want to lose weight, I can think more about you, because you are more effective than weight loss pills

41. Not fat People talk about being fat every day, and fat people are already numb

42. When happiness knocks on the door, I am afraid that I will not be at home, so I stay at home all the time

43. Don’t Tell me about life, because you are not about life at all

44. When you go out and take a dog, see who bites you

45. As the saying goes, it is better to live than die, but I prefer to sleep

46. It’s not that I don’t want to lose weight, I’m just afraid of losing weight

47. There are too many germs in the outside world, and I’m afraid I’ll be contaminated as soon as I go out

48. I’m not out of tune, I’m just tone-deaf

49. Falling in love with you, I I don’t want to leave easily, my warm quilt

50. It doesn’t matter, we are just friends, so there is no reason to separate. Let’s talk about the funny QQ that pokes fun

1. The beauty rolls up the bead curtain, and the traces of thousands of people disappear. The apes on both sides of the bank couldn't stop crying, and the frogs were startled. (Teacher’s comment: Is this still a beauty?)

2. I urge you to drink another glass of wine. From now on, Xiao Lang is a passerby. (Teacher’s comment: So heartless?)

3. Once bitten by a snake, you hear the singing of birds everywhere. (Teacher’s comment: This is very meaningful.)

4. I think back to the time when Xiao Qiao got married for the first time, which made me unhappy! (Teacher’s comment: My lover got married, and the groom is not you.)

5. When he was dying of illness, he sat up in shock and asked the visitor where he came from with a smile. (Teacher’s comment: Pretending to be sick? Resurrection?)

6. I sat up in shock when I was dying of illness, and the girl came back late at night. (Teacher’s comment: I will never change my stubbornness.)

7. Cars rattling, horses rustling, the spring breeze in February is like scissors. (Teacher’s comment: Is the Jia family organizing a spring outing?)

8. There are three thousand guests in the house, and no one is a close friend. (Teacher’s comment: Geniuses are all lonely.)

9. When I left home when I was young, my boss could tell me whether I was male or female. (Teacher’s comment: Poor man, what have you experienced these years?)

10. Red hands, yellow vine wine, two orioles singing in the green willows. Outside the pavilion, beside the ancient road, a row of egrets ascended into the sky. (Teacher’s comment: Such an artistic conception can only be achieved in Chinese.)

11. Late at night, I suddenly dreamed about youthful things, but I only dreamed of idle people, not of you. (Teacher’s comment: Do you have a grudge against this person?) How to make a sentence using a moment?

As long as the ring quantity is zero at a certain moment, it must always be zero.

In the blink of an eye, I am alone in heaven and earth and am happy with the gods; don’t ask about the troubles of the world of mortals, and travel freely all over the world.

The value of a person is determined at the moment of temptation.

In the moment before the red maple leaf falls to the ground, its life is almost gone. However, passionate people still clip it into the pages of books, make it into specimens, or make cards, and some take it home and put it in the refrigerator, always reluctant to part with it, protecting it and giving it the continuation of life.

Suddenly, lightning appeared, emitting more intense light, like a sharp ax, splitting the clouds and mist! At that moment, only its light covered the wind and rain and reflected the earth red.

Sometimes, the rain falls in the lake. The moment it becomes one with the lake, the splashing water disappears in an instant, which is not noticed by others! Now it becomes one with the lake. After being integrated, white smoke will rise from the lake, like a veil, like a strand of silk, lingering and flowing over.

The moment Simonetta sees Ivo, his days of celibacy are numbered.

The weather in summer is really changeable. The weather was fine just now, but the sky was filled with dark clouds during a meal, and it started raining heavily in an instant.

The moment the teacher pushed in the door, the noise in the classroom suddenly stopped.

A bad guy was hit by a car in an instant

The child was laughing just now, but in an instant he burst into tears!

At this time, The grand wedding began. When people came back from the church and passed by the hall with many torches and candles, a ray of light fell on the prince. At this moment, he had changed.

When the wife came back to look for her, her husband was gone, but a white pigeon was squatting where her husband was sitting.

After the earthquake, the high-rise buildings turned into ruins in an instant.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning jumped out of the clouds and quickly exploded in the sky. Like a military flashbang, it illuminated the world in an instant and blinded us. I was so frightened that I quickly covered my ears. Just as I expected, within a few seconds, Thunder King came with a rumble

For a moment, his wishful thinking about the experimental results overwhelmed science. of caution.

Tonight I was walking in the fields. As soon as the sky lit up, shooting stars streaked across the night sky.

The moment the teacher pushed in the door, the noise in the classroom suddenly stopped.